A discussion on Life and Marriage...
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This has been bugging me since yesterday....
Rhonda's thread on Risk Taking got me thinking...
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=254356
I saw some positive response indicative of taking that leap of faith -marriage, where the same would not even bungee jump.
I was curious.
Assuming you settle down in your thirties (or earlier or later, whatever), and that your lifespan averages 80 years...
Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ? -
After talking to happily married, unhappily married, and divorced friends/acquantainces, one thing sticks out:Originally posted by Ferret:This has been bugging me since yesterday....
Rhonda's thread on Risk Taking got me thinking...
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=254356
I saw some positive response indicative of taking that leap of faith -marriage, where the same would not even bungee jump.
I was curious.
Assuming you settle down in your thirties (or earlier or later, whatever), and that your lifespan averages 80 years...
Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ?
You never truly get to know your spouse until you're married
So marriage is a crapshoot. -
Hmm...the threads in club30 are getting more deep nowadays.
I wouldn't get married to someone after knowing him in mere 3 mths. If the married fails, ppl are going to say: see lah! All bec they got married too soon. -
One thing you have to remember is that getting married is not just the 2 of you (as much as you would like it to be)
It's the union of 2 families and not 2 individuals only
So unless I know his family well as well I am not willing to take the leap of faith. -
No one can truly know the other. Many times, many dont even know themselves. Furthermore, people changes throughout time in terms of habits, behaviour, beliefs, likes and dislikes.Originally posted by av98m:After talking to happily married, unhappily married, and divorced friends/acquantainces, one thing sticks out:
You never truly get to know your spouse until you're married
So marriage is a crapshoot.
What most important is the need of constant adjustment, tolerance, accommodation and acceptance between the couple. -
i wanna get married when im 40
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So you would rather get married than jaywalk ? >.<"Originally posted by av98m:After talking to happily married, unhappily married, and divorced friends/acquantainces, one thing sticks out:
You never truly get to know your spouse until you're married
So marriage is a crapshoot.
That aside, it seems that lot of people is taking marriage lightly these days.
I see friends of mine rushed to get married, stay in marriage for HDB, then rushed to divorce.
I was like wtf ? -
Fancy feathers~Originally posted by Wanda:Hmm...the threads in club30 are getting more deep nowadays.
I wouldn't get married to someone after knowing him in mere 3 mths. If the married fails, ppl are going to say: see lah! All bec they got married too soon.
H4w h4w, this Ferret here dont usually chim chim one.
All Rhonda's fault lah, she got me thinking. Finally need to use braincells.
So if you got married to someone after 7 years of courtship and still failed...would people still say.."aiyah know each too long le, must be sianz liao" -
I would take the leap of faith to marry because if the marriage fails, it's not the end.
But for bungee jumping, if the chord tied to your ankle fails, it is THE END! -
Yeah, 3 menstrual cycles is too short for such a heavy commitment. A few Financial Years is more like it
I've been married 7-8 years now, after 8 years of dating...and still loving it.
Marriage is like starting a business. Its a calculated risk where if you think too much, you'll just get more afraid. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. -
Well, you have to see how that question was worded mah. And I've NEVER ever met someone that can make me feel like that before leh.Originally posted by Ferret:So you would rather get married than jaywalk ? >.<"
That aside, it seems that lot of people is taking marriage lightly these days.
I see friends of mine rushed to get married, stay in marriage for HDB, then rushed to divorce.
I was like wtf ?
If I do, well, its a risk worth taking I guess.
That being said, I do know people who rush into marriage after only 6 months or so because both parties are in ther 30s, desperate, and also nagging parents and relatives. Their rationale is that they have no more time to wait and choose. -
Actually.. I think the length of time you know a person and then decide to get married doesn't mean anything.. You can spend years with a person but you may not know the person very well..
I know of someone.. who knew this guy since JC days.. they went to the same uni, and got married after.. 5 yrs later, they still end up in a divorce..
Doesn't mean you marry someone u know longer then the marriage will last.. it realli depends.. -
That too.Originally posted by elindra:One thing you have to remember is that getting married is not just the 2 of you (as much as you would like it to be)
It's the union of 2 families and not 2 individuals only
So unless I know his family well as well I am not willing to take the leap of faith.
But since we will be spending more time with that individual rather than family (unless stay together with family lah), I wanna focused on that individual.
What defines a "perfect" partner ?
One that matches whatever u desire ?
What defines a "right" partner ?
One that seems perfect to you ?
Why settle down in Marriage for anything other than love ? -
cos marraige got reset button called divorce. even better for females cos they stand to gain alot from the reset button.Originally posted by Ferret:This has been bugging me since yesterday....
Rhonda's thread on Risk Taking got me thinking...
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=254356
I saw some positive response indicative of taking that leap of faith -marriage, where the same would not even bungee jump.
I was curious.
Assuming you settle down in your thirties (or earlier or later, whatever), and that your lifespan averages 80 years...
Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ? -
Ferret asks - Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
One assumes one gets married because you expect life together to be happier than life alone . So you want as much time possible spent being happy with your mate, right? In happily married cases, 50 years may seem too short.
Of course if you think life with him is a chore, then even 5 days is too long!
Ferret asks - And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ?
I would not marry someone after a 3 month relationship. I don't doubt the LOVE, the problem is I suspect I don't even know like 10% of a person in 3 months. Takes more than just love to decide if he's the right mate. -
True. You got a pt thereOriginally posted by :I would take the leap of faith to marry because if the marriage fails, it's not the end.
But for bungee jumping, if the chord tied to your ankle fails, it is THE END!
What abt plugging a hand down a drainpipe ?
Why not ? -
First of all, congratulationsOriginally posted by gentlerock:Yeah, 3 menstrual cycles is too short for such a heavy commitment. A few Financial Years is more like it
I've been married 7-8 years now, after 8 years of dating...and still loving it.
Marriage is like starting a business. Its a calculated risk where if you think too much, you'll just get more afraid. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
But loving and losing that person....that hurts more than i can say.
So is marriage like a business ? A partnership ? Is that why we must sign a contract ?
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In that case, at least the couple tried...like what gentle rock said, it's better to have loved and lost.Originally posted by Ferret:Fancy feathers~
H4w h4w, this Ferret here dont usually chim chim one.
All Rhonda's fault lah, she got me thinking. Finally need to use braincells.
So if you got married to someone after 7 years of courtship and still failed...would people still say.."aiyah know each too long le, must be sianz liao" -
I think "perfect partner" only happens in fairy tales and fantasy landOriginally posted by Ferret:That too.
But since we will be spending more time with that individual rather than family (unless stay together with family lah), I wanna focused on that individual.
What defines a "perfect" partner ?
One that matches whatever u desire ?
What defines a "right" partner ?
One that seems perfect to you ?
Why settle down in Marriage for anything other than love ?
The right partner for me is when I can accept him as a whole package - flaws, bad habits and all, without attempting to change him. -
ferrest is thinking of settling down already?
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I don't think you really know.Originally posted by hisoka:cos marraige got reset button called divorce. even better for females cos they stand to gain alot from the reset button. -
What if NEVER meet that "perfect" person how ?Originally posted by av98m:Well, you have to see how that question was worded mah. And I've NEVER ever met someone that can make me feel like that before leh.
If I do, well, its a risk worth taking I guess.
That being said, I do know people who rush into marriage after only 6 months or so because both parties are in ther 30s, desperate, and also nagging parents and relatives. Their rationale is that they have no more time to wait and choose.
Is that why people settle for second best ?
And how do you live with second best for 50 years ? >.<"
So those people u mentioned, marrying under pressure, subject themselves to "unintended union" for the rest of their lives ? -
Originally posted by Wanda:I don't think you really know.
i'm not the one who got married in 3 months of course i don't know. but you do have to admit that the reset button is a factor in allowing some pple to be willing to get married faster and even if not that completely sure. -
Fancy spider~Originally posted by hisoka:cos marraige got reset button called divorce. even better for females cos they stand to gain alot from the reset button.
Yes I know abt the "reset" button.
But what surprises me is that some guys are so willing to take the leap. Wouldnt they stand to lose more ?
Anyway, I am more interested in why people are treating marriage so lightly.
Isnt marriage sacred anymore ? -
In the eyes of the law, marriage is a contract.Originally posted by Ferret:First of all, congratulations
But loving and losing that person....that hurts more than i can say.
So is marriage like a business ? A partnership ? Is that why we must sign a contract ?
In the eyes of the man, marriage is a contract-ion of the wallet.
In the eyes of the romantic, marriage is a binding of hearts, lives and minds.
I've heard some single friends (my age, which is above 30's) say that it hurts much more when you're alone in the evenings after work, during the festive holiday season (thats when the feeling is most profound)....and it hurts more as you get older. Some have even admitted that they would have liked a chance at marriage, even if it would've ended up in failure. At least once in life.
Perhaps its best not to be too scientific and micro-examine everything in life and try to put human emotions in words. Sometimes, we have to let the right side of our brains take effect. And sometimes, our hearts. (And sometimes, other parts of our bodies).
Er....be afraid to lose, we must not.....path to the dark side, that is.