This has got to be the saddest X'mas :'(
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yay. thats good.Originally posted by elindra:Yes I was trying to be funny
go sleep or something -
Ahh Geddy, you hit the nail on the head. I'm also upset that he chose email. He won't even answer my calls or smses. Yes like in the post above, I know that he has changed his number but I have his new number.Originally posted by Gedanken:Hmm - I just read this thread.
I know that you count this guy as a friend, elindra, but I reckon you're better off without him. He's extremely rude on a number of counts.
First, and most obviously, he used email to tell you that he doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. That's just shockingly poor form - for something of that importance, the least he could have done is to deliver the message over the phone, if not face-to face.
Then again, it doesn't seem to be his style. He sat back for years with some silly expectation that you could read his mind and tell how he felt about you. That's childish, but that's still all right. On the other hand, throwing his toys out of the pram when he obviously shot himself in the foot is just plain silly, on top of being unfair to you.
The bottom line is that this guy's childish, and he thinks the world owes him a living. I assume that if you've been friends for so long, he's old enough to know that fortune favours the bold, and if he loses out for sitting around like a bump on a log, well, tough luck for him. If he expects you, instead of himself, to bear the cost of his screw up, it doesn't measure up to the most rudimentary standards of friendship.
In your place, I wouldn't put any particular effort in mourning his departure. People like that can't even be good to themselves, so what capacity do they have to be friends? You've just offloaded a liability, and congratulations for it.
I guess the problem with him is that he can get wayy too emotional at times and it really impairs his thinking. Anyway, like I said, I will leave it up to him to contact me again.
I have cried it out enough and have thought through it enough. I've already reached the acceptance of the situation stage. -
wah... dun mind me saying this, but he's more woman than man! throwing away gifts and changing hp numbers hmm.. ok i better not get sexist here.Originally posted by elindra:Because he told me that he is erasing whatever he has memories of me out of his life. Well, he told me he has already gotten rid of the gifts I gave him and whatever contacts. Btw, he changed his cellphone number as well!!! I figured that if this is what he wants, so be it. I respect his wishes and I know him wayyy too well that he will not contact people whom he thinks will mention my name and it is not fair to the rest.
I know not all friends last forever, I have lost my fair share of friends, except this one really hurt because of the way he wanted to cut me off like discarding some unwanted rubbish and also because we shared wayyyy too much in interests, thoughts etc
One thing though, he has shattered my thoughts that a guy and a girl can just be friends *sigh* ... looks like this will apply only if the guy is gay.
with regard to your last statement, yeah.. i believe a guy and a girl cannot just be friends, IF one party has liked the other b4, particularly if the person holding a torch is the male. otherwise, a boy, and a girl, who have no romantic feelings for each other, it's great! can one lar...
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No. Brotherly feeling, yes.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:elindra... do u like him?? i mean do u have that kind of feelings for him?? or maybe have u ever tot that u did have that kind of feelings for him before or now, juz that u havent realised it....
But I guess that is the nightmare of every guy to hear these words from a girl they like... -
argh just go to sleep already - its really no use musing over it.
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I don't wannaOriginally posted by thinger:yay. thats good.
go sleep or something
If I sleep now I will look like a toad when I wake up in the morning!!! -
im sorry,how will that be different from now?
why do i get the feeling this is like a chat room now? -
yeah almost... except that it's still kinda laggy.Originally posted by thinger:im sorry,how will that be different from now?
why do i get the feeling this is like a chat room now?
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Because it is ok for me to look like a toad in my own room where no one can see me and it is not ok for me to go to work looking like a toad.Originally posted by thinger:im sorry,how will that be different from now?
why do i get the feeling this is like a chat room now?
It feels like it is like a chat room now because it always happens when the both of us starts yakking?? -
Drama queen. If he actually wanted to just retreat, he could have done it a helluva lot more quietly. This guy was out to ruin your day. the only question is whether or not you're going to let him.Originally posted by elindra:Because he told me that he is erasing whatever he has memories of me out of his life. Well, he told me he has already gotten rid of the gifts I gave him and whatever contacts. Btw, he changed his cellphone number as well!!! I figured that if this is what he wants, so be it. I respect his wishes and I know him wayyy too well that he will not contact people whom he thinks will mention my name and it is not fair to the rest.
Disagree. it's not a question of him being a guy as opposed to you being a girl. it's a question of him utterly and completely lacking guts, first in failing to face up to the way he's feeling, and second in failing to take responsibility for his screw up, instead trying to leave you holding the bag.Originally posted by elindra:I know not all friends last forever, I have lost my fair share of friends, except this one really hurt because of the way he wanted to cut me off like discarding some unwanted rubbish and also because we shared wayyyy too much in interests, thoughts etc
One thing though, he has shattered my thoughts that a guy and a girl can just be friends *sigh* ... looks like this will apply only if the guy is gay.
Obviously, if he's going to singularly fail to act like a man, this cannot possibly be an issue of friendships between people of opposite genders. -
O...kkkay....?
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Well Ged, his first email hurt me like hell. His 2nd email in reply to my email hurt me even deeper but at the same time it helped me pull myself together to start to think logically instead of getting into an emotional wreck all over again.Originally posted by Gedanken:Disagree. it's not a question of him being a guy as opposed to you being a girl. it's a question of him utterly and completely lacking guts, first in failing to face up to the way he's feeling, and second in failing to take responsibility for his screw up, instead trying to leave you holding the bag.
Obviously, if he's going to singularly fail to act like a man, this cannot possibly be an issue of friendships between people of opposite genders.
I can be kinda dramatic but I'm just speaking in the language he understands.
And Ged, not every guy can handle the situation as logically and objectively as you can.
For most guys, there is something called 'ego' which they can't handle properly. -
exactly!! that was what i tot so too....Originally posted by Gedanken:Disagree. it's not a question of him being a guy as opposed to you being a girl. it's a question of him utterly and completely lacking guts, first in failing to face up to the way he's feeling, and second in failing to take responsibility for his screw up, instead trying to leave you holding the bag.
Obviously, if he's going to singularly fail to act like a man, this cannot possibly be an issue of friendships between people of opposite genders.
think of it, why is he telling u all these now instead of confessing to u in the past?? what is he trying to achieve now by saying all these?? since u are married, what's the use of telling u all these now?? -
take it easy. im going to have a shower and bed...
have more shopping tomorrow (= -
if he had considered ur feelings and he really cared about u, why is he hurting u with his words and stabbing u with the truth??Originally posted by elindra:Well Ged, his first email hurt me like hell. His 2nd email in reply to my email hurt me even deeper but at the same time it helped me pull myself together to start to think logically instead of getting into an emotional wreck all over again.
I can be kinda dramatic but I'm just speaking in the language he understands.
And Ged, not every guy can handle the situation as logically and objectively as you can.
For most guys, there is something called 'ego' which they can't handle properly. -
Maybe because it took him 3 mths to pluck up his courage to tell me this and to get it off his chest so that he can ignore me for the rest of his life.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:exactly!! that was what i tot so too....
think of it, why is he telling u all these now instead of confessing to u in the past?? what is he trying to achieve now by saying all these?? since u are married, what's the use of telling u all these now??
I mean he has already said that he hopes never to communicate with me again.....
Anyways like I said I feel like a piece of discarded rubbish right now
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You are the one guy I know that shops more than a girl!!!!Originally posted by thinger:take it easy. im going to have a shower and bed...
have more shopping tomorrow (=
Ahhhh I need to go to French Connection. I think they are having a sale now if I'm not wrong!! I hope the dress I like is on sale!!!
Retail therapy is best. -
I don't know and I guess I will never find out.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:if he had considered ur feelings and he really cared about u, why is he hurting u with his words and stabbing u with the truth??
Coz I asked him much earlier today, but no replies. -
dont think of urself this way, ger.... he may hurt u with his words but i think he wouldnt wish to make u feel like a 'discarded rubbish'.... that is abit too harsh on urself...Originally posted by elindra:Maybe because it took him 3 mths to pluck up his courage to tell me this and to get it off his chest so that he can ignore me for the rest of his life.
I mean he has already said that he hopes never to communicate with me again.....
Anyways like I said I feel like a piece of discarded rubbish right now
coz i've juz given up on a guy i've fallen in love for a year plus and we've been great friends too... piano duet, going for his gigs, teaching mi guitar, msn, we talked, we laughed... we can almost chat about anything and everythin under the sun... but i know i'm not the ger he likes... i've tried, risk it and hinting, and i am giving up now... thus i've juz been crying for the past few weeks to get over it... but i'll secretly leave his life and bury this deep secret within mi.... i couldnt bring myself to tell him his hopeless secret, and i didnt want to make him feel uncomfortable rejecting mi.... i mean i will really try to get him out of my life so as for time to heal those 'beautiful' memories... but i will never mean to treat him as a 'discarded rubbish'.... see? -
The situation here is really different from yoursOriginally posted by carpe diem jur:dont think of urself this way, ger.... he may hurt u with his words but i think he wouldnt wish to make u feel like a 'discarded rubbish'.... that is abit too harsh on urself...
coz i've juz given up on a guy i've fallen in love for a year plus and we've been great friends too... piano duet, going for his gigs, teaching mi guitar, msn, we talked, we laughed... we can almost chat about anything and everythin under the sun... but i know i'm not the ger he likes... i've tried, risk it and hinting, and i am giving up now... thus i've juz been crying for the past few weeks to get over it... but i'll secretly leave his life and bury this deep secret within mi.... i couldnt bring myself to tell him his hopeless secret, and i didnt want to make him feel uncomfortable rejecting mi.... i mean i will really try to get him out of my life so as for time to heal those 'beautiful' memories... but i will never mean to treat him as a 'discarded rubbish'.... see? -
is it the one who's been liking you?Originally posted by elindra:I'll post the story when I calm down. BUt if this is what he wants I will respect his wishes though it hurts like hell. -
ok i know this is kinda o/t & all but .... act girl!!! dun give up till u know it's tried & proven! As a real friend, at least u owe him this honesty? I'd be flattered to know if I had a friend honest & brave enuf to say what's in/on her mind.Originally posted by carpe diem jur:... i've tried, risk it and hinting, and i am giving up now... thus i've juz been crying for the past few weeks to get over it... but i'll secretly leave his life and bury this deep secret within mi.... i couldnt bring myself to tell him his hopeless secret, and i didnt want to make him feel uncomfortable rejecting mi....
TX -
elindra>
I too second Ged in this matter .... after reading the story, it juz seems unfair for him to dump all that guilt & dissapointment on you then walk out! Yeah yeah he's prolly hurting as well but seriously, who's to blame if he couldn't pluck up his cajones & told u abt his feelings?
Sorry ma'am but i dun hold such peeps in high regard.
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Elindra I'm sorry to hear about what happened.
The pure-logic reaction of the guys here makes alot of sense. But I know it's almost impossible to hate a best friend over this situation. When the same happened, I was pissed & hurt, but couldn't help feeling guilty.
As for a purely platonic, very close friendship between a guy and girl, it's still possible.... just has a kinda 50-50 chance of happening. Still, have faith in people, and I guess most importantly, treasure what you have.Originally posted by elindra:One thing though, he has shattered my thoughts that a guy and a girl can just be friends *sigh* ... looks like this will apply only if the guy is gay. -
blanko~