a sad topic with humour
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Actually, the person would need time to be depressed and mourn over the loss before he/she can pick himself / herself up once more.Originally posted by thinkdifferent:Hey fellows, I have been in the same situation. The humour helps me to move on. Ofcourse it's not funny for the persons who are suffering, but when they get over it, maybe the humour helps them to see the bright side of the life.
The other possibility - be depressed and mourning. Will that help anyone?
We should be there for those who are going through hard times, be sensitive to them and support them and help them to see the life with positive eyes again, to move on though it might take some time. Ofcourse not playing the clown when they are crying and mourning.
The mourning period varies with individuals. But mourning's good... it starts the process of getting over the person.
Better than skipping the mourning period altogether and forcing oneself to move on. Too abrupt, and it doesn't allow the soul to heal from the wounds.
Plus, that's kinda like not facing up to the trauma. -
Ahhh... a painful topic for most people, this.
It did take me some heavy boozing and crying myself to sleep to recover.
But as someone once told me, even when we're shopping for gadgets or clothes and other stuff, we'd naturally go through a few before making our choice or finding the right one. Why should looking for a life-partner be any different? And after going through a few relationships/heartbreaks, we actually become a lot clearer on what we look for in a partner and what the deal-breakers are! 
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I ran away ....... far far away ........ -
Oh? Hmm...Originally posted by Fatum:I ran away ....... far far away ........
Is that how you ended up studying in Canada?
A guy I liked deeply and whose heart I hurt because of my pride and stubbornness escaped to the UK to study and refused to write to me. In the process, I hurt myself deeply too.
But oh well, that was when I was a silly, obstinate teenager who was consumed by jealousy and he was this guy who was unsure of how he wanted things to progress and avoided me for a while...
Ah well... the path of puppy love never did run smooth! -
well, yes Rhonda ... that's how ... it was pretty silly of me really ... I don't know how really to answer people when they ask why I'm where I am ... and not go onto perhaps NTU instead, where I did get an offer ..... truth was, I was looking to go to a place as far away as possible ... I just had to get away then ...Originally posted by Rhonda:Oh? Hmm...
Is that how you ended up studying in Canada?
A guy I liked deeply and whose heart I hurt because of my pride and stubbornness escaped to the UK to study and refused to write to me. In the process, I hurt myself deeply too.
But oh well, that was when I was a silly, obstinate teenager who was consumed by jealousy and he was this guy who was unsure of how he wanted things to progress and avoided me for a while...
Ah well... the path of puppy love never did run smooth!
ah well ... the lady in question is quite happy now, I hear, so I shall just try to bury the ghosts of the past eh ... -
Ironincally, sometimes the person who went through more "searches" realizes, that the person who she/he has dumped before was the best one and can't find anyone better. This is the risk of the "dangerous game".Originally posted by av98m:Ahhh... a painful topic for most people, this.
It did take me some heavy boozing and crying myself to sleep to recover.
But as someone once told me, even when we're shopping for gadgets or clothes and other stuff, we'd naturally go through a few before making our choice or finding the right one. Why should looking for a life-partner be any different? And after going through a few relationships/heartbreaks, we actually become a lot clearer on what we look for in a partner and what the deal-breakers are! -
That's right. The mourning is there for a reason. It's a way to deal with the trauma. But one should be careful as it can easily happen that the person gets stucked in this state of mind for a very long time or for ever. Especially the weak personalities are in such a danger.Originally posted by Rhonda:Actually, the person would need time to be depressed and mourn over the loss before he/she can pick himself / herself up once more.
The mourning period varies with individuals. But mourning's good... it starts the process of getting over the person.
Better than skipping the mourning period altogether and forcing oneself to move on. Too abrupt, and it doesn't allow the soul to heal from the wounds.
Plus, that's kinda like not facing up to the trauma. -
the most rubbish one is when my ex told me 'i realised i will be better being alone'... then 3 months later, realised that he is going out with another friend of mine.... piang.... angry sia....Originally posted by stellazio:and what bout girls telling guys after they ditch them..
"i'm sure u can find a better one den me"...this is rubbish..
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Let me start by saying boo hoo hooOriginally posted by thinkdifferent:Ironincally, sometimes the person who went through more "searches" realizes, that the person who she/he has dumped before was the best one and can't find anyone better. This is the risk of the "dangerous game".
I find it comical that u ask us guys to be kind to our gf when we dumping them. What about the reverse? Infact can you realy be kind when you are leaving a relationship no matter the duration.
As i and most people understand the dumper is never in a frame of mind of being kind. And yes the dumpee always suffer, regardless of male or female.
It takes 2 to form a relationship and if 1 side does not want the relationship, no matter what you want/need there is no future.
I have a close cousin that has been recently "dumped" with very little explanation as to why, after 6 years. He is ready and willing to marry her, if rthat has crossed over the minds of many a female here. I can tell you he bothers me everyday with his sadness and self blame, the "what if i had done bla blah blah". Now he doesnt smoke, womanise or even go out with chicks other than groups with her friends and he has kinda chosen her over his friends, as a result have no ties with his old friends. So to claim that guys be kind to your girlfriends is sterotypical at its most extreme.
My advise to your greiving friend is consider that if he realy loved you he would have stayed and it is (using the cliche) "Better to have loved and lose, than never have loved at all."
Be humble that you have given it your all and you are not the reason why he left.
Love is not a game and if you see it as such, remember that the other person will probably see it the same way. We all know games come to an end.
The Danger of such a "risky" game is if he comes back many months, even after several years, and you take him back, thats when the games is dangerous. I have seen many of my friends fight and split, and come back after a week or month, but non of them left each other cause they did not love the other or wanted to see what was over the other fence.
Another cousin (yes they are all sops lol) took his gf back, after she had her "room" and relationships in between no doubt, only to be dumped again many months later. I think hes still hooked up on her as any realtionships he forms have been short at best.
well thats my 15cents worth
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OK, I've made up my mind...
Abandon all search for that knight in shining armour! That shining armour's probably rusty at the hidden joints! 
OK, I shall stop kidding now! -
hmm...interestin thread.
I shall leave a smiley here to bookmark tis thread for further reading
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Orh... like that, ah?Originally posted by Angel†:hmm...interestin thread.
I shall leave a smiley here to bookmark tis thread for further reading -
In life, we go through different stages and milestones and we're always on the journey of self-discovery and change.
Someone who might seem right for you in your teens might not be heading towards the same direction when you're both in your 20's, and so on and so forth. You might no longer see eye-to-eye or your goals in life might have changed and what you thought you wanted, you no longer want because you are now pursuing different goals and values.
Change is inevitable and sometimes, sadly, relationships cannot weather the stormy changes.
What Kan-i said is so right - if one party no longer wants to make a relationship work, why insist on pursuing it? It's easier said than done, of course, esp if the dumped one has always felt comfortable and happy in the relationship and had no inkling at all that something bad was brewing underneath the glossy surface. Times like this, don't you wish that the other person had been kind and honest enough to discuss issues bothering him/her instead of accummulating all their unhappiness and dissatisfaction only to drop an atomic bomb of a breakup on you suddenly?
However, like av98m said, sometimes, we don't know which outfit fits us best until we've tried several on. That said, I guess the best we can do when we're being dumped is to mourn over it for a while, and then force ourselves to realise that ultimately, it's all for the best - it's best that we get dumped by someone who isn't sure they can and want to walk life's journey with us rather than to marry them and then find that you're on different tandems and you can't jive together. Divorce is infinitely worse because of the legal implications and all that. If you've broken up, you tick 'Single' under Marital Status but well, a divorce is a divorce and there are still sorry souls out there who'll think that something's wrong with you if you're a divorcee, the sorry sods! 
Ah well, let's raise a toast to all who are still single in here! May we find the outfit that fits us best this year! -
I've thought about this for a while now, and I still think it isn't fair to label people who are stuck in the mourning stage 'weak personalities'.Originally posted by thinkdifferent:That's right. The mourning is there for a reason. It's a way to deal with the trauma. But one should be careful as it can easily happen that the person gets stucked in this state of mind for a very long time or for ever. Especially the weak personalities are in such a danger.
Think... what if the couple was already at the threshold of marriage with the invitation cards sent out and all that?
Or, what if the couple was very close and intimate... and I'm not referring solely to physical intimacy - I think emotional intimacy is even more precious because not everyone can go on a deep level with someone and to have earned the deep resounding trust of another soul is indeed very precious... and then, to have that trust betrayed... it's going to feel like the world has crumbled under your feet.
Some people love 'deeper' than others. It's hard to measure since there's no love gauge per se... but what I mean is, there are those who love deeply and those who love 'sensibly'. There are people who enter into marriages because they're in the throes of a deep crush or infatuation, others who do so because it's a 'marriage of convenience', ie. he's got a steady job, he can provide me with a good lifestyle, our families are of similar 'status', etc. but there are the romantics who marry because they love someone truly, madly, deeply. The love someone till it aches and they will gladly yield their very life if necessary, to keep their loved one safe. And even if their loved one should suffer from a stroke a day after marriage, they will STILL uphold their marriage vows and not abandon that person... DEEP love...
In such situations, if the loved one is lost or dumped, the mourning may take ages... years even. If you've met a soulmate, only to have that soulmate turn their backs on you, you don't mourn for just a few days... trust me, you may mourn for YEARS.
Of course, if you're the what I term 'One Size Fits All' type, meaning, it's easy for you to find a partner, any partner, cause well, you get along with everyone and you don't really have a set of difficult criteria, then it's going to be a breeze for you to enter in and out of relationships. The majority of people I know fit into this category.
But, if like me, you definitely ain't of the 'One Size Fits All' category, you're super selective about who you keep as friends, you find it hard to find a kindred soul who actually understands what you're talking about, where you're coming from, etc. then, when you DO find that one special person, it is ONE very very SPECIAL person. Unique. Irreplaceable.
And should I lose that someone, I will unashamedly mourn my loss for as long as my heart wants to.
If you have lost a part of your soul, a portion of your heart, a piece of your mind, and a segment of your future and dreams, you're not a 'weak personality' if you mourn your loss over a prolonged period.
Afterall, if it was truly cherished and deeply-loved, you don't really ever entirely get over it... -
Hey Rhonda you may be familiar with this songOriginally posted by Rhonda:OK, I've made up my mind...
Abandon all search for that knight in shining armour! That shining armour's probably rusty at the hidden joints!
OK, I shall stop kidding now!
Peter Cetera
"Glory of Love"
listen to it online at http://peachpatch.com/glory.html
Tonight it's very clear,
Cause we're both lying here.
There's so many things I wanna say.
I will always love you,
I will never leave you alone.
Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret,
It breaks my heart to see you crying.
I don't want to lose you,
I could never make it alone.
I am a man who would fight for your honor.
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of.
We'll live forever, knowing together,
That we did it all for the glory of love.
You keep me standing tall.
You help me through it all.
I'm always strong when you're beside me.
I have always needed you,
I could never make it alone.
I am a man who would fight for your honor.
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of.
We'll live forever, knowing together,
That we did it all for the glory of love.
That's like a knight in shining armor,
From a long time ago.
Just in time I will save the day,
Take you to my castle far away.
I am the man who will fight for your honor.
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of.
We're gonna live forever, knowing together,
That we did it all for the glory of love.
We live forever, knowing together,
That we did it all for the glory of love.
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love -
Originally posted by Rhonda:Ah well, let's raise a toast to all who are still single in here! May we find the outfit that fits us best this year!
Piano Man by Billy Joel
Yes, theyÂ’re sharing a drink they call loneliness
But itÂ’s better than drinkinÂ’ alone -
Rhonda i agree with you... people who are hurt by the process are not weak. It is true that you will hurt for a long time to come and every time you see two people together you long for that half that has gone from your life. However I do not beliee that the person was "your soulmate". I consider soulmate mutuals, clearly to lose someone you have spent many a years with is awful to say the least.Originally posted by Rhonda:I've thought about this for a while now, and I still think it isn't fair to label people who are stuck in the mourning stage 'weak personalities'.
..... read above too long to repost lol....
If you have lost a part of your soul, a portion of your heart, a piece of your mind, and a segment of your future and dreams, you're not a 'weak personality' if you mourn your loss over a prolonged period.
Afterall, if it was truly cherished and deeply-loved, you don't really ever entirely get over it...
But its amazing how quickly you get over a person when you finaly meet someone better
Just give new people in your "new" life a chance. For fear of getting hurt will mean you will never allow someone else close to you, and that will be a tragedy. -
Just read thru 1st page, scan thru 2nd page.
Even though its meant to be a humourous topic... I dont know if I should laugh or cry. -
Hmm....This is a veri interesting topic....Read the replies and some r very true...Some veri funni also...ha
Haizz...A person can fall for a person easily, but a person can take dunno how damn long to forget a person.....
Although u noe that person is far from perfect, u still want to be with him/her and accept their flaws, hoping to change them into better persons....Maybe thats juz plain stupidity on my side when the other party doens't even want to care a bit...
Life never stops for anyone or anything....No one will cry for you if you lose someone dear to you...Its not how you fall, its how you get up after a fall.... -
I am exactly in that situation, already for months... I use the humour to hide the sadness. But I also carry on and think positive, I don't want to miss anything from my life because of my sadness. And here it goes... you all made me to reveal what I didn't want to reveal in the forum. And I wouldn't like to tell more about it.Originally posted by Rhonda:I've thought about this for a while now, and I still think it isn't fair to label people who are stuck in the mourning stage 'weak personalities'.
Think... what if the couple was already at the threshold of marriage with the invitation cards sent out and all that?
Or, what if the couple was very close and intimate... and I'm not referring solely to physical intimacy - I think emotional intimacy is even more precious because not everyone can go on a deep level with someone and to have earned the deep resounding trust of another soul is indeed very precious... and then, to have that trust betrayed... it's going to feel like the world has crumbled under your feet.
Some people love 'deeper' than others. It's hard to measure since there's no love gauge per se... but what I mean is, there are those who love deeply and those who love 'sensibly'. There are people who enter into marriages because they're in the throes of a deep crush or infatuation, others who do so because it's a 'marriage of convenience', ie. he's got a steady job, he can provide me with a good lifestyle, our families are of similar 'status', etc. but there are the romantics who marry because they love someone truly, madly, deeply. The love someone till it aches and they will gladly yield their very life if necessary, to keep their loved one safe. And even if their loved one should suffer from a stroke a day after marriage, they will STILL uphold their marriage vows and not abandon that person... DEEP love...
In such situations, if the loved one is lost or dumped, the mourning may take ages... years even. If you've met a soulmate, only to have that soulmate turn their backs on you, you don't mourn for just a few days... trust me, you may mourn for YEARS.
Of course, if you're the what I term 'One Size Fits All' type, meaning, it's easy for you to find a partner, any partner, cause well, you get along with everyone and you don't really have a set of difficult criteria, then it's going to be a breeze for you to enter in and out of relationships. The majority of people I know fit into this category.
But, if like me, you definitely ain't of the 'One Size Fits All' category, you're super selective about who you keep as friends, you find it hard to find a kindred soul who actually understands what you're talking about, where you're coming from, etc. then, when you DO find that one special person, it is ONE very very SPECIAL person. Unique. Irreplaceable.
And should I lose that someone, I will unashamedly mourn my loss for as long as my heart wants to.
If you have lost a part of your soul, a portion of your heart, a piece of your mind, and a segment of your future and dreams, you're not a 'weak personality' if you mourn your loss over a prolonged period.
Afterall, if it was truly cherished and deeply-loved, you don't really ever entirely get over it...
As for my friend, I know how to support her because I exactly know how she feels. -
OK, it's late on Friday night and to be candid I've skimmed through most of the posts here at best.
However, by the halfway point through the thread starter one point sticks out: what the hell makes anyone think that "happy" means giggling like an idiot?
Get a dictionary, get an understanding of the deeper implications of the word "happy" and get a grip. -
My thread was simply meant to be a parody, not to start a serious discussion about relationships. Else I would have posted it in the aunt agony as I already said. I think it is important to be able to laugh, smile and think positive also in hard times. And I wouldn't be so disgusting and insensitive to make a parody if someone would die.Originally posted by Kan_i:Let me start by saying boo hoo hoo
I find it comical that u ask us guys to be kind to our gf when we dumping them. What about the reverse? Infact can you realy be kind when you are leaving a relationship no matter the duration.
As i and most people understand the dumper is never in a frame of mind of being kind. And yes the dumpee always suffer, regardless of male or female.
It takes 2 to form a relationship and if 1 side does not want the relationship, no matter what you want/need there is no future.
I have a close cousin that has been recently "dumped" with very little explanation as to why, after 6 years. He is ready and willing to marry her, if rthat has crossed over the minds of many a female here. I can tell you he bothers me everyday with his sadness and self blame, the "what if i had done bla blah blah". Now he doesnt smoke, womanise or even go out with chicks other than groups with her friends and he has kinda chosen her over his friends, as a result have no ties with his old friends. So to claim that guys be kind to your girlfriends is sterotypical at its most extreme.
My advise to your greiving friend is consider that if he realy loved you he would have stayed and it is (using the cliche) "Better to have loved and lose, than never have loved at all."
Be humble that you have given it your all and you are not the reason why he left.
Love is not a game and if you see it as such, remember that the other person will probably see it the same way. We all know games come to an end.
The Danger of such a "risky" game is if he comes back many months, even after several years, and you take him back, thats when the games is dangerous. I have seen many of my friends fight and split, and come back after a week or month, but non of them left each other cause they did not love the other or wanted to see what was over the other fence.
Another cousin (yes they are all sops lol) took his gf back, after she had her "room" and relationships in between no doubt, only to be dumped again many months later. I think hes still hooked up on her as any realtionships he forms have been short at best.
well thats my 15cents worth -
I think women should stop thinking like victims and start victimising men
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So that was supposed to be a Kaufman/Allen kinda thing?Originally posted by thinkdifferent:My thread was simply meant to be a parody, not to start a serious discussion about relationships. Else I would have posted it in the aunt agony as I already said. I think it is important to be able to laugh, smile and think positive also in hard times. And I wouldn't be so disgusting and insensitive to make a parody if someone would die. -
Hang me, drown me, quarter me, I deserve it for thinking differently.Originally posted by Gedanken:So that was supposed to be a Kaufman/Allen kinda thing?