Till Divorce Do Us Part...
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yeah i agree.. my cousin gotta work.. thus my niece's always with us (mum taking care of her).. of cos we'll try to play e "Father" role in her life.. at least try to minimise e damage done to her psychological n emotional well-being..
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Awwww... your niece is so lucky to have your family rallying around her.Originally posted by ^HaRu^:yeah i agree.. my cousin gotta work.. thus my niece's always with us (mum taking care of her).. of cos we'll try to play e "Father" role in her life.. at least try to minimise e damage done to her psychological n emotional well-being..
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Nellie made it look very easy.. I'm still learning how to do that.Originally posted by Rhonda:Guess when I wrote 'long-suffering', I was referring to the ability to tolerate faults and mistakes and not be quick-to-anger.
Giving in to each other. Knowing that he has habits you dislike but yet, giving him the space to be himself and be comfortable, simply because you love him too much to sweat the small stuff.
Writing is so easy and sounds so lovely... but man, putting it to work is tough labour!
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but i say, this is just zhi shang tan bing. when emotions flare and push comes to shove, it's all the same. unless the men had swallowed their nuts.Originally posted by Rhonda:Hmm... first of all, they are very devoted to their wives and there's a lot of love and respect they have for her. They know their wives' faults, but they love her nevertheless, and they do not speak harshly of her weaknesses.
They don't sweat the small stuff... they're long-suffering, patient, and slow to anger. Whilst they can be cynical and critical when it comes to other stuff, they check that in at the door when it comes to their marriage. They don't apply the same harsh cynicism and criticism on their marriage because they view it as sacred.
They generally treat the people around them with respect. I mean, let's face it, there'll be folks in our midst who are slower than the rest of us, or who fall ill, become handicapped, etc. The way they treat the weaker folks and the underdogs amongst us is very telling.
They also tend to be family oriented. And nope, I'm not talking about having kids. I believe that man and wife makes a basic family unit already. They have their own interests and hobbies, and so do their wives, but ultimately, they always make time for their wives on a regular basis.
Darnit... too bad they're all married already!! 
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Originally posted by ilovemyrolex:but i say, this is just zhi shang tan bing. when emotions flare and push comes to shove, it's all the same. unless the men had swallowed their nuts.
I've seen men handle trying situations admirably. I respect them for that! -
come to think of it, i have a blog to show u guys..its v touching..e father is e one writing the blog, and he shares his personal experience w everyone..
love is a cruel thing
and a new blog:
simple man -
haizzz....
think in this era...relationship is put to tougher test....
couples get angry over many things, his or her way of doing things, or not doing anything, outside temptation, comparison, disagreement on kids - way of teaching, doing, eating etc etc....
and couple with their own work stress....there is a overload of stress (too much to handle - like everyone will say i don't need such addition 'shit' to make life misery) leading to ppl calling it quit to 'deload stress' , i think..... -
Oh, shinta...i just realised you are very young nia...and you're getting married....so soon???Originally posted by shinta:Nellie made it look very easy.. I'm still learning how to do that. 
Sorry, the concept of marry at such a young age is beyond me.
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u didn noe? what made u realise that i'm young den?Originally posted by Wanda:Oh, shinta...i just realised you are very young nia...and you're getting married....so soon???
Sorry, the concept of marry at such a young age is beyond me.
ah... as for the marriage part.... if u're ready, u're ready... age has got nth to do with this. if i am to listen to my family members, to save up before i get married, think i'd be inmy thirties when i say my vows... with loans to clear n all that...
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I read in the thread which you thot ah lau was xxx age lor.Originally posted by shinta:u didn noe? what made u realise that i'm young den?
ah... as for the marriage part.... if u're ready, u're ready... age has got nth to do with this. if i am to listen to my family members, to save up before i get married, think i'd be inmy thirties when i say my vows... with loans to clear n all that...
No lah, i don't mean to say young means not ready...but will miss out on the fun of dating diff ppl mah....hahaha... Married liao no longer so carefree, and comes with its set of responsibilities. -
Hahaha yes
It's so easy to quantify your spouse as an asset or liabilityOriginally posted by a_splash:(too much to handle - like everyone will say i don't need such addition 'shit' to make life misery) leading to ppl calling it quit to 'deload stress' , i think..... -
I think the effect of divorce on Kids can be overhyped. Young kids react depending on the behaviour of those around them. So if the relatives starts gg poor kids, aiyoh so sad...etc... then surely one should not be surprised if the kid turns out to be 'special'.
In the case of older kids, I would expect them to be able to handle the situation. Now, my parents almost went through a divorce when i was about 12 - 13 (i think) and again when i was about 15. I was pretty passive throughout it all. My relatives were acting all serious asking me such silly qns as "when the court asks who will you say you want to stay with" (something that i now think is highly irresponsible for clearly they are putting pressure on me to make their choice).
I dunno, i think i turned out alright. i hope.
Anyway, in a Divorce, the court regards the welfare of the child as paramount and will make its decision regarding alimony, housing, custody etc accordingly. I really dun think divorce really affects a child that much anymore. -
oh.. hahahaOriginally posted by Wanda:I read in the thread which you thot ah lau was xxx age lor.
No lah, i don't mean to say young means not ready...but will miss out on the fun of dating diff ppl mah....hahaha... Married liao no longer so carefree, and comes with its set of responsibilities.
hmm.. i didn really like the dating part actually
most of them are horrifying experiences..
but, they opened my eyes, to noe what kinda guy is the right one for me =) unlike feow, i need this list of requirements... cos when i didn have them last time, i kept dating the wrong kinda guys.. -
no more a must to 'till death do we part' mentality on marriage anymore cos we have learnt to love and take care of ourselves more..Originally posted by choco B:Hahaha yes
It's so easy to quantify your spouse as an asset or liability
there are times i get so angry with something, i also will think wat the sharks why must i make myself so miserable (at that moment) by putting up with such stuff (difference in thinking and way of doing things etc, etc...).....and that's the moment when its easiest to think of the word DIVORCE!
and if such things are not resolved or talk over...with accumulation...DIVORCE will be inevitable...... -
If you are dating for fun, of course it will be fun.Originally posted by Wanda:I read in the thread which you thot ah lau was xxx age lor.
No lah, i don't mean to say young means not ready...but will miss out on the fun of dating diff ppl mah....hahaha... Married liao no longer so carefree, and comes with its set of responsibilities.
If you are dating to find a mate to settledown, then you will better pray you only need to date once. -
aft reading i felt compelled to add in my 5 cent worth....
nowadays more women are becoming more career minded, plus in most relationship, both male n female are working, therefore less time 2gether, which means less communication... i personally believe communication in relationship is impt so to hav less comms means less dedication in e relationship...
haiz... at least dats wat happening 2 me... dun tink really useful for e guy 2 b forgiving or tolerating... bcos it will reach a pt when e guy will break n quarrels will start... sometimes i jus felt that nowadays guys are e ones wearing e skirt in a relationship... personal opinion though... -
in any case, screwed up families make up a screwed up society.
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That is so true! Because families are the basic units, the threads, if you will, that is woven to form the fabric of society. Families are the basic building blocks of society too!Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:in any case, screwed up families make up a screwed up society.
Look at the US - divorce is rampant, having stepparents only to see them divorce again and have yet another set of stepparents and stepsiblings over and over again can be so traumatising. It results in individuals wiht a whole host of emotional / psychological problems who in turn, might just bring their problems into their own marriages.
It's like a vicious cycle. How can a sturdy building be constructed on a weak and shaky foundation?
Of course, in many other places, divorce is not as common as in the US, neither does remarrying occur as often. So, the problems faced in the US might have some sorta multiplier effect in action. We definitely don't have such a bad situation here. Well, for now! -
Now you see why marriage is not to be fooled around with? Haiz...
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but it so happens dat pple take e oath jus bcos of the love n passion there n then... kinda like a match stick phenomenon...
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nothing last forever ....... things change ....... so do peopleOriginally posted by life2121:but it so happens dat pple take e oath jus bcos of the love n passion there n then... kinda like a match stick phenomenon... -
its what u do in the years to make certain things stay the same as before.Originally posted by InnoHippo:nothing last forever ....... things change ....... so do people
an example. the passion -
wow ...... u must have lots of fuel to keep the passion going foreverOriginally posted by shinta:its what u do in the years to make certain things stay the same as before.
an example. the passion -
I think there is a problem with our mindsets nowadays. We are not only impatient, but we also want the best FOR OURSELVES. It seems to be a case of 'My welfare first! My profits first!'. Nobody wants to give but everybody wants to take.
In addition we have serious issues with commitment. Let us not speak about marriage; how many of us are actually willing to commit to jobs such as teaching, nursing? -
In the marriage preparation course that we attended, this 'long-suffering' bit was called being 'life-giving'. It means to think of the welfare of the other first rather than our own. I suspect that if we start with this premise of thinking for the other first, a lot of problems will become unimportant and will go away.Originally posted by Rhonda:Guess when I wrote 'long-suffering', I was referring to the ability to tolerate faults and mistakes and not be quick-to-anger. Giving in to each other. Knowing that he has habits you dislike but yet, giving him the space to be himself and be comfortable, simply because you love him too much to sweat the small stuff.
Writing is so easy and sounds so lovely... but man, putting it to work is tough labour!
Writing is definitely easier than doing, but if you don't try, you will never improve. Just as we don't wait for all the traffic lights to be green in our favour before we start a trip, there's no reason to expect a smooth ride in marriage either. :-)
Also, for those who plan to get married and want things to work out, hang out with people who treasure their marriage and have made theirs work. From my experience, I've learnt a lot from such couples. Most of us tend to have a 'chameleon' response in our social settings and we tend to adopt the behaviours/language/habits etc of the people that we habitually associate with. As such, if we want our marriage to be great, hang out with couples that have great marriages and learn from their mistakes! :-)
siginah