What's your relationship with your relatives?
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I would believe that there are people who are extremely close to their relatives. Personally, I share so-so relationships with mine. Relatively close to my cousins but not to my aunts and uncles.
I'm writing this because my dad told me that my uncle complained that ever since I got married, I have not called upon them
It is like such a huge issue that I no longer treat them as family since I got married as I didn't call. My point is that even before I got married, I've never once made a phone call to them before so why is this an issue now?
Anyway, had a few sms exchanges with my dad and I was wondering if I was being a tad mean and bitchy in my replies
Well, it's not directed at my dad though but I did say some nasty things.
The jist of it in the end is they can think what they want and they can cry about how mean their niece is when they didn't even care at all in the beginning. I can't bring myself to be 'nice' and just call to say Hi when I have nothing to talk to them about.
I think maybe because I'm still pissed off at them on how they reacted when I said I'm going to marry my SO. In that sense I am still carrying that emotional baggage and not forgiving them for it. -
Don't bother....Originally posted by elindra:I would believe that there are people who are extremely close to their relatives. Personally, I share so-so relationships with mine. Relatively close to my cousins but not to my aunts and uncles.
I'm writing this because my dad told me that my uncle complained that ever since I got married, I have not called upon them It is like such a huge issue that I no longer treat them as family since I got married as I didn't call. My point is that even before I got married, I've never once made a phone call to them before so why is this an issue now?
Anyway, had a few sms exchanges with my dad and I was wondering if I was being a tad mean and bitchy in my replies Well, it's not directed at my dad though but I did say some nasty things.
The jist of it in the end is they can think what they want and they can cry about how mean their niece is when they didn't even care at all in the beginning. I can't bring myself to be 'nice' and just call to say Hi when I have nothing to talk to them about.
I think maybe because I'm still pissed off at them on how they reacted when I said I'm going to marry my SO. In that sense I am still carrying that emotional baggage and not forgiving them for it. -
I haven't seen my relatives for so many years I can't even recognise them anymore. And I intend to keep it that way.
Yes, I don't like them very much.
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Not close at all. Father's side got 5 generations. Mother's side got 3 generations. At the most we meet during CNY, if not, we will only meet when everyone has to be around.. eg Funeral.
That's really bad, isn't it? -
You sound exactly like my SO.Originally posted by av98m:I haven't seen my relatives for so many years I can't even recognise them anymore. And I intend to keep it that way.
Yes, I don't like them very much.
He avoids them at all costs even at Christmas. -
I like my cousins and a few aunts and uncles.
We don't meet often but when we do, I have a good time catching up with my cousins and other relatives. It helps that everyone is polite and mild-mannered and doesn't ask uncomfortable questions, and even if they do, they are kinda asking out of concern and it shows so it's kewl. 
Now that the wedding fiasco is over and things have settled down somewhat, I even love my sis-in-law! She's actually a nice, easy-going person.
There's only an aunt that my family and grandparents dislike, and that's cause she's very money-faced and opportunistic. And oh, an uncle who's way too frank and loud-mouthed, and who makes in-your-face remarks without considering the feelings of the other party.
I avoid those two like the plague. 
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my relationship is... i have no idea if its good or bad. I don't meet them much nowadays as im overseas. I don't really want to meet them because I dunno what they'll say to the changes I've gone thru. But I have a cousin who brings tour groups to Europe and everytime he's in London we meet up and another who's coming over to London for a year to do his post-grad. I think they might be more accepting of the chances in me, and I feel that I might not be so isolated from them as I am from the others.
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I like my relatives from my mum's side of the familyOriginally posted by Rhonda:I like my cousins and a few aunts and uncles. We don't meet often but when we do, I have a good time catching up with my cousins and other relatives. It helps that everyone is polite and mild-mannered and doesn't ask uncomfortable questions, and even if they do, they are kinda asking out of concern and it shows so it's kewl.
Now that the wedding fiasco is over and things have settled down somewhat, I even love my sis-in-law! She's actually a nice, easy-going person.
There's only an aunt that my family and grandparents dislike, and that's cause she's very money-faced and opportunistic. And oh, an uncle who's way too frank and loud-mouthed, and who makes in-your-face remarks without considering the feelings of the other party. I avoid those two like the plague.
They are totally easy-going and non-invasive
For my dad's side, I can only say that there are now further conflicts in the relationship after how they opposed and said some pretty shitty things about my SO. -
Hmm... it's hardly a mystery why you'd prefer the relatives on your mom's side rather than those on your dad's side, in your case.Originally posted by elindra:I like my relatives from my mum's side of the family
They are totally easy-going and non-invasive
For my dad's side, I can only say that there are now further conflicts in the relationship after how they opposed and said some pretty shitty things about my SO.
There's no pleasing everyone so just let that uncle kpkb lor. I mean, does he expect you two to visit him often after making comments about your SO and your wedding?
Ah well, just stick to the nicer peeps! -
I think it's always easier to get along with people who don't impose their judgements on you and who are able to make you feel comfortable being yourself around them.Originally posted by HENG@:my relationship is... i have no idea if its good or bad. I don't meet them much nowadays as im overseas. I don't really want to meet them because I dunno what they'll say to the changes I've gone thru. But I have a cousin who brings tour groups to Europe and everytime he's in London we meet up and another who's coming over to London for a year to do his post-grad. I think they might be more accepting of the chances in me, and I feel that I might not be so isolated from them as I am from the others. -
Originally posted by Rhonda:Hmm... it's hardly a mystery why you'd prefer the relatives on your mom's side rather than those on your dad's side, in your case.
There's no pleasing everyone so just let that uncle kpkb lor. I mean, does he expect you two to visit him often after making comments about your SO and your wedding?
Ah well, just stick to the nicer peeps!
Just feeling frustrated and getting it out of my system.
My dad was telling me to forgive and forget and let go of the emotional baggage.
Easier said than done!
Not when it got to the point where I had to threaten them to shut up -
no la, chia tork or wedding dinner also can gather around ma. not necesary in funeral or si lang ka lai gather rite?Originally posted by browniebaobao:Not close at all. Father's side got 5 generations. Mother's side got 3 generations. At the most we meet during CNY, if not, we will only meet when everyone has to be around.. eg Funeral.
That's really bad, isn't it?
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The way you feel about your paternal relatives is fully justified.
But it'd be a sad waste if the animosity there caused friction between you and your dad.Originally posted by elindra:
Just feeling frustrated and getting it out of my system.
My dad was telling me to forgive and forget and let go of the emotional baggage.
Easier said than done!
Not when it got to the point where I had to threaten them to shut up -
Nay it won't cause friction between me and my dad. We're too close for that, just feeling abit bad that I think I might have been too strong in my words to him about them.Originally posted by choco B:The way you feel about your paternal relatives is fully justified.
But it'd be a sad waste if the animosity there caused friction between you and your dad. -
i care for my relatives as long they give me angpows
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Yeah. He can't help but feel bad & awkward about it, after all he's spent the first half of his life with his family and brothers and sisters, there will always be some sentiment for them.Originally posted by elindra:Nay it won't cause friction between me and my dad. We're too close for that, just feeling abit bad that I think I might have been too strong in my words to him about them.
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probably. but sometimes its hard to guess what people might think.Originally posted by Rhonda:I think it's always easier to get along with people who don't impose their judgements on you and who are able to make you feel comfortable being yourself around them. -
Hmm ya i dont get along very well with some relatives but as I grew older, I also grew more tolerant of them.
I am very much closer to my mother's side - specifically with my grandma and my youngest auntie who is not married. Love them to bits!
I think the complaint ur uncle made... just trying to explain it. I think what happened is when you got married, you form your own family unit. Such that, previously even if you dont contact uncle, it is okay if head of your family unit (i.e. mum or dad) contacts him. However, once u have gotten married, it is no longer enough for mum and dad to make contact. -scratch head- at least this is how I feel ba... with my relatives. -
elindra... *tap-taps your shoulder...
I think the topic is worded salah leh! "What is your r/ship?" will yield answers like, "Oh, she is my aunt!"
I think it should have been "How is your relationship blah blah..."
*piaks forehead. I think all of us didnt' realise it until now! -
Sorry laOriginally posted by Rhonda:elindra... *tap-taps your shoulder...
I think the topic is worded salah leh! "What is your r/ship?" will yield answers like, "Oh, she is my aunt!"
I think it should have been "How is your relationship blah blah..."
*piaks forehead. I think all of us didnt' realise it until now! 
It's not easy to snake in here while your boss is breathing down your back
Like I said before, you can always spot mistakes in my posts and I always have to come back to edit it.
I can't change the title though. -
strangely , everyone understood what she meant.
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Actually I did think of that.Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:Hmm ya i dont get along very well with some relatives but as I grew older, I also grew more tolerant of them.
I am very much closer to my mother's side - specifically with my grandma and my youngest auntie who is not married. Love them to bits!
I think the complaint ur uncle made... just trying to explain it. I think what happened is when you got married, you form your own family unit. Such that, previously even if you dont contact uncle, it is okay if head of your family unit (i.e. mum or dad) contacts him. However, once u have gotten married, it is no longer enough for mum and dad to make contact. -scratch head- at least this is how I feel ba... with my relatives.
The change in perception and all.
The thing is, I am not like my mum who will make the effort to keep in touch with the relatives
I think that is what is lacking in our generation that we do not keep in touch that much with our relatives...you know the further you stay away from them, the better it is?
At least that is what I'm gathering from the posts. -
my relatives are crazy, i go clubbing with my auntie and uncle who are a few yrs older than i am.
we have bacardi with coke, kids were told 'how can you drink coke like that? add some bacardi!'
when my relatives from USA/Australia come to visit, all hell breaks loose.
this is for my mother's side.
on my father's side, my relatives are more 'chinese', they like to watch cantonese serials. everytime we go visiting during chinese new year, everyone will be sitting there watching an episode or two. but i'm not so close to them... -
We're all very busy and have little free time for R&R. And when our relatives are unpleasant to boot, all motivation to keep in touch flies out the window.Originally posted by elindra:I think that is what is lacking in our generation that we do not keep in touch that much with our relatives...you know the further you stay away from them, the better it is?
At least that is what I'm gathering from the posts.
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I think it is the sad result of the fact that our parents themselves tend to have their own lives. With some of my friends who are very close to their cousins, very often their parents are also very close. My father was pretty much estranged from him family for many years, and only in the past decade I think, closed the gap with some of them. I still remember snide comments made by them during my dad's struggling years. It is hard to forgive at times.Originally posted by elindra:Actually I did think of that.
The change in perception and all.
The thing is, I am not like my mum who will make the effort to keep in touch with the relatives
I think that is what is lacking in our generation that we do not keep in touch that much with our relatives...you know the further you stay away from them, the better it is?
At least that is what I'm gathering from the posts.
In the few recent years, there have been a couple of tragedies in my maternal family. Times like this, even though we try to be there to give support, can't help wondering what went wrong with the whole family. It was horrible being there, but unable to reach out because of the unfamiliarity and hoping that despite that, they know that my heart is with them.
Actually maybe cos I am cancerian I wish that the extended family is closer than it is. But after the couple of tragedies, I can feel the bond trying to grow closer. But you know the closer you are, the more their problems become yours too, and I can also sense the reluctance. Sigh. Oh well!