Traditional Chinese Wedding Dinner Horrors!!
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Not reallyOriginally posted by Rhonda:From what's posted in here, it kinda sounds like those who are positive about the chinese wedding dinners are close to their families, including the extended family members, AND, they have generous relatives who give ang pow's big enough to defray the costs.
But, parents as if wanna tell the whole world their son or daughter is married liao -
this is ridiculous...
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If the couple's parents wants to invite 25 tables of their own guests, then the parents should pay for those 25 tables for their own guests.
Also, be careful of kaypoh friends and relatives who can influence your parents and in-laws, and make them feel like 'losing face', and then mess up your original plans. My in-laws initially agreed with our wish not to have a Chinese wedding dinner, but, after a while, MIL was cho-ed cho-ed by other kay poh aunties or her friends about 'losing face'. So MIL started to 'act tough' and demanded a wedding dinner from her son which made her son very furious.
In the end, we stuck to our original plan of a small lunch reception for immediate family, to keep life simple.
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What??? So the parents actually make money out of their children's wedding? So this is why they insist on having the grand wedding dinner! My goodness!!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Yes I understand. I had a few friends who kenna this too. Agree that it is very difficult to make parents happy if they have fixed idea in their mind liao. A couple friends of mine agreed with both sides' parents that all angpows will be used to defray the cost but eventually after the wedding, the angpows given to the parents all they kept and gave reasons for 'keeping'. That's very difficult for the couple I guess.
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there may be mercenaries who are not shy to profit from even their own children?
holeeeeee craponastick!! -
You remind me of something similar to the "keeping" of anpows by parents.Originally posted by Wanda:What??? So the parents actually make money out of their children's wedding? So this is why they insist on having the grand wedding dinner! My goodness!! 
One of my friends, till this day, does not have a bank account. It seems that every chinese new year, his parents demand that he hand over all angpows to them for safe keeping in the bank. On reaching the age of 16, he got a shock when he found out that his bank account is non existant. -
LOL It's about face.
Some parents believe that the tables the groom's side is supposed to give, should be given in its entirety, cost plus ang pow collected.
I think greed gets the better of people sometimes.Originally posted by Wanda:What??? So the parents actually make money out of their children's wedding? So this is why they insist on having the grand wedding dinner! My goodness!! -
face...
"my children didn't want the fiasco, and because i love them so, and didn't want them to start their married life in debt, i gave them my blessings.. and they were very happy..
i love my children"
that is something priceless and noble.. and would earn the respect of their true friends... instead of forcing their children into something which will not gain any respect of false friends anyway... -
A party for relatives and friends to celebrate a wedding is such a happy occassion. Though it had it's problems, it was totally worth it in the end.
When people mix in issues like - inviting guests who don't really care to be present but you do anyway because you "have to", or following tradition and protocol (and there are too many ) , then things get ugly. -
Yeah, that's so true, choco!Originally posted by choco B:A party for relatives and friends to celebrate a wedding is such a happy occassion. Though it had it's problems, it was totally worth it in the end.
When people mix in issues like - inviting guests who don't really care to be present but you do anyway because you "have to", or following tradition and protocol (and there are too many ) , then things get ugly.
I can imagine myself holding a nice party for people I know and love - a few colleagues, close friends, a few relatives...
And also, out of 'courtesy', you will HAVE to invite relatives that you don't really like anyways, because you don't want to blow up the matter.
Mom and dad can invite A FEW friends, and A FEW does NOT translate to 10 tables!!
One of the best wedding fares I've attended was one hosted by an ex-colleague. She held it outdoors where they had a quartet playing and under the stars and moon, it was soooooo romantic!!
Guests mingled around freely and everyone was dressed nicely, but the atmosphere was very casual.
Actually, why not hold a mini-party for very close friends in some shisha place? Folks can lounge around, and get a little bit stoned!! 
The scheming bride can even make sure her husband gets stoned... and then... -
I had 30 tables for my wedding.
10 for my family members/relatives
10 for her family members/relatives
10 for our friends/colleagues
we paid for it with our own money but, at the end of the day, the banquet paid for itself.
and because we piad for it ourselves, our parents actually had no say about how many tables they wanted. We just allocated them 10 each and they went around happily filling up the tables. -
well .... I wouldn't mind holding a wedding banquet .... if it's the wishes of my parents .. (and grand parents ... ) .... and the wifey's side of course ....
Thing is ... the wedding is probably the one thing they had looked forward to all their lives ..... (other than university graduation ... ) ... so why not indulge in them a bit ? .... I'll treat it as a debt of gratitude ... for bringing me up ..... think of it ... your big day will be their big day too eh .... it's a life cycle ritual ... a major life event .... not just for you .... ... their kid's grown up and getting married ! ... a milestone in their lives together .... the circle of life is nearly complete ! .... (cue tears for the mother and mother in-law) .....
So I wouldn't want to be selfish and deprive them of this moment .... even if a boisterous 10 course dinner and yam sengs all around is not exactly to my taste .... if me and wifey want something simple, we can always have another little "do" on our own eh ....
We don't live our lives for ourselves alone .... afterall ...... -
Wow... that's a great idea!Originally posted by Deportivo:I had 30 tables for my wedding.
10 for my family members/relatives
10 for her family members/relatives
10 for our friends/colleagues
we paid for it with our own money but, at the end of the day, the banquet paid for itself.
and because we piad for it ourselves, our parents actually had no say about how many tables they wanted. We just allocated them 10 each and they went around happily filling up the tables.
You know what some parents say? They will INSIST that so and so gets invited because last year, they attended so and so's daughter's wedding and gave a big ang pow so this year, so and so has to bao a big ang pow back!
And yes, that is the motivating force behind inviting all those dozens of guests in a lot of cases. -
I dunno...Originally posted by Rhonda:Wow... that's a great idea!
You know what some parents say? They will INSIST that so and so gets invited because last year, they attended so and so's daughter's wedding and gave a big ang pow so this year, so and so has to bao a big ang pow back!
And yes, that is the motivating force behind inviting all those dozens of guests in a lot of cases.
Mine, I just told her NO -
I'm going to help out in my bro's wedding. I'll be in a role that I ALWAYS end up with, even in school.
Helping them to keep track of the ang pows and keeping them safe.
Dunno why... but I always end up with the role of Treasurer or something like that. Always the guardian of money that isn't mine!
Suay man!! Money money everywhere, but not a cent is mine!! -
Wait till your turn lor, then ask your brother to keep...Originally posted by Rhonda:I'm going to help out in my bro's wedding. I'll be in a role that I ALWAYS end up with, even in school.
Helping them to keep track of the ang pows and keeping them safe.
Dunno why... but I always end up with the role of Treasurer or something like that. Always the guardian of money that isn't mine!
Suay man!! Money money everywhere, but not a cent is mine!! -
Guys ! .... Take Note !!! ......Originally posted by Rhonda:I'm going to help out in my bro's wedding. I'll be in a role that I ALWAYS end up with, even in school.
Helping them to keep track of the ang pows and keeping them safe.
Dunno why... but I always end up with the role of Treasurer or something like that. Always the guardian of money that isn't mine!
Suay man!! Money money everywhere, but not a cent is mine!!
It's the Mark of a good Wifey !!! ..... -
i did realise with a lot of my peers is that the problem they face with their parents is, more or less, because their parents are footing the bill of the banquet.Originally posted by Rhonda:Wow... that's a great idea!
You know what some parents say? They will INSIST that so and so gets invited because last year, they attended so and so's daughter's wedding and gave a big ang pow so this year, so and so has to bao a big ang pow back!
And yes, that is the motivating force behind inviting all those dozens of guests in a lot of cases.
it is something like "I pay the money, i will decide who i invite and how many tables we will have. You just keep quiet." -
My parents paid for their extra tables other than those given by groom, so I told them to invite whoever they wanted as long as the ballroom had capacity. I didn't bother about the dinner being too big or "impersonal" because I felt it was a trivial issue and not worth arguing over. Their guests, they take responsibility. The ang pows from those tables went back to them.
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Orh... if they pay, then hmm... not so bad.Originally posted by Deportivo:i did realise with a lot of my peers is that the problem they face with their parents is, more or less, because their parents are footing the bill of the banquet.
it is something like "I pay the money, i will decide who i invite and how many tables we will have. You just keep quiet."
BUT, I will tell them, I will go around the tables to greet the guests but I also want to return to my table to feast!!
And hmm... does a condo come as a reward for being an obliging bride? -
i've heard of couples wanting to go it alone, and somewhere, an innocent "let us help a little" by the folks and suddenly, the folks are running the show.. and everything spirals out of control... and they are faced with a circus...
oh well..
everyone marches to the beat of a different drum...
ultimately, i still think it would be good if the folks allowed the couple to make the decision without any pressure.. it is their day, not the folks' day.. -
Erm... I might be a good custodian of other people's money, BUT...Originally posted by Fatum:Guys ! .... Take Note !!! ......
It's the Mark of a good Wifey !!! .....
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For myself, I need regular retail therapy one! 
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you can wait long long.Originally posted by Rhonda:And hmm... does a condo come as a reward for being an obliging bride? -
Like that, then they can also wait long long!Originally posted by Deportivo:you can wait long long. -
try telling that to them.Originally posted by Rhonda:Like that, then they can also wait long long!