Traditional Chinese Wedding Dinner Horrors!!
-
Nick and Lazer: Do you have allergy to MSG? No surprise that such a condition is known as "Chinese Restaurant Syndrome".
-
Not sure about MSG, but I think it's got something to do with those ingredients found in "five spices"...aka wu xiang..for me.Originally posted by iveco:Nick and Lazer: Do you have allergy to MSG? No surprise that such a condition is known as "Chinese Restaurant Syndrome". -
Ngoh Hiang? Hmm...Originally posted by LazerLordz:Not sure about MSG, but I think it's got something to do with those ingredients found in "five spices"...aka wu xiang..for me.
Made of those spices... But the smell is horrible -
In short, if you want to avoid wedding dinner nightmares, don't ever marry a mongoloid git.
-
Unfortunately, I just had the not-so-sensible dad and shinta had the not-so-sensible mom. They can't pay for it and expects a good lavish 5-star hotel's top restaurant wedding.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Well I guess the important difference was that we could compromise with our parents ba and they are pretty understanding... so our experience of it wasn't so bad. Also, fortunately for us, some of our relatives were very kindly generous. We invitedthem to an extra homecooked meal after that to thank them! Of course, if you have very difficult parents or parents-in-law, well, if they are willing to help share the bill to get the type of dinner they want, that isn't too bad is it?
We hadn't wanted to start off our life together in debt either - so simple life loh. Also, as I was making a mid-career switch and may be functioning on part time work for a while, we made lifestyle decisions which will make things much easier to cope - simple honeymoon, paint the house, etc, other work almost completely by ourselves, live in 3 rm flat, don't need big TV, no aircon (yet!) and car is totally out of the question.
Heng neither of us have any expensive expectations anyway. Won't say I can be completely free with my money now (who can?), and sometimes it would be nice to have something better than a 14" TV to offer friends when they visit, but at least I never feel I am wanting! That's good enough I guess.
The lucky part is, we're not listening to them and when they mention it, I would request they foot the entire bill and they can't -
Ah yes, that...Originally posted by Lance_han:ermz...Rhonda? some nice timing there...i'm supposed to attend one tonight anywae.. and damned, everyone seems to have developed a habit of coming late.. 
What's the point they're trying to make? Think of the poor waitors who have to stay behind to clean up your mess! 
-
Well, next mth I have 3 wed invitation...
Dunno wanna go for the dinner or not? Got baby (As a excuse :twisted
-
In singapore, hold such big wedding sure lose money one..
but in places like malaysia, the ppl very genorous one. you end up earning money instead. the hongbao money they give can be up to a thousand one.. considering 8 person at a table and each family (lets say 4) give 500 each. liike that already earn already what... -
Yes I understand. I had a few friends who kenna this too. Agree that it is very difficult to make parents happy if they have fixed idea in their mind liao. A couple friends of mine agreed with both sides' parents that all angpows will be used to defray the cost but eventually after the wedding, the angpows given to the parents all they kept and gave reasons for 'keeping'. That's very difficult for the couple I guess.Originally posted by Nelstar:Unfortunately, I just had the not-so-sensible dad and shinta had the not-so-sensible mom. They can't pay for it and expects a good lavish 5-star hotel's top restaurant wedding.
The lucky part is, we're not listening to them and when they mention it, I would request they foot the entire bill and they can't -
I shall be a victim of the Traditional Chinese Wedding.
My dad is very traditional.
tat time my sister married, he sponser 5 tables for his friends/bussiness patners. our side 20 table , male side 15.
Think I will have 10-15 tables the next time I married fill wif his friends/ the whole office ppl. Then relative wise.... estimate 15 families which took up another 10 -12 tables. Neighbours estimate 8 table . Friends wise up to now I only can come up 5 table.
==> my side at least muz have 30 tables
.
ya 1 more thing the venue will definitely be some 5 star hotel. My parents esp father need face -
how did they messed it up?Originally posted by the Bear:well, i guess we start life together in debt..
a friend of mine got married a few years ago... the couple wanted a poolside party, so that people could come as they wanted to, have a GOOD time and remember the day joyously..
the parents messed everything up... -
wah that bad?Originally posted by xian89:I shall be a victim of the Traditional Chinese Wedding.
My dad is very traditional.
tat time my sister married, he sponser 5 tables for his friends/bussiness patners. our side 20 table , male side 15.
Think I will have 10-15 tables the next time I married fill wif his friends/ the whole office ppl. Then relative wise.... estimate 15 families which took up another 10 -12 tables. Neighbours estimate 8 table . Friends wise up to now I only can come up 5 table.
==> my side at least muz have 30 tables .
ya 1 more thing the venue will definitely be some 5 star hotel. My parents esp father need face
if i have to get this wedding dinner thing, i have no idea how to invite..
my mother's side of the family will definitely be there. the big problem is dad.
i'd wan him to be there. but my mom... will just do things to make my entire day super unhappy.
imagine this. u're gettin married today. u're supposed to feel VERY happy. end up mom made this day a very unhappy day for u, just bcos u invited dad.
now, i'mfacing this dilemna for my rom.
should i, or should i not invite dad? -
Maybe you should avoid the mongoloid gits and go for a white dude if you want to avoid such a nightmare.Originally posted by xian89:I shall be a victim of the Traditional Chinese Wedding.
My dad is very traditional.
tat time my sister married, he sponser 5 tables for his friends/bussiness patners. our side 20 table , male side 15.
Think I will have 10-15 tables the next time I married fill wif his friends/ the whole office ppl. Then relative wise.... estimate 15 families which took up another 10 -12 tables. Neighbours estimate 8 table . Friends wise up to now I only can come up 5 table.
==> my side at least muz have 30 tables .
ya 1 more thing the venue will definitely be some 5 star hotel. My parents esp father need face -
i remember there was once a very similar topic in club 30 with very similar sentiments expressed by the same people here. rather nostalgic...
wish i can find what i posted originally so i dun have to repeat all that again but i think schrodingerscat puts it pretty well below.
when i was younger, i never relished the prospect of having a tradition chinese wedding dinner. it seems such a waste of money n time. now, i still dun relish it, but i'd do it for my parents and my s.o.'s parents if they want it. and i know my parents would definitely want it.
so what if most of the people there are virtual strangers to me? they're all here because they're celebrating MY wedding and being happy for ME. i know i always feel happy for the wedding couple, no matter how boring the dinner and/or the company is. and i'd like to think that's true of everyone, even if it may not be 100% true. but hey, i'm idealistic, at times and so long as that makes me happy...
most importantly, i view the wedding as much my parents' as mine. because they've worked hard bringing me up, loving me and teaching me. when i get married, i'm sure it must be something very significant and important to them too, as much as it is to me. why shouldn't it be THEIR celebration too?
i'd think i'd be truly selfish if i say my wedding concerns only me and my husband-to-be.
of course, i'm not saying those of you who don't want chinese wedding dinners are selfish. definitely not. it really depends on each person's individual circumstances and points of view. there's no right or wrong. just a matter of perspective.
and so far, from what i heard of my friend's wedding dinners, seems like most of them break even. even my friend who had 80 tables at a 5-star hotel. even managed to earn bit after paying for the hotel AND beer from brewerkz.
hmmm... seems like i ended up saying a lot again. can't help it. it's a topic i feel rather strongly for... Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Mmm.. I used to think this way. Wanted to have a small getogether by the beach with just a few of my closer friends. My parents compromised by letting me do that for my ROM. We eventually had a buffet dinner by an open air site next to the sea for their friends/relatives. BUT in the event that they insist on holding a dinner at a hotel/restaurant, even if it is not to my own 'taste, it would be unfair to say that they have no right to have a say in the event at all.
Unless of course you are not very close to your parents or relatives but... Mmm.. I am glad I went through with the rigmarole. If you see the joy on your parents' face, welcoming the guests' 'congratulations' and feeling so happy that they are introducing their child's marriage, you know its pretty much worth it. I see many of my relatives who congratulate, and gave good wishes when we served tea.. and many of my parents' friends who watched me grow up come forward and tell me they are happy for me. It was fun going for table to table photography and having all the uncles and aunties giggle and make jokes. It was nice to be formally introduced to many of my husband's relatives. It was wonderful to see that some of parents' friends felt so happy for them they even wore coordinated outfits! It was wonderful to see them greeting friends from overseas who turned up specially for the wedding. It was hilarious to see my grandma almost dropping her false teeth into the sea from laughing too much.
I had my share of problem relatives during the wedding. But.. u know.. who cares?! It was for the people who came, and gave their sincere blessings that the dinner was for.
I won't force my own children to go through this if they don't want to, but I think I will be very sad if my children don't even give a damn what I think. Because a marriage isn't just about two people. It is about two families.. when his parents are old and sick, you take care of them too and vice versa. And while the couple doesn't need anyone to formalise their marriage (except the law), if it means somethign to their parents who are older fashioned and brought up in a different way, then its just one night of inconvenience to make both sets of parents happy and find ease in their hearts.
And honestly, unless a couple really go and find those very expensive tables, most of the time the relatives and friends are kind enough to help offset a lot of the cost. So, I cut the cost off my bridal gown, cut the cost off some limo, cut the cost off my honeymoon - cos these all trappings what. But if a traditional wedding dinner really REALLY means a lot to your parents.. Mmm (not the way they eat and how many there are, but the fact that parents, friends, relatives all gathered together) I am sure there is a compromise that won't disappoint them. -
My relatives are poor and Shinta's relatives aren't rich either. If I want to have a wedding dinner, I'll make sure no-one has to pay the red-packets because I detest the idea of 'red packets'.Originally posted by neuros:i remember there was once a very similar topic in club 30 with very similar sentiments expressed by the same people here. rather nostalgic...
wish i can find what i posted originally so i dun have to repeat all that again but i think schrodingerscat puts it pretty well below.
when i was younger, i never relished the prospect of having a tradition chinese wedding dinner. it seems such a waste of money n time. now, i still dun relish it, but i'd do it for my parents and my s.o.'s parents if they want it. and i know my parents would definitely want it.
so what if most of the people there are virtual strangers to me? they're all here because they're celebrating MY wedding and being happy for ME. i know i always feel happy for the wedding couple, no matter how boring the dinner and/or the company is. and i'd like to think that's true of everyone, even if it may not be 100% true. but hey, i'm idealistic, at times and so long as that makes me happy...
most importantly, i view the wedding as much my parents' as mine. because they've worked hard bringing me up, loving me and teaching me. when i get married, i'm sure it must be something very significant and important to them too, as much as it is to me. why shouldn't it be THEIR celebration too?
i'd think i'd be truly selfish if i say my wedding concerns only me and my husband-to-be.
of course, i'm not saying those of you who don't want chinese wedding dinners are selfish. definitely not. it really depends on each person's individual circumstances and points of view. there's no right or wrong. just a matter of perspective.
and so far, from what i heard of my friend's wedding dinners, seems like most of them break even. even my friend who had 80 tables at a 5-star hotel. even managed to earn bit after paying for the hotel AND beer from brewerkz.
hmmm... seems like i ended up saying a lot again. can't help it. it's a topic i feel rather strongly for...
Since I don't have the benefit of being well-off to host one in a 5-star hotel, I was thinking of having a buffet/house-warming/wedding recognition when I have my own home.
And I don't like reminding everyone that I personally saw my own cousin on my way to the toilet, he had a cheap Chinese wedding dinner, opening up red packets on the night to foot the remainder of the bill.
And I can't forget my childhood where my mom had to stuff money inside the red packet and attend for a relative's wedding dinner when we were feeding off scraps. Imagine eating cookies, cakes, etc given by others for months (my dad was jobless) and squeezing out that $20 for one wedding dinner.
Those memories were etched pretty deep into my skull.
-
I wish I can. parents need face mah...Only son marry lehOriginally posted by iveco:Maybe you should avoid the mongoloid gits and go for a white dude if you want to avoid such a nightmare. -
Actually I think that it is the gathering that is important, not the venue. and ya I think that a buffet/housewarming is very meaningful too cos invite them to see ur new place Hope you manage to convince ur dad and her mom to get the best of both worlds. Think for less than half the amount u spend on restaurant dinners you can get DAMN DAMN DAMN good catered food liao!Originally posted by Nelstar:My relatives are poor and Shinta's relatives aren't rich either. If I want to have a wedding dinner, I'll make sure no-one has to pay the red-packets because I detest the idea of 'red packets'.
Since I don't have the benefit of being well-off to host one in a 5-star hotel, I was thinking of having a buffet/house-warming/wedding recognition when I have my own home.
And I don't like reminding everyone that I personally saw my own cousin on my way to the toilet, he had a cheap Chinese wedding dinner, opening up red packets on the night to foot the remainder of the bill.
And I can't forget my childhood where my mom had to stuff money inside the red packet and attend for a relative's wedding dinner when we were feeding off scraps. Imagine eating cookies, cakes, etc given by others for months (my dad was jobless) and squeezing out that $20 for one wedding dinner.
Those memories were etched pretty deep into my skull. -
To re-emphasize my point, my cousin did not place any deposits for the wedding dinner because they were too darn poor and the restaurant wasn't really classy type. The manager was forcing my cousin to pay up even before the wedding dinner was over to avoid having freeloaders.Originally posted by Nelstar:My relatives are poor and Shinta's relatives aren't rich either. If I want to have a wedding dinner, I'll make sure no-one has to pay the red-packets because I detest the idea of 'red packets'.
Since I don't have the benefit of being well-off to host one in a 5-star hotel, I was thinking of having a buffet/house-warming/wedding recognition when I have my own home.
And I don't like reminding everyone that I personally saw my own cousin on my way to the toilet, he had a cheap Chinese wedding dinner, opening up red packets on the night to foot the remainder of the bill.
And I can't forget my childhood where my mom had to stuff money inside the red packet and attend for a relative's wedding dinner when we were feeding off scraps. Imagine eating cookies, cakes, etc given by others for months (my dad was jobless) and squeezing out that $20 for one wedding dinner.
Those memories were etched pretty deep into my skull. -
iveco, strike 2...
you have been told.. -
Prefer simple after Rom just fly off for honeymood..
parents are rather open minded...
Only request they have from me is having a buffet treat and tea reception.
i hate all the above but just gotta respect them.
dnt wanna make them disappointed.
But yet again, must also depend whether my future hubby side..
if they wanna banquet then me... no choice..
really wish to have no banquet..
coz i find it too troublesome...
Just dnt like the idea of having banquet for the sake of others to enjoy etc.. and made myself shack like mad
-
Discussed with my frens about this too.
Most of us won't want to hold a wedding banquet. At the most, an outdoor buffet.
If parents were to insist on having banquets and inviting pple we duno and tire us out, then tell them to pay for the banquet lor. -
for me.. i will try to talk to our parents..Originally posted by browniebaobao:Discussed with my frens about this too.
Most of us won't want to hold a wedding banquet. At the most, an outdoor buffet.
If parents were to insist on having banquets and inviting pple we duno and tire us out, then tell them to pay for the banquet lor.
anyway just dnt wanna make either side unhappy, coz no matter what.. they give birth to us, feed us and give us education -
Can, only invite those close ones lor.Originally posted by subarugal:for me.. i will try to talk to our parents..
anyway just dnt wanna make either side unhappy, coz no matter what.. they give birth to us, feed us and give us education
Dun invite those I never even heard of ones and expect me to greet them watever lor. Anyway, I would rather spend the money on honeymoon. -
From what's posted in here, it kinda sounds like those who are positive about the chinese wedding dinners are close to their families, including the extended family members, AND, they have generous relatives who give ang pow's big enough to defray the costs.
-
There's also a complicated reason behind why I'll go against a wedding dinner....Originally posted by Rhonda:From what's posted in here, it kinda sounds like those who are positive about the chinese wedding dinners are close to their families, including the extended family members, AND, they have generous relatives who give ang pow's big enough to defray the costs.
It has nothing to do with me.