What do you do if you discovered...

• sweetie05

  8 Aug 06, 23:04

  Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

  If the only solution is for you to pay for him - its gets a bit .... calculative if it becomes a clear cut loan. perhaps you can tell him in view of the future, both of you can open a joint saving account where he giros in a certain amount for saving every month or something.
  

  Thanks ShrodingersCat, the solution u offered really sounds very feasible and he may take to it.
  
  Except just now when i suggested that he is hiding something from me, he became very defensive again. and we are now at a cold war bcos he thought i hinted that he has no money. guys are so ego!
  
  i am now giving him a chance to own up b4 i admit that i know.
  
  
• the Bear

  8 Aug 06, 23:09

  don't mind me saying something.. great advice has been dished out by the others who are married or with someone..
  
  here's something else... learn from this incident.. and when the both of you figure this whole thing out, don't let him worry for you like you are worrying for him now...
  
  and where you can, build the trust between the both of you..
  
  so that in future, there will be nothing hidden between the both of you...
  
  i do hope he'll see the light and see how blessed he is to have someone like you
• ShrodingersCat

  8 Aug 06, 23:40

  Originally posted by sweetie05:

  Thanks ShrodingersCat, the solution u offered really sounds very feasible and he may take to it.
  
  Except just now when i suggested that he is hiding something from me, he became very defensive again. and we are now at a cold war bcos he thought i hinted that he has no money. guys are so ego!
  
  i am now giving him a chance to own up b4 i admit that i know.
  
  

  Was talking over this w my hubby just now... and he was saying perhaps it would be more palatable if you focus on the 'trust' issue more than the 'money' issue ba.. make it clear to him what hurts you is that if he doesn't trust you enough to discuss his problems with you, and not whether he has money or not. Tell him you love him that's why you are worried and think he is troubled about something and it is nothing to do with money and ask him to think about it.
  
  THEN dont let him drag you into a quarrel or argument Just TELL him you will NOT argue with him over this. Just treat him normally, thoughtfully and show him u still love him DESPITE this ~ like my hubby says.. most of the time a strong ego is a sign of low self esteem ~ so kindness might break that shell of his. Perhaps.
  
  So that's the sum of what we both think might help. It isnt an easy problem at all.. wish u the best okay...~
  
  
• sweetie05

  8 Aug 06, 23:47

  Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:

  Was talking over this w my hubby just now... and he was saying perhaps it would be more palatable if you focus on the 'trust' issue more than the 'money' issue ba.. make it clear to him what hurts you is that if he doesn't trust you enough to discuss his problems with you, and not whether he has money or not. Tell him you love him that's why you are worried and think he is troubled about something and it is nothing to do with money and ask him to think about it.
  
  THEN dont let him drag you into a quarrel or argument Just TELL him you will NOT argue with him over this. Just treat him normally, thoughtfully and show him u still love him DESPITE this ~ like my hubby says.. most of the time a strong ego is a sign of low self esteem ~ so kindness might break that shell of his. Perhaps.
  
  So that's the sum of what we both think might help. It isnt an easy problem at all.. wish u the best okay...~
  
  

  Thanks, SC. i appreciate it. *tears glistening*