Till Divorce Do Us Part...
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Just woke up with a start because I was dreaming of working in an American MNC and there was this new expat colleague from the US here with his wife, both working in the same firm. The man turned to me one day and confided that his marriage is on the rocks and that they're heading for divorce. Funny I'd dream of such a thing...
Maybe, it was cause after night duty this morning, a colleague was talking to me about her failing marriage and impending divorce. She also told me to be very very careful when choosing a marriage partner and to be doubly vigilant and keep both eyes wide open when choosing a mate, but after marriage, to keep one eye closed to his faults and what-not.
Scary... more and more couples around us are resorting to divorce as a final option to end unhappy marriages.
What's happening? Is it cause they both made the wrong choices right from the start? Is it cause we now have a thwarted and warped concept of love and marriage? Or, is it cause we are now more self-serving, impatient, and no longer long-suffering?
Sometimes, I'm really glad that I'm still single! At least, I won't have a partner who'll give up on me and want to walk out on me. That would surely rip me apart! 
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I think many couples nowadays are just not trying hard to keep their marriages together. Also throw in the factor that people are more fussy, more demanding, have an increasingly 'WIIFM' (What's In It For Me) attitude towards their partner - this creates alot of unnecessary stress in a marriage!!
Look at our forefathers... they were matchmade, did not have any choice in their marriage partners, yet some of them chose to stick together thru' thick & thin & work thru' their problems together. Life seemed simpler for them. Nowadays most of us are fortunate enuf to be able to choose our own marriage partners and yet... what happens?? Divorce after one year or so cos they claim to be 'not suitable for each other'.
How sad. I hope & pray I won't be like one of them!
BTW I've come to believe that divorce is never a win-win, win-lose, situation. It's more often than always a lose-lose situation. -
too much stress and workload also plays an important part in the divorce factor.. sometimes couples just have too little time together...haizzz...
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alot of ppl juz couldn't be bothered with their so-called love.
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Cut down on official working hrs, give two hrs lunch break and more vacation leaves!!! scrap reservists!!!!
although this might make couples more buay tahan cos see each other more buay song more -
yeah... but i think guys will still be at the losing end... think about the alimony guys have to dish out per month..Originally posted by SydneyLibrarian:I think many couples nowadays are just not trying hard to keep their marriages together. Also throw in the factor that people are more fussy, more demanding, have an increasingly 'WIIFM' (What's In It For Me) attitude towards their partner - this creates alot of unnecessary stress in a marriage!!
Look at our forefathers... they were matchmade, did not have any choice in their marriage partners, yet some of them chose to stick together thru' thick & thin & work thru' their problems together. Life seemed simpler for them. Nowadays most of us are fortunate enuf to be able to choose our own marriage partners and yet... what happens?? Divorce after one year or so cos they claim to be 'not suitable for each other'. How sad. I hope & pray I won't be like one of them!
BTW I've come to believe that divorce is never a win-win, win-lose, situation. It's more often than always a lose-lose situation. -
I think it's also because the woman have more options open. She no longer rely on the man to bring home the bread and can support herself.
The other reason is that divorce is no longer a dirty word. Being divorced doesn't carry the negative stigma associated with it in the past.
The problem is that it is so easy to get a divorce that people no longer sit down and try to iron out their problems. People start to have the "Not happy divorce lor" mentality.
Ultimately I think that it is a lose-lose situation for both as you really invest alot for your marriage. Especially so if there are kids
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yaa man,they should let the men do their "national service" more at home..Originally posted by The man who was death:Cut down on official working hrs, give two hrs lunch break and more vacation leaves!!! scrap reservists!!!!
although this might make couples more buay tahan cos see each other more buay song more 
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how can u be sure u would not be the one who walks out?
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No one can be sure of that.Originally posted by InnoHippo:how can u be sure u would not be the one who walks out?
Sometimes, one partner may try hard to salvage the marriage but ultimately, it takes two hands to clap and if the other partner doesn't bother or doesn't reciprocate and is not cooperative, not keen to make the marriage work, and is quite bo chup, then, what can one do?
You can change yourself, but you cannot change anyone else. What happens if your partner gives up on the marriage? Then, what? -
life is a gamble ..... so is marriage .......Originally posted by Rhonda:No one can be sure of that.
Sometimes, one partner may try hard to salvage the marriage but ultimately, it takes two hands to clap and if the other partner doesn't bother or doesn't reciprocate and is not cooperative, not keen to make the marriage work, and is quite bo chup, then, what can one do?
You can change yourself, but you cannot change anyone else. What happens if your partner gives up on the marriage? Then, what?
bear in mind: no ventures no gains
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Actually, I've been quietly observing the happily married couples or married men that I know and I've realised that there are certain qualities that are essential to making a marriage work.
So, I guess I'll keep my eyes wide wide open so that I won't fall blindly in love, but remember to look out for the same qualities in the guy I ultimately fall in love with. -
what are these "certain qualities"?Originally posted by Rhonda:Actually, I've been quietly observing the happily married couples or married men that I know and I've realised that there are certain qualities that are essential to making a marriage work.
So, I guess I'll keep my eyes wide wide open so that I won't fall blindly in love, but remember to look out for the same qualities in the guy I ultimately fall in love with.
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Hmm... first of all, they are very devoted to their wives and there's a lot of love and respect they have for her. They know their wives' faults, but they love her nevertheless, and they do not speak harshly of her weaknesses.Originally posted by InnoHippo:what are these "certain qualities"? 
They don't sweat the small stuff... they're long-suffering, patient, and slow to anger. Whilst they can be cynical and critical when it comes to other stuff, they check that in at the door when it comes to their marriage. They don't apply the same harsh cynicism and criticism on their marriage because they view it as sacred.
They generally treat the people around them with respect. I mean, let's face it, there'll be folks in our midst who are slower than the rest of us, or who fall ill, become handicapped, etc. The way they treat the weaker folks and the underdogs amongst us is very telling.
They also tend to be family oriented. And nope, I'm not talking about having kids. I believe that man and wife makes a basic family unit already. They have their own interests and hobbies, and so do their wives, but ultimately, they always make time for their wives on a regular basis.
Darnit... too bad they're all married already!! -
they can't be called leonard by any chance right?Originally posted by Rhonda:Hmm... first of all, they are very devoted to their wives and there's a lot of love and respect they have for her. They know their wives' faults, but they love her nevertheless, and they do not speak harshly of her weaknesses.
They don't sweat the small stuff... they're long-suffering, patient, and slow to anger. Whilst they can be cynical and critical when it comes to other stuff, they check that in at the door when it comes to their marriage. They don't apply the same harsh cynicism and criticism on their marriage because they view it as sacred.
They generally treat the people around them with respect. I mean, let's face it, there'll be folks in our midst who are slower than the rest of us, or who fall ill, become handicapped, etc. The way they treat the weaker folks and the underdogs amongst us is very telling.
They also tend to be family oriented. And nope, I'm not talking about having kids. I believe that man and wife makes a basic family unit already. They have their own interests and hobbies, and so do their wives, but ultimately, they always make time for their wives on a regular basis.
Darnit... too bad they're all married already!!
*prepares to run out*(help,help).. -
Originally posted by stellazio:they can't be called leonard by any chance right?
*prepares to run out*(help,help)..
No, none of them are called 'Leonard'.
And you know what, OLD... the joke's getting OLD!! It's soooo stale, there's a whole community of mould and microorganisms thriving on it already!
Give it up already!! pthpthpth!! -
I know one who's notOriginally posted by Rhonda:Darnit... too bad they're all married already!! ...but not for much longer.
Me
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/jots this down in notebook under "Rhonda" headingOriginally posted by Rhonda:
No, none of them are called 'Leonard'.
And you know what, OLD... the joke's getting OLD!! It's soooo stale, there's a whole community of mould and microorganisms thriving on it already!
Give it up already!! pthpthpth!! -
Well i personally think that marrriage is a good thing la... but some say its a eye opener... hhahaa.. well i do agree on the part where we must choose our spouses properly and not just say split after they get married... If like tt whats the point of getting married in the first pplacce right... haah
also i thnk the ppl shld be more responsible with what they are doing... ESP those with kids and asking for divorce... wha.. that one is i cannot tahan one... They just wanna divorce like that then what will happen to their kids? Their kids are still young and they have done nothing wrong and they diserve this? man.. Its sad man... Its real saad to see kids growing up in a single environement... I really pity the kids...
It willl affect their development on the kids... so sad... -
hey, i think that's a very good observation / listing of "pro-longlasting-marriage" qualities!Originally posted by Rhonda:Hmm... first of all, they are very devoted to their wives and there's a lot of love and respect they have for her. They know their wives' faults, but they love her nevertheless, and they do not speak harshly of her weaknesses.
They don't sweat the small stuff... they're long-suffering, patient, and slow to anger. Whilst they can be cynical and critical when it comes to other stuff, they check that in at the door when it comes to their marriage. They don't apply the same harsh cynicism and criticism on their marriage because they view it as sacred.
They generally treat the people around them with respect. I mean, let's face it, there'll be folks in our midst who are slower than the rest of us, or who fall ill, become handicapped, etc. The way they treat the weaker folks and the underdogs amongst us is very telling.
They also tend to be family oriented. And nope, I'm not talking about having kids. I believe that man and wife makes a basic family unit already. They have their own interests and hobbies, and so do their wives, but ultimately, they always make time for their wives on a regular basis.
Darnit... too bad they're all married already!!
just one thing... "long-suffering" sounds tho... makes it sound like such hard work... -
I think in this day and age when women are financially independent, the 'long-suffering' on one partner's part cannot work in the long term, unless it's a minor issue which can be forgiven or ignored.Originally posted by neuros:hey, i think that's a very good observation / listing of "pro-longlasting-marriage" qualities!
just one thing... "long-suffering" sounds tho... makes it sound like such hard work...
And yes, making a marriage work is hard work, and not just about the living happily ever after through rose-tinted glasses. Getting married is just the beginning, and right after that comes the hard work of making things work, and as both live together, adapting to each other and their families, the expected obligations, etc. Suddenly, you're thinking and making decisions not just for yourself anymore, but for your other half as well, and sometimes considerations/sacrifices too have to be made to cater for what his family might think or expect.
I believe communication cannot be overrated - I find it's always the key to building up the close bonds and furthering mutual understanding of each other (their changing needs and expectations) as both develop and grow throughout the marriage. Sadly, I find that it is usually the breakdown of communication and/or the lack of such a mutual understanding which leads to the beginning of the end of the marriage.
Just my 2cts. -
there's another one under the same cat... and yea, not for now, but not for much longerOriginally posted by Kuali Baba:I know one who's not ...but not for much longer.
Me -
Divorce between a couple definitely affects the children...
My cousin and her husband (now ex-) got a divorce sometime around this yr... n their children's only 10 and 4 this yr.. many many things happened la.. to the kids and everything.. *sighz.. this, i guess, will forever b etched in e kids' minds man..
really pity my 4-yr-old niece.. tt's y i dote on her the most.. -
Guess when I wrote 'long-suffering', I was referring to the ability to tolerate faults and mistakes and not be quick-to-anger.Originally posted by neuros:hey, i think that's a very good observation / listing of "pro-longlasting-marriage" qualities!
just one thing... "long-suffering" sounds tho... makes it sound like such hard work... Giving in to each other. Knowing that he has habits you dislike but yet, giving him the space to be himself and be comfortable, simply because you love him too much to sweat the small stuff.
Writing is so easy and sounds so lovely... but man, putting it to work is tough labour! -
Children think in simple terms and I guess if they see their parents going through a divorce, and the nasty fights and what-not that occurs before the divorce is finalised, they might form the conclusions in their little innocent minds:Originally posted by ^HaRu^:Divorce between a couple definitely affects the children...
My cousin and her husband (now ex-) got a divorce sometime around this yr... n their children's only 10 and 4 this yr.. many many things happened la.. to the kids and everything.. *sighz.. this, i guess, will forever b etched in e kids' minds man..
really pity my 4-yr-old niece.. tt's y i dote on her the most..
- love is conditional and can be withdrawn;
- you have to work hard to earn someone's love and stay loveable;
- did I do something wrong to cause mommy and daddy to fight and be unhappy?
When kids are growing up, child psychologists believe that it's very important for them to grow up in a stable, secure and loving home, not a tempestous one where mommy and daddy are constantly at each other's throats, or both are totally bo-chup about each other. They're at their formative years where they build their self-esteem and basic concept of the world and relationships at that time, so seeing such a scary thing as mommy no longer loving daddy or daddy abandoning the family for another woman can totally shatter them to the core.
Children need to grow up in a loving home... they shouldn't have to be subject to such psychological and emotional trauma.