A discussion on Life and Marriage...
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I have a fren who married just after a few months as she got pregnant. Now she is staying away from her husband.
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Ferret's questions are getting more cheem...
It's not about second best....unless you already have a list of expectations which you deem "best"...
To me, you'll just know he's the one...even if he doesn't have major assets, car, etc...you'll just know you'll be happy with him, so the question of having to settle for 2nd best or whatever does not even arise. -
So how do we judge....Originally posted by bluejuice:Actually.. I think the length of time you know a person and then decide to get married doesn't mean anything.. You can spend years with a person but you may not know the person very well..
I know of someone.. who knew this guy since JC days.. they went to the same uni, and got married after.. 5 yrs later, they still end up in a divorce..
Doesn't mean you marry someone u know longer then the marriage will last.. it realli depends..
How do we know if someone is "right"? -
Like I mentioned in my response, even after I have said yes, I am not going to walk down the aisle the next day. The engagement period will be at most 12 months (to prepare for the wedding) and that's the time to get to know him at the next level. I still get a chance to break the engagement if I have to.
Do you know many people break up during their engagement period, after being together for more than 5 years? Engagement period can be the most stressful and trying time for the couple so if one can survive that, one will make more effort later in overcoming crisis in the marriage. -
x2Originally posted by Wanda:Ferret's questions are getting more cheem...
It's not about second best....unless you already have a list of expectations which you deem "best"...
To me, you'll just know he's the one...even if he doesn't have major assets, car, etc...you'll just know you'll be happy with him, so the question of having to settle for 2nd best or whatever does not even arise.
Actually if you choose him, it means he is the best of the lot
And that is measured differently.
Be it charc, assets whatever you think is important to you -
feeling?Originally posted by Ferret:So how do we judge....
How do we know if someone is "right"?
There's no right and wrong answer I suppose.. -
Yes. I believe getting married means sharing my life with that someone. And of course I would want it to be as happy as possible. I spent my life chasing happiness. >.<"Originally posted by choco B:Ferret asks - Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
One assumes one gets married because you expect life together to be happier than life alone . So you want as much time possible spent being happy with your mate, right? In happily married cases, 50 years may seem too short.
Of course if you think life with him is a chore, then even 5 days is too long!
Ferret asks - And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ?
I would not marry someone after a 3 month relationship. I don't doubt the LOVE, the problem is I suspect I don't even know like 10% of a person in 3 months.
Takes more than just love to decide if he's the right mate.
And yes I expect marriages to last. Thus, i am appalled when I hear abt "quickie" marriages.
Marriage is not just on paper !
As for 3 mths...well, as some one had pointed out earlier...maybe it just aint the length of time. Maybe its also based on trust...and a a determination to work things out instead of running away ?
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i also wonder about the guys, but i guess thats cos we are looking at it rationally. those guys who commit are probably not thinking rationally. or have no real choice(children)Originally posted by Ferret:Fancy spider~
Yes I know abt the "reset" button.
But what surprises me is that some guys are so willing to take the leap. Wouldnt they stand to lose more ?
Anyway, I am more interested in why people are treating marriage so lightly.
Isnt marriage sacred anymore ? -
It takes 2 hands to clap..Originally posted by Ferret:Marriage is not just on paper !
As for 3 mths...well, as some one had pointed out earlier...maybe it just aint the length of time. Maybe its also based on trust...and a a determination to work things out instead of running away ? -
Very hard to tell youOriginally posted by Ferret:So how do we judge....
How do we know if someone is "right"?
For me it's his actions and attitude towards me
He is always there for me, be it happy times or sad times or when I was down with food poisoning and alone at home ( parents on holiday, brother serving NS)
He cooked for me, looked after me and even unclogged the sink which was choked full of my vomit
He took the trouble to get to know my brother even though he knows he is difficult to approach.
He shows my parents respect.
Haha he was so cute even before he proposed to me. He actually asked my father permission to marry me (Dad told me later) -
hmmz i think i said this b4 and got pple pissed off that time. i wonder whyOriginally posted by elindra:x2
Actually if you choose him, it means he is the best of the lot
And that is measured differently.
Be it charc, assets whatever you think is important to you
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Can you imagine staying with someone for...50 years ?Originally posted by Wanda:In that case, at least the couple tried...like what gentle rock said, it's better to have loved and lost.
Someone once told me, that if he married, it will be for love, and if that love fails, he will never remarried again.
Is that the right thing to do ? Does it show that he value marriage ? Or is it just hot air ? -
love is not a science .... it's a feeling in your guts .... the tightening of the chest, the butterflies in your stomach ....
there is no point in rationalizing and dissecting it ... always trust your heart and never your head .... and take that leap ....
some people will leap to the wrong place ... some will find happiness .... but at least there'll be no regrets .... -
for some, 3 months is enough time
for some i know, they've been together for bloody ages (i think close to 10 years) before getting married and the bloody marriage didn't last a year!!
i figure, if both work on it and can get along, and love each other (loving each other doesn't mean they can get along, and getting along doesn't mean they love each other), the marriage has a chance to work
if there is a chance of happiness, make a mad grab for it
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I think he is just a romantic with romantic notions on what love really is aboutOriginally posted by Ferret:Can you imagine staying with someone for...50 years ?
Someone once told me, that if he married, it will be for love, and if that love fails, he will never remarried again.
Is that the right thing to do ? Does it show that he value marriage ? Or is it just hot air ? -
I guess he hasn't met the one who can make him love again...Originally posted by Ferret:Can you imagine staying with someone for...50 years ?
Someone once told me, that if he married, it will be for love, and if that love fails, he will never remarried again.
Is that the right thing to do ? Does it show that he value marriage ? Or is it just hot air ?
Love is a very complicated thing.....there's no right or wrong...its about feelings and timing i guess... -
Yes I have often heard that the solution to loneliness is to get someone by your side.Originally posted by gentlerock:In the eyes of the law, marriage is a contract.
In the eyes of the man, marriage is a contract-ion of the wallet.
In the eyes of the romantic, marriage is a binding of hearts, lives and minds.
I've heard some single friends (my age, which is above 30's) say that it hurts much more when you're alone in the evenings after work, during the festive holiday season (thats when the feeling is most profound)....and it hurts more as you get older. Some have even admitted that they would have liked a chance at marriage, even if it would've ended up in failure. At least once in life.
Perhaps its best not to be too scientific and micro-examine everything in life and try to put human emotions in words. Sometimes, we have to let the right side of our brains take effect. And sometimes, our hearts. (And sometimes, other parts of our bodies).
Er....be afraid to lose, we must not.....path to the dark side, that is.
But the qns is...WHO ?
Is it just anyone ? Or someone u have a vague liking for ? Or someone with money ? Or sometone you can get comfortable with ? Or someone your parents are happy with ?
And is it wrong to settle for anything other tthan LOVE in a marriage ? -
If that someone is someone you can love, and that he/she love you in return, then 50 years is too short! By love, I mean one puts the other first, and have mutual respect and trust for each other.
It takes a lifetime to know another person. No matter how much time we have, there is always something we do not know. I think it's more important to ask ourself if we are ready to love another person and to be responsible for another person's trust he/she has placed in you. Perhaps if we can constantly remember the vows we take, to love another for better and for worse, then we are ready. -
You know know the answer when you meet that someone special Ferret.Originally posted by Ferret:Yes I have often heard that the solution to loneliness is to get someone by your side.
But the qns is...WHO ?
Is it just anyone ? Or someone u have a vague liking for ? Or someone with money ? Or sometone you can get comfortable with ? Or someone your parents are happy with ?
And is it wrong to settle for anything other tthan LOVE in a marriage ?
Well I guess it depends on yr morals and what you deem is right
However, usually there is no right or wrong and that you are marrying the person because besides love, there are other factors involved too -
But Ferret....if you can put it down in words, then its a science. Marriage is more of an art, not a science. The best answer is: you'll know when the time comes.Originally posted by Ferret:Yes I have often heard that the solution to loneliness is to get someone by your side.
But the qns is...WHO ?
Is it just anyone ? Or someone u have a vague liking for ? Or someone with money ? Or sometone you can get comfortable with ? Or someone your parents are happy with ?
And is it wrong to settle for anything other tthan LOVE in a marriage ?
You know, we are often fearful. Often, its because we look at the empty half of the glass. Sometimes, we should look at the filled half of the glass and realise that lots of marriages do work too. -
I think everyone has a list of whats "best".Originally posted by Wanda:Ferret's questions are getting more cheem...
It's not about second best....unless you already have a list of expectations which you deem "best"...
To me, you'll just know he's the one...even if he doesn't have major assets, car, etc...you'll just know you'll be happy with him, so the question of having to settle for 2nd best or whatever does not even arise.
Like looks, $$$, brains, etc....
People ideas and attitude on life changes with years, what happens when the things you are happy with now no longer satisfy you in the future ? what then ? -
Originally posted by elindra:
[b]
He cooked for me, looked after me and even unclogged the sink which was choked full of my vomit 
My SO also fixed my choked sink without being asked....got his hands all dirty, and he had to clean up afterwards.
So single guys....ahem... you got your tip already. -
this indeed frightens me...Originally posted by Ferret:Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ? -
Engagement is more stressful ?Originally posted by honeymouse:Like I mentioned in my response, even after I have said yes, I am not going to walk down the aisle the next day. The engagement period will be at most 12 months (to prepare for the wedding) and that's the time to get to know him at the next level. I still get a chance to break the engagement if I have to.
Do you know many people break up during their engagement period, after being together for more than 5 years? Engagement period can be the most stressful and trying time for the couple so if one can survive that, one will make more effort later in overcoming crisis in the marriage.
Making the effort in marriage....yes, I think thats it.
I think marriage entails so much. Commitment of heart, mind, soul and everything else.
Why would some people take it as if its a transaction T.T -
so learn to fix choked sinks with bare hands?Originally posted by Wanda:
My SO also fixed my choked sink without being asked....got his hands all dirty, and he had to clean up afterwards.
So single guys....ahem... you got your tip already.