Do you really feel lonelier as you grow older?
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In another thread her about being single whilst in your 30's, a few folks mentioned feeling lonelier the older they get.
I wonder how many of you feel that way... -
no, i've got the forum.Originally posted by Rhonda:In another thread her about being single whilst in your 30's, a few folks mentioned feeling lonelier the older they get.
I wonder how many of you feel that way...
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Well... you will learn to appreciate solitude day by day
When I primary school got lots of frens... now go poly frens start going away one by one...
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u tend to grow up i guess.....the older u get...the more ppl prioritise on certain things and not do certain things that they did when they were youngOriginally posted by Rhonda:In another thread her about being single whilst in your 30's, a few folks mentioned feeling lonelier the older they get.
I wonder how many of you feel that way... -
I guess if you delve into Psychology, you'll see that there are several life stages we go through as we progress in age.
In our 20's, we're concerned with completing our studies and/or establishing our career. There's also the social scene which tends to be very active and vibrant at this stage. The 20-yr olds might feel that the world is their oyster. This is also the time when most would start to manage their finances and investments, and for others, they would be in relationships and might even be planning their marriage.
Once you proceed into your 30's, things start to change, little by little. You may already be married and if so, you'd be concerned with paying off home loans, car loans, taking care of the needs of the family, and if you have children, a substantial amount of time and energy would be spent on nurturing them. Most would be pretty stable in their careers now whilst for a small minority, they might be contemplating a career switch after being disillusioned in their current jobs.
If you're in your 30's and attached, you might be seriously evaluating your relationship(s). Do you take it to the next level? Is he / she 'the one' you can imagine travelling life's journey with, hand-in-hand, side-by-side? You might be debating the singlehood vs marriage issue. You'll also look into your financial state and setting aside your 'nest egg' for the future.
For those who are 30's and single, you might feel that the social scene can be very alive still but as more and more of your peers get married and have children, you'll see less and less of them. Slowly, the number of friends you have whom you could call and spend time with at a moment's notice start deteriorating. You'll now either ardently seek new friends or you'll start to feel loneliness creeping in.
It's not too bad if you have a group of friends who are in their 30's and still single too, like yourself. Otherwise, things might start to get a little ... challenging. You might yearn to be in a relationship yourself but you might be nursing a broken heart from previous broken relationships, or you could be jaded and cynical from the setbacks you've suffered so far. It's easy to pay lip service and say stuff like pick yourself up and move on, don't look back, etc etc but the heart speaks a language different from the mind and sometimes, the heart weeps louder than the logical theories and rationalisations we spout.
I guess central in each of us is the desire to have companionship and to feel accepted and loved, even if we show the bad side of ourselves. Let's leave relationships for a while here and look at friendships. It gets harder and harder to make firm friends with people the older you get. Time is a factor - you won't have as much time to spend at leisure as you did when you were in your teens, for instance. Also, people tend to give you less time of day and become more and more impatient.
For instance, a little difference in opinions and you might find yourself ostracised from a group or left out of group outings and what-not. Differences in opinions, temperaments, characters, etc just aren't tolerated well.
In the end, you just need to learn to be self-confident and to love your own company. Never ever be needy. People tend to run away from needy folks.
Heard of the book, 'Thick Face, Black Heart'? Sad but that defines a lot of relationships we have as we grow older.
Sure, I yearn for companionship, to have someone to go out to bookstores with, to watch movies with, to have a cuppa with and just relax and talk about life with, to travel with, etc. but I've also learnt to love my own company and will not wither and die if I have to watch movies alone, which I often do, or to travel alone, which I've done. Life does not stop just because I'm alone. Of course, we're social animals and good company is always preferred but in the absence of friends, enjoy solitude.
Lonely? It's just a bitter pill I'll swallow just before downing a sweet, syrupy cold drink to make it better.
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I'm surrounded with friends great friends
Kinda hard to get lonely.
Either that or I'm not old enough yet
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That's true. And also, good pals you used to have might not share similar interests with you anymore and with time, the friendship gets eroded to the point where you just don't have anything to say to each other anymore.Originally posted by Rockhound:u tend to grow up i guess.....the older u get...the more ppl prioritise on certain things and not do certain things that they did when they were young
It's painful but the older you get, the more you learn to take life with a pinch of salt, and the more you learn to let go and let live. The space left by outgoing friends will always be replaced by new, incoming ones. -
I'm lucky to have a handful of really close pals and buddies. However, they're geographically mobile folks and a few of them travel so much that it's hard to keep track of their movements. They're always there for me though, when I really need them.
Through the forums, I've also made a number of friends I've slowly come to adore. You know who you are!
Elindra, you're still young. This won't affect you till you're much older but by then, you might be a mother hen too busy clucking at your brood to even realise anything else! hahaha!
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After reading this, I suddenly feel very depressed about my future...Originally posted by Rhonda:I guess if you delve into Psychology, you'll see that there are several life stages we go through as we progress in age.
In our 20's, we're concerned with completing our studies and/or establishing our career. There's also the social scene which tends to be very active and vibrant at this stage. The 20-yr olds might feel that the world is their oyster. This is also the time when most would start to manage their finances and investments, and for others, they would be in relationships and might even be planning their marriage.
Once you proceed into your 30's, things start to change, little by little. You may already be married and if so, you'd be concerned with paying off home loans, car loans, taking care of the needs of the family, and if you have children, a substantial amount of time and energy would be spent on nurturing them. Most would be pretty stable in their careers now whilst for a small minority, they might be contemplating a career switch after being disillusioned in their current jobs.
If you're in your 30's and attached, you might be seriously evaluating your relationship(s). Do you take it to the next level? Is he / she 'the one' you can imagine travelling life's journey with, hand-in-hand, side-by-side? You might be debating the singlehood vs marriage issue. You'll also look into your financial state and setting aside your 'nest egg' for the future.
For those who are 30's and single, you might feel that the social scene can be very alive still but as more and more of your peers get married and have children, you'll see less and less of them. Slowly, the number of friends you have whom you could call and spend time with at a moment's notice start deteriorating. You'll now either ardently seek new friends or you'll start to feel loneliness creeping in.
It's not too bad if you have a group of friends who are in their 30's and still single too, like yourself. Otherwise, things might start to get a little ... challenging. You might yearn to be in a relationship yourself but you might be nursing a broken heart from previous broken relationships, or you could be jaded and cynical from the setbacks you've suffered so far. It's easy to pay lip service and say stuff like pick yourself up and move on, don't look back, etc etc but the heart speaks a language different from the mind and sometimes, the heart weeps louder than the logical theories and rationalisations we spout.
I guess central in each of us is the desire to have companionship and to feel accepted and loved, even if we show the bad side of ourselves. Let's leave relationships for a while here and look at friendships. It gets harder and harder to make firm friends with people the older you get. Time is a factor - you won't have as much time to spend at leisure as you did when you were in your teens, for instance. Also, people tend to give you less time of day and become more and more impatient.
For instance, a little difference in opinions and you might find yourself ostracised from a group or left out of group outings and what-not. Differences in opinions, temperaments, characters, etc just aren't tolerated well.
In the end, you just need to learn to be self-confident and to love your own company. Never ever be needy. People tend to run away from needy folks.
Heard of the book, 'Thick Face, Black Heart'? Sad but that defines a lot of relationships we have as we grow older.
Sure, I yearn for companionship, to have someone to go out to bookstores with, to watch movies with, to have a cuppa with and just relax and talk about life with, to travel with, etc. but I've also learnt to love my own company and will not wither and die if I have to watch movies alone, which I often do, or to travel alone, which I've done. Life does not stop just because I'm alone. Of course, we're social animals and good company is always preferred but in the absence of friends, enjoy solitude.
Lonely? It's just a bitter pill I'll swallow just before downing a sweet, syrupy cold drink to make it better. -
Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:no, i've got the forum.
So, my question to you is, what happened before the forum?
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Originally posted by Rhonda:Elindra, you're still young. This won't affect you till you're much older but by then, you might be a mother hen too busy clucking at your brood to even realise anything else! hahaha!
Mother Hen? Hehehe I think Chris is much more clucky then me. I think I'll be the evil parent for some reason. -
Poly or Uni is actually a great place to start making new friends.Originally posted by shade343:Well... you will learn to appreciate solitude day by day
When I primary school got lots of frens... now go poly frens start going away one by one... -
and after going thru poly or uni is the best time to find out who stays by u and who just took u as an acquaintanceOriginally posted by Rhonda:Poly or Uni is actually a great place to start making new friends. -
Actually I think secondary school and poly are better places. Uni can get pretty competitive and it can realllly stink.
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In all friendships that we make, no matter where the scenario is, there'll always come a time when the relationship gets 'tested'.Originally posted by Rockhound:and after going thru poly or uni is the best time to find out who stays by u and who just took u as an acquaintance
Although it's painful whenever your new friends 'fail' the test, I say, let not the trials end because that's how you sieve the fair weather, good-time pals from the friends who'll really stick by you even in bad times, even when you're acting like a monster from hell. -
yeah...i never was quite a guy with many frens...from poly..had like 8 frens...then grad already....onli close with 1...like our mentality is similar...all phases of growing up...Originally posted by Rhonda:In all friendships that we make, no matter where the scenario is, there'll always come a time when the relationship gets 'tested'.
Although it's painful whenever your new friends 'fail' the test, I say, let not the trials end because that's how you sieve the fair weather, good-time pals from the friends who'll really stick by you even in bad times, even when you're acting like a monster from hell. -
Turning 34 pretty soon
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I have/had work. and gf, and gf's family, and friends, and mahjong kakis, and ex-colleagues, ...Originally posted by Rhonda:
So, my question to you is, what happened before the forum?
I guess the answer is still 'no'. -
I hope so. The thing is the course Im goin is , to my horror, a reject course. My course is a course which not many people wants despite having a 30 years history. Now Im puzzled. Because when I saw what the course taught, I was excited by it. But now after finding out that course is stuff with ppl who did not get their 1st choice..Im a bit worried about the ppl who Im going to meet and do project with.Originally posted by Rhonda:Poly or Uni is actually a great place to start making new friends. -
I suddenly had an amusing thought...
The harder the outer shell, the softer and juicier the insides. Incidentally, the softer the outside, the harder the inside too.
Look at the crab - it has a hard shell but really soft, juicy fesh. So does the durian, the walnut, the coconut... Nature has a lot of examples to illustrate the point that a person may appear 'hard' or 'tough' on the outside but if you manage to break his / her shell, they're really 'soft' inside.
Conversely, consider the plum, the peach, the mango and the jackfruit... Soft and yielding flesh on the outside but ooh, tough inedible pit on the inside.
Interesting analogy to apply to people, I thought.
OK, for those of you who are wondering, I'm running a fever tonight and down with the flu and so, am probably a bit blue and talking funny now. -
I agree with what you say. DO you often get inspirations when you suffer from fever?Originally posted by Rhonda:I suddenly had an amusing thought...
The harder the outer shell, the softer and juicier the insides. Incidentally, the softer the outside, the harder the inside too.
Look at the crab - it has a hard shell but really soft, juicy fesh. So does the durian, the walnut, the coconut... Nature has a lot of examples to illustrate the point that a person may appear 'hard' or 'tough' on the outside but if you manage to break his / her shell, they're really 'soft' inside.
Conversely, consider the plum, the peach, the mango and the jackfruit... Soft and yielding flesh on the outside but ooh, tough inedible pit on the inside.
Interesting analogy to apply to people, I thought.
OK, for those of you who are wondering, I'm running a fever tonight and down with the flu and so, am probably a bit blue and talking funny now. Btw, is there anything which is hard on the outside and the
inside?? -
Yup... the foundation of buildings... HOPEFULLY!!!Originally posted by shade343:I agree with what you say. DO you often get inspirations when you suffer from fever? Btw, is there anything which is hard on the outside and the
inside??
And btw, I'm a Scorpio and it's the full moon so, that's probably why I'm having these weird, deep, introspective, moods. -
I think we tend to feel lonelier as we grow older cos we are more demanding as compared to when we were little kids/younger - in terms of friendships we demand more and try to look for the 'perfect' friend, when someone falls short of our expectations, we may not want to continue that friendship & thus, have less friends --> feel more lonely whenever they aren't available for us.
Maybe that's true of relationships, too. When we are young(er) (hey, we're still young, ain't we?! ) we were more accepting of others, more trusting, less cynical, more willing to try out adventurous things, less afraid to venture out & do stuff that would otherwise keep us occupied.
Loneliness can be a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing, too. It's a time where we can truly discover ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, what we really want out of life. Sometimes we need the peace & quiet to reflect upon life - we can't really do that when life is so packed with activities each day, can we? So... for those of us who are lonely sometimes, embrace it and don't fear it like some kind of disease... for it is during these times that we build up on our character.
Just me waffling away in the early hours of my work day -
I am soooo tempted to do the 'X 1' thing or insert some smiley and that's it, like what some folks do here. hehe! We were laughing at it over dimsum.Originally posted by SydneyLibrarian:I think we tend to feel lonelier as we grow older cos we are more demanding as compared to when we were little kids/younger - in terms of friendships we demand more and try to look for the 'perfect' friend, when someone falls short of our expectations, we may not want to continue that friendship & thus, have less friends --> feel more lonely whenever they aren't available for us.
Maybe that's true of relationships, too. When we are young(er) (hey, we're still young, ain't we?! ) we were more accepting of others, more trusting, less cynical, more willing to try out adventurous things, less afraid to venture out & do stuff that would otherwise keep us occupied.
Loneliness can be a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing, too. It's a time where we can truly discover ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, what we really want out of life. Sometimes we need the peace & quiet to reflect upon life - we can't really do that when life is so packed with activities each day, can we? So... for those of us who are lonely sometimes, embrace it and don't fear it like some kind of disease... for it is during these times that we build up on our character.
Just me waffling away in the early hours of my work day 
It's good to do some self-reflection. Most folks here do not stay still and quiet long enough to do that. Most are so uncomfortable with solitude and being alone that they like to fill their waking hours with company and noise.
It's not just age that makes us fussier about accepting new people as friends, character plays a part too. Extroverts shall always have a breeze making acquaintances, compared to introverts. There are also different preferences with regards to leisure, relaxation, and fun activities too.
Me... I've always loved to keep just a few precious gems in my little jewellery case. Don't need so many friends... just a few really priceless close buddies will do. -
it's nice to have time alone to do self-reflections and stuff ......Originally posted by SydneyLibrarian:I think we tend to feel lonelier as we grow older cos we are more demanding as compared to when we were little kids/younger - in terms of friendships we demand more and try to look for the 'perfect' friend, when someone falls short of our expectations, we may not want to continue that friendship & thus, have less friends --> feel more lonely whenever they aren't available for us.
Maybe that's true of relationships, too. When we are young(er) (hey, we're still young, ain't we?! ) we were more accepting of others, more trusting, less cynical, more willing to try out adventurous things, less afraid to venture out & do stuff that would otherwise keep us occupied.
Loneliness can be a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a good thing, too. It's a time where we can truly discover ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, what we really want out of life. Sometimes we need the peace & quiet to reflect upon life - we can't really do that when life is so packed with activities each day, can we? So... for those of us who are lonely sometimes, embrace it and don't fear it like some kind of disease... for it is during these times that we build up on our character.
Just me waffling away in the early hours of my work day
but loneliness too often can be frightening ......