Till Divorce Do Us Part...
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I fully agree! There's this prevalent 'I, Me, & Myself' thinking. As a result, people are selfish, impatient, and not long-suffering.Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:I think there is a problem with our mindsets nowadays. We are not only impatient, but we also want the best FOR OURSELVES. It seems to be a case of 'My welfare first! My profits first!'. Nobody wants to give but everybody wants to take.
In addition we have serious issues with commitment. Let us not speak about marriage; how many of us are actually willing to commit to jobs such as teaching, nursing?
They want instant gratification with minimum effort!
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Yeah... and in certain cases, divorce becomes inevitable. For instance, when spousal abuse is occuring and the aggressor is unrepentant. (And abuse need not only be physical - there's emotional abuse too!) Or, in instances when one spouse no longer loves his / her partner and is actively carrying out his / her affair openly and not feeling apologetic at all about it.Originally posted by InnoHippo:nothing last forever ....... things change ....... so do people
Isn't that sad? When people say 'till death do us part' these days, you kinda wonder... -
so in e end we love ourselves more den we love our partner?
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Good points raised!Originally posted by siginah:In the marriage preparation course that we attended, this 'long-suffering' bit was called being 'life-giving'. It means to think of the welfare of the other first rather than our own. I suspect that if we start with this premise of thinking for the other first, a lot of problems will become unimportant and will go away.
Also, for those who plan to get married and want things to work out, hang out with people who treasure their marriage and have made theirs work. From my experience, I've learnt a lot from such couples. Most of us tend to have a 'chameleon' response in our social settings and we tend to adopt the behaviours/language/habits etc of the people that we habitually associate with. As such, if we want our marriage to be great, hang out with couples that have great marriages and learn from their mistakes! :-)
siginah
In Mandarin, they call it 'Jing4 Zhu1 Zhe3 Ci4, Jing4 Mo4 Zhe3 Hei1', literally meaning that if you immerse yourself in black ink, you'll turn black. Figuratively, it means that if you hang out with a particular group of people, you will slowly become like them as they start to influence you, either subtly or otherwise.
That's so true, isn't it? 
As for the bit about long-suffering... ah, that was precisely what I've been trying to say throughout this thread!
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Huh??Originally posted by life2121:so in e end we love ourselves more den we love our partner?
Erm... I think you might need to elaborate more because brevity sacrifices clarity! -
i mean 2 say do pple get married bcos they really love their wife or that they tink they love their wife but in actual fact, they are actually doing themselves a masturbatory act of tinking dat they love their wife... erm... i getting confuse myself...
anw... to simply said... by donig tinks which men tink r acts of love for their wife/gf, do their wife/gf really like it? or is it jus self gratification for e guys? something along dat line... -
Wah... such complicated thoughts and you tried to express all that in one short sentence?Originally posted by life2121:i mean 2 say do pple get married bcos they really love their wife or that they tink they love their wife but in actual fact, they are actually doing themselves a masturbatory act of tinking dat they love their wife... erm... i getting confuse myself...
anw... to simply said... by donig tinks which men tink r acts of love for their wife/gf, do their wife/gf really like it? or is it jus self gratification for e guys? something along dat line... 
I guess no one can speak for the person involved. Whilst there are folks who do the selfish stuff, you can't say that ALL men or ALL women are selfish when it comes to marriage. -
true.... i do not mean all men or women... but jus kinda hav e feeling dat some pp nowadays will rush into marriage bcos of tis attitude... so in e end e ones who suffer r they themselves n their children (if they have)...
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Hmm... yeah. I sometimes get that suspicion too!Originally posted by life2121:true.... i do not mean all men or women... but jus kinda hav e feeling dat some pp nowadays will rush into marriage bcos of tis attitude... so in e end e ones who suffer r they themselves n their children (if they have)... -
maybe dat explains e rising trend of divorces...
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no one can predict what lies ahead....at that point of time when two persons meet and found themselves truly and madly in love and are made for each other, no body will think they are not 'meant for each other'
during courtship, there is only u and me (anything else can wait), with marriage, family, friends, work and later new members enter into the life of the couples, these are extra challenges........no matter how mentally prepared one may think they are...its really diff when the real thing happens...
it really Takes Two Hands to clap WELL! both must be willing to commit...
actually whether they are made or not made for each other depends the willingness to give and take and to compromise the difference or willingness to close one eyes to 'trivial' matters..
then again...what's trivial to one is not trivial to another...
besides the fact about people change with time, ppl's perspective change....what his/her character that might have thrilled you, might ended up something that stress you...serious!
eg. the good wife/hubby that u once look upon, might now seems so boring to you...the once outstanding character that charm you, might now be something that bothers you, cos u find him/her too popular with friends, and not giving enough time for the family...etc etc....
but of course there are other reasons too.....
haiz...its not that simple..... -
well .... it is the death of the heart afterall .......Originally posted by Rhonda:Yeah... and in certain cases, divorce becomes inevitable. For instance, when spousal abuse is occuring and the aggressor is unrepentant. (And abuse need not only be physical - there's emotional abuse too!) Or, in instances when one spouse no longer loves his / her partner and is actively carrying out his / her affair openly and not feeling apologetic at all about it.
Isn't that sad? When people say 'till death do us part' these days, you kinda wonder... 
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it's too common these days...U..me..everyone sure hv frd or frd's frd who is a divorcee..everyone take it lightly these days..and see nothing wrong to file for divorce ..and ppl nowadays won't hesitate to file for divorce when they face problem with their spouse..
frankly speaking..I'm hv phobia of marriage due to many living examples around me..I'm glad I'm still single now w/o relationship sorrow but of coz I do dream of having a mr right ..hehehe -
At the end of the day it boils down to the willingness of both parties to work on the commitment and to communication well with each other I guess. It seems pointless listing the virtues that make a man good husband material when the woman herself lacks the qualities to make a good wife.
Incidentally, could anyone shed light on a question I have? A friend of mine's decree nisi comes through in a few months but apparently a judge has yet to make decisions on custody and division of matrimonial assets. She isn't planning on looking for accommodation of her own coz she feels that until all $ due to her from the matrimonial home is in her pocket, she has the right to stay on in the house indefinitely. Is this correct? I'm of the impression once the divorce is finalised, she would need to move out regardless of how much $ is due to her (of the two, she is the one who has to leave the house). I don't want her to be caught out unprepared and her parents reside abroad
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Be single, like me.
