So 'Macho'...!!
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What is it that makes most men so afraid to let their emotions show? Does it mean that if they were to shed a tear or two it'll make them less of a man than their counterparts?
Is it all about ego? And if so... why is there a need to stroke that constantly?
Since the beginning of time, the male species have always been deemed as the provider and the protector. He is the one who maintains the family, protects them and brings home the bacon. Does it all mean, then... that he has no right to show his emotions? To be afraid when he feels afraid, to reach out when he needs help, and to cry when he feels sad. I'm not sure... maybe most think that by showing a smidgen of weakness it makes them vulnerable.
I've always admired a man who is confident enough of his 'manliness' to show that he is also human. Nothing garners more respect from me than a man who puts his Ego on the line and shows his true emotions. I believe that every Man, no matter how 'New Age' they are; have a certain degree of egotistical tendencies in them. It is this aspect of their emotions that a woman should always keep in check.
Fine... your husband or boyfriend treats you as an equal, for e.g: he has no qualms whatsoever about you being the higher wage earner in the relationship. Yet at the same time... I'm pretty sure that he would appreciate you still treating him as the Head of the Family, as someone whose word ultimately goes.
On the flip side of the coin...as egotistical a Man can be, Women too, can be quite a handful. Two such separate and distinctive entities - never the twain shall meet?
Perhaps that is the reason we all realise that Falling in Love is Easy ~ Maintaining the Love is what takes a lot of Work.
Me? I've always believed that a Woman should always be a chameleon for the one she loves. To him she should be a Wife, a Lover, a Hooker, a Sister, a Mother and most of all a Friend. (...All the World's a Stage! to quote from Shakespeare) Quite a daunting task, I realise.
Then again, nobody said Loving and Being in Love was easy.... I just wish the men would help us out here a little by being slightly more 'sensitive' to our often ridiculous needs. We don't need someone to hide behind and protect us from the big bad world... sometimes all we need is a someone who genuinely gives us a little support and understanding.
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I agree with your points, but....
Well....I also wish women will help us men out by communicating their needs. Clearly. I find that many women expect us to be mind-readers and that just drives me nuts. All this unnecessary walking on eggshells. If I ever get married(despite looking like an ugly donkey and being poor to boot,), it will be to a woman who speaks her mind and doesn't play games. -
it's a macho testosterone thing...
because men are hardwired to be the hunter/warrior... the moment we show our "weaknesses" (read that as fear, pain, even mercy) we'd be eaten alive on the hunting ground or battlefield (not that we aren't anyway)
but i figure, things are changing... the role of men and women have dramatically changed in the past few generations... in the 50s and 60s, you still see dad coming home to mom, the housewife, looking after a brood of little children... the roles were fixed... dad's the one who brings home the bacon... mom's the one who look after the house and children..
however, in the past couple of generations, things have changed... perhaps we can look at the blasted capitalists who turned the world into a consumerism hell, or we can look at the emacipation of women to be "equals"
why i put "equals" in quotation marks is that men and women were never and will never be "equal" as we both have our strengths and weaknesses..
to fight over them in a stupid "battle of the sexes" is dumb and whoever came up with that idea ought to have their lives extended artificially just to be tortured until the person dies
like av says, sometimes, the guys need to be told outright... we aren't mindreaders.. we see things sometimes in the BIG picture.. that being we love our partners enough to willingly give our right arms in order to make her happy, and that we're trying our damnest to do so, and that we're faithful and caring, that's what we can do without question.. and if womenfolk need more, please tell us directly instead of going through "you ought to know" and then slamming shut the door, leaving the man puzzled, lost and hurting but not knowing what the heck happened...
as for guys, we know we're thick as heck and hey, you know the book "what men know about women"? it's true...
but we loves ya anyway
so, times have changed.. the "macho" man is still around because we're hardwired to be so.. however, maybe it is evolution, maybe we're getting less dense, and by the laws of relativity, getting less dim, the stoic man is rarely stoic anymore when in the company of his partner.. he may be in front of others but the walls which he builds against others, she's inside that fortress with him -
i wonder if nel can read all my thoughts...Originally posted by av98m:I agree with your points, but....
Well....I also wish women will help us men out by communicating their needs. Clearly. I find that many women expect us to be mind-readers and that just drives me nuts. All this unnecessary walking on eggshells. If I ever get married(despite looking like an ugly donkey and being poor to boot,), it will be to a woman who speaks her mind and doesn't play games.
i find it hard to tell him what i'm thinkin sometime.. i'm not really good with words
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generally, i dun think men (of this age) are afraid to show their emotions. i think they needed somebody or someone that they feel comfortable with. someone that really listens.Originally posted by BabyRS:What is it that makes most men so afraid to let their emotions show? Does it mean that if they were to shed a tear or two it'll make them less of a man than their counterparts?
Is it all about ego? And if so... why is there a need to stroke that constantly?
I've always admired a man who is confident enough of his 'manliness' to show that he is also human. Nothing garners more respect from me than a man who puts his Ego on the line and shows his true emotions. I believe that every Man, no matter how 'New Age' they are; have a certain degree of egotistical tendencies in them. It is this aspect of their emotions that a woman should always keep in check.
On the flip side of the coin...as egotistical a Man can be, Women too, can be quite a handful. Two such separate and distinctive entities - never the twain shall meet?
Me? I've always believed that a Woman should always be a chameleon for the one she loves. To him she should be a Wife, a Lover, a Hooker, a Sister, a Mother and most of all a Friend. (...All the World's a Stage! to quote from Shakespeare) Quite a daunting task, I realise.
I just wish the men would help us out here a little by being slightly more 'sensitive' to our often ridiculous needs. We don't need someone to hide behind and protect us from the big bad world... sometimes all we need is a someone who genuinely gives us a little support and understanding.
everybody has a fair amt of ego. it is just how each interpret it.
what i dun understand is that why does a woman/gf/wifey needs to be on a 'hooker' role? doesn't the lover role already supercedes the former role? if its on the issue of sexual well-being, then isn't it better for the woman to perform the role of a lover to the best extent? it is more enjoyable, long lasting and definitely scores better in bed, not to mention that the guy might be able to substain an erection longer.
there is a major difference between making love and having sex.
as u mentioned, often 'ridiculous' needs...how can any men be consistent to/with these demands? its not only daunting but its more than demanding and not sensitive to the feelings of the men at all.
i wish at times, women will reflect upon their whinnings and whim just so that their men can be allowed to hone their sensitivity towards them more. attaining sensitivity and more don't take form overnight. -
It is true that men are not really sensitive to the needs of women. Men themselves often neglect their own needs as well. Men have to often have to look beyound the sensitivity of issues and focus on the big picture. Man is like the captain. U cant have both the crew and the captain panic together in time of emergency. Often there will be a need scenarios a few to safe the rest. Therefore a man has to often put aside their emotional feelings and focus on the bigger task at hand.
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Sometimes ..... I even cry ........
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I agree with you on all counts, because what you have stated makes perfect sense. But what I was actually addressing are the 'masks' that we wear on a non personal level. Is it the norm or the accepted way a man should behave in public? More than that - are most men succumbing to the societal pressure?Originally posted by tiggersgd:generally, i dun think men (of this age) are afraid to show their emotions. i think they needed somebody or someone that they feel comfortable with. someone that really listens.
everybody has a fair amt of ego. it is just how each interpret it.
what i dun understand is that why does a woman/gf/wifey needs to be on a 'hooker' role? doesn't the lover role already supercedes the former role? if its on the issue of sexual well-being, then isn't it better for the woman to perform the role of a lover to the best extent? it is more enjoyable, long lasting and definitely scores better in bed, not to mention that the guy might be able to substain an erection longer.
there is a major difference between making love and having sex.
as u mentioned, often 'ridiculous' needs...how can any men be consistent to/with these demands? its not only daunting but its more than demanding and not sensitive to the feelings of the men at all.
i wish at times, women will reflect upon their whinnings and whim just so that their men can be allowed to hone their sensitivity towards them more. attaining sensitivity and more don't take form overnight.
With age, I believe that as cliched as it may be, we do get wiser. We know what we want, we are aware of our own feelings, and most importantly - we would have come to a point whereby we are comfortable being ourselves, faults and all - to project our real selves to people whom we care about. Most of us, however, without any distinction to either sex; do maintain a form of 'facade' to people whom we may not be familiar with - or in places where adaptability is the name of the game. Facade, as I use it in this context, does not mean that we are superficial or hypocritical... rather, it is more of an image that we choose to project - either to protect ourselves, or to garner more 'trust' and 'affinity' with people whom we deal with on a less personal level.
Picture this scenario.
Steven, a middle aged man - loves his family, has a great job... and is the epitome of a perfect husband and father. He discusses issues with his wife, and would not dream of making any major decisions without her support. And then we next see Steven in a club, where he is entertaining his clients in the hope that it'd grease the way to the million dollar deal just waiting to be signed. He becomes the total opposite of himself - boorish, loud, and acting as though he is 'all male'. Or the idea of what a man (as how the majority of society dictates) should be like , at least.
Why the need to do so? Will it make him half of a man in the other men's eyes if he were to be his usual self?
Of course, not all men are like that - I do know and have encountered some who are truly open and comfortable with who they really are... but they are very few, and far in between. What I do notice, however, is that most of these individuals have very high self esteems. Which is all good!
The downside to this, however, is that they can be quite full of themselves and impossibly obstinate. Again - I'm making a generalisation here... but nonetheless, I believe this to be a trait that most self confident people have a hard time detaching themselves from. It is too much of an 'Action-Reaction' behaviour. One's ego is fed by one's abilities and accoplishments. Not everyone can be as humble as they'd like to be.
---- about the 'hooker' thing - that was just a graphic exaggeration on my part. Of course I do not mean it as the word is often used - rather, I am of the belief that sexual fulfillment not only comes from love between two people, but also in the constant quest to understand each other's preferences as well as the effort made to keep the physical part of the relationship alive. It is a joint effort - and sad to say, most people (both men and women) tend to just take it as simply part and parcel of the relationship once the honeymoon period subsides and they enter into that comfort zone. They aren't too comfortable abouyt vocalising their needs, likes... or dislikes.
Now - the women. As a woman, even *I* cannot escape the fact that it is tough to really know a woman inside out. I would have to readily admit that more often than not, the fairer sex does bewilder more than is necessary, if at all. I've never understood the whining bits - I take my hat off to men who can live with it and still have a smile on their faces whilst placating their partners who are getting more pouty by the minute fuelled by the extra attention. Patience? Or Over indulgence? Or simply a shuttup tactic? Another grouse of mine would be when the curt answer to a "What's Wrong / What's troubling you?" is a nonchalant "Nothing." Yet if their expressions are anything to go by, there is more than just something!
As much as men can be 'insensitive'... perhaps with a little bit of guidance and hints (if you must) - they would actually become more aware of their partner's likes and dislikes. It works both ways, though. Am not talking about a compromise here - I think compromises just involves both parties having to forgo and 'settle with' a situation that would most likely keep the peace. Don't be calculative in a relationship... there is never 'I love you more' or 'You love me more'. Even if it means having to adapt yourself so that you can meet halfway, it is worth the effort if the relationship means a lot to you. There will be other times when your partner makes the effort for you.
In my ideal world - it's pretty simple. Make the effort to understand each other. It's a lot tougher than it seems.
Guys - it's OK to fall apart sometimes... we don't expect you to always bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. And for us women, trust is the fundamental basic ingredient in the relationship. Never give a man a reason to lie to you because you can be unreasonably demanding. Respect his views - and never put him down in front of others.
And take the time to show each other that you care. -
I guess I'd like a man who's not pretentious. I'd rather he be who he is, and then, notwithstanding whether I or other ladies are comfortable with the real him or not, at least, he's authentic and not putting up some macho act, y'know.
I think a guy who's not 'macho' and knows he isn't and doesn't pretend to be one, is more acceptable than one who's not 'macho' but thinks he is and goes around acting like one. The latter can be such a turn-off!