Do guys like it when women act 'der' or helpless?
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Originally posted by littlestream:Oh man, the dialogue between Rhonda and k4korny!!! You folks are funny!!!! I thought I was reading some sitcome.
And Camellias4me.......stylo milo man you...... While most posts very well written with their view, my fav. is your that "Dun suka suka luan luan "dneh" can liao". 
I found some of the posts here pretty funny too! -
sorry that i have to be mean.Originally posted by Rhonda:This topic of discussion came up recently when I was with friends. We were talking about how 'der' some of the females we know are, and how the guys around them seem to fall for it, and are suckers for the 'damsel-in-distress' act, even though it's very obvious to the rest of us that it's fake.
So, what's the real deal here? If you're a guy, do you genuinely like that or do you see right through the act but tolerate it out of politeness?
but based on my experience gals generally take most guys for granted. most are just taking advantage.
not all of course!!! -
but if u need help i sure help u....Originally posted by Rhonda:
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Waaah... chunyong, what a gentleman!!Originally posted by chunyong:but if u need help i sure help u.... -
My take is this.
Life is hard and everyone's gotta use all our tools, wiles, and advantages to survive. So why shouldn't a person leverage on something he has, is born with or is good at?
To answer the question strictly, yes I think men like it when women act "deh".
Most men are receptive to women deh-ing, some more than others. But the same deh technique doesn't work on all men; it may be a turn off for some guys.
Perhaps its how men and women are hard-wired. It's instinctive for men to be attracted to femininity and feel protective towards women. But most men do wise up if they feel like they're being unfairly and overly exploited.
Ultimately, everyone enjoys getting their ego stroked now and then, even us women. Which is what deh-ing is about isn't it - to make the man feel flattered by a girl's attention, boost his ego and thus make him amenable to acceding your request.
I know people who can do this well and tastefully, and still be very pleasant company.... and some of these people are men ! -
Hey, thanks for sharing your take on this.Originally posted by choco B:My take is this.
Life is hard and everyone's gotta use all our tools, wiles, and advantages to survive. So why shouldn't a person leverage on something he has, is born with or is good at?
To answer the question strictly, yes I think men like it when women act "deh".
Most men are receptive to women deh-ing, some more than others. But the same deh technique doesn't work on all men; it may be a turn off for some guys.
Perhaps its how men and women are hard-wired. It's instinctive for men to be attracted to femininity and feel protective towards women. But most men do wise up if they feel like they're being unfairly and overly exploited.
Ultimately, everyone enjoys getting their ego stroked now and then, even us women. Which is what deh-ing is about isn't it - to make the man feel flattered by a girl's attention, boost his ego and thus make him amenable to acceding your request.
I know people who can do this well and tastefully, and still be very pleasant company.... and some of these people are men ! As usual, very refreshing to read. -
well... personally i have ppl (guys) who say i quite teh.... i teh meh??
basically i am quite independent, i'm more of a biatch than a bimbo... but i'm well at home when ppl wanna take care of my every needs.... lazy lah!
and not bragging, it seems like most ppl do take care of me, and they seems quite happy doing so. well... i just try not to deprive them of this simply joy lor...
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Dun laugh @ me ley?Originally posted by littlestream:Oh man, the dialogue between Rhonda and k4korny!!! You folks are funny!!!! I thought I was reading some sitcome.
And Camellias4me.......stylo milo man you...... While most posts very well written with their view, my fav. is your that "Dun suka suka luan luan "dneh" can liao". Paiseh lah.. my english is "half a bucket of waste" so can't write very well.. but at least u get my point.
No stylo milo lah.. like dat easier for u to understand me mah.. hor?
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Thats goodOriginally posted by tare:well... personally i have ppl (guys) who say i quite teh.... i teh meh??
basically i am quite independent, i'm more of a biatch than a bimbo... but i'm well at home when ppl wanna take care of my every needs.... lazy lah!
and not bragging, it seems like most ppl do take care of me, and they seems quite happy doing so. well... i just try not to deprive them of this simply joy lor... -
aiya! it's all society's fault la.
If we don't help, ppl say we mei2 feng1 du4. what to do?
no doubt, pretty damsels "in distress" gets helped more... -
actually, i'd rather a lady tell me right out, "i need some help here.. could you?"
and i would... gladly
in fact, i find such maturity heck of a lot sexier than the "act helpless" which is really a turn-off -
this afternoon i was at safra, trying to replace my lost safra card. The auntie at the recept told me it cost $10.15 to replace the card.
THe topics on this thread was still fresh on my mind, so i decided give it a shot.. to Der the auntie into submission to waive off the replacement charge.. I tried every zhao shu from the book to look as pathetic and "poor thing" as possible.. I even try to "dian" her with my soulful puppy eyes.. and told her a sob story about the sentimental value of the last 10 bucks in my wallet.
Alas, it didn't work. But at least, the auntie reached out from under the table and gave me a yellow water bottle to commend my efforts. haha.. Not bad eh...
moral of the story: think i probably would have the $10 waive if i looked like auntie killer Bae Yong Jun. But at least she din turn ard and started laughing her head off! -
Originally posted by k4korny:this afternoon i was at safra, trying to replace my lost safra card. The auntie at the recept told me it cost $10.15 to replace the card.
THe topics on this thread was still fresh on my mind, so i decided give it a shot.. to Der the auntie into submission to waive off the replacement charge.. I tried every zhao shu from the book to look as pathetic and "poor thing" as possible.. I even try to "dian" her with my soulful puppy eyes.. and told her a sob story about the sentimental value of the last 10 bucks in my wallet.
Alas, it didn't work. But at least, the auntie reached out from under the table and gave me a yellow water bottle to commend my efforts. haha.. Not bad eh...
moral of the story: think i probably would have the $10 waive if i looked like auntie killer Bae Yong Jun. But at least she din turn ard and started laughing her head off!
Hats off to you, man!!! Aiyah, you should have approached me first mah. I can loan you my "pak kei" (manual). It has all the different categories. Maybe the zhao shu you used to the aunty is for ah mah one is it?
Hey, I thought the flavour of the month is that guy from "ta chang jin" (tai cheong kum)? That don't know what "ta ren".
Anyways, steady lah, kayu. -
Heheh anyone can work the charm, not just girls
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er... wat is act der? is the word "der" in hokkien?
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guess it comes down to knowing which buttons to push
sometimes being "helpless" would get attention but not all the time...Originally posted by choco B:Heheh anyone can work the charm, not just girls -
Definitely a turn-off.
I'll qualify my answer with the following points.
First, the intent is irrelevant in any case. If you're a third party witnessing it, it's sickening. If you're the object of such tomfoolery with the objective being formation of some sort of relationship, it's sickening and a definite deal-killer. Worst case: if the relationship's already formed and she's still doing the nails-on-chalkboard act, I'd be asking myself what the f*** I was thinking in the first place.
Second, I'm getting the sense that we've got a bit of confusion between flirting and manja here. Flirting's for women, and manja's for tittering schoolgirls. The only thing manja says is that the perpetrator is still living her relationship with her first boyfriend in Sec 2. Now, for some, intellectual and emotional retardation is an aphrodisiac, but for the blokes who know what the score is, it's simply bimbonic botulism. -
ged. u super cheemology again. i like!! lol
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of coz u dnt bother.. coz u enjoy kena deh what haa...
*Just a tease.. haaaOriginally posted by X-men:har?
I not too understand the question leh.... maybe I don't even bothered to realise these things -
what abt me ?Originally posted by chunyong:but if u need help i sure help u....
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wah... i can feel a lot of deh-ness in this statement leh!!Originally posted by subarugal:what abt me ?
subarugal, guess u're one of the der type huh? -
Originally posted by Gedanken:Definitely a turn-off.
I'll qualify my answer with the following points.
First, the intent is irrelevant in any case. If you're a third party witnessing it, it's sickening. If you're the object of such tomfoolery with the objective being formation of some sort of relationship, it's sickening and a definite deal-killer. Worst case: if the relationship's already formed and she's still doing the nails-on-chalkboard act, I'd be asking myself what the f*** I was thinking in the first place.
Second, I'm getting the sense that we've got a bit of confusion between flirting and manja here. Flirting's for women, and manja's for tittering schoolgirls. The only thing manja says is that the perpetrator is still living her relationship with her first boyfriend in Sec 2. Now, for some, intellectual and emotional retardation is an aphrodisiac, but for the blokes who know what the score is, it's simply bimbonic botulism. 'Bimbonic botulism'? hahaha!!
I guess some folks mentioned here that there are some women who are helpless and / or clueless and they resort to manja tactics to get help in their work so that they won't get into trouble with their bosses. Well, I guess it's kinda tough to lay blame on those who resort to it to save their ricebowl.
BUT, I draw the line when it comes to educated young women who can obviously fend for themselves who suddenly act all helpless and are suddenly soooo in need of a man to 'protect them' because then, the hypocrisy is sooo thick even the blind would know it's fake! That's when it gets disgusting.
Granted, we all need help at one point or other. Yesterday, I was at a pub and we had to stand at a table cause there were no seats, which was bad news for me cause of my recent knee injury. So I just voiced out, 'I wish we had seats because I don't think all this standing is going to do any good for my knees!' and 'one gentleman' ( ) in our group went over to another table and asked for a chair. Sooo sweet! I didn't even need to manja... all I did was to make known my needs and the guy was gallant enough to help!
Tonight, I met a friend after shopping and he volunteered to help with my shopping bags (yeah, I had retail therapy today to celebrate 'Freedom Day'! ) and I didn't even need to manja either. All I did was look sheepish and grin like a Cheshire cat when he saw me so burdened and then, help was offered.
I guess it feels much better because I didn't have to resort to manja-ing to get help. Now, if I had to weasel my way through by resorting to manja tactics, sure, I'll get things done my way but I'd know that I had manipulated the guy somewhat and I'd feel bad about it. I guess this would disturb some more than others.
I guess women who manja / der usually resort to it to get attention. Observe closely - they are the attention-seekers who must be the life of the party, who loves it when attention if focused on them, when they are the 'star' of the show, when they can wrap a guy round her little finger and get him to do her bidding, etc.
Gedanken, you're right about the flirting and manja bit - it is hard to draw the distinction at times. I guess you'll know it's manja when you witness it, and it gets you squirming uncomfortably in your seat whilst you get overwhelmed with nausea and you suddenly have an incredible urge to shrivel up and die!
Flirting's when it's done with 'class'... manja-ing is when the above happens!
And oh, to those people who think that the few of us ladies who are ranting about this issue are doing so because we're 'sour grapes' and are unable to manja successfully ourselves, that's not the real issue. What motivates me to write strongly about this at times, is that I simply do not like to see people abusing 'feminine wiles' to manipulate a guy. Maybe I'm frigid, but I don't like to see people being made use of, and I make no apologies for that. But if you're a 'willing victim', or 'willing bearer' of this, then, erm... my condolences! Because there will come a day when you will outgrow your fondness for women who manja excessively, and then, trouble will start to brew. -
I just rem a girl-fren who is very deh-ish.. nothing harmful about her... it's just the way she speaks. very whiny type... And it's quite fun to have her ard cos, knowing her whiny she is, the guys will always disturb and the rest will get entertainment from looking at her reactions.
but of course, we ruffled a few feathers from ppl nearby who dun know us and buay tahan her deh-ness
anyway, just a thought.. kids nowadays are more exposed to watching taiwanese shows and learning their mandarin from there. WHAT IF, say in 20 years time, all the kids grows up and speaks with a manja-ish tone.. and manja-ing becomes a societal norm.. very much like in taiwan.. what will be your reactions? if everyone is speaking like that, soon you will be forced to convert to speak in that manner too? -
Wanda, this was one of our more 'controversial' topics. Kinda intellectually stimulating!
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Ahh...I get the idea.Originally posted by Rhonda:Wanda, this was one of our more 'controversial' topics. Kinda intellectually stimulating! 
I was still new in the forum then, so could not catch up with all that's been discussed! Heheh...quite a hot topic.