To have, or not to have kids? What's your take?
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i want minimum 3 maximum 4
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another remarkable piece from a_splash .....Originally posted by a_splash:or maybe look from another angle....
be kind to the children...if mentally not prepared to raise them, best not to give birth to them then...cos they are only innocent ones who grows up accordingly to wat's given onto them....
children are more than pets and hobbies....the reward is now and not future....u take care of them they give you the joy....u see them grow (there are many things u learn in the process if you do put your heart to feel, heard and observe), u put your theory to work and see if it works....(if theory don't work also nbmind lah....which biz venture guarantees profit one
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wat the future is going to be, no one knows.....nothing is predictable mah....there are filial ones, there are unfilial ones around.....
ok only a involved parent can see these : children can enrich your life, make you see the beauty of the world you hv not seen before, give you enormous strength to life thru setback etc etc...
on the other hand, they can also be someone u find tearing your life, a timebomb to your life or even a disaster, if you neber was prepared and nber want to be prepared.......really depends on individual
so i think its good that couples think properly if they are prepared for them and confident enugh to take the challenge....
of course most imptly couples' relationship in the first place must be stable....its like if the foundation of the high rise building is not good, how to hv the building etc....sure to fail mah....
i like the part "the reward is now and not future...."
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choco, that's a really steady-pom-pi-pi way of viewing eventual motherhood.Originally posted by choco B:I think there are very few good reasons to have children . A couple of valid ones to me are - because you love children and you are ready for them. When you've got the capacity to love them and the capacity to bring them up right, that's when you're ready. Any other reason doesn't really hold water IMO.
Personally I've never liked kids and they've never been a To Do item in my life. On a deeper level I'm deathly scared of having kids and its implications - having to take on massive responsibility for yourself and dependents, a massive change in lifestyle, etc ..... it's just mind boggling. I don't wanna give up the right to be selfish and a child yet.
But I have reconciled that I'll have children, but strictly, in my own time. I guess I'll do ok as a mom. I view it as a long-term project , like work I need to sit back and put some impersonal distance between me and motherhood, so that I won't be crippled by fear and doubt.
I've never heard it expressed in a better way. 
"When you've got the capacity to love them and the capacity to bring them up right, that's when you're ready." This is so true and so is your later phrase about giving up the right to be selfish when one wants to be a parent.
I think a lot of couples take parenthood as a 'natural progression' without considering if they're really ready for it or not. Best to have a child when you're really ready instead of because your husband or parents or parents-in-law or grandparents are expecting a baby from you.
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If I dun like kids, I wun have them even if folks 'forces'
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Yeah, agreed! Well-written. I think I like this phrase in a_splash's post :Originally posted by InnoHippo:another remarkable piece from a_splash .....
i like the part "the reward is now and not future...."
"of course most imptly couples' relationship in the first place must be stable....its like if the foundation of the high rise building is not good, how to hv the building etc....sure to fail mah...." -
Bullocks... as if I have that kind of power.Originally posted by Gazelle:RUBBISH!!. This is just another fallacy from the moderator who always discourage people getting married and having children.
You obviously have diffiulties handling opinions that are different from your own. If you have problems with a different opinion, challenge the ideas instead of assaulting the person. But I guess that's assuming you're capable of doing something like that.
As usual, you aren't welcome in Club 30. Never was, and never will be. I wonder why you're always hanging around when you jolly well know that you're not welcome in here.
My old old OLD warning remains... continue in here, and I shall edit out ALL your posts. -
With #2 on the way, you don't have to think of such problems anymore liao!Originally posted by sbst275:If I dun like kids, I wun have them even if folks 'forces' -
Originally posted by Rhonda:With #2 on the way, you don't have to think of such problems anymore liao!
Actually, I bet they want a soccer team
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one other reason why a friend of mine doesn't want to have kids is that he feels that there are so many unwanted kids in the world that he doesn't want to add one of his own at the expense of another child. So he intends to adopt. I think that's wonderful too. I wouldnt mind adopting a kid if my finances allow me
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Your views are extremely bias towards your personal interest.Originally posted by Rhonda:Bullocks... as if I have that kind of power.
You obviously have diffiulties handling opinions that are different from your own. If you have problems with a different opinion, challenge the ideas instead of assaulting the person. But I guess that's assuming you're capable of doing something like that.
As usual, you aren't welcome in Club 30. Never was, and never will be. I wonder why you're always hanging around when you jolly well know that you're not welcome in here.
My old old OLD warning remains... continue in here, and I shall edit out ALL your posts. -
LOL its interesting reading all these posts....
most of u women sound like my SO... 1 reason you all have forgotten is that there are a lot of perverts around preying on children... cant trust most males its seems
Naturally i believe that you should have atleast 1 child... lol that is the number i will stop at lol.... needless to say i was quite convincing lol
I am not in any way saying that you shouldnt think about whether or not you are ready and that personal sacrafices will not be made... on the contrary a child realy gives your relationship a true test. Ego centric people cant handle not being number 1 lol and sometimes you forget that the other person needs love just as much as the child u are pouring love into.
My only advice is that think just as hard about how you feel when you are old and can not have children (lol men have a bit longer time), as you are coming up with reasons not to have a child, as u might find yourself later in life you regret not having a family of your own... because everything is just too hard now. If you are worried about who will look after the child... you should be able to talk to your partner and split the responsibility... lol or who ever wants the child more (guys dont fall in this trap, lesson learnt ) -
i'm a mother of one, still contentedly enjoying myself as being a mom, a lovely wife to hubby, a fun friend to my friends going clubbing holidays outings etc....
balance is important. i take things as easy come easy go.
going through experiences is different from theory cos things always do not turn out what one expected. -
twins is good enuff for me..
i dun wana see my good genes go to waste.. -
But of course! MY views mah!Originally posted by Gazelle:Your views are extremely bias towards your personal interest.
You mean, yours aren't? -
Wah Biangz!! So egotistic!!Originally posted by stellazio:twins is good enuff for me..
i dun wana see my good genes go to waste.. -
Awwwww... soooo sweeeeeet!!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:one other reason why a friend of mine doesn't want to have kids is that he feels that there are so many unwanted kids in the world that he doesn't want to add one of his own at the expense of another child. So he intends to adopt. I think that's wonderful too. I wouldnt mind adopting a kid if my finances allow me
It takes big-hearted people to know that the child doesn't have to be your own flesh-and-blood in order to be loved.
I guess that's why people warm up to Angelina Jolie, despite her man-eater ways! -
lol having a child is egotistic.... legacy u knowOriginally posted by Rhonda:Wah Biangz!! So egotistic!! -
your view? from what I know you are not married and you dont have kids, so how are you suppose to have your own view on this subject?Originally posted by Rhonda:But of course! MY views mah!
You mean, yours aren't? -
do u need to have sex before to know that its gonna be good?Originally posted by Gazelle:your view? from what I know you are not married and you dont have kids, so how are you suppose to have your own view on this subject?
do u need to hold a rifle before to know how to shoot it? -
having sex is different from making love, firing blanks is different from hitting the target. Before you even try it, I dont think you are in position to judge itOriginally posted by stellazio:do u need to have sex before to know that its gonna be good?
do u need to hold a rifle before to know how to shoot it?
can you be a scientist by watching discovery channel?
can you become a race car driver by playing xbox? -
I think you should re-read the subject heading before making such remarks.Originally posted by Gazelle:your view? from what I know you are not married and you dont have kids, so how are you suppose to have your own view on this subject?
I read it as "childless people" debating on the virtues and sacrafices that a child would bring.
Dont need to be married to have a child, lol dont even have to have a partner if you are a woman.... -
if you are not married or even close to getting married, and never experience married life or living together as husband and wife, how are you suppose to know the meaning and significant of having children?Originally posted by Kan_i:I think you should re-read the subject heading before making such remarks.
I read it as "childless people" debating on the virtues and sacrafices that a child would bring.
Dont need to be married to have a child, lol dont even have to have a partner if you are a woman.... -
i lurbe angelina jolie.. even if she hitched up with brad pitt..Hmm weird choice... but at least its not tom cruise. Humms.
I have a friend with a daughter abt 7. She leads a very full life still pursuing her hobby of mountaineering, going alpine climbing and all. When she treks, she will bring her daughter with her whenever she can and the little girl is hardy and tough when she goes on treks with us. Her duaghter is close to her.. and u know why she loves her mummy? Cos unlike other kids mummy... (in her words)... her mummy "brings her camping and dirty nevermind. " Heehee.
Quality of life compromised? I think it is really a choice of lifestyle that you pursue... and if you think your child cannot share that lifestyle that you love so much. -
and how my friend does being married help? I have seen lots of irresponsible married people who tear each other apart because of a child.Originally posted by Gazelle:if you are not married or even close to getting married, and never experience married life or living together as husband and wife, how are you suppose to know the meaning and significant of having children?
Not to mentioned use the child as a pawn... in a divorce.
Being married doesnt even remotely makes you competent on child rearing... even having a child doesnt make you an expert. -
Oh please! You speak as if you know my personal history!Originally posted by Gazelle:if you are not married or even close to getting married, and never experience married life or living together as husband and wife, how are you suppose to know the meaning and significant of having children?
OK, you know what I'll do if you post again! Mommy warned ya!