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Coming out or staying in?

ahpeh
24 Sep 05, 01:22

some of us have been through it, some of us have coveniently avoided, but i think whether you in or out of the closet, it would be helpful to the rest if we had a coming out thread.

Share your experiences, hopefully it might give others more insight.
ahpeh
24 Sep 05, 01:50

well let me get the ball rolling.

Ive pretty much lived my whole life in the closet, and i have recently been out and only to a select few. I guess here in sg being totally out is nigh impossible without facing any blatant discrimination.

Ever since i could recall, i had always liked guys. The wierdest thing was, i had thought that it was completely normal, and that everyone else was different. That was till primary school.

Somehow, along the 6 year route of mindless studying, ive begun to notice that being myself wasnt really taken very well with the rest, that was when i realised that i was the one who was different. It didnt come to me all at once like some enlightening revelation, it was slowly invading into my conciousness. I slowly began to speak less and less, and rarely looked at anyone for more than a fleeting glance.There was this one guy who i had a crush on, luckily for me, he was sitting in front and i could looked as much as i liked without being noticed, everyone else just though i was being particulary attentive. I guess thats the reason why i always try to sit at the back of classes even till today.

i'll continue another time.
earthlings73
24 Sep 05, 21:47

Originally posted by ahpeh:
some of us have been through it, some of us have coveniently avoided, but i think whether you in or out of the closet, it would be helpful to the rest if we had a coming out thread.

Share your experiences, hopefully it might give others more insight.
Ah.. u beat me to it.. ha.. was thinking of starting such a thread..

a tiny little bit tired at the moment.. let me contribute maybe tomorrow..
earthlings73
25 Sep 05, 11:03

I believe "coming out" is a process. It does not describe a sudden event. "coming out" usually move in the following stages:

1) Out to oneself (This is the harddest stage in my opinion)
2) Out to another GBLT (Less threat involved)
3) Out to close friends (Slightly more threat involved; as some of them might be gay-haters)
4) Out to colleagues
5) Out to parents

Of course, it does not mean that one has to out to everyone before he can be considered truely out. For discussion purposes, let's talk about "coming out" to oneself as the criterion for stating whether somewhere is out or in.. We can discuss other kinds of "coming out" later.

I came out pretty late in life, 28 to be exact.. Prior to that, I live in a denial for as long as I know.. One of the biggest obstacle for gays to out themselves is still:

1) Social unacceptance
2) Not enough platform for gays to find other gays for social support

However, with the availability of the Internet, "coming out" has become a much easier process.

The event triggering to my "coming out" can be described as "dramatic".. I took one whole month of leave to study for an exam when I was at the age of 28.. And at that age, most of my friends had settled down in a marriage.. And suddenly, in that month itself, my social circle (which was provided by my colleagues when I was working) suddenly disappear.. For one whole long month.. I was all alone.. Just studying, studying and studying..

Nearing the exam, I bought the DVD for I Not Stupid.. After watching it, I cried out loud.. For reasons which I could not explain.. Other than:

1) My own social isolation..
2) Why am I studying so hard when no one will be celebrating my achievement with me?

It was only until then that I took up the courage to venture into the cyberspace.. To look for gay groups in Singapore.. The first group I joined was Adlus.. A sports group.. I used to play volleyball and Adlus does organise volleyball session every week.. And I started to turn up regularly.. And I started to have acquaintances..

To be continued..