When women become objects of rejection
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By Maureen Dowd
WASHINGTON - A FEW years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a beautiful actress. Within moments, she had blurted out: 'I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or PR women.'
I had been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way - their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as 'the moon, the sun and the stars'. It is all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn films more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Film-makers these days seem more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals. In James Brooks' Spanglish, Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Tea Leoni, is repellent: A jangly, yakking, over-achieving, over-exercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in Network if she had had to stay home, or Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated 2003's holiday hit, Richard Curtis' Love Actually. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As Mr John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently: 'Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame.'
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up: 'Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less accomplished women.' Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. 'The hypothesis is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimise the risk of raising offspring that are not their own.'
Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show any preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study by researchers at four British universities that was reported last week suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mothers, than equals. The study found that a high IQ hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 per cent for guys for each 16-point increase in IQ; for women, there is a 40 per cent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they do not have to talk to.
I asked actress and writer Carrie Fisher, who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble. 'I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings too,' she said. -- NEW YORK TIMES
Back to work first, will come back again to pass my comments...
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which girl on the streets would not want to be treated as a princess or queen?
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i'm done for......... -
hide ur resume lohOriginally posted by care bear:
i'm done for.........
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Dun worry, there's always someone for everyone ... somewhere.Originally posted by care bear:
i'm done for.........
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Hehehhe I still maintain that men like to be mothered. They like to be taken care of, cooked for, etc. And to keep them happy a girl's gotta mother them abit.
But you make a good point, InnoHippo.Originally posted by InnoHippo:which girl on the streets would not want to be treated as a princess or queen? -
Girls who actually like to work hard? i.e, one in a billionOriginally posted by InnoHippo:which girl on the streets would not want to be treated as a princess or queen?
*runs and hides* -
all men (including women) have similar needs ....
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Given a choice, I wouldn't want to work, dude...Originally posted by EvilDead:Girls who actually like to work hard? i.e, one in a billion
*runs and hides*
I rather nuah... -
Coming from a family where Mom was the brains of the outfit, I personally don't see it that way. Then again, I do know a fair number of men that fit the description in the article. I wonder how strong the trend really is.
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who want to work in the first placeOriginally posted by EricDraven:Given a choice, I wouldn't want to work, dude...
I rather nuah... 
If i am rich, i spent my entire life having fun!!! -
has it ever changed?
Its just that when asked, the men will deny everything but really, has it ever changed? -
Originally posted by EricDraven:
... ... ... ... ... ...
As Dr Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up: 'Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less accomplished women.' Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them. 'The hypothesis is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimise the risk of raising offspring that are not their own.'
Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show any preference when it came to one-night stands.
... ... ... ... ... ... -
I wan to be a houseman.....
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Many years ago, before I entered university, I used to think that I would like to marry a girl who is not so educated and knowledgeable, preferably a factory worker or similar... so that she would think I'm smart, I'm able, and yes, treat me like a king...
I also prefered more "gentle" occupations like nurse or nursery teacher then...
Yes, that is so laughable... now that I think about it... And I'm pretty ashamed by my old-fashioned thinking then...
Now I think the most important trait of my ideal life partner is the ability to connect with me intellectually... That doesn't necessarily mean university graduates of course, but someone who is smart and shares the same frequency as you. I think having a good, nice and stimulating evening conversation with your loved one can perhaps equal the best of physical pleasures... (paiseh to use too explicit terms)
My ex has a bad temper and I guessed this is what led to our breakup... I've tried my best to accomodate her but well, I guess there's a limit to everything... I guess being understanding and accomodating is a major factor too when it comes to choosing a life partner...
Is there anyone who really doesn't like to have a loved one to accompany you for life? I guess at the end of the day, everyone is a social animal who needs love and concern, not just at the friends level but on a more intimate level.
Sometimes, I wish too, to have a fairy tale love story but reality is not always such... I can only move with fate and see where it brings me. In the meantime, I'll just stick to my friends and this bunch of merry jokers in Club 30. Yes, I know I've strayed from the topic... Can't help it.
I wish everyone here would have an ending that goes "and they lived happily ever after..."
Ok, it's late now, time to sleep... -
where are the merry jokers?Originally posted by EricDraven:In the meantime, I'll just stick to my friends and this bunch of merry jokers in Club 30. -
1 is a retired hero.....aka hippoOriginally posted by InnoHippo:where are the merry jokers? 
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*walks in..opens mouth....forgets what he wanted to say......closes mouth*
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u need Brands Chicken EssenceOriginally posted by EvilDead:*walks in..opens mouth....forgets what he wanted to say......closes mouth* -
Eric, izzit because after you met me, you realised that there are nurses who aren't gentle one? Izzit? Izzit?Originally posted by EricDraven:Many years ago, before I entered university, I used to think that I would like to marry a girl who is not so educated and knowledgeable, preferably a factory worker or similar... so that she would think I'm smart, I'm able, and yes, treat me like a king...
I also prefered more "gentle" occupations like nurse or nursery teacher then...
Yes, that is so laughable... now that I think about it... And I'm pretty ashamed by my old-fashioned thinking then... 
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Rhonda, I didn't say anything... but are you saying you don't think you're gentle?Originally posted by Rhonda:Eric, izzit because after you met me, you realised that there are nurses who aren't gentle one? Izzit? Izzit?
I did realise some nurses' hats aren't white all the time... -
Originally posted by EricDraven:Rhonda, I didn't say anything... but are you saying you don't think you're gentle?
I did realise some nurses' hats aren't white all the time... 
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Oh yeah!! Some of the Empress Dowagers in my workplace have hats with pointed edges and they look like this -->Originally posted by EricDraven:Rhonda, I didn't say anything... but are you saying you don't think you're gentle?
I did realise some nurses' hats aren't white all the time... 
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You mean they look like this -->Originally posted by Rhonda:Oh yeah!! Some of the Empress Dowagers in my workplace have hats with pointed edges and they look like this --> 
My stats prof looks like that and he gave me a hard time last sem... but he turns out quite nice when dishing out my grade...