Sad taxi ride yesterday - a bit of a social commentary?
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It just doesn't sound right. She's planning to bail in her husband's time of need!
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We're not cavemen now, I think we left that waaaaaaaaaay behind us and I like to think that we're more developed intellectually, psychologically and culturally now.Originally posted by Imperfect:We can also say that there is actually no change since the day humans roam the land...
In the past, man marry to continue their genes and woman for someone to protect and provide for them. Though time has changed and woman do not need to marry just for the sake of finding someone to protect and provide for them as they are more independent now. However, we cannot forget that the purpose to get together is for survival.
In the modern world, one needs money to survive, especially in singapore... since she can't find what she needed in the marriage anymore, she decide to find it elsewhere... everyone will be looking for different things in different situations, and if it cant be found, s/he finds it elsewhere...
And, whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Has it all been reduced to self-gratification now? Has it become a 'if I can't get what I want then I'll just leave for greener pastures' thing? How about actually MEANING what one said when one happily recited, 'in good times and bad, in sickness and in health' or has it all become just a cliche?
When you marry someone, it really means that if the guy becomes retrenched tomorrow and you lose all your material luxuries and have to struggle alongside him, you do so.
Or should we now make it 'DEFINITELY in good times and PERHAPS in bad, MAYBE in sickness but DEFINITELY in health'? -
gags aside.. how true is this:
"what's his is mine and what's mine is mine"
or the other way around if the lady's the main breadwinner? -
Ah, let's not get there... I've had numerous fights with my girl friends because of disagreements over this issue.Originally posted by the Bear:gags aside.. how true is this:
"what's his is mine and what's mine is mine"
or the other way around if the lady's the main breadwinner?
But you know what? I'm the one who's still single whilst most of them are married (well, for now anyways). Ironic. -
i am all too familiar with this.Originally posted by Rhonda:And, whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?
When you marry someone, it really means that if the guy becomes retrenched tomorrow and you lose all your material luxuries and have to struggle alongside him, you do so.
Or should we now make it 'DEFINITELY in good times and PERHAPS in bad, MAYBE in sickness but DEFINITELY in health'?
besides, everyone have been talking abt the choice of foreign brides by sg men, claiming sg men have no other choice and plain desparate.
guess what, there's always another side to the coin, and in response to that statement i have a statement which my mum thinks it's higly controversial
forgive my spelling and grammer, just woke up -
Yah... It is a prob today... But a woman wants securityOriginally posted by the Bear:well, i was coming home from camp yesterday and decided to take a cab from yishun coz i needed to rush to Muddy Murphy's...
got into a cab and cabbie started to talk, asking me if i was doing my reservist and all that..
so, after a while, he asked if i had children, and as always, i tell him the standing gag that i'm single and no one wants me...
well it got kinda sad... he said that it would be best if i didn't coz these days, people are materialistic.. then he started to lament his own daughter's direction in life..
seems that she got married a few years ago, and the couple does not have children... the husband was retrenched and seemed to be trying his damnest to find a new job but was unsuccessful.. and because of that, she's going to divorce him.. and in his words, "look for someone who can afford to take care of her"..
i was kinda stunned..
he kept lamenting how cheapened the marriage is and that his daughter is like that.. and where he and his wife had gone wrong in bringing her up and her values...
i was very quiet as i didn't know what to say...
what the heck is going on these days when the sanctity of marriage is ignored and a marriage is a "financial safehouse" to some people?
i wonder if there are men who are like that daughter of the cabbie?
with that, is it not a wonder that some are seeking mates overseas? those without such.. i dunno.. i'm at a loss for words... -
for better or for worse.
people leave u nowadays when things are at its worst.
f*ckers -
Originally posted by Rhonda:We're not cavemen now, I think we left that waaaaaaaaaay behind us and I like to think that we're more developed intellectually, psychologically and culturally now.
And, whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Has it all been reduced to self-gratification now? Has it become a 'if I can't get what I want then I'll just leave for greener pastures' thing? How about actually MEANING what one said when one happily recited, 'in good times and bad, in sickness and in health' or has it all become just a cliche?
When you marry someone, it really means that if the guy becomes retrenched tomorrow and you lose all your material luxuries and have to struggle alongside him, you do so.
Or should we now make it 'DEFINITELY in good times and PERHAPS in bad, MAYBE in sickness but DEFINITELY in health'?
I do agree with Imperfect. However, in my personal opinion, divorce is not the way..however it really depends on individual. What u want in life may not be the same as what others want. Divorce rate in sg is very high. And in many cases, it's due to the fact that the man could no longer bring bread home or could not satisfy the wife in the materials or other aspect. It's very saddening that all those vows made seems to be forgotten now.
What is true love? Some people put off marriage because of financial instability. It seems that money is a very important factor if two persons want to get married. From wedding dinner, honeymoon expenses to buying of flats, future planning and even include diapers money and kids education....and without money, most of these things can't be done. So we need money to survive. But then, especially in sg, many people focus too much on the financial part that they forget why they want to get married..Is it to be guaranteed a future with comfort and materialistic life or to find a soulmate and spend the rest of their lives with the one they love and whom they can't live without. Well...I know..people always say that most of the times the one we marry may not be the one we love most.
And because of this high divorce rate..it might seem that marriage is not a thing that we will really look forward to, for..what's marriage? what's vow? A couple may get married today and wana divorce tomorrow. And due to the fact that women can better support themselves financially now, they dun need men to give them comfort and all those luxuries. Hence they will tend to find someone who can support them financially and spiritually before they consider marriage. -
one of my fren and my sis wanna be a tai tai..Originally posted by kops21:Marriage in order to have a FULL-TIME FOOD voucher
I dont know about others, i always get turn off by women who keep claiming that she wants to be a tai tai.
they dun like working.. and would rather stay at home to look after teh kids.. and when they have the money n time, go out n be a tai tai once in a while
hmm....
if it's me, i would wanna wait till we saved up a bit b4 we get married.. i would wan to have at least 6 mths of livin expenses to be saved up b4 i sign on that piece of paper.. not that i'm worried that my partner would not be able to support me, but, i would not wish for my marriage to break down cos of money matters...
6 mths of livin expenses may not seem a lot, but when 1 partner is still workin, and both scrimp and save a bit... 6 mths can go a long way, at least until he gets a job
i would wanan stay as financially independent later as i am now.. i dun wanna depend on anyone for $$.. that feeling sucks big time -
my definition of someone who can take care of me....Originally posted by the Bear:.. and in his words, "look for someone who can afford to take care of her"..
scenario:
when i forgot that i can't take food that contains too much chili oil and got diarhoerr and all that...
wat happens:
he carries me to the doc, carry me home, buy me porridge and feed me...
y do i say carry? becos.. the last few times this happened, i can't walk tat long a distance..strugglin to the toilet in the room next door is difficult enuff...
tat is my definition of takin care of me... the TLC stuff
is tat too much?
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Originally posted by shinta:my definition of someone who can take care of me....
scenario:
when i forgot that i can't take food that contains too much chili oil and got diarhoerr and all that...
wat happens:
he carries me to the doc, carry me home, buy me porridge and feed me...
y do i say carry? becos.. the last few times this happened, i can't walk tat long a distance..strugglin to the toilet in the room next door is difficult enuff...
tat is my definition of takin care of me... the TLC stuff
is tat too much?
Yeah. If u are too heavy to be carried (like me) then can forget about it.
I always got gastric probs, Diarrhoea or even muscle aches etc..If he were to be responsible to taking care of me this way, will sure tire him out. -
hmm.. would i be able to do even one of those above?Originally posted by Rhonda:Then, there are those who love their husbands so much, they come and visit everyday and quietly do things for their husbands like sit by his bedside massaging his limbs, combing his hair, shave his moustache, trim his nails, etc. They'll even talk to him, even if he's unconscious, and play his favourite music, and bring prayer items, photos, etc. Love, and great strength of character... I get so touched by these wives and feel their husbands are so blessed to have married them.
Look at the lady, look at her friends and her family, scrutinise her, listen to what she says, observe how she lives her life... She might not be pretty or she might be a tad clumsy, or seem boring, etc... but if she has a heart of gold, cherish her because ultimately, when illness and poverty strikes, it's not the surface veneer that matters.
i wonder... -
so must find some big sized guy loOriginally posted by browniebaobao:
Yeah. If u are too heavy to be carried (like me) then can forget about it.
I always got gastric probs, Diarrhoea or even muscle aches etc..If he were to be responsible to taking care of me this way, will sure tire him out.
JK..
the ideal would be wat i mentioned earlier but help support me all the way to the doc would do...
the rest are just there cos... if possible, i wan that to happen.. at least once -
i will be your strength when you fall
and you will be mine when i falter
you'll be my rod, and i your staff
we will walk life's journey together
with that, what you have asked for, is a givenOriginally posted by shinta:my definition of someone who can take care of me....
scenario:
when i forgot that i can't take food that contains too much chili oil and got diarhoerr and all that...
wat happens:
he carries me to the doc, carry me home, buy me porridge and feed me...
y do i say carry? becos.. the last few times this happened, i can't walk tat long a distance..strugglin to the toilet in the room next door is difficult enuff...
tat is my definition of takin care of me... the TLC stuff
is tat too much? -
hmm wanna try that outOriginally posted by the Bear:i will be your strength when you fall
and you will be mine when i falter
you'll be my rod, and i your staff
we will walk life's journey together
with that, what you have asked for, is a given
sometimes, tink i'm more like a taker than a giver... sometimes a giver more than a taker.. and there is never an in-between.. y?
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well, those thoughts, i had and i figure i did before.. but still, it didn't work out..
i'm not sore about it, still looking, still hoping
give/take, it's never equal.. but as long as you are willing and able to give of your best, while your partner does the same, it doesn't matter who gives and who takes.. as long as both are willing to pull their weight, and work on the relationship with lots of love, it would have a more than a good chance of working out
Originally posted by shinta:hmm wanna try that out
sometimes, tink i'm more like a taker than a giver... sometimes a giver more than a taker.. and there is never an in-between.. y? -
Originally posted by the Bear:well, those thoughts, i had and i figure i did before.. but still, it didn't work out..
i'm not sore about it, still looking, still hoping
give/take, it's never equal.. but as long as you are willing and able to give of your best, while your partner does the same, it doesn't matter who gives and who takes.. as long as both are willing to pull their weight, and work on the relationship with lots of love, it would have a more than a good chance of working out
still got so much to learn.. about this thing called relationships.. -
AgreeOriginally posted by the Bear:well, those thoughts, i had and i figure i did before.. but still, it didn't work out..
i'm not sore about it, still looking, still hoping
give/take, it's never equal.. but as long as you are willing and able to give of your best, while your partner does the same, it doesn't matter who gives and who takes.. as long as both are willing to pull their weight, and work on the relationship with lots of love, it would have a more than a good chance of working out
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marriage is so scary these days
If you decided to share your life with someone else make sure you take both the good and bad times together.
Marriage is not finding someone to live on but someone to depend on in times of need -
I agree with Rhonda that we are no longer cavemen/cavewomen.
Our level of needs and wants have evolved and we should no longer think like neanderthals. If survival or money becomes the reasons a couple got married, then it's no wonder if one of them bails when these reasons are threatened. There are many ways to survive in this modern world. Ever noticed single working men/women are often living a 'better' life? They don't have children to worry about and this itself is a huge money saver. Then wouldn't you say that they are surviving better?
The decision to be together for life should not be lowered to a level of 'Need'. It should be a 'Want' -
I want to commit my life to making that man/woman happy,
I want to build a life with him/her and be a part of his/her life,
I want to set my eyes on none other,
I want to declare to the world that in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, i choose to love, hold and cherish this man/woman till death do us part.
Marriage is a covenant that is not to be broken. No how much the world has perverted the sanctity of such a beautiful declaration of love, I believe the there are still people out there who would still hold true the real reason for marriage. Now all is left is to find the one who also shares your views and cherishes them like you do.Originally posted by Rhonda:We're not cavemen now, I think we left that waaaaaaaaaay behind us and I like to think that we're more developed intellectually, psychologically and culturally now.
And, whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Has it all been reduced to self-gratification now? Has it become a 'if I can't get what I want then I'll just leave for greener pastures' thing? How about actually MEANING what one said when one happily recited, 'in good times and bad, in sickness and in health' or has it all become just a cliche?
When you marry someone, it really means that if the guy becomes retrenched tomorrow and you lose all your material luxuries and have to struggle alongside him, you do so.
Or should we now make it 'DEFINITELY in good times and PERHAPS in bad, MAYBE in sickness but DEFINITELY in health'?Originally posted by Imperfect:We can also say that there is actually no change since the day humans roam the land...
In the past, man marry to continue their genes and woman for someone to protect and provide for them. Though time has changed and woman do not need to marry just for the sake of finding someone to protect and provide for them as they are more independent now. However, we cannot forget that the purpose to get together is for survival.
In the modern world, one needs money to survive, especially in singapore... since she can't find what she needed in the marriage anymore, she decide to find it elsewhere... everyone will be looking for different things in different situations, and if it cant be found, s/he finds it elsewhere... -
Choices..
People can be short sighted when it comes to choosing their partners. They haven't weathered harsh enough situations to find out what each other are truly made of.
We all make mistakes in relationships and partners. Unfortunately some mistakes are made after signing on the dotted line. That's why sometimes it's better not to rush into marriage.Originally posted by Rhonda:Look at the lady, look at her friends and her family, scrutinise her, listen to what she says, observe how she lives her life... She might not be pretty or she might be a tad clumsy, or seem boring, etc... but if she has a heart of gold, cherish her because ultimately, when illness and poverty strikes, it's not the surface veneer that matters. Originally posted by LazerLordz:And vice-versa too.Don't be too enamoured by the slick and style of the girl you're after.Instead of going after her features, try to understand her soul, how she interacts, what kinds of stuff she thinks important.Sad but true, there are increasing numbers of superficial people. bimbos and him-bos who are totally clueless and only focused on getting rich and looking naff. -
Well, I wouldn't say that it is happening only in Singapore. It is something you see through the ages and through time. Happens in any society and it can happen to anyone.Originally posted by the Bear:well, i was coming home from camp yesterday and decided to take a cab from yishun coz i needed to rush to Muddy Murphy's...
got into a cab and cabbie started to talk, asking me if i was doing my reservist and all that..
so, after a while, he asked if i had children, and as always, i tell him the standing gag that i'm single and no one wants me...
well it got kinda sad... he said that it would be best if i didn't coz these days, people are materialistic.. then he started to lament his own daughter's direction in life..
seems that she got married a few years ago, and the couple does not have children... the husband was retrenched and seemed to be trying his damnest to find a new job but was unsuccessful.. and because of that, she's going to divorce him.. and in his words, "look for someone who can afford to take care of her"..
i was kinda stunned..
he kept lamenting how cheapened the marriage is and that his daughter is like that.. and where he and his wife had gone wrong in bringing her up and her values...
i was very quiet as i didn't know what to say...
what the heck is going on these days when the sanctity of marriage is ignored and a marriage is a "financial safehouse" to some people?
i wonder if there are men who are like that daughter of the cabbie?
with that, is it not a wonder that some are seeking mates overseas? those without such.. i dunno.. i'm at a loss for words...
I would like to comment more but Rhonda seemed to have covered all bases on what I would like to say so I'll just shut-up for now -
Don, I totally agree with your belief on WANT vs NEED when it comes to marriage.Originally posted by the_don:The decision to be together for life should not be lowered to a level of 'Need'. It should be a 'Want' -
I want to commit my life to making that man/woman happy,
I want to build a life with him/her and be a part of his/her life,
I want to set my eyes on none other,
I want to declare to the world that in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, i choose to love, hold and cherish this man/woman till death do us part.
Marriage is a covenant that is not to be broken. No how much the world has perverted the sanctity of such a beautiful declaration of love, I believe the there are still people out there who would still hold true the real reason for marriage. Now all is left is to find the one who also shares your views and cherishes them like you do. Sadly, a lot of folks pay lip-service to these ideals - they fall deeply in love, make these promises, but then, they don't follow up with the commitment and tenacity required to make marriages strong when tough times come a-knocking on the door.
That is one of the reasons why I find it very hard to trust any one person till today. The vast majority of people think that they know themselves but they actually haven't delved deep enough. They THINK they love you, they THINK they want to live the rest of their lives with you, they commit to you because they THINK they are ready for it... but as the years go by, more is discovered about the self and the other and then issues start to surface and differences start to be glaring.
There's actually an 'acid test' that I apply to people I like that usually shows in a short space of time, whether they are true gentlemen or otherwise. It's what I call, a 'reverse closeness' strategy. It can end up hurting like hell because you make yourself vulnerable in the process, but it helps me decide in a relatively short space of time, whether to start building the walls or to continue to trust that person.
I feel self-awareness is very important. How can you contribute fully in a relationship unless you understand yourself well enough? Only when you start to understand yourself can you then be a step closer to perceiving who would be an ideal partner for you. Otherwise, you'd be bringing false hopes and various ills into a relationship. Sad, but you see a lot of marriage doomed to failure before they even sign on that piece of paper...
Too many folks enter into a marriage thinking it would solve problems, but they forget that marriage in itself presents a new set of challenges that requires tough work, sheer commitment and steadfastness, and deep love to pull through. It is definitely not all lovey-dovey all of the time. -
Something additional to add.
The kind of girl you attract depends alot on your attitude towards girls.
If you wave a stack of bills in front of a girl's nose, guess which kind of girl you will attract. Gold diggers will come flocking whereas a decent girl will feel insulted that you think she will kiss your feet and that you can buy her affections.
I mean guys are also materialistic as well. I mean both sexes are equally gulity of it because of the environment we are brought up in. I have to add superficial as well as they go for looks, otherwise a trophy girlfriend who has high maintenence.
It's kinda like fishing. The 'fish' you attract really depends on the lure or bait you use. If you use a sincere and loving heart, tendancy of you getting a girl who loves you for who you are. If you use money, what else do you expect to attract? -
That fishing analogy is even better than my hunting analogy! Well done, Elindra!!!Originally posted by elindra:Something additional to add.
The kind of girl you attract depends alot on your attitude towards girls.
If you wave a stack of bills in front of a girl's nose, guess which kind of girl you will attract. Gold diggers will come flocking whereas a decent girl will feel insulted that you think she will kiss your feet and that you can buy her affections.
I mean guys are also materialistic as well. I mean both sexes are equally gulity of it because of the environment we are brought up in. I have to add superficial as well as they go for looks, otherwise a trophy girlfriend who has high maintenence.
It's kinda like fishing. The 'fish' you attract really depends on the lure or bait you use. If you use a sincere and loving heart, tendancy of you getting a girl who loves you for who you are. If you use money, what else do you expect to attract?