please help me to snap me out of it. i am really sorry ok but i can't take these anymore... it really hurts me. it really does.
ok i really like this girl thru instagram. I followed her and she followed me back thru instagram and we talked thru direct messaging since last year december. After a week or two, she said that she was accepted in some overseas university so she must go. ok my feelings from there on seems a little down but i know i can shake it off. When she left about a week before she left singapore, i sent her a farewell message since she is leaving singapore. Like it's time we end our conversation here because no point continuing on, best person i chat thru online etc etc. Then NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, she replied back that she want to continue our conversation. No such thing as farewell to her, she wants us to keep talking. untill when?? i dont know but so far i like how this is going i think. And from there, my feelings getting abit deeper for her.
We continue to message each other thru instagram till then. Now just around last week, she said that she had a boyfriend there who is not a same race as her. And from there, my heart just went down!!. I dont know this girl in real life but all the conversation we had thru instagram feels like we are good friends. I got really attracted to her because
1)she got the synergy
2) fun person
3) CUTE
4)Intelligent (considering she is in overseas university)
... she is basically the whole package. See she is chinese and her current boyfriend is an egyptian guy. She just landed in overseas and now she got a boyfriend just like that? wow. Now what made me really like her because her boyfriend is NOT chinese. Means she is open-minded girl, YOU DONT GET THAT ALOT IN SINGAPORE. All of chinese girls here like to based on the skin color, "you not chinese, dont be my friend.. let alone boyfriend" kind of thing.
ok but whatever it is, i need to get rid of these heavy liking of her feeling. is there anyway to snap me out of it? i tried to have fun, be social but all revert back of me thinking of her in the end. I dont know what to do
Well Vanilla Cake, I have been where you are and quite frankly, it hurts like shit I know.
It took me a while to realise that an online relationship is just that: an online relationship. The FURTHEST it can ever go, is probably deep philosophical debate or sexting. From what you have written, you have only followed her through instagram, and communicated with her solely through text messages. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I will just assume this for now)
When two people chat only through text messages, each person formulates a 'personality' about the other person in their own minds. Since you followed her instagram, you have created this girl's personality in your mind by mixing it with the impressions you get while looking at her instagram posts.
Bear in mind, instagram is used primarily for publicity purposes - girls normally post only to show the world their positive side, or what they want the world to believe they are. Text messages may be deleted/edited/reviewed before sending, so each message can be easily crafted to sound the best.
What you have right now my friend, is that you like the IMPRESSION of this girl that you have formulated in your mind based on her outputs to you, which is all very positive based on the media. It's nice to be romantic, but in all honesty, the impression may not even match what she is in reality.
To resolve these feelings, you two need to meet and interact. Do not assume she is the girl that you have formulated in your mind. If she refuses by all means to grant your request to meet and chat IRL, then do not allow yourself to fall in love with this formulated impression in your mind, and move on.
If you do manage to meet, chances are you will have a totally new impression based on proper human interaction, and then you can re-evaluate how you feel about her again. If she doesn't match up to your impression of her, then you can think about what she means to you again.
If you go through all that and she DOES match up with your impression of her after you meet her maybe more than once, then I AM SORRY MY FRIEND, you have a big problem known to man that is called FALLING IN LOVE. Come back here for a re-evaluation. lol
Good luck dude. Update us on your progress!
Edit: I realised you said she is overseas now. Since you can't meet now, try to arrange to meet once she gets back. In the meantime, don't stop being her friend, but control yourself (remember, she's an impression) and continue making friends in Singapore. The one thing about human interaction is that you are naturally forced to be nice to people you just meet (unless you are an asshole), so it serves as a very good distraction. Try making new friends and cheering them up if you are feeling shit, it works!
Originally posted by Vanilla cake:please help me to snap me out of it. i am really sorry ok but i can't take these anymore... it really hurts me. it really does.
ok i really like this girl thru instagram. I followed her and she followed me back thru instagram and we talked thru direct messaging since last year december. After a week or two, she said that she was accepted in some overseas university so she must go. ok my feelings from there on seems a little down but i know i can shake it off. When she left about a week before she left singapore, i sent her a farewell message since she is leaving singapore. Like it's time we end our conversation here because no point continuing on, best person i chat thru online etc etc. Then NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, she replied back that she want to continue our conversation. No such thing as farewell to her, she wants us to keep talking. untill when?? i dont know but so far i like how this is going i think. And from there, my feelings getting abit deeper for her.
We continue to message each other thru instagram till then. Now just around last week, she said that she had a boyfriend there who is not a same race as her. And from there, my heart just went down!!. I dont know this girl in real life but all the conversation we had thru instagram feels like we are good friends. I got really attracted to her because
1)she got the synergy
2) fun person
3) CUTE
4)Intelligent (considering she is in overseas university)
... she is basically the whole package. See she is chinese and her current boyfriend is an egyptian guy. She just landed in overseas and now she got a boyfriend just like that? wow. Now what made me really like her because her boyfriend is NOT chinese. Means she is open-minded girl, YOU DONT GET THAT ALOT IN SINGAPORE. All of chinese girls here like to based on the skin color, "you not chinese, dont be my friend.. let alone boyfriend" kind of thing.
ok but whatever it is, i need to get rid of these heavy liking of her feeling. is there anyway to snap me out of it? i tried to have fun, be social but all revert back of me thinking of her in the end. I dont know what to do
No chocolate cake to go with vanilla cake then go for other cakes la.
You are seriously infactuated with her. Of course, it is possible for you to get rid of those feeling. Now that she has bf, you treat her as ordinary friend and at the same time make new friends .... enlarge your social circle.
Originally posted by kakolukia:Well Vanilla Cake, I have been where you are and quite frankly, it hurts like shit I know.
It took me a while to realise that an online relationship is just that: an online relationship. The FURTHEST it can ever go, is probably deep philosophical debate or sexting. From what you have written, you have only followed her through instagram, and communicated with her solely through text messages. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I will just assume this for now)
When two people chat only through text messages, each person formulates a 'personality' about the other person in their own minds. Since you followed her instagram, you have created this girl's personality in your mind by mixing it with the impressions you get while looking at her instagram posts.
Bear in mind, instagram is used primarily for publicity purposes - girls normally post only to show the world their positive side, or what they want the world to believe they are. Text messages may be deleted/edited/reviewed before sending, so each message can be easily crafted to sound the best.
What you have right now my friend, is that you like the IMPRESSION of this girl that you have formulated in your mind based on her outputs to you, which is all very positive based on the media. It's nice to be romantic, but in all honesty, the impression may not even match what she is in reality.
To resolve these feelings, you two need to meet and interact. Do not assume she is the girl that you have formulated in your mind. If she refuses by all means to grant your request to meet and chat IRL, then do not allow yourself to fall in love with this formulated impression in your mind, and move on.
If you do manage to meet, chances are you will have a totally new impression based on proper human interaction, and then you can re-evaluate how you feel about her again. If she doesn't match up to your impression of her, then you can think about what she means to you again.
If you go through all that and she DOES match up with your impression of her after you meet her maybe more than once, then I AM SORRY MY FRIEND, you have a big problem known to man that is called FALLING IN LOVE. Come back here for a re-evaluation. lol
Good luck dude. Update us on your progress!
Edit: I realised you said she is overseas now. Since you can't meet now, try to arrange to meet once she gets back. In the meantime, don't stop being her friend, but control yourself (remember, she's an impression) and continue making friends in Singapore. The one thing about human interaction is that you are naturally forced to be nice to people you just meet (unless you are an asshole), so it serves as a very good distraction. Try making new friends and cheering them up if you are feeling shit, it works!
oh so you saying to make this feeling go away i have to meet up with her? she mentioned to me that she is coming back within a later months. Ok I'm not sure if this is a sign or something but i did told her that i want to meet her if its possible. And if she dont want to meet me, she will not answer that she is coming back.. am i right? or wrong? sorry. im just curious.
my impression of her in my mind is like i said, basically the whole package. Unless if i meet her in real life and she is not what i pictured it to be, i may wasting my time but till then, it's all worth it.. whatever it takes for me to get rid of these "heart pain" feeling.
Originally posted by SJS6638:No chocolate cake to go with vanilla cake then go for other cakes la.
You are seriously infactuated with her. Of course, it is possible for you to get rid of those feeling. Now that she has bf, you treat her as ordinary friend and at the same time make new friends .... enlarge your social circle.
what are those tips to get rid of those feelings?
Originally posted by p228:
I think you are simply horny.. that's all, from the way you bold the text. Have you talked to her through phone before? "She" could be a guy for all you know. Social media can be easily rigged. You haven't even met her and you feel she is the one for you? Boy, that's just a crush. I bet you haven't had much relationships or any, sorry to say, for you to fall into such a trap. Sorry for the crude words, just speaking my mind
im not horny.. not with her to say at least. im being frank here, i dont even think of masturbating or thinking any dirty thoughts with her involved at all.
But its true on the relationships part as i dont have much. i only have one before but that was a quick one. sorry i got attached easily
btw i just found out that she is planning to move to USA with her bf on a trip. So that means she will stay with her bf... omg the feeling is damn fking heavy now. I really can't forget her now knowing this will happen. pls.. anyone know how to actually solve this? or how to get rid of these feeling faster?? i joined CCA now just to mingle around just to hope i can forget her but so far no luck
Pain will go away after awhile.... don't worry.
Yes, that's what I mean. To resolve these feelings for her you need to meet her and see if she really is who you think she is. Just imagine that you DO meet her, but she doesn't have the same personality IRL as she projects online. You will realise that whatever you thought about her is false, and you will automatically move on because well, you were infatuated with a different type of girl.
I'm sorry to hear she's going away permanently. I know that heavy feeling you get when you can't be with a girl you like. The only way out, is through. It's friggin hard, but you gotta try to keep making friends. Try to get involved and be helpful and supportive to new friends if you make them. Diversifying your social interaction will enrich your life and make you feel like there is more to it than this one girl. You have to try to get out of it before it overwhelms your every thought and affects your life progression badly.
Aim to make more friends. Girls especially, because most guys naturally NEED female companionship. I really hope you get through this dude, the heavy feeling friggin sucks!
Originally posted by kakolukia:Well Vanilla Cake, I have been where you are and quite frankly, it hurts like shit I know.
It took me a while to realise that an online relationship is just that: an online relationship. The FURTHEST it can ever go, is probably deep philosophical debate or sexting. From what you have written, you have only followed her through instagram, and communicated with her solely through text messages. (Correct me if I am wrong, but I will just assume this for now)
When two people chat only through text messages, each person formulates a 'personality' about the other person in their own minds. Since you followed her instagram, you have created this girl's personality in your mind by mixing it with the impressions you get while looking at her instagram posts.
Bear in mind, instagram is used primarily for publicity purposes - girls normally post only to show the world their positive side, or what they want the world to believe they are. Text messages may be deleted/edited/reviewed before sending, so each message can be easily crafted to sound the best.
What you have right now my friend, is that you like the IMPRESSION of this girl that you have formulated in your mind based on her outputs to you, which is all very positive based on the media. It's nice to be romantic, but in all honesty, the impression may not even match what she is in reality.
To resolve these feelings, you two need to meet and interact. Do not assume she is the girl that you have formulated in your mind. If she refuses by all means to grant your request to meet and chat IRL, then do not allow yourself to fall in love with this formulated impression in your mind, and move on.
If you do manage to meet, chances are you will have a totally new impression based on proper human interaction, and then you can re-evaluate how you feel about her again. If she doesn't match up to your impression of her, then you can think about what she means to you again.
If you go through all that and she DOES match up with your impression of her after you meet her maybe more than once, then I AM SORRY MY FRIEND, you have a big problem known to man that is called FALLING IN LOVE. Come back here for a re-evaluation. lol
Good luck dude. Update us on your progress!
Edit: I realised you said she is overseas now. Since you can't meet now, try to arrange to meet once she gets back. In the meantime, don't stop being her friend, but control yourself (remember, she's an impression) and continue making friends in Singapore. The one thing about human interaction is that you are naturally forced to be nice to people you just meet (unless you are an asshole), so it serves as a very good distraction. Try making new friends and cheering them up if you are feeling shit, it works!
"an online relationship is just that: an online relationship. The FURTHEST it can ever go, is probably deep philosophical debate or sexting."
This indeed is a clear minded realization, a word of wisdom!! not sure what you mean by sexting though.
To me it sounds like she is using you to boost her ego. Chat with other people online. Go out more and meet new people.
I mean background is important, how well do you really know her ?What'sis her family like, are they broken up , does argue with them a lot ?
If so then she has psychological problems and will use you to make her feel good but that's all, she may have 0 intention to have any kind of relationship with you.
.
She clearly just want to be friends and it seems like you really like talking to her so why not just switch to friendship? :)
Originally posted by Vanilla cake:please help me to snap me out of it. i am really sorry ok but i can't take these anymore... it really hurts me. it really does.
ok i really like this girl thru instagram. I followed her and she followed me back thru instagram and we talked thru direct messaging since last year december. After a week or two, she said that she was accepted in some overseas university so she must go. ok my feelings from there on seems a little down but i know i can shake it off. When she left about a week before she left singapore, i sent her a farewell message since she is leaving singapore. Like it's time we end our conversation here because no point continuing on, best person i chat thru online etc etc. Then NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, she replied back that she want to continue our conversation. No such thing as farewell to her, she wants us to keep talking. untill when?? i dont know but so far i like how this is going i think. And from there, my feelings getting abit deeper for her.
We continue to message each other thru instagram till then. Now just around last week, she said that she had a boyfriend there who is not a same race as her. And from there, my heart just went down!!. I dont know this girl in real life but all the conversation we had thru instagram feels like we are good friends. I got really attracted to her because
1)she got the synergy
2) fun person
3) CUTE
4)Intelligent (considering she is in overseas university)
... she is basically the whole package. See she is chinese and her current boyfriend is an egyptian guy. She just landed in overseas and now she got a boyfriend just like that? wow. Now what made me really like her because her boyfriend is NOT chinese. Means she is open-minded girl, YOU DONT GET THAT ALOT IN SINGAPORE. All of chinese girls here like to based on the skin color, "you not chinese, dont be my friend.. let alone boyfriend" kind of thing.
ok but whatever it is, i need to get rid of these heavy liking of her feeling. is there anyway to snap me out of it? i tried to have fun, be social but all revert back of me thinking of her in the end. I dont know what to do
You were friendzoned,why didn't you meet her in person instead of instagramming? Good girls get hit at a lot,so you lost the chance. Find someone else.
Originally posted by Vanilla cake:please help me to snap me out of it. i am really sorry ok but i can't take these anymore... it really hurts me. it really does.
ok i really like this girl thru instagram. I followed her and she followed me back thru instagram and we talked thru direct messaging since last year december. After a week or two, she said that she was accepted in some overseas university so she must go. ok my feelings from there on seems a little down but i know i can shake it off. When she left about a week before she left singapore, i sent her a farewell message since she is leaving singapore. Like it's time we end our conversation here because no point continuing on, best person i chat thru online etc etc. Then NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, she replied back that she want to continue our conversation. No such thing as farewell to her, she wants us to keep talking. untill when?? i dont know but so far i like how this is going i think. And from there, my feelings getting abit deeper for her.
We continue to message each other thru instagram till then. Now just around last week, she said that she had a boyfriend there who is not a same race as her. And from there, my heart just went down!!. I dont know this girl in real life but all the conversation we had thru instagram feels like we are good friends. I got really attracted to her because
1)she got the synergy
2) fun person
3) CUTE
4)Intelligent (considering she is in overseas university)
... she is basically the whole package. See she is chinese and her current boyfriend is an egyptian guy. She just landed in overseas and now she got a boyfriend just like that? wow. Now what made me really like her because her boyfriend is NOT chinese. Means she is open-minded girl, YOU DONT GET THAT ALOT IN SINGAPORE. All of chinese girls here like to based on the skin color, "you not chinese, dont be my friend.. let alone boyfriend" kind of thing.
ok but whatever it is, i need to get rid of these heavy liking of her feeling. is there anyway to snap me out of it? i tried to have fun, be social but all revert back of me thinking of her in the end. I dont know what to do
Why not you be a gentleman and tell her exactly how you feel for her. Get over it and don't be afraid of rejection. At least you too will know how she feels for you. That was the reason she probably had mentioned about the new boy friend to see your reaction. If she get the impression that you are slightly jealous that means you feel something for her...right. A man should express his feelings first to a woman not the other way around. The other thing is if this should workout between you and her then both of you sort out this openly and the next problem will be about long distance relationship..will it be a roller coaster ride and will strengthen the love relationship between the two of you. Whatever it is hope everything will go smoothly for you. Good Luck.
Have you meet her face to face? sometimes online relationship turns out differently in real life..., have to meet the person directly and see how it goes...
go look for other girls loh, don't think too much lah.. got any more fishes in the sea hahaha
Agree with kakolukia!
With the social media usage being so high nowadays, it is really no wonder that there is an increase number of people who does online dating. It is really important for face to face interaction instead of just "knowing" the person through social media. Because that's not really knowing.
Broaden your social circle, get over it. She might have meant she wants to continue the conversation as a friend in the first place.
Originally posted by Vanilla cake:what are those tips to get rid of those feelings?
While time can heal, you can at the moment divert attention to other matters. Whenever you think of this relationship just think how to make sure some negative things will not repeat in your next relationship. This way you are allowing yourself to move on. However, sweet moment or things she did bad or good in the past still come back to mind, brush them aside and tell yourself over now and will not be back then stay positive.
It is never easy to go thru it but don't take too long to get over it. We will always learn something from relationship. Take this as a stepping stone for you to move on to a better relationship.
take care and good luck.
Stop talking to her for awhile and get her out of your head.
yea stop talking to her and go do sth else.. take your mind off this matter
I suggest that you get a real girlfriend in real life. Like of course she's real, but she may not be able to go out with you even in Singapore. But if you tak boleh tahan, then geylang is always there 😄
find someone better in your life. you deserves better