silly jokes
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well, decided to put one here so that we can share some gags
i'll start..
New Measurements
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
1000 kilograms of Chinese soup: Won Ton
Time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement: 1 Bananosecond
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds
52 cards: 1 decacards
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
heh heh heh
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The neighbour looked over the fence to see little Timmy filling up a hole in his garden. Interested in what Timmy was doing, she politely asked, "What are you up to Timmy?"
"My hamster died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's a huge hole for a little hamster, isn't it?"
Timmy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your goddamned cat!" -
Originally posted by the Bear:The neighbour looked over the fence to see little Timmy filling up a hole in his garden. Interested in what Timmy was doing, she politely asked, "What are you up to Timmy?"
"My hamster died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's a huge hole for a little hamster, isn't it?"
Timmy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your goddamned cat!" -
A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.
After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"
"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.
"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.
"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse." -
Originally posted by the Bear:The neighbour looked over the fence to see little Timmy filling up a hole in his garden. Interested in what Timmy was doing, she politely asked, "What are you up to Timmy?"
"My hamster died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's a huge hole for a little hamster, isn't it?"
Timmy patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your goddamned cat!" -
After a two-year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is Basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance-level employees is: Bowling
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is: Football
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball
5. The sport of choice for middle-management is: Tennis
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf
Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate stucture, the smaller your balls become.
strange but very very true
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*pengz*
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The worst Civil Aviation disaster happened in Poland when a single-seater Cessna crashed in a graveyard.
The death toll is 482 so far and authorities say that the toll is set to rise as they unearth more bodies. -
I m back on my laughing spells
i.c.y -
I like this thread.
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that's good
hope the swings aren't that severe anymore
here's another:
There was this Iranian who was wandering around in the desert and kicked a bottle. Out came a genie and said the usual thing, "You are granted THREE wishes!"
The Iranian thought for a while and said, "I want the Israeli army to come and destroy Tehran by land."
Puzzled, the genie wondered why but didn't ask, and said, "It is done! What is your 2nd wish?"
Again, the Iranian said, "I want the Israelis to come and destroy Tehran by land."
So, the genie did the same thing again and became even more intrigued, "It is done again. Let me guess, you want the Israeli army to come by land to destroy Tehran?"
"YES!" said the Iranian, "Again!"
"It is done again!" said the genie. "Now that I've fulfilled my vows, may I ask why, you, an Iranian, would want the Israelis to come over and destroy Tehran by land?"
The Iranian laughed maniacally, "To get to Tehran by land three times, the Israelis have to cross Iraq SIX times!"Originally posted by icyprincess:
I m back on my laughing spells
i.c.y -
hey.. add some of your fave gagsOriginally posted by Rhonda:I like this thread.
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A man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, " I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look at him." So the vet picks up the dog and examines his eyes, his teeth and ears. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's bloody heavy."
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Two aerials met on a roof and fell in love. They got married and invited all their friends. Well, the ceremony was crap but the reception was brilliant. -
Oh, darling, let's not park here.
Oh, darling, let's not park.
Oh, darling, let's not.
Oh, darling, let's!
Oh, darling!
Oh! -
The tradition at weddings
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
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haha , maybe post some Qian4 Bian3 jokes? or should I post a new thread
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Scientists have found a certain kind of food which diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called 'Wedding Cake'. -
what's a qian bian joke?
anyway here's another gag...
A blind man walked into a department shop with his seeing eye dog. After a while, he stopped in the middle of the place and lifted his dog and started swinging the dog around.
Alarmed, the security of the place approached him and asked, "Sir, may I help you?"
"No thanks," said the blind man, "I'm just looking around." -
oh take a look at my new thread!
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hmmm... i thought i heard that before but it's "man", not "woman"... ...Originally posted by Kuali Baba:Scientists have found a certain kind of food which diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called 'Wedding Cake'.
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Well that's the one I know.Originally posted by neuros:hmmm... i thought i heard that before but it's "man", not "woman"... ... 
Whats worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm in your apple. -
hey.. that actually happened to me!
but i look at it as a good thing.. people around me would probably gag and throw up... i just looked at it as "protein"
well here's another gag..
Two nuns were driving back to the convent when a vampire landed on the bonnet of the car.
"ARGH!!" cried the driver as she swerved around, trying to get the vampire off.
This only enraged the vampire.
She then turned on the windshield wipers and the windscreen spray.
Again, this only served to enrage the vampire.
The other nun then said, "He's not getting off! I know.. show him your cross!"
So the driver wound down the window, stuck her head our and yelled, "GET THE HELL OFF MY GODDAMNED CAR!!"Originally posted by Kuali Baba:Well that's the one I know.
Whats worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm in your apple. -
rotfl!
MORE! MORE! -
A man is only half-complete until he finds a wife...Originally posted by Kuali Baba:Scientists have found a certain kind of food which diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called 'Wedding Cake'.
then he's really done for! -
Bear has so many jokes in his sleeves.. god knows whether he works in the entertainment industry.. dispensing jokes.. maybe cross-dress.. do a drag.. like Kumar..