For all the 30's singles...Why are you not married yet?
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Because:Originally posted by care bear:okay folks...I have recently been receiving this question from my well-meaning friends and relatives...and its irritating the hell out of me!!
Do you single guys and gals (of a certain age and maturity) get this? How do you answer them?
1 some s'pore girls are career minded
2 " " are crazy for 5cs
3 " " are not confident
4 the life in s'pore too expensive
5 they foundout the s'pore men are plain-dull-boring(unromantic)
6 some hurt before and don't want to FIL again
7 some still want to enjoy life
8 some are v. choosy eg. they don't want a man who's so ugly etc.
9 others - have their own personal reasons
10 single life more freedom (you can do whatever you want)
People always say once you're married you can't even achieve what you really want in life because the other half will control you blah blah blah...
typical people lah.. sien lah.
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Out of the 10 reasons you cited, No. 10 is the only one I identify with. I love my freedom and would resent it if someone were to come into my life and impose restrictions on me. It would be like trying to bridle a wild horse... painful for both.
For that same reason, I wouldn't want to shackle someone either. I'd rather he just be himself so the trick is to be with someone with whom you already share a lot of important values in common already so even if through the years, both change drastically, the things that really matter, ie. commitment, family values, etc, stay the same.
The man / woman you marry today might change two / five / ten years down the road. When that occurs, the thing that will continue to bond you together would be love and commitment.
I wouldn't want to lose my identity in a marriage. I want it to be an equal partnership otherwise, I'll be hit with my Runaway Mare Syndrome and start running the hell away! hahaha!
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Because I have too high expectations of my mate:
She
- has to be "beautiful" (at least in my eyes; of course there are objective criteria like hair, eyes, figure); and
- possess a heart of gold (oh so rare); and
- must not materialistic (oh oh... I'm gonna get trashed on this because of my nick); and
- can hold intelligent and/or interesting converstations; and
- shares the same believes; and
- has a passion for living, a dream; and
- an optimist; and
- good communicator and;
- has good personal hygiene and grooming (importantly has to smell nice); and
- share common activities;
- adventurous; and
- morally courageous; and
- pleasant disposition; and
- good sense of humour; and
- must love me; and
- must be sufficiently independent (but not overly so); and....
however she does not need to have 6-figure annual income not the ability to cook, though they would be considered desirable traits.
now you see why?....
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wow...i shud check back on tis thread in 10 years time
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Nah.. i think if u're with the right person.. he/she wouldn't be controlling u. COs there's no need to. What has happened to trust people??Originally posted by juzded:Because:
1 some s'pore girls are career minded
2 " " are crazy for 5cs
3 " " are not confident
4 the life in s'pore too expensive
5 they foundout the s'pore men are plain-dull-boring(unromantic)
6 some hurt before and don't want to FIL again
7 some still want to enjoy life
8 some are v. choosy eg. they don't want a man who's so ugly etc.
9 others - have their own personal reasons
10 single life more freedom (you can do whatever you want)
People always say once you're married you can't even achieve what you really want in life because the other half will control you blah blah blah...
typical people lah.. sien lah. -
Seriously......... my Ex possess all the 10 qualities at least in my eyes or perception ......... me so sad to lose her cos she is only women I liked that I have dated so far......... i regretted that I never hug her and tell her I love her so much !!!!Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:Because I have too high expectations of my mate:
She
- has to be "beautiful" (at least in my eyes; of course there are objective criteria like hair, eyes, figure); and
- possess a heart of gold (oh so rare); and
- must not materialistic (oh oh... I'm gonna get trashed on this because of my nick); and
- can hold intelligent and/or interesting converstations; and
- shares the same believes; and
- has a passion for living, a dream; and
- an optimist; and
- good communicator and;
- has good personal hygiene and grooming (importantly has to smell nice); and
- share common activities;
- adventurous; and
- morally courageous; and
- pleasant disposition; and
- good sense of humour; and
- must love me; and
- must be sufficiently independent (but not overly so); and....
however she does not need to have 6-figure annual income not the ability to cook, though they would be considered desirable traits.
now you see why?....
Being single isnt a choice for me, just that me dun even have a choice now! HaizZZZZ -
Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Seriously? You are too handsome & all that nonsense??? Hahaha..I'm 20 and have never had a bf. Probably because I'm sooooooooo gorgeous & intelligent.Originally posted by JoshieGayKie:i am too handsome, successful, lot of cash, investment, and property, all 4 girls i loved rejected me, scare that i will be not faithfull, or scare that theye have to fight another girls in the future......aiiiiiiii...so successfull but no bitch in my life
Guys literally tremble and shiver in fear when they come within 5 feet of me.
Btw for the single women,when CNY comes, just get your best guy friend to pretend to be your bf. Or maybe, you can 'hire' a date ala the upcoming movie,'The Wedding Date.' That'll be alot of fun. -
ha ha. if tat is so, i volunteer my service to be ur part time one~ hehOriginally posted by Exhibitionist:Mwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Seriously? You are too handsome & all that nonsense??? Hahaha..I'm 20 and have never had a bf. Probably because I'm sooooooooo gorgeous & intelligent. Guys literally tremble and shiver in fear when they come within 5 feet of me.
Btw for the single women,when CNY comes, just get your best guy friend to pretend to be your bf. Or maybe, you can 'hire' a date ala the upcoming movie,'The Wedding Date.' That'll be alot of fun. -
.....and then you woke up.Originally posted by the Bear:c'mon... it's not like.. death by matrimony you know?
the hopeless and hopeful romantic in me says if we find that one person in the world for us, we're blessed and then, you walk life's journey together as one.. two individuals, choosing to be together...
and in that, it's beautiful
Haha...whilst trying to walk your blessed life's journey together, you might have to put up with annoying things like bills, kids, and even cheating spouses.
Sighhh....if only fairy tales are reality..... -
so suprise to knw soo many ppl out there are also single just like me... haha... OhH..sorry not laughing at anyone..
actually i dun knw why everyone who are attach are always soo kay-poh and assume it is a "must" to have a gf or by at our age...
some of mine frenz will always ask me why no gf?go SDU lah!!etc..etc..
so fed up after hearing all these.. they just dun understand that it is very common in Singapore for a 30+ to be single..
It is not easy and simple to maintain a relationship, I have 3 relationship before and things just dun work out for us in the past.. what to do...
Soo for those ppl out there, please let natural at it course and stop giving pressure to your frenz ...
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i am 39 coming 40 year end. never met anyone suitable but available
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i am 39 coming 40 year end. never met anyone suitable and yet available
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Has anyone realised that sometimes, those of us in our 30's aren't married because we were devotedly in a relationship that didn't work out in the end?
During my recent night duty, I yakked with a few colleagues who were in their late 20's / early 30's and who were still single too and one thing became glaringly obvious.
Let's say you had a partner when you were 24. You spend time getting to know him, say you take 1-2 years and then you get serious, add another 1 year or so... you're already 27-28. Say both of you decided to get married, save and plan for another year, you're 29. At the last minute, things didn't work out and you break off, you're 29/30. You are so devastated, you quietly mourn the breakup for say, 1-3 years, voila, you're in your early 30's, en route to your mid-30's.
The above is just an example, a scenario, but it's something that kept cropping up in my conversations with singles my age. It's not that we're undesirable... we have all tried in earnest but somehow or other, things just didn't work out.
Don't underestimate the power of cynicism and the fear of having your heart broken again too. And also, don't forget that different folks take different periods of time to heal and feel ready to move on again. It's worse when folks don't acknowledge their heartbreak and pretend nothing happened... I've seen too many men do that to their own detriment.
It gets harder as you grow older. It's easier to fall in love in your 20's. In your 30's, after the heartbreaks, you tend to be more guarded, critical, reserved and analytical. I wish I had the foresight to bail out of the bad relationships I was in when I was in my mid to late 20's but oh well, there were lessons I had to learn from the experiences.
As to why I'm still single, ah, I prefer it that way for now. Sure, I have wishes and yearnings, and sometimes, my mind and heart get messed up - I'm only human... but I'm 'on the move' and 'in transit' and soon, I'll have my dream become reality. I've sacrificed a lot the past six years just to achieve my dream and I'm not going to jeopardise it at this critical stage. (It feels soooo good to have my close pals pat me on the back and declare, 'I admire your tenacity and strength of character! It will all come to fruition soon!' )
Most importantly, I haven't met anyone who truly rocks my world. Ah, but who cares... I'm having fun being a bachelorette! -
So having a choice, which would you guy choose ?? stay single or ...Originally posted by seancannot:Being single isnt a choice for me, just that me dun even have a choice now! HaizZZZZ
Me Would choose to be somebody I love , ya there are problems in the relationships , called me a sucker I would rather be plague by this problems than die a lonely death! -
True. Loneliness is too hard to bear. It gets more unbearable with age.
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with age, friends start to disappear mysteriously ......
probably busy with their own pursuit of happiness
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The freedom you enjoy 10 yrs ago and 10 yrs from now is and will never be the same. Cos your friends will leave one after another. Unless of course you keep maintaining a group of close friends otherwise....... use your own imagination....... JIA LAT!!!!
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well all fated i guess.
me nt in my 30s but late 20s still searching for my Mr RIght haiz...
still no luck.. me nt ugly nor very pretty only can say i am average looking.. but so how still no luck.. heee....
i want to be in luv and get married .... haaaa -
hey.. everyone wants to find the loved one who will love them back with interest
i'm still looking too! and i'm 36 this year! -
Hey, what are the odds that you folks hang out? Maybe the Bear with Subargal or Dragg with Rhonda? And the list goes on. I think we have enough names to pair up? If there are fireworks, great, if not, at least you can put a name to a face?
But seriously, even married at either 20s, 30s or 40s does not guarantee a "happily ever after" relationship.
Sometimes I think, if I am alone again, can I accommodate a "new" being into my life. I mean at 45, I am quite set in my ways, the style I do things and my thoughts and principles, blah, blah..... It's like having to re-learn to live with another "style of management".
Don't get me wrong, I am having a wonderful time with my husband now. We had 4 years of courtship and married for 21 years. But these 25 years were not all rosy. Some years we were at each other's necks. Some years he loved me and some years he doesn't. Some years I love him and some years I don't. But through it all, we were committed to our vows. We went through different phases/changes and I thank our Good Lord above that the metamorphosis didn't cause too much damage.
We grew together....through the good and the bad. Our mindset are like entwined and we think alike most of the time. We lead separate lives but yet is one. It took a lot of "grinding" to arrive at what we are today. In fact, this is the best time of my life with my husband. Even courtship can't come close. To this, I am very grateful and feel very blessed. I can only savour what is today for I do not know what the future beholds. One thing I do know is if we had not been committed, our marriage would have ended when I was in my 30s. -
ahh.. thanks littlestream
it's heartening to read that... i would think that even if you wrote that there are times you didn't love him and that he didn't love you, somewhere in there, there was enough love to stick through it, thick and thin...
and in that.. it's the "for better or worse" part isn't it?
there are many who would just give up when things get rough..
but heck... Patsy Cline did sing "stand by your man" (and this dude says the other way around is also very important).. that is what being a couple is all about isn't it?
to be strong when he wavers, and to accept the support when you do...
and as for hanging out.. i try my best to get everyone to hang out together with my Pub Nights (okay okay.. i like the pub too )
drag your hubby to come along if you can.. next one is this saturday weekend -
hmm, if a couple fall in love means they love each other at the first place ...after few years they quarrel over some silly things..why? nobody knows why...but if you trully believe in that you love him/her at the begining why not to hold on to it and nver give up on each other???
do you know that most quarrels are because of misunderstanding...that's why we have people fighting and killing each other because of hatred...why hatred began? coz misunderstanding due to failed communication...each of us have diffferent frequency of reception of brain wave...meaning u must adjust the way you think of and judge of that particular person to broadcast your message to him/her...
for example myself....i felt my gf starting to lost interest on me...why? i dont know why..but i believe the way i think is wrong...i should believe and hold onto this train...if bad things really happen to me ,again ,then it wasnt me who being such a loser...at least i had love her trully...just that she never think so...
mind can kill -
Aiyoh, pai seh....Bear.....thanks for the invite but me no live here ley. And then sorry, pubbing not hubby cup of tea. Our weekends typically involve movie nights, home karaoke (cheap lah), some gatherings with fellow s'poreans. Now that summer is approaching, lately have been busy with the yards. I'll try out my "technical skills" to see if I can post some pix of my home grown tulips and the front lawn. Hubby did a fabulous job there. The backyard is still taking form. No pix yet but I did planted some cayenne chillies and a cherry tomatoes tree.
But yes, you hit it right at the nail about we still have "it" for each other even during the "down" periods. It's like a journey walking on the pebble stones path and coming out "healthy". "Foot reflexology" ah? -
oh.. not in singapore.. oh well.. hey.. you're welcome in the virtual world in here!
side-track.. i like foot-reflexology.. and giving and receiving footrubs.. and massages
well... hey.. whomever i wind up with, will be receiving lots of TLC that way -
Ha ha ..... wah, so tempting ah? Okay lah, I will try to "advertise" for you lah. I've got three lady friends who are single/divorcees. They are in their 40s. Can??