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yeah so would I be...thats exactly it...I wouldnt really mind if these friends and relatives were asking you out of genuine concern but most of the time its just ribbing and ridicule. Many questions asked show pure insensitivity and are downright personal and offensive...to an extent where they are attacking you and your choices...thats what really gets me mad!!!Originally posted by choco B:Awful. This is just bad manners.
I'd be totally offended by this.
Opinions make sense but it is largely skewed.Originally posted by mistyblue:I am not the marrying sort, there are also many compelling factors for me to be against marriage. Additionally, I think for me to have any kids is very difficult, I suppose, indirectly due to my state of health.
I don't favour marriage and see it a shackle and a ball. I see so many problems being with a person 24x7 and worse is the in-laws for which I always felt that, in-laws, no matter how your other half thinks is endearing. In laws are one of the causes of many a break up and sometimes, I guess out of protecting their offsprings, they do get nasty with "outsiders". I understand that my lack of contribution of the family tree will not be view favourable and I will expect that painful label of barren woman. I do not know if some parent might get a bit over the edge and attempt to intervene so as to get a grandchild. But imagine that your husband's siblings are all surrounded by many kids, and we are still poor and childless. Instead of relatives telling you to get married during CNY, they would be telling you to divorce that barren woman and get a better one who can bear many kids. People's words always hurt. People's tongues are swords.
I look at the examples of married life around me and I observed none that influence me to ever wanting to be a part of this concept. I much rather keep at status quo. My own parents are arranged marriage in rtheir mid 20s. It was more out of duty they stayed together and perhaps to them its love. As the years grow, they grew apart and just hung around because they only have each other. My sister is in late 30s and she is single and happy, living alone. I suppose she might be dating men now but I think there is really no hurry as she is comfortable with life. I have wish to be able to feel that freedom and happiness she has and that she does not have to commit but just live for herself. My brother in his hurry married a materialistic women from taiwan and in a blink of an eye, divorced and penniless. Now they are fighting child custody and whatever money she can scrapped from my brother (who she bankrupt) and parents (my dad is a hawker and he recycles trash as a side line). My poor parents who had been paying out of their noses for this son is still paying in their old age and yet my brother has never woke up to his failures and faults. For me, I didn't really enjoy childhood and cannot bear to bring one to suffer. I remeber my parent's fights. I remembered being bullied by my much older siblings mentally and physically. I remembered relative's hash words that I was too fat and ugly to ever have anyone love me. I remember no one ever being there for me. Its not to say that I will also have these things happen to me but in my nearest experience, there is just so much unhappiness, suffering and pain for everyone in married life.
Well, in your place, I'd be looking this relative up and down (or her husband if said relative happens to be female) and saying, "Sorry, could you explain to me again what the advantage of that is?".Originally posted by elindra:Yes it is downright rude and super personal.
And you know what is the thing that drives me nuts? They blame my parents for not putting pressure on me to get a chinese guy.
Hell, am I the one getting married or them!
Originally posted by Gedanken:Well, in your place, I'd be looking this relative up and down (or her husband if said relative happens to be female) and saying, "Sorry, could you explain to me again what the advantage of that is?".
Then again, I have a reputation on the old man's side for berating, belittling or insulting morons who think that relation gives them priveleges.
GedOriginally posted by Gedanken:Ah well, e, as usual it's a case of mind over matter. You don't mind 'cause they don't matter.
u still ok mah....Originally posted by BaByBoY:haha
i jus barely tousched my twenties and i get the same type of qns from my relatives at CNY too!!
hahaha
but they often ask why i no gf instead of why no marry
ahahaha
that would be a hernia and a heart attack roled into one!!Originally posted by the Bear:why not silence them by saying: i don't want to make the same mistake you made...
ahahahaha........... rhonda so cute and lively.... where got difficult to like?Originally posted by Rhonda:I think I've given my family so many quirky and nonsensical answers to their questions long ago that they've since given up and now, only grandma dares to bug me about it and I continue to give out answers like, 'I'm bwee bwee / not pretty / nobody wants me, etc etc' When I cannot stand her incessant bugging, I walk away.
I'm single and I live alone and I think there will be great adjustments and sacrifices to make if and when I become part of a couple. I guess I must really love the guy to do all that. Of course, there are fears that the person might not be compatible in the end and all that... so I guess I'll just take my time and tread carefully.
Relationships aren't easy and it gets increasingly harder the older one gets. You might get involved in unrequited love, which is painful and yucky. Or, he might like you but you have absolutely no feelings for him. It really takes a lot for two to meet and fall in love and show an equal amount of love, devotion and commitment, for a relationship to work. So far, I've experienced the first two kind but am waiting for the third kind to happen!
Also, the older one gets, the more hangups one might bring. Broken promises, bad relationships, etc etc... all build up and might influence our views on relationships and all. I try not to let mine influence me too much though. I would still choose to trust in my partner totally once I get involved in a relationship though... I won't have it any other way and I shouldn't make him pay for the hurts and pain I felt in the past.
Single or married, being happy is of utmost importance! I kinda don't like the idea that no one wants me because I believe in having a healthy sense of self-worth. Plus, me so difficult to like, MEH???! hahaha!
Wah!!! Estee, I'm very gan dong!Originally posted by Estee:ahahahaha........... rhonda so cute and lively.... where got difficult to like?
yup, ur right. if i were in this position, i'd tell my relatives really rude, like "when are u going for botox injection because your cheeks are really starting to wobble everytime you ask me that question? want me to recommend a good plastic surgeon?"Originally posted by gentlerock:Haha....do you think that getting married is the end of the questions?
20 minutes after you're married, they'll start asking questions like "so when is the first baby coming?".
And 25 minutes after the first child is born, they'll start saying "he/she is lonely leh, must give him a brother/sister".
Its never-ending lah.....
24/7? do you not work?Originally posted by TehJarVu:I find it somewhat against natue to have to face somebody day in day out 24/7 for 40, 50 years.
Unless I can convince myself otherwise, I will not tie the dead knot.