When is it time to get married?
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How do you know if it's time? I got a bit sad yesterday knowing that I'll only be his girlfriend for a few days more, because he is going to ask something sometime this week. I want to say yes, but I don't really want to change the status quo yet. I think he's asking it because we're moving in, and he doesn't want others to speak bad of me. He says it's because he wants to move on to another level with me. How can he be so sure that I'm the right person? I can be a damn b itch sometimes, and get into a war of words with people cutting queue on me. Why would he want to be with someone so bitc hy and gets excited so easily? What if he thinks I'm this angel whom I am not? Of course I believe he's seen the worst of me, but somehow am still convinced he''s not aware I can be a real b itch.
This is so self-indulgent. I would appreciate any comments and drops of wisdom from you kind souls here. -
hmm don't think u're ready yet... y not ask him to postphone the askin to a few mths later... in the meantime, since u guys are movin in, y not take this chance to see if u can live with each other?
heard of a few cases where ppl get divorced cos of their livin habits
so it might be a good chance for u to try it out before sayin... i do 
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I did, but he got kinda sad about it.Originally posted by shinta:hmm don't think u're ready yet... y not ask him to postphone the askin to a few mths later... in the meantime, since u guys are movin in, y not take this chance to see if u can live with each other?
heard of a few cases where ppl get divorced cos of their livin habits so it might be a good chance for u to try it out before sayin... i do
What makes you think I'm not ready ? Is it because I don't wana change the status quo yet? -
It is a leap of faith.
Even after marriage, there will be times when you wonder whether you had made the correct decision.
We cannot predict what will happen in the future.
Only time will tell whether it was right or wrong. -
hmm, maybe u could tell him in another way? how about... this comes as a bit of a shock, n u dun feel readyOriginally posted by foxwalk:I did, but he got kinda sad about it.
What makes you think I'm not ready ? Is it because I don't wana change the status quo yet?
n tell him of this concern that there are singaporeans who divorced becos... they couldn live with each other so u wanna try it out?
hmm wait.. it doesn sounds right..
just tell him u're not ready, n that if he loves u, he should give u some time to tink about it. cos marriage is nt sth that u take lightly
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well if you're not ready you're not ready. Marry in haste, repent in liesure
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The reason we're living together is that he wants to make things better for me because my home is not a conducive environment at times. And it's just too damn saddening to say goodbye to each other every sunday nite.Originally posted by shinta:hmm, maybe u could tell him in another way? how about... this comes as a bit of a shock, n u dun feel ready n tell him of this concern that there are singaporeans who divorced becos... they couldn live with each other so u wanna try it out?
hmm wait.. it doesn sounds right..
just tell him u're not ready, n that if he loves u, he should give u some time to tink about it. cos marriage is nt sth that u take lightly -
But what is time? When is the "deadline" to decide if you're wrong/right? Bascially it's learning to live with each other and apprecaite each other for what we are. I don't wanna be wrong. He keeps saying he doesn't think he's wrong.Originally posted by charlize:It is a leap of faith.
Even after marriage, there will be times when you wonder whether you had made the correct decision.
We cannot predict what will happen in the future.
Only time will tell whether it was right or wrong. -
there are ppl who can't live together... like me n my ex bf, we stayed together for a year plus.. we have different livin habits resultin in arguments every few days...Originally posted by foxwalk:The reason we're living together is that he wants to make things better for me because my home is not a conducive environment at times. And it's just too damn saddening to say goodbye to each other every sunday nite.
i'm not sayin that u shouldn live together, but u could take this chance to see if u guys can live together? different livin habits can kill a r/s
and.. if u're ready, u're ready... u dun hav to be in a r/s for 10 years to feel ready
i can say tho me n nellie are together for just a couple of mths... if he pops the qn, i should be ready when i'm off age
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there is no deadline...Originally posted by foxwalk:But what is time? When is the "deadline" to decide if you're wrong/right? Bascially it's learning to live with each other and apprecaite each other for what we are. I don't wanna be wrong. He keeps saying he doesn't think he's wrong.
yes it's learnin to live with each other n appreciate each other for wat we are.. u missed out compromising.. -
Actually I believe we can live with each other perfectly, because we've talked about these a lot, and both dislike dirtiness.Originally posted by shinta:there are ppl who can't live together... like me n my ex bf, we stayed together for a year plus.. we have different livin habits resultin in arguments every few days...
i'm not sayin that u shouldn live together, but u could take this chance to see if u guys can live together? different livin habits can kill a r/s
and.. if u're ready, u're ready... u dun hav to be in a r/s for 10 years to feel ready
i can say tho me n nellie are together for just a couple of mths... if he pops the qn, i should be ready when i'm off age
Reasons holding me back: We are both so young. Afraid to be so responsible at this age. And I do like being his girlfriend. What if he is less romantic after marriage? -
2, 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you might look back and say this was the best decision you ever made in your life.Originally posted by foxwalk:But what is time? When is the "deadline" to decide if you're wrong/right? Bascially it's learning to live with each other and apprecaite each other for what we are. I don't wanna be wrong. He keeps saying he doesn't think he's wrong.
Similarly, you could also look back and say this was the worst decision you ever made in your life.
Who knows? -
Yeah, when people start using deadlines, it's when they divorce. He thinks we should go for a marriage preparation course.Originally posted by shinta:there is no deadline...
yes it's learnin to live with each other n appreciate each other for wat we are.. u missed out compromising.. -
Another big issue is he's a different race from a different country, and my mum expects things like a traditional chinese. Will we survive? We've survived for 2 years plus so far, and our arguments rarely center around this aspect that is different about us. But parental and family pressures?
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well, talkin about sth is different from livin with each other..Originally posted by foxwalk:Actually I believe we can live with each other perfectly, because we've talked about these a lot, and both dislike dirtiness.
Reasons holding me back: We are both so young. Afraid to be so responsible at this age. And I do like being his girlfriend. What if he is less romantic after marriage?
an example.. i dun wash dishes at my place... basically i'm a chi bao le pai pai pi gu jiu zou type of person at home. at nel's place, i do teh dishes... not becos his mother wants me to, but becos i dun wan him to. (not like he'd wash them anyway )
at my place, i'd leave my stuff all over the place, but i'd clean up his room once a few weeks... that's teh difference...
i dun do all that at home.. but i become a totally different person at his place..
u get wat i mean?
What's we're both so young, afraid to be so responsible?
if i remember correctly, u're 23-24.. not as young as i am...
hmm as i am typin this, i tink u're just afraid of the commitment. -
x2Originally posted by charlize:2, 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you might look back and say this was the best decision you ever made in your life.
Similarly, you could also look back and say this was the worst decision you ever made in your life.
Who knows? -
Originally posted by foxwalk:Yeah, when people start using deadlines, it's when they divorce. He thinks we should go for a marriage preparation course.
yeah u 2 should go for it -
go hav a talk with ur parents...Originally posted by foxwalk:Another big issue is he's a different race from a different country, and my mum expects things like a traditional chinese. Will we survive? We've survived for 2 years plus so far, and our arguments rarely center around this aspect that is different about us. But parental and family pressures?
example of a different race? look at elindra! she went on and everything turned out ok -
Well foxy, to be honest I was not ready to get married too because I relish the gf status. It is truly a leap of faith to change the status because people do get comfortable with what they are in now. It is obvious that you love him alot so that shouldn't be an issue.
I guess for your parents, it is up to you and him to change their mindset. You have to stand strong with each other and each have to exercise patience because the worst thing both of you can do is fight with each other over this. If he wants to marry you, he will persevere to change their minds about him.
Chris and I still joke to this day when we show each other our chao guan "I warned ya!!! You were the one who insisted on marrying me" It helped to lighten the situation, though he would grumble in a light hearted manner "Wo bei pian leh"
I don't think the romance bit has lessen. Guys do need reminding sometimes and when both are busy and tired from work, sometimes romance is the last thing on your minds. It is the little thoughts and actions that count. -
i tink i might haf a lot tt i can sayOriginally posted by foxwalk:How do you know if it's time? I got a bit sad yesterday knowing that I'll only be his girlfriend for a few days more, because he is going to ask something sometime this week. I want to say yes, but I don't really want to change the status quo yet. I think he's asking it because we're moving in, and he doesn't want others to speak bad of me. He says it's because he wants to move on to another level with me. How can he be so sure that I'm the right person? I can be a damn b itch sometimes, and get into a war of words with people cutting queue on me. Why would he want to be with someone so bitc hy and gets excited so easily? What if he thinks I'm this angel whom I am not? Of course I believe he's seen the worst of me, but somehow am still convinced he''s not aware I can be a real b itch.
This is so self-indulgent. I would appreciate any comments and drops of wisdom from you kind souls here.
but i shall summarise it
`He loves you, and had accepted you for wat you are... but haf you??`
it`s you who are not ready perhaps? -
Hi foxwalk, perhaps I can share.
You mentioned: "How do you know I'm not ready? When do you know you are ready?". The fact that you are asking these qns, which is a good thing, means you have many doubts and are not ready. You are ready when you know you won't and cannot imagine dating another guy, spending days and nights with any other guy but your bf. You'll know when you feel truly that he's the one.
You also mentioned something about "it's darn hard to say goodbye on Sun nites". This is not the reason to get married. Neither is living together the reason to get married. This is the time when you're so lovey-dovey over each other, passions run high when you see each other...very romantic and one of the best part of being in love, but I don't think it's the time to get married yet.
Personally, I say: don't live togther before marriage. Not that I'm an old prude, but statistics and real life cases have shown that couples who live in together and then get married, tend not to have very lasting marriages. In the case of my friends - the couple lived together, and eventually did not get married. Reason: they got to know each other perhaps too well, and there was no commitment to stop them from dropping out. Dropping out is easy, the difficult part is staying together, in sickness and in health, blah blah...
All the best. -
There is not fixed time to say 'YES'
to me the YES is more of a YES to "I am willing to sacrifice", "I am willing to share my life", "I am willing to accept all.. including weakness" -
hi guys, i was clearing old emails today and came across something i've kept and still find meaningful.
A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP by Rev. Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not
away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure.
Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give
each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment.
Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect
his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "i". -
i'm 31 this October and happily single
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Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:
Hmmm..
hi guys, i was clearing old emails today and came across something i've kept and still find meaningful.
[b]
A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP by Rev. Ronald McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.
Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not
away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure.
Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give
each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment.
Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect
his or her parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the "i".
[/b]
something for me to think about on the way home...