Ah well, many might wonder what the heck this stupid banana is doing typing a post nearly 6 am in the morning. Been tossing and turning on bed, couldnt get to sleep, been mulling over day to day issues, family issues, stupid issues..but definitely not sgforums issues. Lolz
Well, i guess many of us would have problems or happy memories. We could be going to bed fuming about what the boss did to us that day, the fun outing we been to just now, that crappy song that goes on and on in our head..well, I have been thinking a lot, and I feel better if I could let it all out and put down in writing what had been swimming in my head for the past few months.
i think my family, and my extended family, has been enjoying bliss and peace for the past few years after some downs due to the death of of my maternal grandparents. The parents generation moved into middle age, and now looking forward to retirement. The youngsters have all grown up, and each is successful in their own way. I am proud to say, I have a cousin who is a director of Merriott, a cousin who joined the Catholic mission in the Philippines, some business owners, some blissfully busy raising a family, a brother who got his scholarship with DSTA, looking to a great career ahead. Life is blissful and peaceful, we dont become rich or prosperous, neither have we face a tragedy or burden of any sort to great extent.
Well, all that is to change. Last February, my paternal grandmother was diagnosed with a stomach cancer. She is in her terminal stage, having the cancer for about a year before it was discovered. We rushed to KL to see her, and I must say, I have to hold back my tears when my grandmother burst into tears upon seeing the whole family congregating together. There were a lot of first, It was the first time I see my dad cried, it was the first time the whole family was coming together resolutely to decide on the issue or to make plans, it was the first time everyone was in a loss as well, not knowing what the future holds.
I just want to say, I really love my grandmother very very much. She brought up five kids, and my grandfather passed away when she was pregnant with my dad. Life has been hard on her, but her five kids, was her greatest reward. I lived with my grandmother when young, when my parents were busy working. We had a lot of happy memories. Imagine, a young grandchild and an old woman, bravely journeyed to an auntie's place through the antiquated public bus system, climbiing the hill behind the house every Friday morning for an exercise, having memory of her bravely facing a bulldozer for mowing through her garden patch. When i asked her about all these last week, she could no longer remember.
I cannot understand, why at the last stage of her life, heaven wouldnt even spare her. She is riddled with old age, and funeral arrangements were made beforehand. Then came this news. I was thinking like, why heaven wouldnt let her go peacefully, and must strike her with a painful illness? Its frigging painful to see her complaining of extreme pain sometimes, and if there is a need to inject morphine, it will be a path of no return.
She seems ok for now, eating well, able to walk, albeit using a cane. Been visiting her every other time. i think i am stupid. I didnt do many things. I have not hugged her, I have not told her how much I love her, and that I am glad that she is my grandmother. I have not kissed her.
This stupid banana is really the stupidest living organism in the world. I swear, when i meet her next week, i am going to do all these things, and i am going to say, ah ma, ah yap really love you, i promise to study hard and earn money like you told me to. I will really listen to your advice, and control this stupid temper of mine, and not argue with my dad. ah yap hope your mood will lift up, and not worry so much for the family, but for yourself. ah yap loves you.
to at least try to make-up for lost time
