Facetious Flirting?
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If you're a gifted flirt,
talking about the price of eggs will do as well as any other subject.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Flirting is a fun, interactive socially acceptable human behaviour. We are all privy to it at some point or other in our lives, some... more so than others. It's all perfectly natural.
It is a means of introducing ourselves to the society in general; create an awareness of our existence, whilst using our self confidence to its maximum potential. It is pretty much harmless in nature, yet it can be the cause of major problems in a relationship. Often, gregariousness and friendliness is perceived as flirting - done without intent, of course, yet it may convey the 'wrong message' to a lot of people who don't understand us, or those who find it difficult to look beyond what they see.
A lot of people find it offensive and disrespectful, especially so if you are not one who enjoys a little bit of attention every now and then.
Perhaps some would prefer that their partner not flirt at all. This is maybe the ideal of most people, but it's not necessarily what you may have to deal with. Perception is a very funny thing. what may seem like normal banter to you, will send your partner into livid palpitations.
The way I see it, however... is that being in a relationship, whether you're married or otherwise, never means that you belong to, or own, your partner. Look beyond the surface and try to understand him/her. One should never require or demand that their partner change for them... accepting them means taking them as they are.
People change naturally with the ebb and flow of the relationship in the process of adapting to it. How does one conjure a change in personality under duress anyhow? It may make them fearful so much so that they put up a front for you... but will it make you feel better having speculations in your inner heart?
Think about it - and look into your partner's personality instead. People who have a very high self esteem often express themselves through friendly ways like many people do. Chances are, there is nothing behind the occassional smile and innuendo... it is highly probable that the attention simply gives them a flutter of flattery. some people get off on it. That's the way it goes... and there's absolutely nothing that we can do about it.
Assuming that you go ballistic, and demand that he stops all his 'nonsense' or better yet - show him how upset you are, give him the silent treatment and answer with a curt 'nothing!' when he asks what is it that has gotten you in a tizzy. So the both of you trash it out, with him promising not to be overly friendly ever again.
Then you start to wonder... does he do it when he's out with his buddies? And then you convince yourself that he does. Then you start dropping subtle remarks, although it is a huge possibility that you will never get the answer that would put your mind at ease. Perhaps there isn't even an answer to the questions that beleaguer you.
I do know, and am too familiar with the fact that when you love someone, there has to be a measure of possessiveness involved. But jealousy and possessiveness, are two entirely different things. Jealousy is often blind to reason - possessiveness just indicates that you treasure and cherish your partner, and don't ever want to risk not having them in your life.
Maybe the best way is to have an open and honest discussion with your partner... explain how his / her behaviour makes you feel, and try to reach an understanding. I understand that to those who are by nature jealous or insecure, having a flirtatious partner can be extremely damaging to your own self esteem. If you do not want to lose your partner but do not like the flirting, then you need to make a choice to either learn to accept this side of his or her personality, or exit the relationship and find someone who will not arouse any suspicions in you.
Either ways, it's your call.
What's your views? -
i like it when ppl flirt with me. Last nite at a house party this tall leggy blonde flirted with me.
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I have mixed feelings about this - I've been in relationships where I was so secure that my partner and I would do a li'l harmless flirting here and there and we wouldn't feel any jealousy about it.
It's just us being friendly but at the end of the day, the bottom line is, we loved each other.
I've also been in relationships where I wasn't assured enough of the guy's affections for me and so every little hint of flirting on his part would cause me anguish and confusion and suffering, etc... I'm sure some of you would be able to empathise with the agony!
So I guess for me, my reactions towards my SO doing a li'l flirting would depend on his character and how confident I am that he's wholesome and doesn't have any other intentions except to be friendly.
I remember one of my ex's declaring before, "A gentleman would never give his girlfriend cause to get jealous."
I guess each of us have different levels of what we deem 'acceptable' when it comes to flirting. As long as our SO understands our comfort level and does not keep pushing our limits, all will be well.
In any case, if you really love someone, and you know that your behaviour irritates the heck out of him/her, wouldn't you wanna modify and change so that they would be happier?
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i dun flirt bt everyon1 says i do...
so babyrs... is tt ava u?....
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I totally agree. It's about how comfortable you are with your partner and the understanding that both of you share.Originally posted by Rhonda:So I guess for me, my reactions towards my SO doing a li'l flirting would depend on his character and how confident I am that he's wholesome and doesn't have any other intentions except to be friendly.
I remember one of my ex's declaring before, "A gentleman would never give his girlfriend cause to get jealous."
I guess each of us have different levels of what we deem 'acceptable' when it comes to flirting. As long as our SO understands our comfort level and does not keep pushing our limits, all will be well.
In any case, if you really love someone, and you know that your behaviour irritates the heck out of him/her, wouldn't you wanna modify and change so that they would be happier?
It basically lies in the character of each individual - and how secure we are in the relationship. Changing / modifying oneself would have to come from one's personal 'want', for example... because you love your partner and you know it'd hurt her for you to be flirtatious, you don't do it anymore. Not because she asks you not to, but because you want to.
I think therein lies the difference. -
Originally posted by skeujin:i dun flirt bt everyon1 says i do...
so babyrs... is tt ava u?.... 
Wouldn't dream of passing off someone else as myself
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skeujin..sumone's flirting at u..tsk tskOriginally posted by BabyRS:
Wouldn't dream of passing off someone else as myself -
it's fun, when ppl flirt with me i make sure i will flirt back!Originally posted by BabyRS:If you're a gifted flirt,
talking about the price of eggs will do as well as any other subject.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Flirting is a fun, interactive socially acceptable human behaviour. We are all privy to it at some point or other in our lives, some... more so than others. It's all perfectly natural.
It is a means of introducing ourselves to the society in general; create an awareness of our existence, whilst using our self confidence to its maximum potential. It is pretty much harmless in nature, yet it can be the cause of major problems in a relationship. Often, gregariousness and friendliness is perceived as flirting - done without intent, of course, yet it may convey the 'wrong message' to a lot of people who don't understand us, or those who find it difficult to look beyond what they see.
A lot of people find it offensive and disrespectful, especially so if you are not one who enjoys a little bit of attention every now and then.
Perhaps some would prefer that their partner not flirt at all. This is maybe the ideal of most people, but it's not necessarily what you may have to deal with. Perception is a very funny thing. what may seem like normal banter to you, will send your partner into livid palpitations.
The way I see it, however... is that being in a relationship, whether you're married or otherwise, never means that you belong to, or own, your partner. Look beyond the surface and try to understand him/her. One should never require or demand that their partner change for them... accepting them means taking them as they are.
People change naturally with the ebb and flow of the relationship in the process of adapting to it. How does one conjure a change in personality under duress anyhow? It may make them fearful so much so that they put up a front for you... but will it make you feel better having speculations in your inner heart?
Think about it - and look into your partner's personality instead. People who have a very high self esteem often express themselves through friendly ways like many people do. Chances are, there is nothing behind the occassional smile and innuendo... it is highly probable that the attention simply gives them a flutter of flattery. some people get off on it. That's the way it goes... and there's absolutely nothing that we can do about it.
Assuming that you go ballistic, and demand that he stops all his 'nonsense' or better yet - show him how upset you are, give him the silent treatment and answer with a curt 'nothing!' when he asks what is it that has gotten you in a tizzy. So the both of you trash it out, with him promising not to be overly friendly ever again.
Then you start to wonder... does he do it when he's out with his buddies? And then you convince yourself that he does. Then you start dropping subtle remarks, although it is a huge possibility that you will never get the answer that would put your mind at ease. Perhaps there isn't even an answer to the questions that beleaguer you.
I do know, and am too familiar with the fact that when you love someone, there has to be a measure of possessiveness involved. But jealousy and possessiveness, are two entirely different things. Jealousy is often blind to reason - possessiveness just indicates that you treasure and cherish your partner, and don't ever want to risk not having them in your life.
Maybe the best way is to have an open and honest discussion with your partner... explain how his / her behaviour makes you feel, and try to reach an understanding. I understand that to those who are by nature jealous or insecure, having a flirtatious partner can be extremely damaging to your own self esteem. If you do not want to lose your partner but do not like the flirting, then you need to make a choice to either learn to accept this side of his or her personality, or exit the relationship and find someone who will not arouse any suspicions in you.
Either ways, it's your call.
What's your views? -
I like to flirt. It's one of my hobbies, hee... Flirt even though when i am attached
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Nobody flirt with me before
but i li siao ppl online -
I don't think I flirt though lots say I do
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ive been told i flirt lots......but in a good way!!
i wouldnt dream of flirting with someone like ah say....mcsquare......if i wasnt serious
hehehehe -
i dont know how to flirt
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gday sheila. u new to these parts?Originally posted by ozzy-gurl:ive been told i flirt lots......but in a good way!!
i wouldnt dream of flirting with someone like ah say....mcsquare......if i wasnt serious
hehehehe -
i get accused of flirting by guys..but girls wana talk to me..
my life is so terrible.. -
u think ur life is terrible? mine must be realy crap..to get pms frm a guy wanting to get inside my pantsOriginally posted by stellazio:i get accused of flirting by guys..but girls wana talk to me..
my life is so terrible.. -
I flirt just as much with my partner as I do with all the other people combined.
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i've been called the "unconscious flirt" and an outright flirt...
however, here's my take on things...
i don't have a Mrs Bear now.. however if i did, maybe i would change.. basically i don't want her to feel threatened, or anything... i'm hers.. totally..
flirting? it's harmless... unless there are ulterior motives..
but you would know immediately if there was -
comes with age as well...as one grows older, the urge to flirt subsides....
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I just try to set up a friendly converation and tanking the girl that has help me in printing the econs notes for the class and my friends call me a flirt.
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Actually, flirting is not age-specific... there are lao ah peks who STILL flirt. I mean, haven't you heard of those hum sup retirees flirting with their maids or with the PRC's in Geylang?
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u? mai sianOriginally posted by alexkusu:i dont know how to flirt 
mi then dunno how to flirt -
WAH I LIKE YOUR ARTICLE SIA
describes me. lol.
its like describing my life, its like meant for me.
lately every girl i know has been calling me a flirt. i dont know about this until one of my friend inform me about these rumours flying about.
they say the reason was that i change girl everyday, meaning i'm with a different girl everyday.
what we do, is normally we stick together, eat together stuff like that, talk together. childish people see it that we're together, but cmon, ain they open enough to see its a common good friendster, interacting with each other, understanding each other better?
ya so next day i'm with another girl doing the stuff i stated above, but oh god. youre saying i'm flirting with her? c'mon man ain they all grown up in china or what. why cant they be more open, its like 21st century alrdy man. sup with all these stuff.
and i have this girlfriend who is just too oversensitive, act like i belong to her kinda, insensitive, and has a impressive ability to think alot. thinking of negative things of course, and the way she perceives things really piss the shit out of you. its either you die , or she's going to die. so ya everything bad had to end to make way for a better tomorrow. mean like man, whats wrong with her. i wonder why we'll got together in the first place. man i guess its me whos blinded from the start, and she has a way of marketing herself to make her seem like the person she isnt now. things got bad after we got together, yea.
attempts to make her improve had failed. failed terribly. note that its not to change her, its a step to get her more chances in the market, so that more guys might like her.
i guess had to know the partner more so as to avoid such screwed situations, which i promise, you wouldnt feel good a single bit -
Sometimes I think women can be rather 'ultra-sensitive' when it comes to men showing them a little attention. Maybe the guy in question IS naturally caring, chivalrous, and part of the dying (if not already dead) breed. Maybe they genuinely are helpful by nature, regardless of who the person in question is. I've known some women who completely take it for granted that they are being 'sien-ned' Not shy...
To some men, it can be an ego boosting therapy. They flirt to see a reaction, to feel good about having someone reciprocate their 'advances'. It does wonders to have the most sought after woman hanging on to your every word. A sense of accomplishment, in that sense. That's probably why the women end up with the suave glib talkers. I've long stopped wondering: "What the hell does he / she see in him / her?" whenever I see a couple that's not run of the mill.
Most flirting done IS basically harmless. When the serious stuff happens - you get tongue tied, you become a klutz in front of the person, fumble and say the wrong things while unknowingly sporting this geeky vacant grin. Don't even hope for a witty pick up line! Thinking of a sentence to say to that person can take you the whole night before the date!
I think therein lies the HUGE difference. -
at 1st glance i tght u was a fren of mine...Originally posted by BabyRS:
Wouldn't dream of passing off someone else as myself