Traditional Chinese Wedding Dinner Horrors!!
-
Well, unlike that poster (dunno him/her), not many of us have the tendency to change gender, hence we feel bewildered lor.Originally posted by shinta:
-
You mean JennTS, do you?Originally posted by Wanda:Well, unlike that poster (dunno him/her), not many of us have the tendency to change gender, hence we feel bewildered lor. -
Nice sensible girl, Shinta is ......
a lucky catch for the hubby .... -
Not all parents are like this lah, my auntie's son is getting married later this year, no dinner as my aunt listened to my cousin though i won't mind coming.
But i agree, most people you see, they are total strangers to you, so when a groups of strangers sit beside you at a table, OMG!! Table manners at the best for both camps and i feel so, awkward. -
Hmm to be fair, both sides parents are very old and they used their own money to pay for some of the traditional gifts. the money isnt that much either. It's more the... not keeping to the agreement than their intentions. They definitely didnt make any money worth talking about though.Originally posted by Wanda:What??? So the parents actually make money out of their children's wedding? So this is why they insist on having the grand wedding dinner! My goodness!!
-
Well, when you plan to have the wedding, you don't actually know if your relatives WILL be generous or not. So that is a bonus after the wedding, not a requisite of whether you should hold it or not. it is not as if you KNOW they will be generous then you hold it.Originally posted by Rhonda:From what's posted in here, it kinda sounds like those who are positive about the chinese wedding dinners are close to their families, including the extended family members, AND, they have generous relatives who give ang pow's big enough to defray the costs.
But it is true that yes, I guess those who are positive abt chinese wedding dinners are probably closer to their families, relatives, and even parents' friends so don't consider doing it as much an ordeal compared to others. (even if we also have problems with relatives etc too)
Anyway I know it is difficult to hold a simple wedding dinner to compromise when parents. What I feel is not fair is to make a decision thinking that parents have absolutely no say in it. Of course.. (heh heh) you can ask and try to compromise and if eventually they demand ridiculous things that is really impossible for you to achieve... then yes, I think you just have to do enough to make sure your heart feels good about it.
But of course, if your heart feels good about doing things your own way without asking them.. hehehe.. well that's up to the individual too. -
Haha I'm too lazy to scroll through it all but seriously it depends on the couple as well as they are the one paying for it. I mean afterall they are the ones getting married.Originally posted by Rhonda:Yipers!!
I just returned from dinner and a shopping spree with mom and an aunt and we were discussing my brother's Chinese wedding dinner over supper. I had the shock of my life!!
- Mom says dad will have like 10 tables of guests, she will have 15, the in-laws wanted 10, and including my brother and his wife's guests, it's a grand total of 45 tables!!
At $800 per table, that makes it a grand total of... *gasp... Wha!!!!! $36,000!!!!!
I made the mistake of saying out loud, "Poor brother! He will end up having 80% of guests at his wedding who are total strangers to him!"
And then, I kena a huge scolding from mom, who got wide-eyed defensive and exclaimed, "Of course! He's MY son! It's a BIG DEAL!"
- So I said, "I'm having cold sweat just sitting here, listening to this... and it isn't even my wedding! Boy, am I jolly glad I'm not the one getting married!"
And then, kena more scolding!
It's absolutely crazy!! It's my brother's wedding and there'll be all these strangers milling about there!
There is a limit to respecting your elders I think and unless they are paying for it I don't see why do you have to invite so many strangers.
In my case, Chris and I were pretty firm about the number of guests. Sure we did allow them to add but we said anything more and we are not paying for it ....then again, that was our ROM because we are scrapping the wedding dinner because we think that it is a waste of time and money.
But that's us. We aren't really the traditional conventional couple anyway.
-
Maybe canOriginally posted by Rhonda:Wah!! DIE MAN!!
Since I'll be sitting at the reception, greeting my bro's and sis-in-law's guests, man, I have to be swee-swee!!!
AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! DIE-T!!!!
OK, from now on, Diet!!
Hmm... or maybe, after Christmas, can make it?
Jia You -
That's exactly what I feel, neuros. At the end of the day, what matters most is how both sets of parents feel. If a wedding banquet's going to make them happy and proud, whether or not it's a "face" issue, it seems such a small matter in comparison to the sacrifices they've very likely have had to make bringing us up and giving us the best that they can. I couldn't possibly be happy on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life if my parents weren't. And the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with would I'm sure value his parents' opinions as much.Originally posted by neuros:wish i can find what i posted originally so i dun have to repeat all that again but i think schrodingerscat puts it pretty well below.
when i was younger, i never relished the prospect of having a tradition chinese wedding dinner. it seems such a waste of money n time. now, i still dun relish it, but i'd do it for my parents and my s.o.'s parents if they want it. and i know my parents would definitely want it.
most importantly, i view the wedding as much my parents' as mine. because they've worked hard bringing me up, loving me and teaching me. when i get married, i'm sure it must be something very significant and important to them too, as much as it is to me. why shouldn't it be THEIR celebration too?
i'd think i'd be truly selfish if i say my wedding concerns only me and my husband-to-be.
of course, i'm not saying those of you who don't want chinese wedding dinners are selfish. definitely not. it really depends on each person's individual circumstances and points of view. there's no right or wrong. just a matter of perspective. -
Nah... that's nt the issue over here.Originally posted by Wanda:Well, unlike that poster (dunno him/her), not many of us have the tendency to change gender, hence we feel bewildered lor.
I'll let the bear to explain -
Not exactly a luck catch for nel..Originally posted by Fatum:Nice sensible girl, Shinta is ......
a lucky catch for the hubby ....
I got mood swings all the time... tho I try not to hurt him, but the words n tone...
It breaks my heart almost immediately after i said the words i said, or used the tone i used.
before i could say i'm not gg to do it again, or feel sorry for doin it, I do it all over again.
Nellie is very kelianz when it comes to this thing about me..
Now isn that bad... it's all due to pms..
(%$^%$&Y^&*&(* pms...) -
or.. why not..
"you guys go have your fiasco.. i won't stop you from having that but because my beloved and myself are not comfortable with it, we'll drop a video of us for the guests while we go on our honeymoon"
Originally posted by neuros:how about...
"i didn't want the fiasco, but because i love my parents so, and i want them to be happy, i'd do whatever it is in my means to give them what they've been waiting for for so many years... and i am happy too because they're happy.
i love my parents." -
The major problem is, how to get them to believe a buffet is no different and can be just as welcoming as a wedding dinner.Originally posted by neuros:yea... my family's not well-off either and i dun have rich relatives. i also remember my parents thinking hard hard when they've to decide how much to put in ang-paos for the wedding dinners. they always joke, "never mind. one day we'll get it back when our children get married" (in cantonese)
i believe in doing things within our means. and being flexible. if i can afford a 5-star hotel, i will. if i can't then just have to make do with a cheaper restaurant or soemthing. it's not the amount you spend but the effort and the gesture of trying to do the best with what you have.
like i said, whatever i believe is based on my own circumstances and believes. different strokes for different people... jia jia you ben nan nian de jing...
This is the other problem. Invite the dad and risk the mom spoiling the party. Invite the mom without the dad and we're going to invite a lot of unnecessary and idiotic comments in the wedding especially from my aunties who dont know when to keep their mouths shut. Invite the dad without the mom and we're going to see a repeat of the previous episode..... mom without dad.Originally posted by shinta:I can't invite my dad, or the day would be ruined. Completely. By my mom.
Let's just put it this way, I would had a wedding dinner if I had the abilities, but I'm not going to wait till I'm old enough to pay off a dinner if I want to marry. Anything outside my abilities is a strict no-no.
I would not have that spending power next year anyway. -
Put two scarecrows as substitutes?Originally posted by the Bear:or.. why not..
"you guys go have your fiasco.. i won't stop you from having that but because my beloved and myself are not comfortable with it, we'll drop a video of us for the guests while we go on our honeymoon" -
omg dats really terrifying..
-
iveco thinking of reassigning his face and sex?Originally posted by iveco:The only thing you can't change is your blood status (ethnicity). Even gender can be reassigned.
Will we see iveco fondling himself if he looked like Ginny Weasley? -
I detest the red packets scheme. A shame that guest turning up had to give them.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Well, when you plan to have the wedding, you don't actually know if your relatives WILL be generous or not. So that is a bonus after the wedding, not a requisite of whether you should hold it or not. it is not as if you KNOW they will be generous then you hold it.
But it is true that yes, I guess those who are positive abt chinese wedding dinners are probably closer to their families, relatives, and even parents' friends so don't consider doing it as much an ordeal compared to others. (even if we also have problems with relatives etc too)
Anyway I know it is difficult to hold a simple wedding dinner to compromise when parents. What I feel is not fair is to make a decision thinking that parents have absolutely no say in it. Of course.. (heh heh) you can ask and try to compromise and if eventually they demand ridiculous things that is really impossible for you to achieve... then yes, I think you just have to do enough to make sure your heart feels good about it.
But of course, if your heart feels good about doing things your own way without asking them.. hehehe.. well that's up to the individual too.
-
gosh, im so happy im not getting married
i hate all that fuss that comes with weddings.all my realtives would want to organise it and i probably wouldnt get to decide anything,although it should be my spl day -
somewhere, i hear a heart shatter
-
now what was that supposed to mean? hmmm...i didnt say im never getting married
-
somewhere i hear someone heave a sigh and collapse in relief
-
when u invite more relatives just follow ur parents' wish, there's a high tendency more wld be neglected.
-
gosh! i think i'm falling in love with u!
hahaa... kidding... but i do think we share the exact same views re this topic... such a joy! all i have to do is say - yes, i agree!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Well, when you plan to have the wedding, you don't actually know if your relatives WILL be generous or not. So that is a bonus after the wedding, not a requisite of whether you should hold it or not. it is not as if you KNOW they will be generous then you hold it.
But it is true that yes, I guess those who are positive abt chinese wedding dinners are probably closer to their families, relatives, and even parents' friends so don't consider doing it as much an ordeal compared to others. (even if we also have problems with relatives etc too)
Anyway I know it is difficult to hold a simple wedding dinner to compromise when parents. What I feel is not fair is to make a decision thinking that parents have absolutely no say in it. Of course.. (heh heh) you can ask and try to compromise and if eventually they demand ridiculous things that is really impossible for you to achieve... then yes, I think you just have to do enough to make sure your heart feels good about it.
But of course, if your heart feels good about doing things your own way without asking them.. hehehe.. well that's up to the individual too. -
Precisely why my mother hates attending Chinese wedding dinners, or 10-course dinners in general.Originally posted by seow:Not all parents are like this lah, my auntie's son is getting married later this year, no dinner as my aunt listened to my cousin though i won't mind coming.
But i agree, most people you see, they are total strangers to you, so when a groups of strangers sit beside you at a table, OMG!! Table manners at the best for both camps and i feel so, awkward. -
oh well... each to their own... Originally posted by the Bear:or.. why not..
"you guys go have your fiasco.. i won't stop you from having that but because my beloved and myself are not comfortable with it, we'll drop a video of us for the guests while we go on our honeymoon"