Do you really feel lonelier as you grow older?
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What course is that?Originally posted by shade343:I hope so. The thing is the course Im goin is , to my horror, a reject course. My course is a course which not many people wants despite having a 30 years history. Now Im puzzled. Because when I saw what the course taught, I was excited by it. But now after finding out that course is stuff with ppl who did not get their 1st choice..Im a bit worried about the ppl who Im going to meet and do project with. -
Depends on how you live your life. It is easy to make new friends if one wants to. There are also a lot of interest groups out there whom you can join to enjoy what you like most.Originally posted by Rhonda:In another thread her about being single whilst in your 30's, a few folks mentioned feeling lonelier the older they get.
I wonder how many of you feel that way...
Also, I don't think the trend of staying singles and married without child is going to stop. And this means there will be a lot of people out there where you can enjoy their companionship if you want to. First step is of course to get out of your comfort zone and start socializing. -
I have come to realize that loneliness is actually "cultivated".
before I entered into this relationship, I was actually quite happy with my single life, throwing myself into work and meeting up with friends.
now, my gf is busy with work and I feel lonely when she doesn't have time for me.
of course i still have work and friends, but being in a relationship builds dependence on company.
what are your thoughts? -
true .... true .....Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:I have come to realize that loneliness is actually "cultivated".
before I entered into this relationship, I was actually quite happy with my single life, throwing myself into work and meeting up with friends.
now, my gf is busy with work and I feel lonely when she doesn't have time for me.
of course i still have work and friends, but being in a relationship builds dependence on company.
what are your thoughts?
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I do too. I feel increasingly alienated, losing touch with society, (and sanity?)Originally posted by Rhonda:In another thread her about being single whilst in your 30's, a few folks mentioned feeling lonelier the older they get.
I wonder how many of you feel that way... -
I think I have premature ageing. Felt that way since I was 20.Originally posted by Rhonda:I guess if you delve into Psychology, you'll see that there are several life stages we go through as we progress in age.
In our 20's, we're concerned with completing our studies and/or establishing our career. There's also the social scene which tends to be very active and vibrant at this stage. The 20-yr olds might feel that the world is their oyster. This is also the time when most would start to manage their finances and investments, and for others, they would be in relationships and might even be planning their marriage.
Once you proceed into your 30's, things start to change, little by little. You may already be married and if so, you'd be concerned with paying off home loans, car loans, taking care of the needs of the family, and if you have children, a substantial amount of time and energy would be spent on nurturing them. Most would be pretty stable in their careers now whilst for a small minority, they might be contemplating a career switch after being disillusioned in their current jobs.
If you're in your 30's and attached, you might be seriously evaluating your relationship(s). Do you take it to the next level? Is he / she 'the one' you can imagine travelling life's journey with, hand-in-hand, side-by-side? You might be debating the singlehood vs marriage issue. You'll also look into your financial state and setting aside your 'nest egg' for the future.
For those who are 30's and single, you might feel that the social scene can be very alive still but as more and more of your peers get married and have children, you'll see less and less of them. Slowly, the number of friends you have whom you could call and spend time with at a moment's notice start deteriorating. You'll now either ardently seek new friends or you'll start to feel loneliness creeping in.
It's not too bad if you have a group of friends who are in their 30's and still single too, like yourself. Otherwise, things might start to get a little ... challenging. You might yearn to be in a relationship yourself but you might be nursing a broken heart from previous broken relationships, or you could be jaded and cynical from the setbacks you've suffered so far. It's easy to pay lip service and say stuff like pick yourself up and move on, don't look back, etc etc but the heart speaks a language different from the mind and sometimes, the heart weeps louder than the logical theories and rationalisations we spout.
I guess central in each of us is the desire to have companionship and to feel accepted and loved, even if we show the bad side of ourselves. Let's leave relationships for a while here and look at friendships. It gets harder and harder to make firm friends with people the older you get. Time is a factor - you won't have as much time to spend at leisure as you did when you were in your teens, for instance. Also, people tend to give you less time of day and become more and more impatient.
For instance, a little difference in opinions and you might find yourself ostracised from a group or left out of group outings and what-not. Differences in opinions, temperaments, characters, etc just aren't tolerated well.
In the end, you just need to learn to be self-confident and to love your own company. Never ever be needy. People tend to run away from needy folks.
Heard of the book, 'Thick Face, Black Heart'? Sad but that defines a lot of relationships we have as we grow older.
Sure, I yearn for companionship, to have someone to go out to bookstores with, to watch movies with, to have a cuppa with and just relax and talk about life with, to travel with, etc. but I've also learnt to love my own company and will not wither and die if I have to watch movies alone, which I often do, or to travel alone, which I've done. Life does not stop just because I'm alone. Of course, we're social animals and good company is always preferred but in the absence of friends, enjoy solitude.
Lonely? It's just a bitter pill I'll swallow just before downing a sweet, syrupy cold drink to make it better.
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Wow... you started really young, foxwalk.Originally posted by foxwalk:I think I have premature ageing. Felt that way since I was 20.
I was involved in relationships in my 20's and so never had much chance to truly feel lonely. I've never had much difficulties with being alone, until recently too, no idea why. Maybe, the fact that most of my close buddies are now living overseas or are too busy with their own lives have got a lot to do with it.
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It's never difficult making new acquaintances but ah... to actually make friends is quite another matter altogether. Depends on your personal definitions, I guess. Most of us here could be referring to close friends when we use the term loosely.Originally posted by Qitai:Depends on how you live your life. It is easy to make new friends if one wants to. There are also a lot of interest groups out there whom you can join to enjoy what you like most.
Also, I don't think the trend of staying singles and married without child is going to stop. And this means there will be a lot of people out there where you can enjoy their companionship if you want to. First step is of course to get out of your comfort zone and start socializing. -
If you've never enjoyed being in a close relationship before, you wouldn't really know what you're missing. But ah, if you've been in a close relationship, enjoyed it tremendously and then suddenly lose it, the loss will be felt deeply, acutely and immensely.Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:I have come to realize that loneliness is actually "cultivated".
before I entered into this relationship, I was actually quite happy with my single life, throwing myself into work and meeting up with friends.
now, my gf is busy with work and I feel lonely when she doesn't have time for me.
of course i still have work and friends, but being in a relationship builds dependence on company.
what are your thoughts?
I'm not surprised that 'being in a relationship builds dependance on company' as you eloquently expressed, because a close relationship does meet needs in us that cannot be met by just any other Tom, Dick or Harry, or in your case, Mary, Lucy or Martha. -
We might end up being really good friends for real! hahaha!!!Originally posted by foxwalk:I do too. I feel increasingly alienated, losing touch with society, (and sanity?) -
close friends whom u can share ur thoughts freely are hard to come by thesedaysOriginally posted by Rhonda:It's never difficult making new acquaintances but ah... to actually make friends is quite another matter altogether. Depends on your personal definitions, I guess. Most of us here could be referring to close friends when we use the term loosely.
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Gotta agree with this point. When being in a relationship it's easy to grow over-dependent on your partner. I make an effort to still invest time in hobbies, family, friends or just have alone-time, to avoid being over-reliant on one person or one activity.Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:I have come to realize that loneliness is actually "cultivated".
before I entered into this relationship, I was actually quite happy with my single life, throwing myself into work and meeting up with friends.
now, my gf is busy with work and I feel lonely when she doesn't have time for me.
of course i still have work and friends, but being in a relationship builds dependence on company.
what are your thoughts? -
That's not surprising.Got a few friends around my age who feel almost the same way.We feel that this society is basically getting very shallow and pretentious too, and things with substance don't count that much as something which looks shiny and appeals to everyone because they can't be bothered to think and look deeper.Too many machine gunners and not enough snipers IMHO. I'm 22 btw...lol.Originally posted by foxwalk:I think I have premature ageing. Felt that way since I was 20. -
Oh wow... quite a handful of those of you in your early 20's already feeling this way?
And yes, LazerLordz, you are right... society in general seems to be shallower and more materialistic. Sure, there are true gems around still but they are the exceptions rather than the rule.
Well, turn up for the buffet feast this Saturday! Folks on the same wavelength are especially welcomed!! -
Hippo, I tend to agree with your point... It's especially so if you're one of those deep, intense, thoughtful and analytical personalities.Originally posted by InnoHippo:close friends whom u can share ur thoughts freely are hard to come by thesedays 
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yea. during sch got sch frens can go out. now work le, all bz liaoz.
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perhaps, we think too muchOriginally posted by Rhonda:Hippo, I tend to agree with your point... It's especially so if you're one of those deep, intense, thoughtful and analytical personalities. -
yes
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yeah, x2!!!!Originally posted by InnoHippo:perhaps, we think too much -
so what do you do with your brain when you're not thinking?Originally posted by InnoHippo:perhaps, we think too much
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For all you guys who feel that life is somehow giving you a miss, and you feel that your strong sense of personality and insight is no longer valued, try taking up photography.
It's something you can do when you feel the need for some solitude, and it really lets your insight and your eye wander, seeking out a memorable shot.And you can express your feelings through a photograph, capturing a moment you know that might never happen again.
Just some thoughts.. -
Start a outing, meet up and you'll realise you're not alone...Originally posted by Rhonda:Hippo, I tend to agree with your point... It's especially so if you're one of those deep, intense, thoughtful and analytical personalities. -
power-saving modeOriginally posted by ilovemyrolex:so what do you do with your brain when you're not thinking? -
That is soooooooooooo NOT TRUE!Originally posted by M©+square:Start a outing, meet up and you'll realise you're not alone...
Which is worse, to be lonely in a crowd, or to be alone in solitude? -
totally agree for the above...plus...Originally posted by Qitai:Depends on how you live your life. It is easy to make new friends if one wants to. There are also a lot of interest groups out there whom you can join to enjoy what you like most.
Also, I don't think the trend of staying singles and married without child is going to stop. And this means there will be a lot of people out there where you can enjoy their companionship if you want to. First step is of course to get out of your comfort zone and start socializing.
the perception of lonely also depends on oneself...u can jolly well choose to make ur time fuller by taking courses (cookery,language) or breeding pets (dogs, cats) and also travel (if financial status allows it)