Hi guys, my first entry for aunt agony as I need advise on how to deal with this problem.

I have a not so serious yet adversely affective problem.

I have a friend, namely 'G'. Knew him since Secondary School and he is notorious for picking fights due for being GL(guai lan) and having a LJB(lan jiao bin). Many others disliked him too at that point of time.

Past

I have long disliked him but have avoided him instead of confronting him, in the past he would go: "Which part of you is better than me? Sports, academic or what?" Being, the good boy I am; logically I avoided him because he was so ego-fat.

Truth to speak, I wasn't excellent in any and he was average on both. We were friends but he was using me for company and other monetary uses. You see, he likes to borrow money and not return.

Present

In due to the fact that I've been avoiding him(I switched school because I moved house so I haven't seen him in a couple of years), I was approached by his mother's friend recently and was asked to ask for his contact.

MSN Conversation

SO i spoke to him on MSN and the conversation went on. Firstly I asked how was he and he said he was studying in a certain ITE. I did not bring him down on that and had forgotten about the grudges I held. I asked how was it and we had a common hobby which was to play mahjong. I have long since been looking for players to fill in sometimes and I thought it would be great for an old friend to join in. I bragged a little on the wins I had in mahjong. I asked about his mum who claimed she was admitted into a hospital(My mother's friend said so). He said there was no such thing. After that we exchanged contacts and made tentative agreements on a mahjong game. I also claimed that my friends were steady - that they play any amount. Also said that I was taking my licence.

All of the conversation which were catching up and pretty much casual

Afterwhich

Today I heard that my GF's friend knows him(surprisingly they were in the same class) and they just spoke and he said I was being very guai lan. I have no idea what has caused such a insult. This has caused unrest and a relapse of my hate for him has emerged. I believe he has always seen me as inferior to him, but I beg to differ, over the years I have matured(not for me to judge) and I have logically consulted my inner-self and which is not to confront him face to face.

Let me explain the connection, I have a face off with him; he tells my GF's friend, tells me GF. I don't want to leave any bad impression but wish to squeeze him under my thumb in a more fool-proof way.

Thus I wish to consult the scheming forumers to plot something for me. And in typing this I think I have released some of my anger-tension and also need some ideas/opinions on what to do?

On myself

My friends know that I do not anger easily and the reasons I anger are never personal reasons, either because I feel that my family members/friends are threatened or insulted or I think the person is being unreasonable.

In this case I think the person is being unreasonable and also personal reasons. You see; G has picked on me when I was in Secondary School and that has left me with unintented hate. So much so that he is on my 'to-kill-list'. But that would be plain stupid, as he is not worth the consequences.

Personally

I believe that his actions are due to the fact that I was hmm, bragging I suppose? But I did humble myself as I know that he is not one to brag to about. I'm doing alot better financially and academically then he is but I'm sure he hasn't heard much about either. So I have no idea what has caused him to bad-mouth me, and if it's anything I hate I hate people to bad-mouth me behind my back. My view is that, if you have anything to say, you say it in my face; don't be a wussy and say it behind in fear of a retaliation.

Do advise,

Tim

Dun even bother about him. Two headed snake ..

You can choose your friends, you have a choice to listen to them or not. Don't get upset.

Originally posted by Midlusionz:

Dun even bother about him. Two headed snake ..

I agree that would be beneficial for me, both for personal and social reasons.

you still consider him as your friend meh. he's sucha prick.

Originally posted by mistyblue:

You can choose your friends, you have a choice to listen to them or not. Don't get upset.

I guess I'm more upset on the point that I might leave a bad impression on my GF's friend over anything else and my anger sources from that discomfort.

as long as your gf understands. You cannot please everyone. At least don't make your life complicated with what other people think about you. If they canot see that some of these are just passing rain clouds on an otherwise normally blue sky... then its their issue.

 

Originally posted by wonderamazement:

you still consider him as your friend meh. he's sucha prick.

I did not mind introducing him back to my life as a friend. I had once avoided him because he was being a prick, 3 years down and he's still a prick.

Originally posted by mistyblue:

as long as your gf understands. You cannot please everyone. At least don't make your life complicated with what other people think about you. If they canot see that some of these are just passing rain clouds on an otherwise normally blue sky... then its their issue.

 

That's wise. Thanks

I'd like to share my situation.

I used to have a friend somehow like your G fren. I'll call him Bedbug...  Bedbug used to hang out with me all the time. He is not exactly the best fren to know but he has a very good sense of humor. He always smells of unwashed jeans and B.O (even Stinkbug can't stand his smell, LOL!), but i overlooked that due to the fact that he is a very good joker.

He always copy my homework and then tell people it's the other way round

He also borrows money without returning... he owes me over S$ 1k.

He can stay at my home and play games from 9am to 11.59pm

He likes to buaya my ex-girlfren

So you can summarize Bedbug as annoying, smelly, funny and blood-sucking

I used to think of revenge for the fact that he buaya my girlfren so much and then brag to me that my ex girlfren is cheap because she actually wanted to two time with me and BB... to which when i confronted my ex G/F, she says it's not true...

The best way is just to ignore him. if you get back at him, it will never work...  because two headed snakes are very shrewd.

if you are at your wits end on how to revenge, i tink it's because you can never do it in a way that won't stoop you to his level.

I tried to bad mouth him behind his back by telling people he can wear the same jeans for 2 weeks running. I also went off to tell his g/f that how come he so buaya one.

I very petty right?

Actually the long story above is not so important

The best way is to do it like a man... either forget about it and move on,

or ...

go and talk to him face to face, but don't lose your temper.. laugh it off and forget bout it the next day...and move on

I chose the latter way... Bedbug & i are still good frens. Hope it helps.

 

 

 

Originally posted by Stink Bug:

I'd like to share my situation.

I used to have a friend somehow like your G fren. I'll call him Bedbug...  Bedbug used to hang out with me all the time. He is not exactly the best fren to know but he has a very good sense of humor. He always smells of unwashed jeans and B.O (even Stinkbug can't stand his smell, LOL!), but i overlooked that due to the fact that he is a very good joker.

He always copy my homework and then tell people it's the other way round

He also borrows money without returning... he owes me over S$ 1k.

He can stay at my home and play games from 9am to 11.59pm

He likes to buaya my ex-girlfren

So you can summarize Bedbug as annoying, smelly, funny and blood-sucking

I used to think of revenge for the fact that he buaya my girlfren so much and then brag to me that my ex girlfren is cheap because she actually wanted to two time with me and BB... to which when i confronted my ex G/F, she says it's not true...

The best way is just to ignore him. if you get back at him, it will never work...  because two headed snakes are very shrewd.

if you are at your wits end on how to revenge, i tink it's because you can never do it in a way that won't stoop you to his level.

I tried to bad mouth him behind his back by telling people he can wear the same jeans for 2 weeks running. I also went off to tell his g/f that how come he so buaya one.

I very petty right?

Actually the long story above is not so important

The best way is to do it like a man... either forget about it and move on,

or ...

go and talk to him face to face, but don't lose your temper.. laugh it off and forget bout it the next day...and move on

I chose the latter way... Bedbug & i are still good frens. Hope it helps.

 

 

 

Hi Stinkbug,

Was hoping to come across a story like yours - Me and G were never good friends to start with, just classmates. So I guess my option would be 1, though the latter seems possible.

walk away from it. let him rot.

although if i were you, i couldnt help taking a jab at his being in ITE (no i dont despise them)

Originally posted by thehappybunny:

walk away from it. let him rot.

although if i were you, i couldnt help taking a jab at his being in ITE (no i dont despise them)

Neither do I, thats why I didn't bring him down on that. But turns out he's an asshole. So what the shit.

Originally posted by thehappybunny:

walk away from it. let him rot.

although if i were you, i couldnt help taking a jab at his being in ITE (no i dont despise them)

Please don't do that... even if he's an asshole.

Tell ure GF and her friend loh

 

"I guai lan he xia lan"

 

Also can ask him out with your GF and her friend then make conversations about his doings in the past, like

"Wah I still remember how you like to kp me in the past, sibeh sian sia... but good thing you not like that liao, right?"

 

Or anything along the line..

Hmm.

u got no frds izit.

fer wat u nit him.

call him at 3am every morning just to tell him he got "lan jiao bin"

Originally posted by Hello Kitty:

u got no frds izit.

fer wat u nit him.

Lol, I don't need him.

Originally posted by ChiBet:

call him at 3am every morning just to tell him he got "lan jiao bin"

Lol, this one is good

There is an apt saying, "With friends like these, who need enemies?"

I'd advise you not to dream of a devious scheme (to shame him), for it may backfire and put you in a negative light.

Perhaps the best method to deal with him is to ignore him. It's normal that you'll come across such folks in this world, but you should not let their actions affect your quality of life.

If you expect him to change for the better, I'd say the chance is minimal, unless some drastic incident happen in his life. And the chance of something drastic happening is even more minute.

Take note: From your description, it seems you've branded him as a "villian", so your mind will only think of reasons to reinforce that impression. To be impartial, perhaps you can find out how he treats other mutual friends:
- If he's okay with others, then he must be biased against you.
- If he treats others the same way, then it's his character. There's nothing you can do.

In summation, forget about him. Live your own life. Why waste brain cells and grow wrinkles over such a person?

aiyo, why you so scared he bad mouth you ?

If your friends really believes him... there is only two possibilities.

1. You are really very guai lan, so what he says is true.

2. Your friends don't know you at all.. so this kind of fwen no need to keep around.

If you are really not what he claim you to be...

The truth will prevail one.

Once they realize his true colors.. everyone will automatic drop him like a cow dung one.

So sit tight.. no need to pee in your pants now.. ok ? Good.

 

i suggest you to walk the good friend route... (:

Originally posted by BangHong:

i suggest you to walk the good friend route... (:

Am walking it now. Guess I was just over-worrying - perhaps because I didn't have breakfast(My head gets all fuzzy and messed up without food)

I dun understand, since you are so desparate to get him out of your life and later stage you still contact him and talk to him?? I think you also very guai lan one lah.

Originally posted by angel7030:

I dun understand, since you are so desparate to get him out of your life and later stage you still contact him and talk to him?? I think you also very guai lan one lah.

i have to agree with you since TS actually find my suggestion to be good