i'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having sex-.it wasnt like that last time.

 now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to do.

U have met the wrong friend... Next time look for a female friend.

Since your hubby cheated on you once, your heart felt like you had the license to be unfaithful too. But all that is left now is regret.

Why did you check into a hotel for? Just to watch DVDs only? The atmosphere is almost poisonous enough for such an incident to happen.

That guy sux. He knows you're married and he still tempted you to commit the wrong acts. For a place to chat, there is always the park, the cafe, the beach etc.

Come clean with your hubby. Both of you have committed adultery. If both of you can't forgive each other AND forget this past, then I'm afraid divorce is not far in the horizon.

so really got ple go hotel watch dvd wan har?

 

i tot it's a lame excuse commonly used by the celebrities.

 

who (especially a married woman) in the right mind would go hotel with a man thinking it's purely watching dvd?

 

did u do it out of revenge?

 

if u were.. u did it, but are u happy?

 

I think it would be only fair to tell him if he ever confessed to u abt his wrongdoings. From there, seek each other's forgiveness and hopefully after this crisis, u two will learn how to be truthful and cherish each other more. 

 

 

 

 

What you should do now is to improve the relationship with your hubby unless you want a divorce... Can you forgive your hubby for cheated on you? Will he not do it again? And will you not do it again also?

Your that good friend is fuck up.....

1 advice

DO NOT BOOK HOTEL , you can always visit places like cafe... open places, dont ever meet at night, something will happen and you will blame this blame that.

Personally i hate people who blame others, when they started this themself.

And also, do not find a GUY at NIGHT, that is most preferly, find a female friend to talk about this.

Hope you know your mistake.

Originally posted by wirdan21:

i'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having sex-.it wasnt like that last time.

 now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to do.

 

 Merely one year into your marriage and it went so wrong - sometimes it really makes me wonder then why do either one of you end up marrying each other in the first place, since emotionally, the relationship isn't even ready to advance to the next level.

 

I don't seriously think anyone in the right frame of mind would initiate a 'catch up' with a friend in a hotel room. Obviously you weren't in the right frame of mind at that point of time, but I think you are far too naive to assume that it would an innocent catch up with him in a hotel room. And also, I reckoned that your friend is truly some wolf in sheep's clothing and it would do you good to eliminate contact with him.

 

Two wrong doesn't make one right - although you claimed that your husband cheated on you, still, that doesn't provide any prerogative to engage in any form of promiscuous activity to get even. Such behaviour will only fuel more misery in your marriage and ultimately benefit the 'external vultures' that seek to capitalise from your turmoil relationship.

 

Your friend is like vulture - circling around the sky, secretly hoping to see if there is any good chance for him to earn an uncommitted sexual relationship through your misfortune. He represents a classic cosmic lesson - that if our relationship is flawed and if we are not evolved spiritually, emotionally and psychologically, the cracks in the relationship will reveal to us our inability to handle crisis positively and trigger a karmic reaction, like how rain water would slipped through those crevices and flood your interior.  

 

What done has been done - what you must do now is to (i) quit mourning, (ii) regain clarity, (iii) regulate your damage and loss.

 

I believe there's a need to speak with your husband and trash things out. Firstly, I think there's a critical need to understand the rationale behind his drifting. The possibilities are numerous, but if you don't seemed to understand it, this situation might just reiterate in the future.

 

Secondly, you probably have to establish if he still wants his marriage to work out - this goes the same for you.

 

Then, there must be a mutual decision to steer away anything that would breed disharmony OR disloyalty between husband and wife. I think there must be a common understanding that if this cannot be done, then there is no reason why one should still remain in the relationship, yet spare no effort to revive it.

 

Marriage is nothing like BGR; the need for greater maturity, wisdom and tact is much more crucial to ensure that you can enjoy a contented relationship. If one doesn't learn it in their BGR, they will then learn it in their marriage, at a much steeper price.

 

Cheers

wirdan21,

 

Now that you know how it's like to be in his shoe when he cheated on you. What do you think ? Was it purely innocent ? Was his/your excuse a valid one ?

In your heart, you already know the answers.

It wasn't an innocent mistake.

Let's face it, what's done is done. There is no need to tell him what you did.

Telling him will only hurt him, and his trust for you will be gone. Just like your trust for him was shattered when he cheated on you.

 Forget this marriage, it's over.

If you want to keep it, it will take many years to mend the cracks.

Do you really believe he will trust your claim about not having sexual intercourse with your friend IN A HOTEL ROOM ?

Once he knows, it will be his PUSH for a divorce. You WILL BE the adulteress NOT your hubby.

 

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Sometimes honesty is NOT always the best policy.

 

A divorce nowadays, can be fast and painless.

 

Don't sink deeper anymore.

 

Just let him know the marriage is down the drain, and file for a divorce soon.

However, if you want to keep this marriage.

The best thing you can do, is to keep your mouth shut and bring this secret to your grave and pray every night that he will never find out.

Learn to live with this guilt, by yourself, forever.

 

 

 

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

its not the issue that u cheated on your husband, cuz u can cover up easily.

 

Im more concerned bout your stupid fren to take this advantage to break your marriage..

 

Think bout it...either he get more money from you, or anything.

 

It only takes one mistake to ruin everything. Why are u still have no consciousness bout this ?

 

This will b a tough lesson for u.

Originally posted by 787180:

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

You so smart lor.

Seek professional counseling, who don't know ?

TS not as stupid as you lah.

You very qualified har ?

You come up with better advise lor.

Yah I dig grave.. for you to rest in peace forever lah.

Talk so much shyt, I still waiting for you to send me Ivy's info lor.

You're such a coward and bitter man , kenna jilted by too many women har ?

You harrass that Ivy not enough, now you want to harrass me ah ? Psycho.

 

Aiya, causal sex only mah, it ok, as long as there is no love, not a problem. But I think you a bit weak in yourself to be easily seduce into having sex with guys which is their ultimate objectives, if I am in your shoe, i will rather go dating and have plenty of fun than sex, let your hubby feels the pain of being cheated, if he wanted divorce so be it, no remorse needed.

 

As for apologising,

 

Just listen to justin timberlake song,

 

It too late to apologise...too late...it too late to apologise.ya...too late

ur hubby cheat u

u cheat him

fair fair liao

Originally posted by gunner77:

ur hubby cheat u

u cheat him

fair fair liao

Yo gunner boy, I will prefer to put it as her hubby cheated other, and she get cheated by other. Fair

let me make this clear.i did not have sex wit that guy.

Originally posted by angel7030:

Yo gunner boy, I will prefer to put it as her hubby cheated other, and she get cheated by other. Fair

it takes two hand to clap

To the TS, by doing what you did, you lost a lot of moral highground.

true..i have my faults too.

can u forgive him for cheating?

If u do wanna continue your marriage, Put the past behind u since wat done is done and work out a solution with him .. That's if both parties is willing to give and take, dun let the problem solve u instead u solve the problem. 

 

If no, U should know wat to do.

 

As for your friend, it's really best to stop contacting him .. The word "Hotel" is sorta twisted to a guy lol

 

Cheers! 

Originally posted by 787180:

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

I dun usually do this but well this is a public forum, all are welcome to give their PoV here. If there is any personal conflicts just settle it thru PMs or watever. Why start flamming here?

 

I believe EVERYONE know that they should seek professional counselling if they were have other problem but hey not as if there's no charges ya?

 

FYI, "A broken vase is forever a broken vase" even fixing all the parts together .. Nothing can change the fact that the once flawless vase is broken .. Not every marriage is worth saving .. Even after patching up there's this thing called "Metal barrier" which not all can overcome it. I can't, can u?

Originally posted by wirdan21:

let me make this clear.i did not have sex wit that guy.

That both of u did in the hotel?, doing things that is not suppose to do??? intimacy??

 

Auntie, be strong ya, never let guy or husband bully us, hit them back hard by exposing them to their parents or friends, nevermind the face value, you stand tall and upright, if u no wrong, there can never be self guilty. Only married one year and thing go heywired, i think you made a damn big mistake in love, next time, check it out before marrying ya.

 

But some peoples like marrying, it like a hobby, a party to them, with new honeymoon and all look new.

 

 

It takes plenty of strength n courage to face the fact that the other half cheated on you...

I was cheated on too.. I mean who can we blame? Maybe the love is dead? Lust is not really tat strong anymore? I'm also trying to pick up the pieces by myself..

Although he was at fault, he dun seems tat he wan to show tat he is sorry about it. I feel somehow, he is still in the playboy stage..

I dunno how can i change him... I change myself in order to be on par with him.

In this rs, I seem to be the one who loves him more... sometimes i feel tat he is still together with me out of resposiblities... the love btw us seems to be shattered since the time he chose to touch another woman. I'm torn by the facts tat he could do this sort of thing to me...

I'm silly... i forgive him... but i will never be able to forget wat happened...

When a marriage becomes a cage, both party wan to grow wings n fly away, I guess it's time to leave this marriage n start all over with a new person.

Forgive yourself b4 u can forgive other ppl...time can ease the painful footsteps u once took tat hurt another person whom u loved......

TS as you can see, no matter how much you would like to say to convince "us" that there was no intercourse during your brief encounter in the hotel with your friend, there is still a tinge of disbelief in the air.

I must remind you that there are somethings better left unsaid than said, and undone better than done. I think you should understand what my point is here. Right now, I think you are feeling confuse and let down which is natural. However, I would like to remind you that the both of you will need to work things out if you all would still want this marriage.

In the 1st place, you mentioned that he has cheated on you before, are you sure that he is still cheating? Sometimes, when someone tells you of their past especially your husband here, many a times it means that he wants to come clean before you and is telling you that he treasures you. He does not want you to misunderstand when you happen to see him with his girl colleagues and/or clients. You cannot just bring on the past on him and I do not think that is fair and has any good for your marriage.

2ndly never find a person of the opposite sex to pour out your sorrows and woes. No sane counsellor will do that too. Don't you have close g/fs of your own where you can relate well and talk to? Besides, it will do you some good to go to your own home with your parents for a weekend to relax and gather yourself. And the last thing will be to check into a hotel room? Sg is so small...just how and what are you going to say when you are seen？Again, I know there is nothing going on but......who is going to believe you? On what basis?

I think in all r/s one must always give and take. Always able to forgive and always able to see things from a different perspective.

How old r u ? 21?

U need someone to talk to , n yes not a guy.

U need to cool down, n yes not in hotel room.

Well, talk to yr hubby and make thing clear to him that u r not happy at all. Speak yr mind and clear all yr doubt with him rather to find a guy to release yr stress.

Taking short cut and not facing the problem is not the way. Family problem still need face to face to solve it.

The worst thing in life is to be regret, regret u did the wrong thing, regret u didn’t try yr best, regret taking short cut.