Is marriage just a certificate?
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Alright, in Singapore, one of the reasons why many marry is because they want to apply for HDB flats.Originally posted by Ferret:If one marries for anything other than love, then the marriage's a waste
Sad hor.... -
Well, I'm still single but when I got down to planning me and gf's marriage 2 years back, wow, it was really stressful.Originally posted by viciouskitty74:No. 1. Not necessary so anymore. Things has changed. Assets are no longer mandatory a 50% loss. Judges has allowed for the couples to work out what are assets, what are to be given instead of allowing just plain taking.
Marriage cert to prove love? Nah. Its just to prove a marriage.
Wedding dinners? Dunno. Its a handed down practise and definitely not about announcing to friends and relatives. And its just an excuse to celebrate and gather everyone around!
Previously, marrying couple gives each other families cakes to distribute to friends and relatives to announce a marriage. So.....isnt that enough of a informing?
We had allow for commercialization to overshadow what a celebration a marriage is. To take the plunge to live life as a couple.
Getting the dinner done, a list of who to invite, church wedding, photo shoot, wedding gowns, marriage counselling etc etc. WOW no joke. Then I asked myself, "What am I doing? Showing the world our love?"
And then I began to realise that a marriage may actually be very shallow. -
Sh.it, I could be under this categoryOriginally posted by Rhonda:Others get hitched without really understanding the full implications of it, and are thus not really prepared for the ensuing responsibilities, roles and expectations. They start to feel stifled / get scared / feel inadequate or overwhelmed, and then they start acting like a frightened, cornered and captured animal!
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sad but prevalent.Originally posted by Rock^Star:Alright, in Singapore, one of the reasons why many marry is because they want to apply for HDB flats.
Sad hor....
sigh. -
it really depends on how you see it
a marriage of true minds is not about the certificate at all
rituals are important in human society
it can be as simple a ritual as saying 'i love you' and meaning it
it formalises a vow you make to the other person, at that time,
with the intention and belief that you want to keep that vow
marriage for me symbolises a ritual where my husband and I
inform the people we love and live with that we love each other,
and we hope that they will love and respect our spouse too because of this relationship.
It formalises the relationship between me and him
and through this, I also transform from an individual in society
(where I make individual decisions that impact mostly just me)
to a duo-vidual - where now my decisions are made based on what is good
for BOTH of us (which means I am sorry girlfriend when I can't join you for that
tea and shopping date when he is sick)
but yes, it can all change too. with or without the cert. But that at one point of my or his life, we had thought it could have/might have last forever, this love, makes all the difference. -
just do watever rocks your boat. if you dun wan to sign that piece of paper, then dun. if that piece of paper means more than legalizing your union, then do it. just make sure your other half thinks the same way as you do.
dun hurt the gal when she ask you for marriage by saying "dear i dun think we need to get married, cohabitate is best cos ". imo, men who wanna to have a relationship without strings and dun make it clear to their gals are just b@stards -
can get condo. or rent a flat. if pple get married just to buy flat is stupid. dun say no money, if save up all those $ spend on 'cheonging', tours, cabs, hobbies, will be able to rent a place. moreover if dun have money how to buy hdbOriginally posted by Rock^Star:Alright, in Singapore, one of the reasons why many marry is because they want to apply for HDB flats.
Sad hor.... -
Thing is, lots of young folks focused on marriage being all that planning and ceremonies. But neglected the actual planning of living life after that as a couple for the long term.Originally posted by Rock^Star:Well, I'm still single but when I got down to planning me and gf's marriage 2 years back, wow, it was really stressful.
Getting the dinner done, a list of who to invite, church wedding, photo shoot, wedding gowns, marriage counselling etc etc. WOW no joke. Then I asked myself, "What am I doing? Showing the world our love?"
And then I began to realise that a marriage may actually be very shallow.
BTW, what did you learn at Marriage Counselling Classes? Is it all its hype out to be? -
a lot of people confuse a WEDDING with the marriage.
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Well said!!Originally posted by ShrodingersCat:a lot of people confuse a WEDDING with the marriage.
Rockstar, re. what you said in your earlier post about the elaborate planning you went through with your g/f, stuff like that scares the living daylights outta me!
I mean, it really isn't necessary to go to all that expense and custom for a marriage. Important thing is really two people vowing to love each other for the rest of their lives and they want to share this announcement with their loved ones.
I definitely won't be spending tens of thousands when I get married. It shall be a small and meaningful event, then off we go on one helluva long honeymoon!
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Hmmm....just to clarify...I did attempt planning a wedding but it did not materialise due to my subsequent thoughts. I shared this with my gf and she accepted it. So I did not go for marriage counselling as planned.Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Thing is, lots of young folks focused on marriage being all that planning and ceremonies. But neglected the actual planning of living life after that as a couple for the long term.
BTW, what did you learn at Marriage Counselling Classes? Is it all its hype out to be? -
I agree 200% with you. Go Europe for 2 weeks see some snow, better than spend money to entertain people and show that you're married.Originally posted by Rhonda:Well said!!
Rockstar, re. what you said in your earlier post about the elaborate planning you went through with your g/f, stuff like that scares the living daylights outta me!
I mean, it really isn't necessary to go to all that expense and custom for a marriage. Important thing is really two people vowing to love each other for the rest of their lives and they want to share this announcement with their loved ones.
I definitely won't be spending tens of thousands when I get married. It shall be a small and meaningful event, then off we go on one helluva long honeymoon! -
monetary security is fine with them too.Originally posted by Rock^Star:Not many gals think this way. They want marriage as a form of security which I think is non-existent since divorces are so easy. -
agree.dunno its the biological clock or what.Originally posted by allentyb:but one thing is for sure, it is the woman who drop the hint that they want to get married -
I find it really amusing that women would rush into marriage just so they can bear a child. I mean, which is more important, the love between the couple, or bearing children?Originally posted by Xcert:agree.dunno its the biological clock or what.
Which brings me back to a Sociology lecture I had a few years back. When the lecturer asks, "Does a married couple make a complete family unit?" I put up my hand and I think only about three other people did.
So the lecturer said that the minute a couple marries, they are already a family. Any children they have will become additions to the family.
Having a child should not be the be-all and end-all.