Unhappy couples intend to marry anyway: poll
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SINGAPOREAN couples may not be happy with their partners but they will marry them anyway, a global survey on relationships shows.
The poll of 716 couples who planned to wed showed that 39 per cent were unhappy in their relationships, the highest proportion of nine societies surveyed by a US-based marriage and family therapy organisation.
The poll is the latest unflattering survey of ardour in a wealthy population that chases what is known in local parlance as the Five C's: career, condominium, club, credit cards and cars.
Birth rates hit a record low in 2004 and an annual survey by condom-maker Durex has ranked Singapore for three straight years near the bottom of its sexually active nations list.
In the latest survey, only 14 per cent of Singaporeans described themselves as 'very happy' with their partners, the lowest of the regions surveyed and compared with 48 per cent in the United States.
The polls were conducted as part of a US-based programme known as Prepare (Premarital Personal and Relationship Evaluation) led by David Olson, a retired University of Minnesota professor and author of several books on family therapy.
Other regions surveyed were Japan, Hong Kong, Australia, Britain, Canada, Germany and New Zealand. But Singapore's results stood out sharply, said Mr Olson.
'I'm surprised so many premarital Singaporean couples are not as happy with their relationships but are still planning to get married,' Mr Olson told Reuters after releasing the findings at a conference in Singapore.
Among those in the survey who consider themselves unhappy, most cited disagreements with their partners on a number of issues, or said they disliked their partners' personality or that there were problems communicating.
In contrast, US couples ready to tie the knot painted a far more blissful picture with nearly half of 1,000 surveyed indicating they were very happy in their relationships.
Mr Olson said couples in Singapore, which has a population of 4.2 million people, may be suffering because of a reluctance to speak their minds about problems to avoid confrontation. 'They are afraid to say what they think and are afraid to disagree.' - Reuters
- Extracted from The Business Times (weekend), March 5-6 2005 -
This is so kinda sad...
I wonder why do people marry without love in their heart.
Never compromise on your love, I always remind myself.
What could be more important in life than finding the true love of your life?
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X2Originally posted by EricDraven:This is so kinda sad...
I wonder why do people marry without love in their heart.
Never compromise on your love, I always remind myself.
What could be more important in life than finding the true love of your life? -
some is big tummy then bo bian have to get married.Originally posted by EricDraven:This is so kinda sad...
I wonder why do people marry without love in their heart.
Never compromise on your love, I always remind myself.
What could be more important in life than finding the true love of your life?
some is live together for a few yrs liao, one party's ma or pa exert abit of pressure so get married.
so many reasons to tie the knot and many more reasons to cut it later on. -
One can only take steps to ensure that one does not become a part of the tragic statistics. Don't just listen to your heart, listen to your brain as well and if the two are not in synche, raise the alarm and the red stop light!
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lawyers need to eat.
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Easier said then done Rhonda. For some I find, they don't like or is unhappy with the other party but they decide to go ahead because they are already used to each other; They are together not out of love but out of habit.Originally posted by Rhonda:One can only take steps to ensure that one does not become a part of the tragic statistics. Don't just listen to your heart, listen to your brain as well and if the two are not in synche, raise the alarm and the red stop light!
It's sad but it happens. -
Easier said than done, yes... but I've done it before. Not impossible. Just takes a lot of willpower and courage, which is something one can rev up when all avenues for redemption have been exhausted. Helps that I'm incredibly independant too.Originally posted by elindra:Easier said then done Rhonda. For some I find, they don't like or is unhappy with the other party but they decide to go ahead because they are already used to each other; They are together not out of love but out of habit.
It's sad but it happens.
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yah true, whats the point if both sides dont like each other?
that is creating more future problems.. -
some would.. they look at it as some kind of "duty" to get married...
seriously! if you listen to the pressure the parents and relatives place on them, you'd stop asking why...
it's as if you will disgrace all the ancestors if you do not get married and breed immediately after puberty...
well, it takes a strong mind to tell them to bugger off...
for it is your life to live...
but then, if they want to marry even when they're unhappy, it's their lives, not ours to judge anyway... -
I don't have the right to comment on this.
A number of my relatives are separated from their first partners and I'm usually the last to know about them. I can only hope I can make my own marriage work. -
Yes I've done that too and boy am I glad I did!! I have found the man of my dreams now and I'm happyOriginally posted by Rhonda:Easier said than done, yes... but I've done it before. Not impossible. Just takes a lot of willpower and courage, which is something one can rev up when all avenues for redemption have been exhausted. Helps that I'm incredibly independant too.
I daresay much happier than if I were to stick with my ex just cos I'm too comfortable with him. -
scare scare..
sad sad... -
I guess once you get over the fear of being alone, you'll start to view a lot of things with clarity and the fear no longer consumes you. Only then can you make wise choices.Originally posted by SydneyLibrarian:Yes I've done that too and boy am I glad I did!! I have found the man of my dreams now and I'm happy I daresay much happier than if I were to stick with my ex just cos I'm too comfortable with him. -
Originally posted by Rhonda:Easier said than done, yes... but I've done it before. Not impossible. Just takes a lot of willpower and courage, which is something one can rev up when all avenues for redemption have been exhausted. Helps that I'm incredibly independant too.
Well Rhonda, not everyone can break out of the cycle because of the comfort zone but glad you did because lately one of my friends is getting married and we are really praying hard for her happiness. -
Elindra, isn't it an awful, gut-sinking feeling when you see your friend(s) walking towards a cliff and you can't do anything except sit and watch and pray that they'll stop before the edge?
I think it's important to hear what your close buddies have to say about your partner because these are people who know you inside-out and they only have your best interests at heart. For me, alarm bells would definitely ring if my buddies verbalize disapproval or caution. They are afterall not blinded by emotions and will not be overlooking things that ought not be swept under the carpet.
Have to be careful though, to choose buddies who are good judges of character otherwise, they'd do more harm than good!
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look at it another way ...... unhappy singles still stay single rite
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Rhonda but the sad thing is that when you are blinded by emotion you don't really listenOriginally posted by Rhonda:Elindra, isn't it an awful, gut-sinking feeling when you see your friend(s) walking towards a cliff and you can't do anything except sit and watch and pray that they'll stop before the edge?
I think it's important to hear what your close buddies have to say about your partner because these are people who know you inside-out and they only have your best interests at heart. For me, alarm bells would definitely ring if my buddies verbalize disapproval or caution. They are afterall not blinded by emotions and will not be overlooking things that ought not be swept under the carpet.
Have to be careful though, to choose buddies who are good judges of character otherwise, they'd do more harm than good! -
Because we are singaporeans mah...we can tahan alot of nonsense one...Originally posted by EricDraven:This is so kinda sad...
I wonder why do people marry without love in their heart.
Never compromise on your love, I always remind myself.
What could be more important in life than finding the true love of your life? We can also stoop ourself very low...after all we tahan a lot of nonsense frm the gahmen already right? 
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It's not the choice between staying single or married, it's the choice of being happy or unhappy...Originally posted by InnoHippo:look at it another way ...... unhappy singles still stay single rite
Being happily single beats being unhappily married hands down.
Being unhappily single still beats being unhappily married, because unhappy marriage is unhappy single x 2. -
may be more than x 2... coz of the children, married couple's families involvement...Originally posted by EricDraven:...... because unhappy marriage is unhappy single x 2. -
hi zodi
well, chances are, the couples' families were the ones who pressured them into matrimony...Originally posted by zodi:may be more than x 2... coz of the children, married couple's families involvement... -
synergy!Originally posted by zodi:may be more than x 2... coz of the children, married couple's families involvement...
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well.. this kind of synergy is easy to achieve
but alas.. that's the whole tragedy of it, isn't it?Originally posted by neuros:synergy! -
It's their lives.
It's their choices.