In between harsh opinions, frisky taunts and well-meaning words, just want to say I really appreciate those who’ve been giving me advice.

curiousOrange,

Everyone yearns to experience something out of the ordinary. I’d like to reinstate the fact that I am not referring to carnal pleasures. In my humble opinion, memories are always well worth it, whether good or bad. Even though there are certain extremes in the past I do wish to erase, memories on extremes of make and break, of life and death. This person had come into my life as part of that memory, an old phase of my life where most of it today has gone.

I haven’t been able to relate all of what happened, and not that there is much point to it but I bear no anger towards the situation. No resentment towards him. It came clear a year ago that this was headed for nowhere but funny how I still don’t think of Mr G as some wayward evil jerk. More like a person no different from myself, in search of what he believes in to fill in a void. Be it life, passion, love or simply casual intimacy. It could be naivety or plain foolishness. I have no idea. Probably too young to tell. Probably need to be more clever. I probably need a little bit more anger.

Apart from the realm of romance and love I believe in other possibilities. Sometimes it feels like things are moving on the right track. Other times it feels as though I let slip many things whilst in pursuit fervently. Mostly it feels like I’ve achieved very little over so long a time and in the end, conquests are all for nothing. Perhaps that is the emptiness you’re talking about.

Someone mentioned feelings dissolve in the natural rhythm of time. It does, except when you think it can only get better, a thought strikes and the heart rips once again even with my foot firmly lodged. And over the past few months, even in conversation and even when I'd thought emotions had faded away, it still feels weird. I find myself still thinking about the conversation. Maybe it's impossible to put certain things away with a reason.

Right now I find myself in need of fixing perceptions. Maybe some time away will do me good. Or maybe there’ll be no end to fixing these things.

Originally posted by Yunhaier:

 

So we are back to square one; I checked my database and recalled replying to your post 290507, 310507 & 300607.  Perhaps the difference now and then is that your earlier awareness confirms your need to sever this intensive karmic bond, yet you have no idea why you never succeed.

Yes you are right in saying that a dubious relationship with this man is meaningless and aimless. However, if you take him out of the picture and relook at your life holistically, it doesn't actually change much. What you are facing is the lack of strong conviction to remove him because in the first place his presence doesn't consciously change the existing structure of your love life, albeit in essence, it does affect you emotionally negatively. It is as empty as a shell.

Are you in love with someone else? No.

Are you exclusively dating with someone else? No.

Yunn, thanks for your thoughtful post.

Why is it an intensive karmic bond? In physical aspects, I try my best to do right from wrong. Whether it comes to him or any other options, I avoid veering towards temptation. Sometimes I manage, other times I don't.

I quit picking up his phonecalls neither do I make contact. I avoid contact. By some twisted chance he keeps coming back into my life. Is it my subconsciousness at work?

I've been in serious relationships but never been in love. Haven't dated anybody exclusively for a long time now. Your post brings one question to mind, something that's been nagging me from time to time, am I normal? What do I do from now on to turn things around?

Originally posted by Yunhaier:

Because your love life is almost defunctive, even if a jerk was to creep in and take shelter, it doesn't really matter because the real dude has not arrive to steal your focus away from this ridiculous relationship you had with him.

To worsen your plight, it seemed to me that you have a very passive attitude towards changing your situation. You want to cut contact, yet you questioned yourself why didn't he get the hint and leave you alone. The problem lies not with him leaving you alone, but rather how much determination you have to tear away from this bondage. Logically, why should he initiate to leave since he can continue to milk sex from you? Hinting him to get out of your life? Oh dear, he is probably anxious that this uncommitted free sex is about to expire: better make more calls and shower more attention to ensure that it continues. 

My dear, you can't stop him from trying to contact you, but you have a choice on whether you are contactable by him.

Until the day this conviction is clear, you will never walk out of this.

Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'

It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.

It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.

Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.

Cheers

At times I veer off course and consider whether it's necessary for me to take a step forward. Be nice. Go for dinner. Give it a try. Do this and do that. Respond a little, pay him a visit, give him a phone call. Is it all connected? Are things the way they are today because I lack the ability to show this person, or any other person, any kind of affection? Or is this just the way it's supposed to be. And it's best for me to just leave things as they are because he's just a jerk to begin with.

Did he severely encumber me, or was it my own doing? Who was wrong about it? I stagger along these two ideas, unable to decide.

Originally posted by Yunhaier:

Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'

It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.

It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.

Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.

Cheers

I know you're no step by step guide out of any problems, but what would you do if you were in my shoes? I don't think the problem lies in this person. The problem lies with myself. If I were him, I wouldn't want me. So why should he? Or anybody else?

Anyhow life goes on and I have many questions but never enough answers.

Will take things as they come for now and keep myself busy enough with work and stuff.

Originally posted by ^C ^:

There is a saying: When you have suffered until you can't tahan (can't edure) anymore, you will naturally let go.

Feeling can't be get ridded like how you dump some rubbish. Feeling just dissolves by itself through time's weathering. Time is a cure. Just follow the natural rhythmn of life.

I guess you're right. Just one of those things that won't belong to me no matter how hard I try. Thanks.

Originally posted by curiousOrange:

Dreams are great. Everyone has dreams.

Everyone at some point of our lives wished that we can do something we couldn’t do.

Chasing our dreams is something few of us would do though.

 

Most of us are happy just dreaming about something.

But you aren’t.

Life is too short for you to sit around wishing something will happen.

When you want something, you go after it and try to make it happen.

If we prefer to live in our dreams, they will only hold us back.

 

 

What you must have realized by now is that it is going to take a drastic change in your lifestyle and personality to live this dream of yours.

And after all these adjustments, your dream may not come true.

A lot still depends on what he actually wants.

curiousOrange,

Certain dreams are worth labouring, imagining and wishing for. From then till now, I never thought this encounter important enough as a dream to pursue. It's more like fragment of a memory, heightened when I hear from him.

Originally posted by curiousOrange:

I think there are two options open to you now.

For once, you need to make up your mind.

It’s one way or the other, no in-betweens.

The biggest weakness in you is your inability to make a clear cut decision

 

Your decision is either black or white. No elements of grey.

 

Chase your dream.

Go after what you dream about.

If it never could be, then so be it.

Do something rather than let this dream hold you back

 

Know when you have been defeated.

Fight for the possible, not for the impossible

Never forget that closed door.

It will make a nice memory.

But do not focus all of your attention to it

I derive no joy and no real purpose from this, and vice versa. I'm not searching for love from him. But there's always the temptation to steal some time away, burrowed deep in the night somewhere. I try very hard to steer myself away from this habit, to do right from wrong. At times I manage, other times I can't.

Thanks for advice.

Originally posted by FBI:

drinking jack daniels will helps

Yes it does though not all the time. Back to it.

Originally posted by the Bear:

if you really want to, you can tell him to F**k off and die..

then if he persists, tell him you're going to get a restraining order..

and if he still persists, get a restraining order..

if he still persists, he's going to jail...

problem solved...

Will keep that in mind.

Any more posts and I'm simply whining or using this place as means of recollection. A lot of melancholia here so this shall be my last post.

Thanks for the advice.

Originally posted by xavier1979:

You're feeling this way maybe because he has made a definite impact in your life in the past. It is hard to forget such a person in our lives.

One way is not to make this person the centre of your universe. You can try focusing your attention elsewhere, like on your studies/job, or family, or a new love perhaps?

From the way you wrote, either he is a persistent fool deeply in with you, or he is a pervert-on-way-to-becoming-stalker. Stop giving him attention. Put your hp on silent mode when you sleep at night. Don't pick up calls whose numbers you don't recognize. Don't reply his SMSes. Ignore him TOTALLY.

 

It's tough, but you have to do something, ya? We're here for you.

I guess he's had an impact on my life in several ways. It doesn't consume me completely, but when I'm reminded of him when I see a message or a missed call, even if I do not return it and do not pick up, I could not help but wish this person was never part of my memory.

Other times I wonder if we were the same type of person. And whether it was all that wrong to cease contact.

Originally posted by mancha:

You know your problem. Start from there.

Your inner dialogue. Your thinking. Your mind is talking, try to identify who is actually talking, and give her a name. You will find your subconscious (or whatever name you gave it) elusive, and when you identified it, it will quieten down. Try it, and practice will lessen your dilemma. In the mean time, don't mind  the guy, and don't date him. When he calls, just dismiss him, and watch you mind's dialogue.

And of course, you can't have a blank mind, think of other things. How to make life in the office easier. Increase you vocabulary, think of new words every day. Practice  awareness of your surroundings, by listening out and seeing details. Solve a sudoku puzzle. Don't let you mind go on auto run.

This sounds like self practice sessions on schizoprenia.

Originally posted by Nata|ie:

Are you subconsciously thinking that he is there to fall back on in terms of companionship? And that when he comes back into your life, there's a tinge of familiarity or "i have so missed you..." that is holding you back?

I think if you want to really move on from this, u got to be hard on urself. Break off all contact. Or like what some of the forumners say, cook up an attached status story. Even though the sleepless nights might continue for awhile, at least, you know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

Transistion periods are the toughest. Is either u make it or break it.

All the best, girl

You're probably right in certain ways though I'm not counting on him for companionship. We are not in a relationship to begin with.

I have broken off contact several times and I continue trying though I don't think the sleepless nights will stop. Especially of late when he's been increasing contact since he left a few weeks ago. From now on, I won't be answering any more phone calls or messages.

Originally posted by jojobeach:

JD,

So why are you letting them milk your sex ?

He didn't stick a knife at your throat did he ?

He calls, you respond. And you go home feeling like a used doll. What's the point ?

 

Since you are not emotionally able to handle the fark buddy game, I suggest you don't play it.

 

Hi Jo,

To your first question, I've got no better answer to it than it being a sense of pleasure. I think people enjoy physical intimacy from time to time.

To say I feel physically used teeters on the highwire of extreme hurt. I don't think of it as hurt, more or less a hint of occasional glum.

Thanks people for the advice so far.

Jo, I think you're giving him too much credit. It's true that human beings by nature, they test. But some men stick around even when they know the relationship is not going to last. Usually to finish milking the sex until the female actually leaves.

HK, thanks I know. So if anyone was going to bail, it has got to be me.

Go, no need to tell him so many reasons, long and short grandmother story. The way I see it, there's no real way to seek closure except to really just vanish.

skeujin, I don't really have hobbies but work keeps me very busy. Not a very productive person by nature but yeah, anything's better than waiting for someone who's never here for me.

Originally posted by jojobeach:

JD, you need to make up your mind.

Do you want to have a future with this guy , or not ?

If you are really very sure he is not the one for you, then yes, telling him you are attached will sure kill the bird.

But if you are just using this lie to test his feelings for you, you;re making  a big mistake.

 If you cannot be honest with yourself.. how can you expect another to be honest with you ?

Hi Jo,

No future with this person no matter what happens. We're headed for very different places in life. I think the only window for a possible relationship/future was closed a long time ago. My only dilemma is my inability to let it go. I just would like some advice on how to let go of these old feelings which aren't doing me any good.

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Perhaps it is time, you give him some hope. Give him the assurance he needs from you.

 

Instead of telling him that you see no future with him. Perhaps you need a more optimistic approach to this relationship.

 

Instead of telling him it's doomsday, why not let him know you see a thousand possibilities with him.

 

Offer him something he can hold on to.

 

He is a procrastinator.. and a procrastinator will not take the bait unless he is very very.. absolutely sure it's gonna be a secure long term investment.

 

Right now.. you're like a high risk investment.

 

On a lighter side, perhaps you can propose a long term plan. Like get married and start a family with him.

I'd wonder how he's gonna react.....(chuckle)

 

 

 

It did cross my mind to conceive a story about being attached so it's best for us cease contact.

Originally posted by Hello Kitty:

he married izit?

u oso itchy izit.

juz dun gib him.

c he stil call anot.

Thanks for the advice so far.

He's not married, at least not here in Singapore. Not so sure about elsewhere. Not my ultimate goal to marry him. The way I see it, there's no real objective to this affair apart from the occasional companionship. Anything more than that is unnecessary. Or even beyond what is possible.

To the second question, I'd be lying if I said I do not miss him when he's gone.

I think the problem is even if I do not respond and come up with excuses for being busy etc, he'll still be calling. If not today, then tomorrow. Or the day after.

Originally posted by skeujin:

sounds like you hav been nominated as his local F Buddy

You think so? I feel that way as well. I believe I've been trying too hard to rationalise this when in fact, all along it has been a meaningless problem. What I need is a good kick in the ass and wake up the idea.

Originally posted by bryanw:

in life we must try 2 move forward no matter how tough. never look back. we only rem happy memories, forget the unpleasant ones, only then can we improve n move on.

I'm hanging in the balance of these two ideas.

On one hand I know it's important to go on instead of going back.

On the other hand, I'm chastened into believing life is short.

Somehow somewhere, I feel very conflicted.

Originally posted by jojobeach:

JD,

Are you allowing yourself to get to know other guys ?

You keep going back to the same old ground, because you have no newer ground to skip to.

Is he really the most "eligible" guy in your life right now ? If so, just roll with it. Stop the hinting game.. stop the second guessing.

Be forthright with your feelings to him. Don't be afraid to demand what you need from him. If he is truly the right guy for you, he'd be more than obliged to give you what you need.

 

Jo, work keeps me busy. Time flies quickly. I date people from time to time. I have no future with Mr G.

Even for those I have no liking for, the way I see it some are more vacant than wistful. Others more wistful than vacant. People come and go in my life, I'm hardly in search of new grounds in the realm of romance.

I don't think it's the problem of finding a new man. The problem could lie with myself? I have no idea. I cannot pin.

I have been very forthright as a person with him. I told him this is headed nowhere. He asks me why. I tell him because he is this strange person who'll never be mine. He says he feels exactly the same way about me. I tell him it upsets me when he leaves. He informs me when he leaves and now makes it a point of telling me when he'll be back. But hey big fucking deal right? It feels as if he's now reminding me when he'll be back so I can clear my schedule in advance and make some space for him.

The cycle repeats. Whatever cycle it may be, on days like this I think of it as a vicious cycle. And him, as a devious person.

I write with feelings of confusion. I'm not quite close to agony, but my situation is enough to jostle a few sleepless nights now and then. Seeking advice from people here, what would you do if you were in my situation?

I tried breaking contact. I deleted his numbers. I changed my numbers. But no matter how hard I try, as always I'd end up revisiting the same old grounds going through the same old feelings. The phone rings while I’m fast asleep, I pick it up in a hurry and it turns out to be him. Either that or I do not recognize a new number and I wind up picking up the call. The cycle is getting tiring. And I have long concluded we’re headed nowhere.

A few weeks ago, he asked me why I never seem to call him or initiate contact even when he’s back home. I reflected asking him why should I? I’m searching for a person who can be around for my ups and downs. Not some kind of ninja (like a forumer once described) who appears and disappears at will. To pacify the situation he told me he’d be around when I need him. Even now when he makes the effort to make more contact while overseas, I view it as his latest attention-seeking ploy.

Am I too cynical about this person or am I a dimwit, back up, spare tyre who keeps falling for the same old tricks?

Along with most of his other three worded sentences, I’m hardly a believer anymore but I'm finding it arduous to keep him out of my mind.

What I do not understand is why is that no matter how hard I try to be rid of this person in my life, he has to keep coming back. Why he isn’t getting the hint. Is it because he thinks I’m really this stupid?

Feel free to be harsh.

COMPETITION

            Evolutionary biologists would say competition between women is a survival instinct. If another woman comes into your cave enticing your mate, jealous feelings encourage you to protect what's yours. The competition therefore ensures that your mate stays around to help raise the offspring, and provide meat for the family. The theory also says competition may have developed through natural selection. Cavewoman Sarah and cavewoman Pam know caveman Tom is genetically the cream of the crop, and his children will have a better chance in life. If Sarah feels competition and works hard at mating with Tom, while Pam doesn't even know the race started, Tom chooses Sarah, and Pam's DNA never get out of the gate. Or Pam mates with genetically inferior caveman Bill, and her DNA die at the hand of a saber-toothed tiger. So feeling jealous of the "short skirt bimbo" may be your way of trying to catch the best male, and then keep him, so that your genes live on.

            A potential problem with the theory is that jealous behavior often turns men off -- counter productive to the whole mating dance. The other hitch is that by this time, you'd expect all women to have developed extreme, pathological levels of jealousy, because the non-competitive females would have died out. So let's consider some other reasons for female jealousy.

SOCIAL

            The media usually sits in the hot seat in discussions like this, but do an experiment: take any fashion magazine and find someone who looks like you. I did this recently while conducting a women's retreat, and none of the 45 women found an self-reflective image in the pages. I heard a lot of, "I'd love to look like that," and "I'd kill for that stomach!"

From very early ages, little girls are taught the importance of looking good, and socialized into competing on a visual level. Little girls are told more often than little boys, that their misbehavior is 'ugly'.

            Little girls then grow up into women who rate their own physical appearances with a harsh and critical eye. Conversely, even if the beer belly now protrudes over the belt, men will stand before a mirror, suck in their stomachs and say, "Still lookin' good."

            One consistent element of eating disorders, which still predominately effect young women, relates to wanting to live up to the perfect female image as portrayed in movies, on television, and in print advertisements. Many women with eating disorders report routinely going through a hypercritical survey process as they compare their own body size, muscle tone, skin quality, etc. with every other woman in the room. If she doesn't win the competition, self-esteem suffers, and it's back to the treadmill or into the bathroom to purge up dinner.

Originally posted by yongkiat:

please post all photos of the SGDC '07 Year End Photoshoot here~~~~

here are 2 photos to show what we all brought just now!!




more photos to come...

cheers!!

And all along I had the idea you people were photographing real cars...

I know it's possible to make screen grabs while the other person is on web cam.

But is it possible to make a video recording too? Record the other party's cam?

Originally posted by dearie^^:

any experiences to share?

I don't know about creative but I know lame.

Write a short message on a post it, say something like "You're over the hill but at least you're not under it."

Stick it on the balloon.

Tie it to the tail of a really annoying chihuahua.

Lead the canine to whoever's receiving your gift.

Simple gift but really excruciating process.

Originally posted by thickskin23:

Open Book Exam or Close Book Exams?

I'd think open book exams are tougher. The questions are usually trickier.

hi naruto77,

everything becomes more comfortable once you've gotten your own approval.

PS: you're not the only livid one in reality

Originally posted by jojobeach:

JD,

Be careful where you grow those testicles.
Don't want to look too obscene, ya ?

Perhaps at the top left and right of your head might be cute.
You know, the Mickey Mousey look ?

Frankly, I don't really care even if you ingest me with hypothermia now.

I already look obscene when I work as well.

I can go on and on but will let it ride because I don't deal with estrogen very well.

Turkey after this. At least it's something to smile about.

Close the thread please thanks.