Between love... and cold, hard cash.
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A friend of mine just called... and she seems to be facing what she calls a 'dilemma'.
She's been living with a guy for the past 4 years or so, and she has been pretty much pampered by the easy lifestyle that money brings. Unfortunately, she hasn't been truly happy, it seems - because she mentioned that she has been seeing this other much younger guy whom she loves and totally enjoys being with.
When queried about the reason as to why she decided to stray, (I haven't spoken to her much, as she never seemed to have 'time' to be with her friends from the time she started going out with her present boyfriend) she mentioned that through time, she realised that they have very little in common and she found his lifestyle totally staid and 'boring'. She was also tired of the objection faced from both their families due to their religious differences. Perhaps its the wide age gap, am not entirely sure; but from the way she sounds, she may be totally at the end of her tethers.
Now her 'problem' is... she doesn't know if she wants to leave her current boyfriend and give up the material comforts that she is used to for this other guy who makes her happy BUT does not have much to his name. It would mean a complete lifestyle change for her, finding a job... and perhaps living hand to mouth. That may spark problems in the relationship in the future... knowing her as well as I do. She is a bright one - but a tad materialistic.
If it was me, it wouldn't even have to come to this impasse. If I found myself thinking of even straying, there IS something seriously wrong with my current relationship. Either I work it out... or if its a personality clash, I would go with whatever makes me happy.
It's a no-brainer decision, to me - but then again, I'm a sucker for love and romance. I wouldn't give a flying fluck if the one I love has money or otherwise... so long as I trust what I feel about him, we will find enough care and love between us to work it out somehow. What's the use of being with anyone for just the sake of the neverending stream of crisp bills in one's wallet when we aren't truly happy?
Is being practical in this perhaps 'ruthless' world - a form of survival? -
hmm..... i agree with what u r trying to say.... i dont think i would ever be able to be with someone just for the sake of money.... but then, i have skills and able to make a living myself.... so, i cannot say for others who may for some reasons not able to do so.... (though i really question that.... well, when there is a will, there's a way.... )....
someone told me this b4... it is easier not to do anything than putting in efforts to do something and then it fails.... so, mayb for some gals, it is easier to find a rich person than to try to work hard but then still slog and feel miserable....
i still believe in listening to my heart.... and be truly happy....
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Hmmmm........this is an interesting topic....
Reminds me of 2 years ago, I got to know this person during a holiday trip. Through long conversations quite a bit of mutual attraction developed....that was until I realised what she did for a living and just how much money she makes(without going into specifics, lets just say its a 6 figure annual income). I backed off and ran like speedy gonzales!!!
I guess my self-esteem is just not healthy enough to handle such a big disparity. Looking back now, perhaps that was a mistake. Oh well, que sara sara.
Lots of women say that they do not mind, but in the long run, resentment will more often that not build up. I know of a couple of blokes who ended up divorced this way. One was laid off and could not find work for nearly a year, the wife got mad at having to bear the brunt of the finances and bailed out on him. so much for "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" eh? -
Sad to say,most girls would rather lead an easy life.
Money talks. -
If you look at it from a Christian perspective... you have sin and immorality and hell thrown at you so maybe we don't go there.
If you look at it from a Buddhist perspective, slightly better but only just. They will still condemn you for your immorality but not because an almighty God is unhappy... and also, some teachings in Buddhism might help. OK pending.
If you look at it from the Hindu point of view... well it depends on which Hindu god you worship doesn't it? And to purify yourself you carry kavadis on Thaipusum. Not much help either.
If you look at it from evolutionary / anthropology perspective, you might have some inkling why you do certain things. That is, why you do it. Does not really tell you what to do about it.
If you discard religion and look at it from an atheist moralist view, then might as well look at it from a religious moral point of view since the material is so much more accessible.
If you don't look at morality at all and simply ask yourself; what should I do now that I am in this situation... just tell me what to do and don't give me any religious or moral grieve; well that is possible too. In which case you can either go for the winner takes all approach or win win win approach.
wow I am good at saying so much of nothing at all
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there are some out there, we have names for them, for both genders... things like "little white face" and all that..
but then, again, it's their decision in life... much like the one in the other "for sale" topic...
to enter into a relationship is to make a decision, and between consenting adults...
a form of survival, i don't really know.. "survival" is so much like "existence".. where you watch a drama on tv or read about it, where someone makes a decision in order that he/she/it is able to get by...
the situation mentioned, (pardon my choice of words) is a bit more mercenary... it wasn't for survival but to be able to "live it up"
can one say this is like "for sale" ? to the detractors in the other topic, what is so different between this one and the other if this one chooses one (again, pardon my lack of a better word) patron instead of many?
do we have the right to judge her?
but back to the "survival".. i've watched the documentaries about the tsunami survivors... one thai woman who lost her husband and has to bring up a child, lives with a man who is able to provide for her and her child... they may grow to love each other (they have said that it was more a common need for companionship than anything as he lost his wife to the waves) but for now, she is a housewife tending to his needs at home, while he tends to the financial needs of their little household with his employment... they live frugally because his wages are paltry..
theirs can be called survival...
myself, i don't think i'd choose this road, but it is easy for me to say because i do not have to face the kind of adversity the Thai couple faces..
however, in singapore, i would go with my heart
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maybe the way forward is not to do anything and continue "happily" as it is until the whole situation explodes. then pick up the pieces.
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who is to say that even without that kind of intense love, they cannot find happiness together?
they may grow to be happy together you know?
try not to be such a pessimist and wish them well... the world is overflowing with misery and so lacking in joy, let's just hope they do find happinessOriginally posted by casino_king:maybe the way forward is not to do anything and continue "happily" as it is until the whole situation explodes. then pick up the pieces. -
But she is having an affair with a younger guy at the same time. If the men are OK with it or simply bo chap... then I guess it might never come to a head.Originally posted by the Bear:who is to say that even without that kind of intense love, they cannot find happiness together?
they may grow to be happy together you know?
try not to be such a pessimist and wish them well... the world is overflowing with misery and so lacking in joy, let's just hope they do find happiness
If the younger guy wants to start a family and marries someone else but continue with this girl who is married to the rich older guy... then their lives are like TV channel 8 drama. -
$$$ isn't evrything.Originally posted by BabyRS:A friend of mine just called... and she seems to be facing what she calls a 'dilemma'.
She's been living with a guy for the past 4 years or so, and she has been pretty much pampered by the easy lifestyle that money brings. Unfortunately, she hasn't been truly happy, it seems - because she mentioned that she has been seeing this other much younger guy whom she loves and totally enjoys being with.
When queried about the reason as to why she decided to stray, (I haven't spoken to her much, as she never seemed to have 'time' to be with her friends from the time she started going out with her present boyfriend) she mentioned that through time, she realised that they have very little in common and she found his lifestyle totally staid and 'boring'. She was also tired of the objection faced from both their families due to their religious differences. Perhaps its the wide age gap, am not entirely sure; but from the way she sounds, she may be totally at the end of her tethers.
Now her 'problem' is... she doesn't know if she wants to leave her current boyfriend and give up the material comforts that she is used to for this other guy who makes her happy BUT does not have much to his name. It would mean a complete lifestyle change for her, finding a job... and perhaps living hand to mouth. That may spark problems in the relationship in the future... knowing her as well as I do. She is a bright one - but a tad materialistic.
If it was me, it wouldn't even have to come to this impasse. If I found myself thinking of even straying, there IS something seriously wrong with my current relationship. Either I work it out... or if its a personality clash, I would go with whatever makes me happy.
It's a no-brainer decision, to me - but then again, I'm a sucker for love and romance. I wouldn't give a flying fluck if the one I love has money or otherwise... so long as I trust what I feel about him, we will find enough care and love between us to work it out somehow. What's the use of being with anyone for just the sake of the neverending stream of crisp bills in one's wallet when we aren't truly happy?
Is being practical in this perhaps 'ruthless' world - a form of survival? -
and again, it's their decisions..
i hope somehow, everyone comes out of it okay...Originally posted by casino_king:But she is having an affair with a younger guy at the same time. If the men are OK with it or simply bo chap... then I guess it might never come to a head.
If the younger guy wants to start a family and marries someone else but continue with this girl who is married to the rich older guy... then their lives are like TV channel 8 drama. -
That would be great wouldn't it?Originally posted by the Bear:and again, it's their decisions..
i hope somehow, everyone comes out of it okay... -
she is with her current bf for 4 years and i guess its normal to feel that life is getting 'boring' or monotonous... we cant really point fingers to who is at fault in such a situation but for a r/s to prosper, it really takes effort from both parties. anyway, u can try asking her to recall, why in the place did she accept her current bf. she must have found something interesting and fun about this guy that had made her fall in love... then over time, this 'fun' has lost its appeal and becomes normal.
i always feel that in every relationship, there must be commitment. its understood that even the most exciting thing or the tastiest food in this world, will turn boring or tastless after some time. -
poor guys.
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I guess subconsciously, her decision has already been made - and she just needed to confide in someone. As to whether or not she'll be happy, I just hope that she will be, eventually... but as it is, I doubt she IS happy at all.
Not when she did find solace in someone else... but we would never know exactly what goes on in both of the relationship, for sure. I've known some couples who really and truly fall in love after they've been together for some time, so I guess we just have to give it the benefit of the doubt.
Perhaps it's not a mistake in her perspective. Maybe she is just being realistic, which may just serve her well in the long run.
We've been friends for a long time despite our differences; and even though her choices may not correspond to mine - I care for her as she is. Every materialistic ounce of her. I'm used to her expectations and options taken; so this would not change the fact that I do care for her.
As I know that she would not question my choices, either. -
LOVE comes first. ALL the time.
I dont know and dont really care if other people do not agree. But this is the decision I would make each time, all the time.
Money...you can make it all the time. A little, a lot, enough, are choices you made, the lifestyle you lead, lapping in luxures or living spartanly.
But love, love is not a choice. Love is something that happens. That is a gift. Something that comes to you at times without warning. And passes you by just as quick. Something rare and precious.
How could I make another choice ? -
so .... you friend's been living with this chap for four years for ..... money ? ...
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the objective, is to decide what makes u happier, and then work from that.
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I have a guy who has liked me for about 7 years. His dad is filthy rich and he has always never failed to wonder why I never chose him when he could have given me all the comforts I required for an extravagant lifestyle most people can only dream of. The fact is, I don't love him. Although I felt absolutely sorry for him because despite me incessantly telling him it won't work, he continued his affections for me. I'm glad to say it has finally stopped.Originally posted by BabyRS:A friend of mine just called... and she seems to be facing what she calls a 'dilemma'.
She's been living with a guy for the past 4 years or so, and she has been pretty much pampered by the easy lifestyle that money brings. Unfortunately, she hasn't been truly happy, it seems - because she mentioned that she has been seeing this other much younger guy whom she loves and totally enjoys being with.
When queried about the reason as to why she decided to stray, (I haven't spoken to her much, as she never seemed to have 'time' to be with her friends from the time she started going out with her present boyfriend) she mentioned that through time, she realised that they have very little in common and she found his lifestyle totally staid and 'boring'. She was also tired of the objection faced from both their families due to their religious differences. Perhaps its the wide age gap, am not entirely sure; but from the way she sounds, she may be totally at the end of her tethers.
Now her 'problem' is... she doesn't know if she wants to leave her current boyfriend and give up the material comforts that she is used to for this other guy who makes her happy BUT does not have much to his name. It would mean a complete lifestyle change for her, finding a job... and perhaps living hand to mouth. That may spark problems in the relationship in the future... knowing her as well as I do. She is a bright one - but a tad materialistic.
If it was me, it wouldn't even have to come to this impasse. If I found myself thinking of even straying, there IS something seriously wrong with my current relationship. Either I work it out... or if its a personality clash, I would go with whatever makes me happy.
It's a no-brainer decision, to me - but then again, I'm a sucker for love and romance. I wouldn't give a flying fluck if the one I love has money or otherwise... so long as I trust what I feel about him, we will find enough care and love between us to work it out somehow. What's the use of being with anyone for just the sake of the neverending stream of crisp bills in one's wallet when we aren't truly happy?
Is being practical in this perhaps 'ruthless' world - a form of survival?
Like the threadstarter, I do not give a hoot if my other half is rich or poor, or if I have to work three jobs to make ends meet. Happiness always begins from the heart, and to find someone whom you can meet life's REAL problems with and stick together and top each other off with happiness, is the real key to a successful relationship.
The girl who is seeing the younger guy is only caught up with her materialism. No matter whom she chooses, she will never find the happiness she seeks because she is simply difficult to satisfy due to her current lifestyle which has embedded her craving as a force of habit.
If she learns to figure out what she really wants, money, or love, then no matter how much of a a s s h o l e she may seem to others, she cannot deny her own natural characteristic of being materialistic. Unless she learns to be content, and count her blessings, she'll probably realize that she has much more than she can handle.
My two cents worth. Cheers. -
HAHAHAHHA....
NOWSDAYS ALL WOMEN SPOILT AND MISLEAD BY PAP.
ALL TALK ABOUT $$$ AND THEIR OWN FCKING NEEDS. U THINK STILL LIKE OUR MOTHERS' TIMES?
LOOK AT THE EDUCATION STANDARDS WE HAD NOW, ALL OUR SUBSTANDARD TRASHY LIAN AND BENG TEACHERS.
AND ALL THE SHITTY MAGAZINES, TV PROGRAMES AND NEWS CRAP YOU SEE AND YOU READ EVERYDAY. YOU WILL KNOW!!! ITS WAT TEACHES THEM WHAT IS BAD IS ACTUALLY GOOD. EVIL IS ACTUALLY LIGHT. THE DARK SIDE IS ACTUALLY THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE FORCE!!!!
EVIL REIGNS. SMALL PEOPLE AND WOMEN RULES!!! THE END HAS COME!!!!
HAHAHAHA.
WAHAHAHHAHA
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
EVEN OUR LAW IS IN THE MESS!!! COMPARE THE CHEE BYE AIR STEWARDESS CONSTANCE CHEE CASE AND AH HOW. SEE THE DIFFRERNCE? SEE THE DISPARITY? SEE THE POINT? SEE THE INJUSTICE!!!
SPOILT, UTERRLY TRASH AND MISGUIDED/ THEY NEED TO BE TAUGHT THE RIGHT TREAD!!! THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE PATH!!!!
RI CHU DONG FAN!!!!
WEI WO BU BAI!!!!
WEN CHENG WU DE!!!
YI TONG JIANG HU!!!! -
uhh... people, the post above..
Please Do Not Feed The Troll -
guys, do not just push the blames and say that girls nowdays are materialistics la, its we guys who made them like that wat...
I believe most young girls started as a innocent someone, believing in love so much, unknowingly being cheated and stuffs....
so nowdays, girls are just getting smarter, they understood that its most importantly to take care of their own life first...
well, I always believe in being independent,
and though most of us kept saying must follow our heart, do what we like....
but how often can we really do it?
and, who knows after she chose to be with this younger guy,
she suddenly thought the old one better?
haha....
come to heart matters, outsiders can only give our views and advice nia.. -
5 BIRDS!!! FOR MY BROTHER!!!!
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NO WONDER LI AO SAYS SINGAPOREANS ARE DUMB
ESPECIALLY THE MALE PESEANTS -
TAIWAN, MALAYSIAN, HONG KONG AND PRC MEN CONTROL THEIR WOMAN OK!!
NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND LIKE SINGAPORE
NOW I AM BEGINING TO SEE LEE AO'S POINT
RI CHU DONG FANG!!!
WEI WO BU BAI!!!