A discussion on Life and Marriage...
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cant love conquer all ? >.<"Originally posted by av98m:Well, I have only this to say:
love alone doesn't guarantee a successful marriage
but the absence of love will guarantee failure
(by failure I do not necessarily mean divorce. it may just mean being unhappily married ever after) -
not all.. but most
Originally posted by Ferret:cant love conquer all ? >.<" -
x2 I second that.Originally posted by tare:being unhappily married ever after is the saddest thing lor...
i rather be happily divorced ever after...
i dun live with second best
Though having to go through that kind of sh!t before "happily whatever after" is more than I can contemplate at the moment... -
Yeah when I see those old couples, strolling along the streets, still holding hands...Originally posted by Wanda:For me...50 yrs cannot imagine lah... then he would be 90+ yrs old.
Another 30 yrs perhaps....and he must still hold my hand.
wah
I wish I could be like them -
It's hard to think of love when you've just received a letter from your credit card company informing you that you're late in payment and that your spouse has just maxed out the card on some 'frivolous' purchases and that you both now face a debt of a 5-figure sum!Originally posted by Ferret:cant love conquer all ? >.<"
Stuff like that, I think love won't be enough to conquer it! -
gotta work at itOriginally posted by Ferret:Yeah when I see those old couples, strolling along the streets, still holding hands...
wah
I wish I could be like them -
marriage is like an IOU agreement
at least for me. sometime i owe her and sometime she owe me. well if she finds my faults, that she repaying me for all the past debts that she owes me by having to endure it . when i get nagged, that's when i am paying my debts.
for the last 18 years, i had managed to evade the debts by having my kids. she had been busy spending all the time taking care of the kids and "nagging" the kids so somehow i evaded paying my dues.
but by having kids, i had created another IOU which i am also repaying. soon as the kids grows older, they won't take all the nagging and i will be at the receiving end.
but seriously, it's give and take to secure a relationship - she give and i take -
So amusing, SevenEleven!
I guess it's just finding that special something that makes both 'click'. Some couples love to bicker, but they aren't vicious at all about it, they just love the bickering!
Other couples love to playfully smack each other. Maybe, it sets the prelude for them or something.
Whatever it is, it's just fun to share a special bond with that special someone that way. Knowing that you can bicker with each other all you like, but no one will ever use the nasty 'divorce' word as a threat, that's reassuring. -
haven't pay my dues yetOriginally posted by Rhonda:So amusing, SevenEleven!
I guess it's just finding that special something that makes both 'click'. Some couples love to bicker, but they aren't vicious at all about it, they just love the bickering!
Other couples love to playfully smack each other. Maybe, it sets the prelude for them or something.
Whatever it is, it's just fun to share a special bond with that special someone that way. Knowing that you can bicker with each other all you like, but no one will ever use the nasty 'divorce' word as a threat, that's reassuring.
but i offerred to be Mrs SevenEleven in my next life -
And when I see those young couples having fun, so energetic, so carefree....I wish I could be like themOriginally posted by Ferret:Yeah when I see those old couples, strolling along the streets, still holding hands...
wah
I wish I could be like them 
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hmm.... ferret wants to grow upOriginally posted by Ferret:Yeah when I see those old couples, strolling along the streets, still holding hands...
wah
I wish I could be like them -
I view loss & gain differently hisoka.Originally posted by hisoka:cos marraige got reset button called divorce. even better for females cos they stand to gain alot from the reset button. -
Its just hot air.Originally posted by Ferret:Can you imagine staying with someone for...50 years ?
Someone once told me, that if he married, it will be for love, and if that love fails, he will never remarried again.
Is that the right thing to do ? Does it show that he value marriage ? Or is it just hot air ? -
I will repeat this story again.
Met this young man, he tells me he loves me. He wants me to be the mother of his children.
So I go: Okay, lets go to your house and make babies. BTW, I have STDs. Are you sure about this?
He went, looking deeply in my eyes and tells me: YES.
So we try going to his house, and yet, he dont dare to bring me into his house.
He finally says: Because his grandma wont like me becos I am divorced.
I say: Your grandma dont know me. How would she mind that I am divorced?
Then he finally says: Errmmm....I dont have condoms in the house.
Me: Laugh and request to go home.
Make babies with condoms....and he loves me so much hor.... -
You might now know...they may not be married to each other.Originally posted by Ferret:Yeah when I see those old couples, strolling along the streets, still holding hands...
wah
I wish I could be like them 
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I think Rhonda had just about summarised all the things that were said.Originally posted by Rhonda:Ferret, I think that in marriage, there's no guarantee that it will definitely work out. Like several others have mentioned in here, it is a great leap of faith that a couple takes, because they love each other and want to commit to each other. They do not know if the union will work for sure, but they love each other enough to want to put in their best effort and hope that the marriage endures for the rest of their lives.
Sometimes, you just need to stick your head out, despite all the uncertainties. You can keep your head safely tucked in your shell, like a tortoise, but all you'll see will be darkness within the confines of your own tiny shell.
If you stick out your head tentatively, you might see blinding light, or you might see beautiful colours, then depending on whether you choose to dwell and face the blinding light or the beautiful colours, you'll end up sticking your head with your eyes shut tight to keep out the glare, or with your eyes wide open, to enjoy the brilliant colours for what they are worth.
Sure you'll risk getting your head chopped off or eaten up but would you rather die in darkness, forever wondering about the what-could-have-been's or would you rather have cherished that precious moment where you saw the brilliant colours?
The dynamics between a couple cannot be scientifically analysed and guaranteed. There's no tried and tested formula that guarantees that a marriage will work. But I do feel that you have to know yourself well first so that you know what you are looking for, what would work best with you, what you can tolerate, and what you can't.
Even then, armed with a list of what you want, you might just meet someone who doesn't fulfill what's on your list anyways, but somehow, you just 'click' with him, and you both somehow make up for each other's shortcomings and complement each other perfectly.
I do think, though, that some sort of pre-marital counselling like those offered in churches, is important because it sets the groundwork and forces the couple to get away from the lovey-dovey mode to tackle real-life issues like finances, taking care of the in-laws, parenting, etc head-on.
Ferret, there seems to be a lot of fear in you. But we're all resilient - even if a relationship / marriage fails, we will somehow manage to pick ourselves up after grieving over it, shake off the dust, and move on. Do not be afraid of failures because if you fear failure too much, you won't even begin to tread the path of life and experience the good and bad that life has in store for you! 
Can be AA mod oredi.
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x2Originally posted by Wanda:I think Rhonda had just about summarised all the things that were said.
Can be AA mod oredi.
She is good at one thing I always barely pass in 'O's
SUMMARY!!!!! -
Waaaaaaah!! Wanda and elindra making fun of me!! Just you two watch! I'll cry a new Singapore River! -
some people take forever to get to know their spouses and still end up in a divorce... you can never really tell, some people meet after a month and live happily ever after...Originally posted by Wanda:Hmm...the threads in club30 are getting more deep nowadays.
I wouldn't get married to someone after knowing him in mere 3 mths. If the married fails, ppl are going to say: see lah! All bec they got married too soon.
my thoughts on this is that be it short or long, the ability of a marriage to survive is how well the people involved can grow with each other, we are all growing, if you cannot grow together, chances are that no matter how compatible you were at the start, you might not be later, that is what will get people pulling in different directions. -
basically, communication is important.
if u did something for the SO but w/o telling him/her the reason behind, will he/she know? -
6 pages is too much to read so i'll just post my view:
i dun undersand your question. trust? affair? those 2 words dun come together.Originally posted by Ferret:Assuming you settle down in your thirties (or earlier or later, whatever), and that your lifespan averages 80 years...
Wouldnt you have to spend at least another 50 years with your other half ?
[quote]Originally posted by Ferret:
[b]
Yes. U will spend the same amount of time with some frens anyway wat.
[quote]Originally posted by Ferret:
[b]
And if so, why would some ppl place so much trust in a mere 3 months affair ?
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I assume you mean marriage as in signing of legal documents to annouce a man and woman as husband and wife.
I dun know why others do it and seriously it is none of my business.
My personal view on marriage is this:
Marriage is a promise to love, hold, in sickness, in health, in rich, in poor, to stay faithful and never part til death occurs. marriage document is a permanent, sure and legally binding declaration of commitment to ONE person for the rest of one's life. if signing a piece of paper makes you sweat, then you are not ready. dun even think abt it. i rather pple co-habitate then to get marriage already then head for divorce. divorce is not an option and do not plan to head that way either. If pple want to get married, they should not even consider divorce as a way out. marriage is sacred and holy. husband love your wives and wives respond to that love. this bond must be protected at all times and never be broken. if this bond is broken then divorce becomes an option (or murder, your choice). Example of breaking this bond is unfaithfulness, abuse and neglect. -
it's more than a SUMMARY ....... it's more like a editorial columnOriginally posted by elindra:x2
She is good at one thing I always barely pass in 'O's
SUMMARY!!!!! 
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I certainly hope that the person I marry IS the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life.Originally posted by choco B:When I marry he IS the one I wanna be with the rest of my life - this is a certainty at that point in time.
If in the future, somehow or other the marriage has broken down beyond repair and there is nothing to keep us together, I am open to the option of divorce. Heck it might even be a relief.
The other half might love me deeply but if there is no chance of happiness in the marriage , it's better for both of us to part.
I respect the institution of marriage. But I am a realist - people change with time. Sh|t happens. One person can never fulfill all your needs (This is another thing you might find shocking, haha) .
Does a divorce cheapen a marriage? No! As long as at that point in time, during your marriage, what you had was real and honest, you worked hard at it, gave it your all - it's precious and beautiful! It just had a shorter shelf life, that's all.
Sadly, not all I talked to has this view.
Yeah I understood that marriages might break down and relationships can sometimes go beyond repair.
But knowing all these, despite a lack of faith, still go on hoping ? -
in a word: yes...
in two words: emphatically yes...
and don't lose faith.. it goes together with hopeOriginally posted by Ferret:I certainly hope that the person I marry IS the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life.
Sadly, not all I talked to has this view.
Yeah I understood that marriages might break down and relationships can sometimes go beyond repair.
But knowing all these, despite a lack of faith, still go on hoping ? -
Originally posted by Rhonda:
Ferret, I think that in marriage, there's no guarantee that it will definitely work out. Like several others have mentioned in here, it is a great leap of faith that a couple takes, because they love each other and want to commit to each other. They do not know if the union will work for sure, but they love each other enough to want to put in their best effort and hope that the marriage endures for the rest of their lives.
Sometimes, you just need to stick your head out, despite all the uncertainties. You can keep your head safely tucked in your shell, like a tortoise, but all you'll see will be darkness within the confines of your own tiny shell.Sigh. A shell is akin to a comfort zone. As long as I dont stay out, nothing can get to me. Yes, I do have a "shell" now. I've actually worked hard to have one. And its because I think I took way too much risks when I was younger and dumber.
If you stick out your head tentatively, you might see blinding light, or you might see beautiful colours, then depending on whether you choose to dwell and face the blinding light or the beautiful colours, you'll end up sticking your head with your eyes shut tight to keep out the glare, or with your eyes wide open, to enjoy the brilliant colours for what they are worth.
Sure you'll risk getting your head chopped off or eaten up but would you rather die in darkness, forever wondering about the what-could-have-been's or would you rather have cherished that precious moment where you saw the brilliant colours?
I have hope. Still. But I think its fading fast. I really hope wish to the "brilliant colours" again..
The dynamics between a couple cannot be scientifically analysed and guaranteed. There's no tried and tested formula that guarantees that a marriage will work. But I do feel that you have to know yourself well first so that you know what you are looking for, what would work best with you, what you can tolerate, and what you can't.
Even then, armed with a list of what you want, you might just meet someone who doesn't fulfill what's on your list anyways, but somehow, you just 'click' with him, and you both somehow make up for each other's shortcomings and complement each other perfectly.
I think you could be right...that I do not know myself well, if at all. Sometimes, I think, I do not know who I am at all
I do think, though, that some sort of pre-marital counselling like those offered in churches, is important because it sets the groundwork and forces the couple to get away from the lovey-dovey mode to tackle real-life issues like finances, taking care of the in-laws, parenting, etc head-on.
Ferret, there seems to be a lot of fear in you. But we're all resilient - even if a relationship / marriage fails, we will somehow manage to pick ourselves up after grieving over it, shake off the dust, and move on. Do not be afraid of failures because if you fear failure too much, you won't even begin to tread the path of life and experience the good and bad that life has in store for you!
Thanks Rhonda, for your encouragement.