I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.

No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.

 

He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago.  His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.

 

I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.

 

I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.

 

I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.

I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.

 

I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.

 

He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.

I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?

There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.

So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy  i suppose.

 

I am a loser rite?

 

really, get a divorce, a lump sum from him, and let him fling till he gets AIDS and dies

Originally posted by thehappybunny:

really, get a divorce, a lump sum from him, and let him fling till he gets AIDS and dies

I agree... that is for me, I dun think I have the heart to be with someone who continue doing such things when he/she is with me.

Unless you can treat it as nothing happen, your marriage would be sour and it would affects the children as well...

ask for a divorce, see his reaction.

love your kids, get custody of them on the grounds that your husband is being 'unfaithful' and conducting extra-marital affairs if he agrees to a divorce.

At least you still have 2 raw diamonds to polish.

 

wow your husband so good-looking ah?

is he those have-lotsa-sex-hence-i-look-good kind?

you already know what to do

Don't be stupid to divorce him yet.

Just close your heart and distance your body from him.

Wait till he calls for the divorce.

Make sure you don't have sex with him at all.. let him know you value your health because of the kids.

If he wants sex, he can go get it from his other lovers. Let them service him instead.

You go enjoy your life with the children.

1. Let your hubby know you are aware of the flings.

2. Let him know that you do not desire your child to have half siblings nor contract STDs.

3. When the girls call, be very nice to them.. let them know you are his wife, and you are aware of what they are doing, best yet.. address them by their name. Let them know you are very thankful of them for providing the service to your hubby.

4. Lay your cards out. Don't pretend you don't know. Play the game.

5. Remove yourself from the position of a victim and you will cease to be one.

Here's how you can response to the other girls"

" Ah , yes yes.. you are that .. that lady my husband talked about. Thank you for taking such good care of him. I've been so busy with the children it's not possible to give him the attention he needs... now how can I help you ?"

 

 

 

Go for marriage counselling?

Cos like, hey, this concerns you, your husband and your KIDS. Are you sure you want to come to the forum for advice, where we don't know the exact situation (despite how you try to explain it in as much detail as you can)?

After all, we are not trained to give unbiased advice and we are not trained to give help.

hi there delores! does your husband know that you know of his flings? talk to him?

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Don't be stupid to divorce him yet.

Just close your heart and distance your body from him.

Wait till he calls for the divorce.

Make sure you don't have sex with him at all.. let him know you value your health because of the kids.

If he wants sex, he can go get it from his other lovers. Let them service him instead.

You go enjoy your life with the children.

Seriously, it would be amazing if a woman could tolerate all these advices, jojobeach.

Women have their needs too.

I feel sad for you delores, love your children and teach them well.

Originally posted by Evangel:

Seriously, it would be amazing if a woman could tolerate all these advices, jojobeach.

Women have their needs too.

I feel sad for you delores, love your children and teach them well.

Yes woman hs needs. But trust me, we're not like men, we won't die from lack of sex.

 Fortunately, man is not everything in the universe.

do u have evidence tat he goes out and have flings ?

maybe u mistaken him?

Originally posted by delores:

I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.

No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.

 

He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago.  His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.

 

I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.

 

I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.

 

I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.

I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.

 

I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.

 

He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.

I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?

There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.

So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy  i suppose.

 

I am a loser rite?

Really depends on what you want out of marriage. What kind of woman you are or want to be. Got to ask yourself that question.

If you're the type who can overlook his whoring ways and say what the hell, they're fucking him but I'm the one he married, then stay on.

If you know very well that you cannot give him the thrill of casual intimacy. What he throws around, you don't need. What you want, he cannot give, then walk away.

Relationships and marriage don't have to be difficult and tumultuous in order to work.

Originally posted by delores:

I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.

No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.

 

He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago.  His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.

 

I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.

 

I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.

 

I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.

I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.

 

I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.

 

He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.

I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?

There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.

So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy  i suppose.

 

I am a loser rite?

 

You have an issue of low self esteem which unfortunately stinks to the high heavens. First of all , you shouldn't let everyone let you think you are the lucky woman. HE IS THE LUCKY BOY who has a woman who tolerated all his sh*t. You let him have his way and now he is playing a guilt trip on you.

Woman, put your foot down. No one is a plain jane unless they think they are and worse of all it shows. Keep telling yourself that you are beautiful and he is the loser who choses to endanger his family.

Now you need friends to help out with your confidence . If it is about your physical appearance - fix it to FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF ( REMEMBER DO IT ONLY FOR YOURSELF , NOT the loser)  but don't go to the extent of a plastic surgeon. Second of all, learn to be assertive yet non offensive. Diplomacy goes a long way with that guy and he is probably one who will make you go on a guilt trip.

Third, if he chooses to have his flings and you are planning to leave him/stay with him, put your foot down and lay out the rules with him. These are the rules that I suggest:

No sex for him if he wants to continue screwing other women because he doesn't want the mother of his children infected with something.

No kissing/sharing food/sharing drinks with  his children. Epstein barr viruses (glandular fever), influenza, viral gastro , common colds certain forms of meningitis and cold sores  (herpes simplex) spread this way.

Take a STD test every 3 months AND show you the results.

If he chooses not to obey these rules, he can go screw himself because he is putting others at risk just for the sake of his own fun. If he truly loves his family, he will do anything to protect them. If not , you have to consider other options.

If he starts crapping about you trapping him into marriage to get you to overturn those rules, this will be your response : if not for the children , I would have walked away from you now. I am doing this for my children now , not you. If there is any consolation about you being trapped, I am the one who is worse off than you are by sacrificing ALL my needs to ensure that OUR children are safe and healthy.

Remember that it takes two hands to clap and one hand to slap. He made a decision to marry you. He could have asked you to consider an abortion or walked away from it all. He chose to go ahead. Both of you had sex , unless you have cut a hole in the condom or something, he cannot say that you TRAPPED him.

 

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Yes woman hs needs. But trust me, we're not like men, we won't die from lack of sex.

 Fortunately, man is not everything in the universe.

Haha.. Cos u haven met the right man ma. Every woman cranving for their Mr Right!

This is a fact.

Originally posted by CannyOng:

Haha.. Cos u haven met the right man ma. Every woman cranving for their Mr Right!

This is a fact.

The problem is.. Mr Right.. is not embodied in a single person.

Mr Right is found in.. Mr Lim, Mr Tan, Mr Ahmad, Mr Mehta , and Mr Smith.

I don't mind marrying all of them.. but the law no allow wor  T.T

 

To thehappybunny, caleb_chiang

this is a method, but in this relationship.... my heart havent died yet. no heart to break up the family ... i dun suffer.... my kids do. one day maybe when my heart is dead , this is one of the options.  I really dun hope that to come

I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr

 "" why huh... the birth cert mother name and now ur mother column got different. ""

or why guardian not mother....

It is always the fault of the adults and the kids suffered.  In a divorce, both parties think that they are miserable so the best way is to divorce return each other's freedom and then be happy.

It's a nitemare for the children, it not their fault why they had to suffered. ....

Single parents

new mummy or daddy

new siblings

new stares and why is my family like that.

Our love for our own children is different ... like our fingers ... it not the same height

some may tell me each of ur own natural kid got a even fair share of ur love.  how u know.. did u ever ask the kid?

how much love can you give to a child borne by another woman or man  which u need to treat as ur own and  u got your own too.

u cane them, people say u cruel step parents

u dun cane them. people say u pamper and dun teach them ... because let them be useless and rotten.

It is really unfair to my kids. say that i think too much .........

I dun want them to go through what I have been through.

lols...i think divorce is a way out u cant change him either fair for u to wait...

just tell him u will take the kids...ask him for every month pocket money

u and ur kids....ask abit more is ok..he gt the money spend out..so he sure hav the money

for u...told him the reason..tat kids will be better staying with you..bt need is support

as a single mum is hard...go back disscuss with ur parent they might help u lik

lookin after kid,cook for u,gt place to stay...stay happy wish u find a faithful nice

hubby in ur ''new life''...and u done enough so guys like him not worth u sry n sad

abt...and u are great mum and wife soo u nt looses....think postive

cheers to all galz and wife.....>~<

Sinicker

 

He is not those lotsa sex with lots of girl type/

He is those with good looks and charming for girls.

Some girls want those charming guys with looks

sensitive , can share topics ,can ask for advices ... then proceed to sex.

Not those uncle from irc.... let meet and go hotel then have sex and bye.

They always start as fren ..... chit chat.... then sex follow.... ... not one time thing

eventually  bring them to bed...... is the motive. others are add ons.

Girls always fall for that...  somemore they knew he is married.. so is ni qin wo yuan.

 

the bear........

I knew what to do .... theory yes ... action dare not.....

jojo beach...

 

I love your methods, I tried to bring my attention to my kids but whenever I see him , thinking of what he is doing outside with other women just make me upset...

I am trying your advices...

He knew I knew about the flings.

Mooku....

 

How to go for counselling when he dun think there is a problem in the marriage.

He thinks flings are okie.

as long as he dun bring them home and of cos no offsprings from them and every nite he come home to sleep.

He thinks it is norm.

There is a question column from a chinese paper... the woman ask a question why a divorcee can become a marriage counsellor .

she brought her hubby for counselling ... end up divorcing faster because.. the hubby and the marriage counsellor got involved with each other. 

sad hor....

some ppl just can't/won't change no matter how hard you try so don't bother really.. treasure yourself more and make yourself and yours kids happy rather than try to spend your whole life making him happy when he doesn't care

 

someone tell me to divorce...

someone tell me dun divorce.

so how .....

okie ....

question ....

1 . divorce ... then move out find a place

get a higher pay job ..

dun remarried.. scare liao

bring up the kids

needs and wants... physically got vibrators and sex shop

if brave... then feel free to go and get a guy ?

emotionally empty.... get a religion

get alimony.. till he remarried ? or forever ? or kids grow 21 ?

 

2. dun divorce..

live with it ..

live longer to guard  the semi-d, condo , hdb  and assets for ur kids

Dun have sex with him  .. depend on vibs  clean and nice

Get more educations... master ... phd

get a high pay job  and save ur pay and a big allowance monthly from him as a wife  to nurse ur emotional emptiness...  shopping and travelling

take good care of the kids

and wait idiotly for his  c**k to soften down and eventually become useless. then his heart will come back .... and it is time for ur revenge then ?

 

3. dun divorce

Go and get a job overseas

kids to mom ... of cos must pay my mom 2k a mth by him ... (it a job to take care of the kids plus a maid. )

kids expense  bill to him incl insurance misc

weekend .. bring back the kids weekday bring back to my mom

Dun c dun get upset ..... enjoy life

forgive is generous  and forget is divine

but with men not around... the girls will invade the house. ....  cons

 

 

haiz..... marriage is not between just  two person. and the love ..it involves a lotsa of explaining ... people and money and responsibilities

I tink i tell my son ... dun mess around with women ....

It is an open relationship for 10 yrs.. but men just dun be content with that.

What I want..

I mean ... I am not those woman who dun allow their guys to look at woman.

beautiful and sexy things ... everyone like to see...

irc, sexual fantasy, and cyber or phone sex nonsense... still can tolerate.

porns and magazines also can settle the excitement but y must bed them  even when they are willing and they initiated it.

We are humans not animals

I dun care whom he bed with these past ten yrs.  it already history but not in the future..

that 's y i think i change...

but he still going for those excitements and I scare of HIV .

And last of all..... I believe in krama... I also have a daughter.... i dun want my daughter to be hurt. 

What comes round goes round. Guys

maybe i am getting upset not because he treat me like dirt. not respecting our marriage. It is because I scare  that my daughter will get the retribution something i cant control .

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by delores:

 

someone tell me to divorce...

someone tell me dun divorce.

so how .....

okie ....

question ....

1 . divorce ... then move out find a place

get a higher pay job ..

dun remarried.. scare liao

bring up the kids

needs and wants... physically got vibrators and sex shop

if brave... then feel free to go and get a guy ?

emotionally empty.... get a religion

get alimony.. till he remarried ? or forever ? or kids grow 21 ?

 

2. dun divorce..

live with it ..

live longer to guard  the semi-d, condo , hdb  and assets for ur kids

Dun have sex with him  .. depend on vibs  clean and nice

Get more educations... master ... phd

get a high pay job  and save ur pay and a big allowance monthly from him as a wife  to nurse ur emotional emptiness...  shopping and travelling

take good care of the kids

and wait idiotly for his  c**k to soften down and eventually become useless. then his heart will come back .... and it is time for ur revenge then ?

 

3. dun divorce

Go and get a job overseas

kids to mom ... of cos must pay my mom 2k a mth by him ... (it a job to take care of the kids plus a maid. )

kids expense  bill to him incl insurance misc

weekend .. bring back the kids weekday bring back to my mom

Dun c dun get upset ..... enjoy life

forgive is generous  and forget is divine

but with men not around... the girls will invade the house. ....  cons

 

 

haiz..... marriage is not between just  two person. and the love ..it involves a lotsa of explaining ... people and money and responsibilities

I tink i tell my son ... dun mess around with women ....

It is an open relationship for 10 yrs.. but men just dun be content with that.

What I want..

I mean ... I am not those woman who dun allow their guys to look at woman.

beautiful and sexy things ... everyone like to see...

irc, sexual fantasy, and cyber or phone sex nonsense... still can tolerate.

porns and magazines also can settle the excitement but y must bed them  even when they are willing and they initiated it.

We are humans not animals

I dun care whom he bed with these past ten yrs.  it already history but not in the future..

that 's y i think i change...

but he still going for those excitements and I scare of HIV .

And last of all..... I believe in krama... I also have a daughter.... i dun want my daughter to be hurt. 

What comes round goes round. Guys

maybe i am getting upset not because he treat me like dirt. not respecting our marriage. It is because I scare  that my daughter will get the retribution something i cant control .

1 . divorce ... then move out find a place.

Why bother moving out ? You'd be on your own anyway.. and you cannot leverage on his family to help you with the kids. One less sets of hands for some freedom you already have... not a very calculated move.

Stay together and just treat him like a room mate lor.

2. What for divorce ? Just go enjoy your life lah. Make yourself look good, sign up a spa membership, get some cosmetic surgery,  go travelling and not have to worry about work.

Pick up more certification... enrich your life.

3.and wait idiotly for his  c**k to soften down and eventually become useless. then his heart will come back .... and it is time for ur revenge then ?

Horrr horrr horrr.... this is really wicked ..hehehehhe... every woman's ultimate revenge !!!! I'm surprised you didn't club him into a coma while he's sleeping. You are really too kind .

Anyway.. what ever the dad did... try not to influence the children too much, as it will affect their emotional well being.

 

Children are very sensitive beings.. they become anti-social when their little minds are bogged down with their parent's marital problem.

So let them have a carefree childhood. In time , they will understand. You've been through it yourself.. so you know what it's like.

 

 

sometime is gd that don tell kids too much as will make them notice more

and they will start to learn frm there...if contiue the marraige is ok..hiv ma...

can pull him go check every month or someting..there is gd or bad...

don divorce u can hav some property..and so on...divorce is gave urself a chance

to lead a new life...life is short..soo live life to the fullest...maybe you will get a chance

of a man who love u and ur kid...mayb a gd hubby and a faithful one..

ask him monthly 2k is ok for u and kids to survice...court sure ok with if you k find enough

reason n indicate enough like sch fee daily use add up ard 2 k sure is ok...

sg help woman more tats the gd for lady stay in sg...