ROM & Marriage Question
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If you are thinking about legal, a woman can sue a man for rape even if the man is her husband. So, before ROM, after ROM or after traditional marriage does not matter at all.
If you are thinking about moral values, then it is as good as what the wife thinks. If she is fine with sex before marriage, then it is fine. If she insist on having it only after traditional marriage, then that is when you will have it.
And if you are thinking a tad further about being a father, than the only question is when are you willing to take up the responsibility and if you want to risk people seeing your wife having a belly on your wedding. -
my boyfriend once told me to go ROM with him because it was a good time to invest in property. And that for first timers who apply the flat, can get $30k rebate.Originally posted by Rhonda:Yeah... so sad. I don't think I'd like it very much if the guy I wanted to marry proposed by saying something like let's go to the ROM so we can apply for a flat.
That's like soooo uncreative, unromantic and so much of a morale plunger. 
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Got rebate better than no rebate.Originally posted by subzero_baby:my boyfriend once told me to go ROM with him because it was a good time to invest in property. And that for first timers who apply the flat, can get $30k rebate. 
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Have a girlfriend who had her ROM last month, just moved in to new place with hubbyand having traditional ceremony next July.
Last week she fainted in the mrt, was rushed to the hospital and they found out she was pregnant.......and.....
they dont want to keep the baby because traditional ceremony not held yet!!
dont understand why!!...they are already married, she is a housewife, husband is a professional with very good job, living in condo, enough money to go europe,america, australia holiday every year, driving BMW...
dont want to keep their own baby because ceremony not held yet!!! -
Cannot, Woman cannot sue man for rape once they're wedded, which happens after they get the cert from ROM.Originally posted by Qitai:If you are thinking about legal, a woman can sue a man for rape even if the man is her husband. So, before ROM, after ROM or after traditional marriage does not matter at all.
If you are thinking about moral values, then it is as good as what the wife thinks. If she is fine with sex before marriage, then it is fine. If she insist on having it only after traditional marriage, then that is when you will have it.
And if you are thinking a tad further about being a father, than the only question is when are you willing to take up the responsibility and if you want to risk people seeing your wife having a belly on your wedding.
Moral values. Most females who preserve themselves until now, will wait for the traditional ceremony before engaging in any sexual activity. After all, they wait so long liao, a few more days/months not going to matter.
If not, then it doesn't matter anyway. -
You are married after ROM. You can have sex if you want to but because it is so ingrained in our chinese customs that you are not married until after the tea ceremony that many ppl dun and consider it a shame to be caught pregnant before that...which I find soooo
I only had my ROM but my parents consider it that I'm married but I still have to go thru the tea ceremony to keep my grandma and old aunties happy!!!
My parents themselves are cool with it if I don't wanna have the ceremony. Hiaz....but what to do. I didn't marry a chinese guy my relatives were already like . Somemore blame my mum that she never force me join the SDU So have a tea ceremony to pacify them lor. -
From what I hear from my lawyer friends, a woman can sue man for rape even after they are wedded. Rape in it's wider definition is ANY unconsented sex. This is independenet of marriage status.Originally posted by _Aaron_:Cannot, Woman cannot sue man for rape once they're wedded, which happens after they get the cert from ROM.
Moral values. Most females who preserve themselves until now, will wait for the traditional ceremony before engaging in any sexual activity. After all, they wait so long liao, a few more days/months not going to matter.
If not, then it doesn't matter anyway. -
carebear, I am sooo shocked!! They are actually considering abortion just because the traditional ceremony has not been held??!!Originally posted by care bear:Have a girlfriend who had her ROM last month, just moved in to new place with hubbyand having traditional ceremony next July.
Last week she fainted in the mrt, was rushed to the hospital and they found out she was pregnant.......and.....
they dont want to keep the baby because traditional ceremony not held yet!!
dont understand why!!...they are already married, she is a housewife, husband is a professional with very good job, living in condo, enough money to go europe,america, australia holiday every year, driving BMW...
dont want to keep their own baby because ceremony not held yet!!!
If the bride has to waddle around in maternity clothes, so be it! They should just keep the baby (oh, some won't call 'it' a baby until birth, they'd rather call it a 'foetus', so clinical.
) and hurry up with the ceremony and the lady can wear that big red Chinese erm... 'kua' they call it? so nobody would have a clue re. her tummy size cause those are big and huge and 'shapeless' anyways.
Just wish folks would treat life as sacred... 'it' isn't just 'a bunch of cells'. -
So subzero, did you marry the guy in the end or not?Originally posted by subzero_baby:my boyfriend once told me to go ROM with him because it was a good time to invest in property. And that for first timers who apply the flat, can get $30k rebate. 
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Harlow Rhonda!! long time no see you around...Originally posted by Rhonda:carebear, I am sooo shocked!! They are actually considering abortion just because the traditional ceremony has not been held??!!
If the bride has to waddle around in maternity clothes, so be it! They should just keep the baby (oh, some won't call 'it' a baby until birth) and hurry up with the ceremony and the lady can wear that big red Chinese erm... 'kua' they call it? so nobody would have a clue re. her tummy size cause those are big and huge and 'shapeless' anyways.
Just wish folks would treat life as sacred... 'it' isn't just 'a bunch of cells'.
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Yah loh!!! me and my girlfriends were all so angry with her!! Another one of my girlfriends has been trying to have a baby for ages and they cant get pregnant, now going for IVf...when she heard the news just just took her bags and left the place...not talking to each other now...
I dunno whats wrong with this girl!!! all she can think of is her beautiful beach wedding in Sentosa in July....makes me sick just to think about it!! we all offered her to help out with her traditional wedding so she can have it earlier...but she still wants to get rid of it...sigh..sigh..sigh.. really so sad.
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sad to say... i did... but not when that time he "proposed". I told him i would rather throw him $30k and ask him get lost. Till now, each time he brings up the topic of buying house, i would keep quiet. Afterall, he can't buy unless i sign... rather, can't even apply for it...Originally posted by Rhonda:So subzero, did you marry the guy in the end or not?
We also haven't have the tea ceremony... but sex is also not a problem... because he is either too busy or tired. honestly, dunno why i even sign that paper... -
i think both of u needs to find more time together, not for sex but to gou1 tong1.Originally posted by subzero_baby:sad to say... i did... but not when that time he "proposed". I told him i would rather throw him $30k and ask him get lost. Till now, each time he brings up the topic of buying house, i would keep quiet. Afterall, he can't buy unless i sign... rather, can't even apply for it...
We also haven't have the tea ceremony... but sex is also not a problem... because he is either too busy or tired. honestly, dunno why i even sign that paper... -
ROM is married in eyes of law liao......
traditional stuff are......well......traditional.....some ppl die die mus have.....some ppl no want or no need...... -
Rape.Originally posted by Qitai:From what I hear from my lawyer friends, a woman can sue man for rape even after they are wedded. Rape in it's wider definition is ANY unconsented sex. This is independenet of marriage status.
375. A man is said to commit “rape” who, except in the case hereinafter excepted, has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the 5 following descriptions:
Exception.
Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape.
Hmm. This was pretty much the stand we took, and our lecturers told us we were right...
But Qitai, i'm really interested to know if this has changed.. can consult your lawyer friend? It would be quite a shock to my cohort i guess..~ -
The laws are made by politicians.Originally posted by FireIce:ROM is married in eyes of law liao......
traditional stuff are......well......traditional.....some ppl die die mus have.....some ppl no want or no need......
Even from olden days, marriage vows are made in front of their Gods, to be valid...when u notice all weddings in the past.
I got to log out liao...will continue when i am back. hehe. -
this is modern dayOriginally posted by SnowFlag:The laws are made by politicians.
Even from olden days, marriage vows are made in front of their Gods, to be valid...when u notice all weddings in the past.
some ppl do not have Gods.
olden days rules oso set by their village leaders......(similar to our politicians now)
since we are in this generation, we follow wat this generation set for us.
this generation says ROM is valid liao, so there -
Hmm... looks like I have been wrongly informed then.Originally posted by _Aaron_:Rape.
375. A man is said to commit “rape” who, except in the case hereinafter excepted, has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the 5 following descriptions:
Exception.
Sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape.
Hmm. This was pretty much the stand we took, and our lecturers told us we were right...
But Qitai, i'm really interested to know if this has changed.. can consult your lawyer friend? It would be quite a shock to my cohort i guess..~ -
communication broke down since the day we rom. basically he thinks that since we rom already, i won't run away..... barely even have time to talk.Originally posted by SnowFlag:i think both of u needs to find more time together, not for sex but to gou1 tong1. -
Remains me of a story about a girl who decided not to marry after taking their wedding photos but before the wedding.Originally posted by subzero_baby:communication broke down since the day we rom. basically he thinks that since we rom already, i won't run away..... barely even have time to talk.
The guy take things for granted after taking the wedding photos and the girl suddenly realize that she do not want to marry such a guy, so she is brave enough to decide to cancel the wedding. Have to admire her for that. -
So sad.Originally posted by subzero_baby:communication broke down since the day we rom. basically he thinks that since we rom already, i won't run away..... barely even have time to talk. Sounds like he's already taking you for granted. Have you tried speaking to him about this? Sometimes, they don't see what's happening and just need a gentle tap on the shoulder and very specific info about what you're feeling and what you need. I think it's time to tell him very seriously that it's time to sit down and do some serious talking.
Hope it turns out well, subzero_baby! -
A wife can still charge her husband for rape
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One bus stop at the Maxwell Road Market has posters pasted saying that you can be raped even if you're married to the man. And I saw those posters just two weeks ago. It was by a government agency.
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I'd have to look up chapter and verse to confirm this, but it makes sense that even in marriage, sex without consent would qualify as rape.
I suppose it would be difficult to report, though. "My husband" would be an awkward answer to the question, "Can you identify the rapist?". -
If you pass by it again, can let me know what govt agency?Originally posted by Rhonda:One bus stop at the Maxwell Road Market has posters pasted saying that you can be raped even if you're married to the man. And I saw those posters just two weeks ago. It was by a government agency.
Meanwhile i'll ask around my side... this is news man~ -
What are you all so busy with? Work? Things seemed fine until you registered right?Originally posted by subzero_baby:communication broke down since the day we rom. basically he thinks that since we rom already, i won't run away..... barely even have time to talk.
As what one of us has pointed out, gently nudge him and tell him that as a wife, you need even more affection and attention~