The Marriage Instruction Manual!
-
Have you seen the TV ad where a couple sit in front of the girl's parents and the guy says something like,
''Uncle, I have been going out with Lynn (sorry, can't remember the girl's name
) for a long time already, and we... ''
Then the Uncle put out his hand to mean ''STOP!'', and then he whips out a cloth-covered manual - a Marriage Instruction Manual!
Apparently, a few govt organisations are organising Marriage preparation courses for couples who are intending to get married.
This isn't a new idea - for donkey years now, churches have been offering such courses to those in their congregation who are contemplating marriage. In the US, back in the late '90's, such courses were introduced in the South and a debate was going on on whether they should be made 'compulsory' as a preventive measure in the face of the rising divorce rates.
Would you go through such a course when the time comes for you to consider it? Do you think such a course would help somewhat in stemming the rising divorce rates?
If you're already married, what do you think of this? Most interestingly, share with us what you wish you'd known before marriage.
-
For those who are interested, here's the short intro to the Marriage Preparation Courses on ROM's website :
''You are about to enter into a marriage and you desire that this impending union is life-long and fulfilling. Knowing that a good and sustaining marriage does not just happen, you will need to put in effort and get prepared.
Participate in a Marriage Preparation Course to prepare yourself and your partner for the journey ahead. The duration of a course is usually between 8 and 16 hours. Both of you can expect to learn about the following interesting and enriching topics:
marriage roles and responsibilities
finance management
sexuality/intimacy
conflict management
communication with in-laws and
individual differences/family-of-origin issues
You may also take an optional personality test such as Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis (T-JTA), Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), PREPARE Inventory.
Visit Family & Community @ eCitizen for a detailed listing of Marriage Preparation Courses coordinated and supported by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports.
Please contact the organisers directly if you have any enquiry, or want to obtain details about the rebates for the course(s) attended.
The above was extracted from : http://app.rom.gov.sg/internet/reg_info/rom_info.asp -
some ppl from another forum recommended for me to go thru such a course...
they say its more like opening ur eye to what livin together would be like... not just the tooth brush, tooth paste issue, but stuff like.. finances and all that..
i rmb i went
after reading thru... can't rmb what i read tho
i tot it might be nice to go thru such a prep course.. but nel thinks its useless...
i think.. a list of stuff to expect in marriage/livin together is very useful..
where's the thread on tv tax again? first time i heard of that -
Quite a few of these Marriage Preparation courses are conducted by churches.
The Catholics have their own Marriage Preparation Course :
http://www.catholic.org.sg/web_links/MPC/
I think this is the one that my colleague is currently attending. -
I agree that it's good for you and nel to take it.Originally posted by shinta:some ppl from another forum recommended for me to go thru such a course...
they say its more like opening ur eye to what livin together would be like... not just the tooth brush, tooth paste issue, but stuff like.. finances and all that..
i rmb i went after reading thru... can't rmb what i read tho
i tot it might be nice to go thru such a prep course.. but nel thinks its useless...
i think.. a list of stuff to expect in marriage/livin together is very useful..
where's the thread on tv tax again? first time i heard of that 
But my SO and I did not take it....but then we're much more older than you two, so our situation was different. -
well, i dun think we need the course...Originally posted by Wanda:I agree that it's good for you and nel to take it.
But my SO and I did not take it....but then we're much more older than you two, so our situation was different.
actually, just a list would suffice.
a list of stuff that we have to pay..
like tv tax. i had no idea we need to pay tax for tv until i read this thread by dragg...
all along i tot only european countries pay that! cos i once read how a family covered their tv with aluminium foils... cos they're er.... not payin tv tax -
I think it's really important to go through such a course where issues that matter but we won't otherwise get to discuss with our fiance / fiancee gets discussed. Stuff like managing the finances, expected savings / spending plans, what happens if someone gets retrenched, disciplinary actions should the kids act rowdy, etc.Originally posted by shinta:some ppl from another forum recommended for me to go thru such a course...
they say its more like opening ur eye to what livin together would be like... not just the tooth brush, tooth paste issue, but stuff like.. finances and all that..
i rmb i went after reading thru... can't rmb what i read tho
i tot it might be nice to go thru such a prep course.. but nel thinks its useless...
i think.. a list of stuff to expect in marriage/livin together is very useful..
where's the thread on tv tax again? first time i heard of that
Besides, in such courses, couples who have been married for years are usually around to help provide advice and guidance.
There would be guys who are uncomfortable with such courses because they think it's unnecessary, or they might be very confident that they can manage whatever issues that might crop up in the marriage. Well, to each his own, but I feel that there will be times in a marriage when one might need guidance / advice. There will always be times when one gets sooo angry / upset / disappointed with one's spouse that one might be on the brink of considering drastic action, and that's the time when counsel is really needed cause sometimes, we need folks we trust and look up to to chide us and gently lead us back to the 'right track'.
-
we talked about such stuff... the savings and spendings part... the kids.. we missed out on the retrench part tho..Originally posted by Rhonda:I think it's really important to go through such a course where issues that matter but we won't otherwise get to discuss with our fiance / fiancee gets discussed. Stuff like managing the finances, expected savings / spending plans, what happens if someone gets retrenched, disciplinary actions should the kids act rowdy, etc.
Besides, in such courses, couples who have been married for years are usually around to help provide advice and guidance.
There would be guys who are uncomfortable with such courses because they think it's unnecessary, or they might be very confident that they can manage whatever issues that might crop up in the marriage. Well, to each his own, but I feel that there will be times in a marriage when one might need guidance / advice. There will always be times when one gets sooo angry / upset / disappointed with one's spouse that one might be on the brink of considering drastic action, and that's the time when counsel is really needed cause sometimes, we need folks we trust and look up to to chide us and gently lead us back to the 'right track'.
-
Sometimes, it's good to discuss such issues in a group though - you get to hear feedback from others and might learn from them, and you won't feel so pressurised to give answers that you think would please your partner.
Cuz, face it, before-marriage, some folks would feel that they'll do anything to gain their partner's approval and love.
And then, after-marriage, the layers of gloss starts to flake off... -
Generally they make you discuss real issues like money, kids, in-laws, sex etc so that you know what you're getting into. The courses usually offer some general guidelines on how to manage but the bulk of the discussion is left to the couple; everyone has different ways of handling things.
And during the sessions, you might actually discover some things about your partner that you didn't know about, could be positive or negative - had a couple who couldn't agree with each other and walked out.
The course's mantra is: A wedding is a day, a marriage last a lifetime. -
ah.. nel won't do that... he'd try to reason with me..Originally posted by Rhonda:Sometimes, it's good to discuss such issues in a group though - you get to hear feedback from others and might learn from them, and you won't feel so pressurised to give answers that you think would please your partner.
Cuz, face it, before-marriage, some folks would feel that they'll do anything to gain their partner's approval and love.
And then, after-marriage, the layers of gloss starts to flake off...
actually we almost quarrelled a few times over $$ issues he'd tried to talk reason into me... and i'd give a face and walk off...
bcos he wants me to clear the debt asap... but i wanna have more $$ to spend! its hard to resist temptation so strong...... esp when he bought a book too...
-
I guess it's a good thing that they walked out before they got married, and not after.Originally posted by pie:Generally they make you discuss real issues like money, kids, in-laws, sex etc so that you know what you're getting into. The courses usually offer some general guidelines on how to manage but the bulk of the discussion is left to the couple; everyone has different ways of handling things.
And during the sessions, you might actually discover some things about your partner that you didn't know about, could be positive or negative - had a couple who couldn't agree with each other and walked out.
The course's mantra is: A wedding is a day, a marriage last a lifetime.
It's best to find out all these things before marriage. Then you can decide if it's an issue that both of you can reach a compromise on, or if you can't, you might decide not to get hitched afterall.
It's always shocking to hear tales of the bride / bridegroom walking out on a marriage after the invitations have been sent and preparations have been done!
Hopefully, such courses will help couples understand each other's stand and expectations better so all will be more prepared. Hopefully too, the more they know their partners, the more they'll love him/her! -
I wouldn't find a marriage prep course useful. That's cause we're not comfortable talking about too intimate stuff in front of strangers even if they're professionals or "mentors". I don't think I'd be entirely truthful in front of others.
Worse still if it's a group session with other couples, imagine the scene :
Husband A aka Mr Dua Kang: Oh I will pay for everything!!
Husband B: Uuh, ok lor I also pay (Inside: ^@#$& )
Whereas if we're alone, ahhh show colors liao aahahaha -
Erm... shinta, are you sure Nel won't mind you talking about stuff like that out here in the open?Originally posted by shinta:ah.. nel won't do that... he'd try to reason with me..
actually we almost quarrelled a few times over $$ issues he'd tried to talk reason into me... and i'd give a face and walk off...
bcos he wants me to clear the debt asap... but i wanna have more $$ to spend! its hard to resist temptation so strong...... esp when he bought a book too... Better check with him first, y'know! -
Originally posted by choco B:I wouldn't find a marriage prep course useful. That's cause we're not comfortable talking about too intimate stuff in front of strangers even if they're professionals or "mentors". I don't think I'd be entirely truthful in front of others.
Worse still if it's a group session with other couples, imagine the scene :
Husband A aka Mr Dua Kang: Oh I will pay for everything!!
Husband B: Uuh, ok lor I also pay (Inside: ^@#$& )
Whereas if we're alone, ahhh show colors liao aahahaha
You're right about that, I guess. Peer pressure might come into the picture!
I'm wondering though... how are such sessions conducted? Would there be general group discussions followed by couple-only discussions?
Cause choco, you're right... some issues shouldn't be discussed in a group setting, esp if discomfort would be experienced by someone. -
he won't mind... cos i'm always complainin about how much i have to pay the stupid legal loan sharks every mth..Originally posted by Rhonda:Erm... shinta, are you sure Nel won't mind you talking about stuff like that out here in the open? Better check with him first, y'know!
anyway i agree with him... i should clear it as quickly as possible... 100 a mth = payin part of teh darn interest every mth nia
but temptation is there.... my mind's(or is it heart?) too weak to resist the temptation of books.... by sophie kinstella
-
government spood-feeding again....due to increasing divorce rate?
-
shinta, it's best to get a grip on your finances - that will free you up to start saving and will also free up more money for you to spend on your wedding.Originally posted by shinta:he won't mind... cos i'm always complainin about how much i have to pay the stupid legal loan sharks every mth..
anyway i agree with him... i should clear it as quickly as possible... 100 a mth = payin part of teh darn interest every mth nia
but temptation is there.... my mind's(or is it heart?) too weak to resist the temptation of books.... by sophie kinstella
It's nicer to start a new life together debt-free, don't you think? Think about it this way, don't give nel an extra burden once you start married life. It's your debt, and once you get married, like it or not, it kinda becomes his too cause when you're husband-and-wife, if one's bankrupt the assets of the other might be taken away.
Kinda not fair for nel to ''marry into debt'', to put it in another way.
So, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for nel! -
Originally posted by Rhonda:shinta, it's best to get a grip on your finances - that will free you up to start saving and will also free up more money for you to spend on your wedding.
It's nicer to start a new life together debt-free, don't you think? Think about it this way, don't give nel an extra burden once you start married life. It's your debt, and once you get married, like it or not, it kinda becomes his too cause when you're husband-and-wife, if one's bankrupt the assets of the other might be taken away.
Kinda not fair for nel to ''marry into debt'', to put it in another way.
So, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for nel!
tryin my best...
but half a mth's salary's isn really.... enuff =X
ok lar to be fair, i suggested that... but towards teh back... cannot tahan
so now payin less =X -
Only attended one, and it was a couple-only discussion. So what's private stays privateOriginally posted by Rhonda:
You're right about that, I guess. Peer pressure might come into the picture!
I'm wondering though... how are such sessions conducted? Would there be general group discussions followed by couple-only discussions?
Cause choco, you're right... some issues shouldn't be discussed in a group setting, esp if discomfort would be experienced by someone. -
it's easy to know what is the right things to do.
but it's difficult to do the right things -
But you'll need to know what are the right things to be done firstOriginally posted by InnoHippo:it's easy to know what is the right things to do.
but it's difficult to do the right things 
-
wouldn't it worse if someone dun even noe wad is the right thing to do?Originally posted by InnoHippo:it's easy to know what is the right things to do.
but it's difficult to do the right things -
pie, is this your first time in Club 30?
-
Haha Chris and I saw the introduction of the video at the ROM. Our parents suggested we attend it but both of us didn't want to.
The reasons being:
1) We are not comfortable sharing intimate details with a stranger/s
2) We have already talked through the stuff like finances, housework, religion. etc
3) We have a very open relationship and we have seen each others 'dirty' habit/s
4) Both of us think it's really common sense and we felt as long as both of us are emotionally mature there is no need to.
5) We think it's a waste of time