Any good jokes?
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got any good jokes?
post here! help me laugh! kekeke
i.c.y -
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once upon a time a man went to market to buy red apples.. when he reach home then he realised that he had bought green apples ..
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahaha...
hmm not funny hor -
i only saw a black crow flying past....Originally posted by dibilo:once upon a time a man went to market to buy red apples.. when he reach home then he realised that he had bought green apples ..
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahaha... hmm not funny hor
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the joke is jus jus dun know how to tell joke....
can i skip this subject??? -
let me post my fave joke
i.c.y -
Frantic Man (to locksmith): help help! i need you to unlock my car now.. i left the keys in the car and the spare key in the glove compartment!
Locksmith: relax sir.. i can be there in 2 hours..
Frantic Man: but i need you here now.. it's an emergency!
Locksmith: uhh sir, i can only be there in 2 hours.. what is the emergency?
Frantic Man: i need you here now.. i need you to open the door so that i can let my wife out... it's getting hot in there! -
err why nth comes out??Originally posted by icyprincess:let me post my fave joke
i.c.y
Hard work doesn't pay off.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have al lbeen to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top. -
very cold!!!!!!!! cold until i start laughing.....Originally posted by dibilo:once upon a time a man went to market to buy red apples.. when he reach home then he realised that he had bought green apples ..
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahaha... hmm not funny hor -
Originally posted by the Bear:Frantic Man (to locksmith): help help! i need you to unlock my car now.. i left the keys in the car and the spare key in the glove compartment!
Locksmith: relax sir.. i can be there in 2 hours..
Frantic Man: but i need you here now.. it's an emergency!
Locksmith: uhh sir, i can only be there in 2 hours.. what is the emergency?
Frantic Man: i need you here now.. i need you to open the door so that i can let my wife out... it's getting hot in there!
i.c.y -
You are in college right? Chicago wasn't it?
Well here is a college joke.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner." -
haha dats funnyOriginally posted by I_am_PeTe_Parker:You are in college right? Chicago wasn't it?
Well here is a college joke.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
thanks for the post hehe...
i.c.y -
Ah Soh went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Soh's colourful attire
and gold&white highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN!"
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Soh. So
he told Ah Soh, "If you could form a sentence
using the words that I give you, then maybe I will
give you a chance. The words are
GREEN,PINK,YELLOW,BLUE,WHITE,PURPLE
and BLACK."
Ah Soh thought for a while and said, " I hear the
phone GREEN,GREEN,GREEN, then I go and
PINKup the phone, I say YELLOW....BLUES's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number
lah....Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't
call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah."
The manager? Fainted -
omigod..dat put a grin on my face...Originally posted by Kenashi:Ah Soh went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Soh's colourful attire
and gold&white highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN!"
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Soh. So
he told Ah Soh, "If you could form a sentence
using the words that I give you, then maybe I will
give you a chance. The words are
GREEN,PINK,YELLOW,BLUE,WHITE,PURPLE
and BLACK."
Ah Soh thought for a while and said, " I hear the
phone GREEN,GREEN,GREEN, then I go and
PINKup the phone, I say YELLOW....BLUES's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number
lah....Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't
call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah."
The manager? Fainted
a bit lame but hehe
i.c.y -
Originally posted by Kenashi:Ah Soh went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Soh's colourful attire
and gold&white highlighted hair, his mind is
screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN!"
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Ah Soh. So
he told Ah Soh, "If you could form a sentence
using the words that I give you, then maybe I will
give you a chance. The words are
GREEN,PINK,YELLOW,BLUE,WHITE,PURPLE
and BLACK."
Ah Soh thought for a while and said, " I hear the
phone GREEN,GREEN,GREEN, then I go and
PINKup the phone, I say YELLOW....BLUES's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number
lah....Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't
call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah."
The manager? Fainted nice one.... -
There was once a couple...The husband is
quite a
dumb person...
Wife : You wanna hav sex?
Husband : But we will hav a child...
Wife : We are married...
Husband : Oh yeah...So,you wanna use
condom?
Wife : But we are married...
Husband : Oh...Rite...
But the husband is too dumb to
understand...So,he went to a shop which sells
condoms...He brought with him $0.50...There
are
3 types of condoms...
1st type : White Condom($0.40)
2nd type : Black Condom($0.50)
3rd type : Glow-In-The-Dark Condom($0.60)
So,the husband decided to buy the Black
Condom which costs $0.50...But,while he was
away,his wife was raped by an Indian
man...So,when he got home,he did sex with his
wife...
After a month or so,they got a son...But 1
problem
is that the son is black like a
charcoal...Well,you
should know whose father it is...It's the Indian
man
who raped the man's wife...
The son was miserable because at school,he
was
always called blackie or charcoal...So,one
day,he
asked his mother...
Son : Mother,why am I so black??? Everyone
at
school calls me blackie and charcoal...
But the wife refused to answer anything...She
only
said to the boy to go and asked the
father...So,while the father was reading his
newspaper,the son asked...
Son :Father,Why am I so black???
Husband :Can you just shut up???!!!
But the son continued to annoy and irritate the
father...At last,the father shouted...
"IF I HAVE SPENT $0.60,YOU WILL BE
GLOWING IN THE DARK~!!!" -
ohmigod...this just gets lamer and lamer...hahahaOriginally posted by Kenashi:There was once a couple...The husband is
quite a
dumb person...
Wife : You wanna hav sex?
Husband : But we will hav a child...
Wife : We are married...
Husband : Oh yeah...So,you wanna use
condom?
Wife : But we are married...
Husband : Oh...Rite...
But the husband is too dumb to
understand...So,he went to a shop which sells
condoms...He brought with him $0.50...There
are
3 types of condoms...
1st type : White Condom($0.40)
2nd type : Black Condom($0.50)
3rd type : Glow-In-The-Dark Condom($0.60)
So,the husband decided to buy the Black
Condom which costs $0.50...But,while he was
away,his wife was raped by an Indian
man...So,when he got home,he did sex with his
wife...
After a month or so,they got a son...But 1
problem
is that the son is black like a
charcoal...Well,you
should know whose father it is...It's the Indian
man
who raped the man's wife...
The son was miserable because at school,he
was
always called blackie or charcoal...So,one
day,he
asked his mother...
Son : Mother,why am I so black??? Everyone
at
school calls me blackie and charcoal...
But the wife refused to answer anything...She
only
said to the boy to go and asked the
father...So,while the father was reading his
newspaper,the son asked...
Son :Father,Why am I so black???
Husband :Can you just shut up???!!!
But the son continued to annoy and irritate the
father...At last,the father shouted...
"IF I HAVE SPENT $0.60,YOU WILL BE
GLOWING IN THE DARK~!!!"
but it is soooo funny!
keke
i.c.y -
Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend.
To: Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1400 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager -
Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan
Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.
Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!
Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.
Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's
this urgent matter about?
Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.
Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!
Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?
Mr Sori : Im Sori.
Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
Mr Sori : Im Sori!!
Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give
me your name!
Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori! Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you
didnt even give me your name!
Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful
my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the co. He is Noe Buddy.
Mr Sori : Oh im so scared(sarcastically).Look i dont care about ur uncle
he's a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important
position in the company.
Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt.And Avery Buddy doesn't work there.
Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!
Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!
Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur sis!
Why in gods name u think I do!?
Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i'll broadcast
it on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident.
But not to worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a
somebody but if u're their uncle, u're a nobody. "how bout that!? -
haha..i will prolly just go up to him and throw the letter in his face...Originally posted by Nelstar:Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend.
To: Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1400 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
i.c.y -
there is another letter replying to this letter one!!Originally posted by Nelstar:Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend.
To: Juliet
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1400 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
U got it?? -
since you're over there.. can tell Dumb Blonde Jokes
there was this dumb blonde who always had a pair of earphones in her ears...
everywhere she went, the earphones were on.. as if they were surgically attached to her ears...
she went to the hairdresser and told her hairdresser.. just work around the earphones.. it's important...
the hairdresser was intrigued but left it at that... he was a skilled hairdresser so the dumb blonde kept going back...
at the dumb blonde's 8th visit, the hairdresser could not stand it anymore.. she wanted to find out what will happen if the earphones were taken out so she reached out and pulled out both earphones...
immediately, the dumb blonde fell on the floor and started to convulse.. the hairdressser got a shock and called for the paramedics..
they took her away in the ambulance...
after the confusion, the hairdresser picked up the little player attached to the earphones left behind.. and had a listen...
and it went: BREATHE IN... BREATHE OUT... BREATHE IN... BREATHE OUT... -
hehe...Originally posted by the Bear:since you're over there.. can tell Dumb Blonde Jokes
there was this dumb blonde who always had a pair of earphones in her ears...
everywhere she went, the earphones were on.. as if they were surgically attached to her ears...
she went to the hairdresser and told her hairdresser.. just work around the earphones.. it's important...
the hairdresser was intrigued but left it at that... he was a skilled hairdresser so the dumb blonde kept going back...
at the dumb blonde's 8th visit, the hairdresser could not stand it anymore.. she wanted to find out what will happen if the earphones were taken out so she reached out and pulled out both earphones...
immediately, the dumb blonde fell on the floor and started to convulse.. the hairdressser got a shock and called for the paramedics..
they took her away in the ambulance...
after the confusion, the hairdresser picked up the little player attached to the earphones left behind.. and had a listen...
and it went: BREATHE IN... BREATHE OUT... BREATHE IN... BREATHE OUT...
y they always said blonde are dumb tho? I have seen sum pretty smart blonde girls over here
i.c.y -
yeah.. i was good friends with this blonde girl in australia in my time there.. she's bloody smart
but that does not stop us from "dumb blonde jokes" either
she later went and dyed her hair red for a while
Originally posted by icyprincess:hehe...
y they always said blonde are dumb tho? I have seen sum pretty smart blonde girls over here
i.c.y -
i wish i can have the courage to write this letter to my parents haha
Money
Dear Father, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad