About Friendship...
-
I just received an Easter e-mail from a close buddy, and there was this phrase in an attachment :
Most people walk in and out of your life......but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.
Coincidentally, my horoscope readings for the past few weeks as well as a tarot reading all harped on a similar theme - that this is the year I shall find out who are my true friends. Not that I deeply believe in horoscopes and bide their predictions, I just find it a tad amusing that the same theme keeps recurring.
When I left Singapore, apprehension was one of the myriad of emotions I went through - I admit I was nervous at leaving my close friends, my family, and a familiar way of life behind. I was entering unknown territory because I had not set foot in Australia before then. I had only heard tons of stories related by friends, and that was it.
No one place in the world is perfect - you'll love some things, you'll dislike some things, and the crux of the matter is in how you achieve a balance between the good and the bad.
Contrary to what I thought, most folks here aren't that 'open'. There were a few precious souls with that good sense of humour but I think within my first few months here, I realised that it would be hard for me to develop deep friendships here simply because my cryptic and at times weird sense of humour won't really be appreciated by all, especially not amongst those of the prim-and-proper British ancestry brigade, which, sadly, the majority of my colleagues belong to.
I had a magical friendship with a patient and her husband a few months back. They were of my age group, widely-travelled, very open to new ideas and experiences, and they had travelled to Singapore on several occasions and they loved the orderliness and cleanliness there. Most importantly, we shared the same sense of dark humour. On one occasion, after I cheered the patient up by cracking a dark joke, she told me, "You're very special! Unfortunately, a lot of people here will not take these good jokes the right way cause they're too conservative."
Now and then, I meet gems like her and her husband and I have a ball of a time with them. But the enduring lesson I've had to learn since coming here is that at the end of the day, we are all alone, left to our own devices, and a lot of people we call 'friends' will actually turn out to be people who will be involved in your life only for that short space of time before they alight at the next stop.
I admit I used to feel sorrowful, I used to not want to let go, because I've grown to like some of these friends and I wanted them to stay in my life for as long as possible. However, lately, I've started to see things in a different light - I've learnt to let go. I've learnt to be more independant, more stoic, and though it hurts blazes, I've learnt that more friendships are superficial, more than we care to admit sometimes.
Friendships evolve, as does everything else, as time progresses. Even old friendships change, and sometimes, we realise that we no longer see eye-to-eye on essential issues, and that we no longer have the same interests nor the same social situations that used to bind our friendship together. It can be a hard, bitter pill to swallow, but I've learnt that if we stop holding on desperately to things that just aren't meant to be, if we stop having expectations on certain friends by building up our own ability to be alone, we'll be more harmonious in our lives.
Last night, I laid in bed, deeply anguished over a 'friend' who had not bothered to reply to my sms' and phone calls, wondering what in the world went wrong. Finally, I decided to let it go. Friendship is a 2-way street and no-way Jose can it be built on the sincerity of just one party. Let it go, watch it flit up to the silvery moon, and wait for other friends to descend upon this part of my life, bearing in mind that ...
Most people walk in and out of your life......but what precious few FRIENDS you have, they shall leave and continue to leave footprints in your heart, as they walk together with you in the journey of life. -
Awww Rhonda *hugs*
People do change and it's true that I have lost friends who were once very dear to me.
Just cherish the memories of the good times together -
Learning... with practice, it's getting easier and easier to do.Originally posted by elindra:Awww Rhonda *hugs*
People do change and it's true that I have lost friends who were once very dear to me.
Just cherish the memories of the good times together I guess it's an essential survival skill that we all have to acquire, like it or not. 
Where I used to fall *splat! and flat on the ground, I now just graze my knees.
Thanks, elindra! Thanks for listening.
Thanks too, honeymouse! Thanks for that phone call!
And actually, although after reading the post again, it does sound a tad sad, I kinda just wanted to share my thoughts and listen to what some of you might have to say re your own attitude towards friends and friendship. Afterall, we always learn by listening to each other's experiences. -
You're most welcome, my friend!!!!
Hey, hubby just sent me an email to say he's having drinks with colleagues so just wondering if you want to go to Chadstone or Knox city for shopping? Please let me know. -
Read this somewhere before.
"In life there are 2 options.U either rejoice in using friends or regret not using them. -
Hmm... not sure I agree with that statement. Too utilitarian, IMO.Originally posted by Patrik:Read this somewhere before.
"In life there are 2 options.U either rejoice in using friends or regret not using them.
I'd rather keep 'friends' in a different category - not for using, but just for treasuring and keeping close to the heart.
Those who are for working with and all that, I call them colleagues and acquaintances. -
We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another.
Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough, and that all will be well when they are older.
Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely we'll be happier when they grow out of the teen years.
We tell ourselves our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation, when we finally retire.
The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now.
If not, then when?
Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.
For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. Real life.
But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start.
I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.
That point of view helped me see that there isn't any road to happiness.
Happiness IS the road.
So, enjoy every moment.
Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be rebornÂ… before deciding to be happy.
Happiness is a voyage, not a destination.
There is no better time to be happy thanÂ… NOW!
Live and enjoy the moment. - Author unknown
Now, think and try to answer these questions:
1 – Name the 5 richest people in the world.
2 – Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners.
3 – Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winners.
4 – Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar.
Can't do it? Rather difficult, isn't it?
Don't worry, nobody remembers that.
Applause dies away!
Trophies gather dust!
Winners are soon forgotten.
Now answer these questions:
1 – Name 3 teachers who contributed to your education.
2 – Name 3 friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3 – Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4 – Name 5 people that you like to spend time with.
More manageable? It's easier, isn't it?
The people who mean something to your life are not rated "the best", don't have the most money, haven't won the greatest prizesÂ…
They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by.
Think about it for a moment.
Life is very short!
And you, in which list are you? DonÂ’t know?
Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 m race.
The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win.
They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying.
The other eight heard him crying.
They slowed down and looked behind them.
They stopped and came backÂ… All of themÂ…
A girl with Down's Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, "Feeling better now?"
Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.
The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long timeÂ…
People who witnessed this still talk about it.
Why?
Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves.
The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race.
A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one. -
Bear, think your post is a little irrelevant to the subject matter I'm covering.
-
I've come to accept that many people will come and go at different stages of our lives. Friendships will be forged but its inevitable that they will be replaced by others, depending on circumstances. 5 years from now, 10 years from now, I may no longer be in contact with any of the people I've met here, but that does not mean that I won't, every now and then, think fondly of all of you.
-
Originally posted by av98m:I've come to accept that many people will come and go at different stages of our lives. Friendships will be forged but its inevitable that they will be replaced by others, depending on circumstances. 5 years from now, 10 years from now, I may no longer be in contact with any of the people I've met here, but that does not mean that I won't, every now and then, think fondly of all of you.
I'm slowly coming to terms with that. Sorry, just that coming here, having a new life, suddenly have to deal with new friendships all around. What is usually a 'normal' event becomes a bit blown out of proportion because everything is new, everyone is new here.
But yeah, getting stronger now. Like I said, the more letting go I have to do, the easier it becomes! 
-
There are some friends whom u can keep.Originally posted by Rhonda:Hmm... not sure I agree with that statement. Too utilitarian, IMO.
I'd rather keep 'friends' in a different category - not for using, but just for treasuring and keeping close to the heart.
Those who are for working with and all that, I call them colleagues and acquaintances.
And there are some "friends" whom i would glady give away for they are not worthy of the label (Friends).
I now onli have 2 closest mates. -
*nods... looks like this is the case for almost everyone nowadays. Almost like the unspoken modus operandi of life.Originally posted by Patrik:There are some friends whom u can keep.
And there are some "friends" whom i would glady give away for they are not worthy of the label (Friends).
I now onli have 2 closest mates.
I feel better now, knowing I'm not alone in this. Thanks. -
Originally posted by Rhonda:*nods... looks like this is the case for almost everyone nowadays. Almost like the unspoken modus operandi of life.
I feel better now, knowing I'm not alone in this. Thanks.
In fact,i feel happier leaving those so-called friends than sticking to them.Hahaha
It is not that we want to differentiate or categorise,but we have to determine which friends will be on our side in times of adversity,not in times of prosperity.
In times of prosperity,your friends know you.
In times of adversity,you know your friends. -
Originally posted by Patrik:
In fact,i feel happier leaving those so-called friends than sticking to them.Hahaha
It is not that we want to differentiate or categorise,but we have to determine which friends will be on our side in times of adversity,not in times of prosperity.
In times of prosperity,your friends know you.
In times of adversity,you know your friends.
Wah... a good saying! I shall remember that!
I think, the fact that in adverse times, I have a few friends to turn to is a real comforting thought. -
can't agree more.... most of my friends MY age are married with kids... very hard to meet up, even if we do, there's always disturbance frm the kids!! and i have nothing to chat with them abt with their related topics... i dun have anything good to say abt kids lor...Originally posted by av98m:I've come to accept that many people will come and go at different stages of our lives. Friendships will be forged but its inevitable that they will be replaced by others, depending on circumstances. 5 years from now, 10 years from now, I may no longer be in contact with any of the people I've met here, but that does not mean that I won't, every now and then, think fondly of all of you. 
to me, there's 2 categories: friends and acquaintances
friends go further into sub-categories: those u hang out with [these will change with ur latest muse!] and those u share ur life with...
those u share ur life with also got diff grades... to wat extend do u share...
those found trustworthy will be "upgraded"... those who failed ur trust, i'm sorry but they will be downgraded... -
Yeah.. and sometimes friends have their own lives.... not being free and available for you when you need them, does not mean they are any less FRIENDS because they have their own problems too. Of course, some friends try really hard to be there, but it goes both ways ba, if they can't return a call or an sms, don't get too hurt and sad... just call them again.Originally posted by av98m:I've come to accept that many people will come and go at different stages of our lives. Friendships will be forged but its inevitable that they will be replaced by others, depending on circumstances. 5 years from now, 10 years from now, I may no longer be in contact with any of the people I've met here, but that does not mean that I won't, every now and then, think fondly of all of you. 
If your friends are any like me, I am superduper forgetful. Sometimes friends sms me when I am very busy, I read, forget to reply then completely forget abt the sms later. And I'm glad my friends dont give up on me because of my own inadequacies too. -
because friendship comes from the most unexpected places.. where even a person whom you do not know, but warms your heart, offers you a hug, is your friend...
you just don't know it...
while those you know for ages, may just stick one in you..
be a friend to everyone... for a candle used to light another is not diminished..
for you may be one who warms the heart of another whom you do not know, you will be a friend to that person.. -
This is one of my goals in life - to be a friend to everyone, to warm the heart of others.... I have been blessed with friends who have touched my life so it's only fair I pass on the blessings to be someone else's friends.Originally posted by the Bear:because friendship comes from the most unexpected places.. where even a person whom you do not know, but warms your heart, offers you a hug, is your friend...
you just don't know it...
while those you know for ages, may just stick one in you..
be a friend to everyone... for a candle used to light another is not diminished..
for you may be one who warms the heart of another whom you do not know, you will be a friend to that person..
I am still working on it.... I think I am more likely to break someone's heart than to warm someone's heart!!!
-
A case of cut and paste sala?Originally posted by Rhonda:Bear, think your post is a little irrelevant to the subject matter I'm covering.
Sorry, couldn't resist. -
You are definitely not alone, Rhonda. Long story but that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.Originally posted by Rhonda:*nods... looks like this is the case for almost everyone nowadays. Almost like the unspoken modus operandi of life.
I feel better now, knowing I'm not alone in this. Thanks. -
I think he meant.Originally posted by the Bear:because friendship comes from the most unexpected places.. where even a person whom you do not know, but warms your heart, offers you a hug, is your friend...
you just don't know it...
while those you know for ages, may just stick one in you..
be a friend to everyone... for a candle used to light another is not diminished..
for you may be one who warms the heart of another whom you do not know, you will be a friend to that person..
That giving, IS a Friend.
Then expecting to be given thus is a friend.
The 2nd part of his comment, was that, being a friend to others means that you are providing the friendship to be continued even with strangers. -
Friends do come and go in my life. I've learnt not to lament about the losses.
because I know. somewhere in the future, i will meet my friends again. And I can find the friendship again.
its like....you may not see each other for a long time. But when you sit down to kopi and chat....its like old times again. We just move away from each other for a short while, while we give each other space to grow and mature. -
???Originally posted by Patrik:Read this somewhere before.
"In life there are 2 options.U either rejoice in using friends or regret not using them.
using yr friends??
what does that make them?? tools
-
this i totally agreedOriginally posted by Patrik:In times of prosperity,your friends know you.
In times of adversity,you know your friends.
-
so many category n gradesOriginally posted by tare:can't agree more.... most of my friends MY age are married with kids... very hard to meet up, even if we do, there's always disturbance frm the kids!! and i have nothing to chat with them abt with their related topics... i dun have anything good to say abt kids lor...
to me, there's 2 categories: friends and acquaintances
friends go further into sub-categories: those u hang out with [these will change with ur latest muse!] and those u share ur life with...
those u share ur life with also got diff grades... to wat extend do u share...
those found trustworthy will be "upgraded"... those who failed ur trust, i'm sorry but they will be downgraded...
make me think of my previous job performance review