Traditional Chinese Wedding Dinner Horrors!!
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yeah..
i guess if i do end up getting married, gotta see what happens then...
i may end up eating my own words
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dont worry lah. the dinner will pay for itself. all you need to do is to make sure send out your invitation early, get people to RSVP and dont invite too many muslims for chinese dinner.Originally posted by Nelstar:The problem is, my mother-in-law-to-be and my dad aren't those who will settle for anything less than a paid luxurious grand wedding dinner with certain unnecessary staples in the menu which will probably chalk up at least 700 a table.
My second elder brother was a victim of wedding dinners. Forced to alcoholic drinks when he had alcholic allergy he sipped a little from each glass and went back with rashes, (in the end i got so drunk helping him drink I could bearly keep myself straight.. yes my eldest brother has the same allergy.) And then, he borrowed heavily from my mother for the dinner and never really returned the money.
Was it really worth the occasion? Yes, the happiness, the spirit was there, but the financial burden ended with my parents footing the difference. It's not like we had much savings to last for a long time... and that amount could have benefitted me in the long run if the money was spent on furthering my studies.
You could have compensated the happiness with some honeymoon trips to other countries.
We're ridden with debts... housing loans etc... we don't need additional expenses....
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warning, don't bet on it.Originally posted by Gazelle:dont worry lah. the dinner will pay for itself. all you need to do is to make sure send out your invitation early, get people to RSVP and dont invite too many muslims for chinese dinner. -
Thing is.. I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on angpows - for good or for bad. People think too much about how much they should put in, how much they want people to put in, how much is appropriate, how much give then don't lose face and all. That's probably cos we are chinese are obsessed with money and obsessed with how money 'looks like' either negatively or positively.Originally posted by Nelstar:I detest the red packets scheme. A shame that guest turning up had to give them.
A red packet on its own is harmless. It's just a gift. You didn't force the person to give an amount. And whatever amount a person gave you (small or large), appreciate it for what its worth - a gift. Some of my guests didn't give me a angpow at all, they brought gifts such as bibles, photo albums etc, which are a culture in their countries. That's ok - again - its the thought and blessing that counts.
Some of my friends couldnt come to my wedding but also sent a cash gift. I appreciate that thought, and would treat them to a home cooked meal to show my appreciation.
I would prefer to give cash to newly weds if possible because I know they have a lot of expenses and I rather give them something they can use, UNLESS I know the couple very well and know exactly what they want. I am sure you have given gifts to your friends and feel joy that your gift have made them happy. In return, I think the ability to accept gifts graciously and don't feel that you owe people is important too.
And that's really it. It doesn't have to be crass or materialistic. It's just money. It's people's obsession with it that corrupts the gift.
As long as you take it in the right spirit, an angpow is a gift given with best intentions by people who care about you. -
Originally posted by Nelstar:iveco thinking of reassigning his face and sex?
Will we see iveco fondling himself if he looked like Ginny Weasley? -
Originally posted by the Bear:somewhere, i hear a heart shatter
Originally posted by the Bear:somewhere i hear someone heave a sigh and collapse in relief
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Next time if we have anything close to a wedding reception, dun have to give us ang pow.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Thing is.. I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on angpows - for good or for bad. People think too much about how much they should put in, how much they want people to put in, how much is appropriate, how much give then don't lose face and all. That's probably cos we are chinese are obsessed with money and obsessed with how money 'looks like' either negatively or positively.
A red packet on its own is harmless. It's just a gift. You didn't force the person to give an amount. And whatever amount a person gave you (small or large), appreciate it for what its worth - a gift. Some of my guests didn't give me a angpow at all, they brought gifts such as bibles, photo albums etc, which are a culture in their countries. That's ok - again - its the thought and blessing that counts.
Some of my friends couldnt come to my wedding but also sent a cash gift. I appreciate that thought, and would treat them to a home cooked meal to show my appreciation.
I would prefer to give cash to newly weds if possible because I know they have a lot of expenses and I rather give them something they can use, UNLESS I know the couple very well and know exactly what they want. I am sure you have given gifts to your friends and feel joy that your gift have made them happy. In return, I think the ability to accept gifts graciously and don't feel that you owe people is important too.
And that's really it. It doesn't have to be crass or materialistic. It's just money. It's people's obsession with it that corrupts the gift.
As long as you take it in the right spirit, an angpow is a gift given with best intentions by people who care about you.
Electrical appliances like rice cooker n washing machine would be Very much appreciated
no, we dun mind u guys sharing.
ok... ignore me.
well, i think gifts are great. esp stuff that we could use at home. -
If your girl insist...Originally posted by the Bear:yeah..
i guess if i do end up getting married, gotta see what happens then...
i may end up eating my own words -
i am evil at work.. but for my girl, i'll have a heart as soft as a marshmellow
Originally posted by Nelstar:If your girl insist... -
Talk about ang pows, a couple of yrs' back, I attended a male colleague's wedding which was attended by many office colleagues as well. A few days later, I heard that some colleagues were talking and comparing how much ang pow $$ this and that colleague had given and so on! I was totally flabbergasted!
I can't believe these ppl would actually do such a comparison, but the worst has got to be the bridegroom colleague who had actually divulge how much ang pow money was given by each colleague and so on to the gossip-mongers. Tsk...tsk.... it's a real shame.
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and the ang pow rears its ugly head
actually, i hate this tradition... -
Like I mentioned before, if I have the ability, then I hold wedding dinners and I'll make sure I put the words in bold "Please do not give red packets, my fengshui teacher said I'll be cursed for life if I accept on my wedding dinner red packets."Originally posted by the Bear:and the ang pow rears its ugly head
actually, i hate this tradition... -
i still think a pool party where everyone comes as they are, would be a lot more fun and a lot more memorable
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Collect the ang pow, then donate to some unknown charity.Originally posted by Nelstar:Like I mentioned before, if I have the ability, then I hold wedding dinners and I'll make sure I put the words in bold "Please do not give red packets, my fengshui teacher said I'll be cursed for life if I accept on my wedding dinner red packets." 
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Originally posted by Nelstar:Like I mentioned before, if I have the ability, then I hold wedding dinners and I'll make sure I put the words in bold "Please do not give red packets, my fengshui teacher said I'll be cursed for life if I accept on my wedding dinner red packets."
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Therefore i say.. i cannot think of a worst say of getting married.
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what if someone doesn't give u an angpow, but cash inside a wedding card? You know hallmark cards have a range of those.. nowadays.. with the money holder.
Or if the person give you a shopping voucher? Is it still consider bad to you?
How about the wedding gift registry customs common in the states where you just choose a gift within your budget from a list of items couples state they want?
What about repeated gifts? What would you do with gifts you do not want/already have one of/can't keep cos lack of space/don't fit in with decor? (I had a total of 3 bibles given to me for my wedding )
Asking cos I am wondering if the angpow custom is distasteful to you because
1. you feel that people 'expect' angpow so it is not very nice.
2. cash is involved so it is not nice.
3. you feel that people 'expect' a certain amount cos it is not nice
4. Because it is cash IN an angpow which has all of the above connotations.
5. None of the above...
How abt giving angpows during wedding? I gave my cousins, brothers etc angpows too during my customary. Do you think that should be abolished too and replace with something else?
A friend of mine sent me $50 cash with a thank you card for helping out after her wedding. She said it was because most weddings the bride/grooms will give angpow to their jiemeis/brothers, but they didn't have a customary but still appreciate the help we gave for wrapping her favours etc. What do you all feel about that? -
I think the reason why couples might be obsessed with the ang pows could be because in the first place, the wedding dinner was an extravagant affair they could barely afford, BUT, for whatever reasons, they scrimped and saved for it, and so, were hoping that the invited guests would be understanding and help them defray the costs.
So, in the first place, why get into this dilemma? Like what shinta and nelstar said, thinking about getting the new house all furnished and ready will already burn a huge huge hole in the pockets. Not everyone will find the dinner affordable.
I guess when it comes to the ultimate decision, the bride and groom has to take into consideration the characters of the parents. If one of them is going to seethe over not having a wedding dinner for months and months afterwards, then, it might be better to just keep the peace by holding a token one.
I'm just soooo relieved that my brother and sis-in-law will be satisfying my mom and dad's desire to have one of those horror thingamajig Chinese wedding dinners so if and when it comes to my turn to get married, they'll not be so avid about it!
However, if suay-suay my in-laws-to-be are very very adamant about having that fiasco and big do, then, what to do? Will be forced to comply because it's not nice starting married life pissing either side of parents off. 
I'm praying hard that my in-laws shall be pretty modern and very understanding! Otherwise, habis!!!
OK, if forced to HAVE to hold a wedding dinner, I shall :
- hold a mini mini one and if either parents insist, they pay for the extra tables!
- get a good hotel so can get that free use of a special suite and what the heck, keep disappearing up there with my husband during our self-proclaimed dinner intervals!!
- change into as many gowns as I desire... turn it into my fashion parade as well! Might as well have fun if kena forced to do something like that, right?
Make the best of a bad situation! -
That's usually the case... 'famous last words'!Originally posted by the Bear:yeah..
i guess if i do end up getting married, gotta see what happens then...
i may end up eating my own words
You might end up throwing the biggest wedding dinners we've all ever seen! -
i can't afford it
big bash.. or use the $$ for a 1 month honeymoon?
i'll ask Mrs Bear when i find her and win her heart and hand -
We've become enthused a couple of times over the years about getting married, but something has always come along that's a tad more urgent. Like a mortgage. The mortgage is retreating at a glacial pace as it should. My partner's ever patient mother is waiting for me to make an honest man of her son although she is far too tactful to say so. Of course, we are not planning to get hitched for her sakes.
We are adamant to keep the thing relatively intimate. So we set out to draft a list which proved to be unexpectedly, hideously tricky. Well meaning friends advised us to invite only the people we really wanted to share our day with. Great advice, if you don't mind sparking off 25 family feuds. Because nobody wants to spend an afternoon with their scary great aunt but your mother will disown you if you let her off the list. And so it goes on. You can't invite some cousins and not others. You can't throw ex-partners plus their respective new loves into the same confined space.
Then there is the budget. Our parents, generous souls keep offering to pay for the whole bleedy shebang. Which is very nice and all, but sort of unconscionable given that my partner and I are grown adults with dogs, mortgages and station wagons. We are not blushing youths taking that first tentatve step on the path to connubial bliss.
Meanwhile my bloke and I will flounder about marital possibilities for a bit longer. It's bound to put us off for another couple of years. -
To avoid the big shebang thing, try not to get attached to the eldest son of the family. It may help.Originally posted by Rhonda:I'm praying hard that my in-laws shall be pretty modern and very understanding! Otherwise, habis!!! -
Or the only childOriginally posted by Wanda:To avoid the big shebang thing, try not to get attached to the eldest son of the family. It may help. -
hmm how about.... gettin preggy before the whole thing actually finalised and say sorry i can't hold the customary wedding dinner YET... cos i have a bulging tummy n will definitely not look good in front of relatives etc...Originally posted by Rhonda:I think the reason why couples might be obsessed with the ang pows could be because in the first place, the wedding dinner was an extravagant affair they could barely afford, BUT, for whatever reasons, they scrimped and saved for it, and so, were hoping that the invited guests would be understanding and help them defray the costs.
So, in the first place, why get into this dilemma? Like what shinta and nelstar said, thinking about getting the new house all furnished and ready will already burn a huge huge hole in the pockets. Not everyone will find the dinner affordable.
I guess when it comes to the ultimate decision, the bride and groom has to take into consideration the characters of the parents. If one of them is going to seethe over not having a wedding dinner for months and months afterwards, then, it might be better to just keep the peace by holding a token one.
I'm just soooo relieved that my brother and sis-in-law will be satisfying my mom and dad's desire to have one of those horror thingamajig Chinese wedding dinners so if and when it comes to my turn to get married, they'll not be so avid about it!
However, if suay-suay my in-laws-to-be are very very adamant about having that fiasco and big do, then, what to do? Will be forced to comply because it's not nice starting married life pissing either side of parents off.
I'm praying hard that my in-laws shall be pretty modern and very understanding! Otherwise, habis!!!
OK, if forced to HAVE to hold a wedding dinner, I shall :
- hold a mini mini one and if either parents insist, they pay for the extra tables!
- get a good hotel so can get that free use of a special suite and what the heck, keep disappearing up there with my husband during our self-proclaimed dinner intervals!!
- change into as many gowns as I desire... turn it into my fashion parade as well! Might as well have fun if kena forced to do something like that, right?
Make the best of a bad situation!
den they'd just forget about it... since u're already preggy with their grandchild...
or if they insist.. den say sth like doc advises no stress yadayada -
Forget it... She would look prettyOriginally posted by shinta:hmm how about.... gettin preggy before the whole thing actually finalised and say sorry i can't hold the customary wedding dinner YET... cos i have a bulging tummy n will definitely not look good in front of relatives etc...
den they'd just forget about it... since u're already preggy with their grandchild...
or if they insist.. den say sth like doc advises no stress yadayada
That's funny